Thursday, August 31, 2000

My digital camera must have been a very loose street whore in its previous life. It sucks 4 AA batteries in under 15 minutes. What a waste of batteries.
Namezero sucks squirrel ass. Half the time my fucken domain name (www.twistedmike.com) is down. How can I have a web site is no one can access it whenever they want to? This makes me angry enough to go and stab someone in the gut with a frozen fish.
I send emails to Namezero but I get no response, possibly because they are too busy shoving well-lubricated tree branches up their butts.
If www.twistedmike.com doesn't work for you, try http://bleeding.isfun.net

Wednesday, August 30, 2000

Oh my god the toilet next to my room flushed by itself, for no reason whatsoever.
Wow.
I am so fuckin bored right now... I am currently amusing myself by chewing on a power cord. Now I know why dogs do it, it's actually pretty fun.
You know what pisses me off? I hardly get any email from my readers! WTF? All I get now is spam mail from retarded companies who actually think people read their electronic spam, or the usual sick pictures and videos from the people I know. Shit, if your reading this right now, email me just for the hell of it. It can be anything, sick pictures, hate mail, death threats or just whatever is amusing, go ahead and send it to me. I might even post any really amusing stuff up here on this page if I feel like it.

Hmm... I'm thinking of taking down the radio station. After it stopped getting listed on live365.com, no one has been listening to it. Pretty pointless to waste my system's resources running a station no one fuckin listens to, right?

I once saw a dog screwing a cat. Bye.
Stileproject.com is back!! Woohoo more japscat videos.
Well, it turns out I got 81% in Math 12. Pretty good considering that I barely passed it the last time I took it. I guess it all depends on who the teacher is, if he or she doesn't know how to fucking teach (I won't mention any names...), then I don't do well.
School starts on Tuesday, but haha I graduated. While I am at work bustin my ass for 12 hours, everyone else who didn't graduate will still be in school! Haha.

...damn.

Tuesday, August 29, 2000

Inbreeding is BAD!!!
If it weren't for inbreeding, this never would have happened!!!


Ever watched a Shakespeare play where all the actors seem to have suffered severe brain damage? Now you can!! In English 12 we had to film a video about the Shakespeare play "Taming of the Shrew". No one in our group knew what the fuck was going on in the play so we just sorta made up our own plot. We had Raj (who can't really speak English) play three roles, Kate, Bianca (hey all Shakespeare plays used to only use guys as actors), and Igorio.

Before you download this video, be prepared to see some really fucked up shit. Like all Krap Productions videos, this video will either make you laugh uncontrollably for several hours straight, or give you a brain hemmorage from it's sheer stupidity. With Character names like "Hornio", "Igorio", "Pornholio", and even "Pimpholio", and phrases like "I shall kicketh thy asseth" or "Thou art dumb ass" you'll realize that this video will permanently lower your intelligence as you watch it.

Here are some pictures from the movie to see what you are in for:

Evil Hornio tries to hide his massive erection from Kate, but ends up getting slapped!!!
Evil Hornio's assistant "Igorio" tests Hornio's testicular fortitude...
Pornholio and Pimpholio spot Kate.
After defeating Hornio, Pornholio jumps up and down waving a stick around...
Pimpholio where no man has gone before: The Girls' Washroom
Pornholio just before he gets his ass kicked by the *MYSTERIOUS EVIL VILLAIN*

And here's the video to download!!!!:

English Video: Taming of the Shrew (fucked up LMAO) (40 MB)

Monday, August 28, 2000

Crows are either really fucking smart or just really stupid.
One day I remember walking down the sidewalk, and a crow was sitting on a tree branch right above the sidewalk holding a stick in its beak, waiting for me to walk under it to it could drop the stick on my and have a good laugh. I didn't walk under that spot, but went around and kept going, and looked back to see the crow's reaction. I think he was pissed off. There was another tree up ahead with a branch sticking out over the sidewalk, and guess what that stupid bird did? Flew right over to it and waited for me to pass under it! He sure wanted to drop that little twig on me.
So I pick up a rock and fling it towards the crow, and scare it off. Stupid fucking birds.
Today I was looking through my old video tapes to find anything to post up here. Then I came across something that made me shit myself twice. On this one tape I had, there were 3 episodes of Gilligan's Island. Why the fuck would this be on my tape? How the hell did I record this show when it used to traumatize me as a kid???
Hey watch for a new video here soon.

