Tuesday, October 31, 2000

Today at work I was trying to get out of a 5 foot deep pit, and while I was jumping up my knee hit a pointy rock sticking out from the wall. OWWWW FUCK SHIT FUCK CRAP RABBIT DAMN!!!!!! I usually don't feel that much pain, but this hurt like a fat bitch. I couldn't get up for 5 minutes it was painful. Then the rest of the day I was limping like I had a dead gerbil up my ass.

The bottom line. Rocks suck.
Happy Halloween.
It was pretty boring this year. Me, Eric, and M.C. Rae just walked around the whole night and talked about things like the elections and chicks. The "word on the street" was that there was trouble brewing at the schools, but we didn't go there.

Well, Dark Angel was on tonight, and Jessica Alba seems to get better looking each episode (with the exception of the last one... which played twice in a row). Did you see what she was wearing??? HOLY FUCK!! And her lesbian fish-eating friend also looked kinda fuckable too!

Monday, October 30, 2000

Speaking of "dog fucking", it means when you're at work and slack off and do no work. Once I got caught doing shit all at work, and the guy asks:

"Mike, ya aren't a dogfucker now, are ya?"

And I reply:

"Nah, I prefer cats."
It's moments like that, that make work kick ass sometimes.
Well today work sucked... i spent most of the day "Dog Fucking"... for all of you who don't know what this means... it's not what you think. But all i managed to do was drilll my finger today... it bled pretty damn good... but nothing real exciting, i promise to be less careful in the future.
I would like to take this oppourtunity to welcome "Sir Breastinspector" to the staff and say:


Let us start with the name itself "Sir Breastinspector." It is said that one talks about most what he doesn't have (or can't get). "he he he DUH I inspect bresteses." That name sounds like something a 12 or 13 year-old would say! (well maybe you are one, but if so grow up pint size!). It is clear to me that the only way you can excite your 1/4 inch millimeter peter is to think of a retarded name like that. Clearly you are some underdeveloped immature RETARD who likes to make derogatory comments towards women. I am apalled, and if your little inexperienced 1/4 inch self wants to "get some" I suggest you wait a few years and actually get some marble sized balls! (I know it'll be hard to grow out of your pea-sized ones but hey that's life!). It's ironic that the most inexperienced member on the staff has such a name! Really, you're not fooling anyone buddy. Your comments are offensive to women everywhere you latent petophile.

Oh hey I also like the way our LITTLE friend tries to act hard core. "Yeah you're a dumbfuck" oooo diss! HAHAH yeah right that's a real insult. Best of the Breast wow!! because you can't get any in real life you have to get pornos off the internet! BIG MAN (well as big as a quarter of an inch can get). Mutilation at work where do you work little man? McDonalds what did you burn yourself on the fryer again AWWWW.

Face it you're a loser and have NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN, from a more experienced member in society all I have to say is get a life, grow the fuck up, and learn some manners PIG.

This is a recording......creep.
Tomorrow is halloween. I have no idea what I'm doing... most likely I'll be passed out drunk in my Pikachu costume in the middle of the street, while little kids shoot firecrackers at me. Halloween is so damn cool.

Sunday, October 29, 2000

We got a new staff member here, as you can see below! I hired him because he seems to be very well trained in... inspecting breasts (duh), and hurting himself! Amazing!
Hey, Sir Breatinspector here... I'm working on this piece O' shit page because it's missing TWO very important things (if you're a guy and can't figure it out you're either gay... or a dumbfuck). Anyway i'm going to do my part to add cool shit to this page whenever i can. Look forward to my daily injury report, when i tell the world how i managed to mutilate myself at work... And a weekly feature i plan to call the "Best of the Breast", you'll have to wait and see... If you have any shit you want to send me or tell me i'm a pig... please direct it to Twisted mike until i get an email addy for this shit whole... later
What the hell is all this crap about the federal LIBERALS!!! They suck, their leader is a crooked mouthed bastard and only a complete moron would ever vote for them.

The CANADIAN ALLIANCE will cut taxes and put harsher punishments on criminals

So on Nov. 27th VOTE ALLIANCE, the future of our country depends on it.

Paid for by: no one in particular
You might have noticed that I haven't updated since Thursday. Or maybe you didn't notice... who the fuck cares?
The reason I didn't update was cause I tried to move this page to be hosted on www.stas.net to be hosted, but I found out that Blogger didn't work with it, so I had to move the site back on here. It took about 20 minutes for this whole incident to happen.
Now, Blogger stops updating my page, giving me an FTP error. What the fuck? So I try to fix it for a little while, no luck. I get pissed off, and leave it. Since it was the weekend, I didn't feel like fixing the damn blogger updater again, it gave me enough grief the first time I set it up, and I didn't want to go through all that shit again. I left it for 3 days, and worked a little on some other parts of my page.

Anyways I finally got it fixed right now. Sorry to my staff, who couldn't post any updates the whole weekend, not like they would actually update or anything..

Thursday, October 26, 2000

Tomorrow is friday. Thank god, cause this was a hard week at work. Shit man, shovelling rocks all day... starts to hurt like hell after 3 or 4 days. I'd rather get raped by a piece of reinforcing steel bar than do that shit ever again.
Turns out some guy at my old high school died today. There was supposed to be a fight at the basketball courts and some car sped off and hit him. His name is Ray Wilson. I didn't know the guy but it's still pretty sad.
If you want to link to my site, use this Flash 4 banner I made... it's retarded.
The Playstation 2 came out in stores today. Sold out everywhere within seconds. It's sad how crazy people will go over a