Holy shit, now here's something you all should try out:

Streetlife: The Flash4 Game

This is the most hilarious game you'll ever play! You don't have to download anything, just click on the link above and it will play! In this game, you walk around, beat up a sleeping thug, pick up chicks, go to nude bars, get laid while watching nude anime on TV, and pretty much anything else you would do on a boring Saturday night. Try this game RIGHT NOW. It's a fucking riot.

Sunday, August 27, 2000

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire.
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn,
Burn motherfucker, burn.

If you guys try the address: www.twistedmike.com and it doesn't work, then try http://bleeding.isfun.net.
Namezero seems to be having some problems right now. Holy shat.
A spider the size of a fucking rat bit one of my toes earlier today. Now my toe is all swollen and feels really weird. Maybe I'll take a picture of it tomorrow.
I'm off to sleep, got work tomorrow. The radio station is up, check it out on the Eargasm page.
Here's a video I just made with my new video capture card.
It's me, Chad, and a whole bunch of other people counting down the last bell of the school year, in the video production room. Right after that bell rings, we'll have officially graduated. Check out this intense and mind-numbingly stupid 2-minute video:

School's Out... Forever!!! (7 MB)

For this movie to work, you will need the latest version of Windows Media Player and the DiVX ;-) codec. You can get the DiVX ;-) codec by clicking here.


My dog is fucking retarded.
He barks all day, all night. He doesn't stop. I don't know where he gets the energy to bark like that for so long. Even if you throw shit at him, he'll still bark like a moron. Other retarded things he does are:

- He runs head first into the fence twice every minute.
- He jumps so high in the air that his leash strangles him in mid-air and brings him down... which is really a sight to see.
- He chewed an electrical cord until it fried him. Then he got even more 'tarded.
- He eats pinecones.
- He chases his tale. Now I know all dogs do this, but mine does it for 3 hours non-stop.
- My dog humps his doghouse.
- He also shits in his doghouse.
- If you throw a stick, he'll get it and run off with it.
- If you throw a 2x4, he'll try to fetch that, too.
- He barks at inanimate objects.

My dog is fucking retarded. Thank you.



I didn't update yesterday cause I wasn't home. I went to go see The Cell with Eric. Now that is a fucking good movie. It was worth the trip.
What trip?
Long story really. Eric shows up, and since this is the first time in weeks I wasn't broke I paid him the 50 bucks I owed him. First of all we stopped at London Drugs to buy some shit, and cause the theatre was right across the street. I ended up buying a video capture card, while Eric bought a $20 power bar... just because it looked cool. So we go the the Strawberry Hill theatre, and try to get some tickets for the movie. The stinky ticket seller chick asked Eric how old he was, and he said 17. So she asks how old I am and naturally I say 18, but she still didn't let us in! What the fuck? This has never happened to me before!! I just wish I was holding a big fish so I could smack that bitch upside the head with it.
Anyways, it looks like we would have to go downtown to watch it, cause hell, they would probably let a 4 year old into that movie. We caught a bus that drove all over a small fucking neighborhood before taking us to the fucking skytrain station. While we were on the bus, some guy was drinking a beer and the bus driver kicked him off!! LMAO!!!! It was fucking hilarious cause the guy was yelling all this shit to the bus driver. Then some other weird old guy started talking to us.
We get to downtown, where the hookers roam and the street bums beg. Buy the movie tickets, and realize that the movie doesn't start for 2 hours. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck. So we just walk around, go to Chapters, read some weird-ass books for a while, and Eric buys some more useless shit. This time it's a computer game he's never heard about, but since it's a strategy game he bought it. I swear he's the biggest impulse buyer I have ever seen... maybe I'll try to sell some of my useless shit to him.
We leave Chapters and look for the theater. Looks like we lost it, so we just stumble around the place for a while, and so many bums asked us for spare change, that if I gave each one a cent, I'd be broke in 3.8 seconds. And I had 50 bucks on me. Eric tells the bums he only has enough money for the bus home, then I tell him that every bum hears that one at least 50 fuckin times a day. Oh well.
We stop at Denny's, and I go to the restroom and piss all over the toilet, walls, and sink. I've marked my territory. We go to the theater and sit down, and wait for another 20 minutes. Movie start, and it's really fucking good. The music and sound effects are perfect, and it's got a nice visual-mindfuck quality almost like Natural Born Killers. I am going to buy My only complaint was the fucking seats at the theatre. They were so bad, I had to take out my wallet and put it in my front pocket or it would leave a permanent rectangular groove in my ass. I could get up after the movie.
After that we leave, I go home and order a pizza, and try to install my video card. At 3 am. I say fuck it and sleep till 2 pm.

Friday, August 25, 2000

Wow I am pissed off again (surprise). Stileproject.com is down, so I can't watch any videos of people eating each others shit. Shit.

Nintendo unveiled its new system, the Game Cube. Anyone else thinks that "Game Cube" is the stupidest fucking name ever for a video game system? It also looks like shit. It's basically just a purple little box that has a handle attached to it.
Excuse me? A handle? What the fuck for? I still have my Nintendo ant it's been in the same place for the past 15 years (except when I took it to video class so we could play mario...lmao). The only thing I'd use the handle for is to pick the damn system up and huck it at someone. I bet those sharp corners fuckin hurt. Well the system is pretty powerful, more powerful than the PS2. But if all that processing power is used only for Pokemon games and cartoony kiddie shit then Nintendo can take their purple little "Gay Cube" and stick it up their ass sideways (well I don't think sideways would make any difference... the system is shaped like a perfect cube for fuck sakes..). And get this: It's a DVD machine but IT DOESN'T FUCKING PLAY DVD MOVIES!!! What the hell is the purpose of using DVD technology if you can't watch movies with it?
Nintendo fucks up again. I'm still gonna buy the system, but they can't make me enjoy it.
For more info on Nintendo's next videogame console disaster, click here.

Now about the SegaXtreme situation. SegaXtreme is a site where you can download games for your Sega Saturn. Since Saturn games can't really be bought anymore, most people who have this great system must download these games and burn them to CD to play them. Since the games can be up to 600MB big, they're stored on myspace.com.
Now some anti-piracy faggot by the name of NGEvan (who pirates Playstaion games, by the way) felt the urge to report SegaXtreme's actions to Myspace. Myspace deleted all the Saturn games on the site. Now, I can no longer enjoy great Saturn games because of some little asshole fucktard who I want to burn alive. SegaXtreme will have its games back up, but it will take a while.
Visit SegaXtreme by ckicking here.

I'm done for now...

Thursday, August 24, 2000

Now that my digital camera is working again, I have figured out a way to blind the entire planet!! Post my picture on here!!!
Nah I'll spare you guys the horror of seeing my ugly face. I swear, my face looks like it caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork...
I think I'll go to bed now. And dream about chipmunks biting my ass. Yay...
Want to see what my room looks like?
Beware... by looking at these pictures you will realize how much of a twisted fuck I am.
I own every video game system ever made, 2 TV's, and even a fucking BETA VCR!!!!!!!! I OWN A *WORKING* BETA VCR WHICH I ACTUALLY WATCH MOVIES ON!!!! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT???
You have been warned. View these pictures at your own risk. Sorry about the low quality. I will punish myself later for that.

My room corner 1
My room corner 2


Ah, got my digital camera working again. I defecated all over it and then tied it to a stick and ran around screaming "I GOT THE KODAKSTICK!!! KODAKSTICK!!! DON'T FUCK WIT ME CAUSE I GOT THE KODAKSTICK!!!" and randomly beating people with it. Then it started working. Looks like I scared the shit INTO it.

Unfortunately, I can't fucken get good picture quality because the lens is smeared with some sticky white material which I'm hoping it's not what I think it is. No actually the serial port in my computer is buggered up (I think my cat has been fucking it too hard) so I can't transfer the pictures from the camera to the computer. That means I have to hook the camera up to my video capture card, which gives quality so low that you'd think you're goin blind from wacking too hard at pictures of deer threesomes. Heh.

Wednesday, August 23, 2000

AAAGGHHHH!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK???
Just finished watching Survivor... and I am pissed off that Rich won. I can't believe it!! He was such an asshole! This picture was taken at the EXACT MOMENT Rich found out he was... well.... rich.

What pissed me off even more was the bitch Sue, whose speech to Kelly was so nasty, I wanted to beat Sue with a sledgehammer. Sore loser.

Now I can't wait until the next round of Survivor. The new contestants have seen the first round and what happened, so now they are royally gonna fuck each other over to win!! Hopefully someone LIKEABLE will win this time.

I'm off to cure my sleep deprivation. Goodnight and listen to my fucking radio station!



Do you "Napsterbate"? I know I do!!!
Check out this informative Napsterbation FAQ.


Tuesday, August 22, 2000

Sorry about not updating more today, I was burning CD's all fucking day, which is also why this site was down for quite a while. I swear, it takes only 2 hours to fill up my computer's hard drive with all the shit I download. Half of it comes from Napster, where I download about 150 songs a day (all in a matter of minutes). It has gotten down to the point where I would just download an MP3 if the name of it sounded cool. I know, I'm a Napsterholic. Without Napster I'd die of MP3 withdrawl.

I listen to all my MP3's while I sleep. You see, I already had pretty screwed up dreams/nightmares/hallucinations before, but once I started listening to music in my sleep it totally fucked me up! Here's how it works:

You have a song that you listen to a lot. Everytime you listen to that song, you think about something. Could be anything; a person, place, or thing. Then you sleep with the music on and when that song comes on, your dream/nightmare involes that person place or thing that you always think about during that song. Whenever I listen to Britney Spears while sleeping, I dream about tits. Simple as that.

Another way to fuck with your own mind is if you have a TV in your room, leave it on (volume all the way down) and face towards it while you sleep. The patterns of light coming from the screen will fuck with your brain signals and give you even weirder dreams with trippy shit. Once I woke up, and still saw weird colors everywhere I looked.

That's all the mindfuck lessons for today. For more mindfuck websites, just do a search on altavista or something. L8er.

PS: Go to the "EARGASM" section and listen to my radio station!!!!!!!!!

Monday, August 21, 2000

Have you ever microwaved a CD?
Well, I tried it today with a CD I didn't like, and shit I was impressed. It's like a fireworks show inside your microwave. All these sparks and shit flying... and when I took the CD out it looked really fucking cool. All these nice little burnt designs on it.

But the best part was the beautiful smell of burning plastic that filled the house. Not only did it smell like burning plastic, but vaporized aluminum too! Mmmmmmmm I swear I was sitting there sniffing the CD for 2 hours.

Hi my name is MiKE and I'm a crackoholic...
I've just come home from work. I need something to drink.
I suddenly look at my streaming audio server and notice that there are 13 FUCKIN PEOPLE LISTENING TO IT!!! Holy shit are you people crazy? It's like a mass suicide or something! Well it's mostly people searching at www.live365.com for stations, and haven't ever seen this page. Oh well....

To tune in to my internet radio station, check out the "Eargasm" section of the site!

Sunday, August 20, 2000

I have been working on this site the whole weekend cause I'm fucking bored. This website is now ready to infect the internet. First of all, here's a little introduction. You may wonder why I am so fucked up... well here are some possible reasons.

- Once when I was little I saw a dog screwing a cat.
- I was exposed to too much 80's music when I was little.
- I am convinced I was dropped as a baby. Off a three storey building.
- I think I peeled paint chips off the wall and ate them when I was around 3 years old.
- My parents got me addicted to Atari when I was 2 years old.
- Every pet I've had as a kid has died in a very horrible way.

I will update this page a lot now, so check back every day to see what's going on with me!



Ok my first real update. Thanks to Sonika, I can now update this news page without having to fucking edit the raw HTML of the page, which was a total bitch! www.blogger.com was a total bitch to get set up, but once I got it to work it kicked total ass!

Not only can I update this page, but other people I invite as staff! So expect a few new staff members coming soon!

If you want to see the news archives before I got Blogger, check them out here.
One more for good luck.
Here is another update to test this thing.
Ok I have gotten a new site updater that lets me easily update my own site! Kickass!
What are the advantages of using this thing? Well, you can see what time I updated the page!
WOW that is SOO useful!!!
L8er!
I will now post all my previous updates!!!
Watch!!

Saturday, August 19, 2000

I am now testin out my Blogger.
This thing better fucking work!!!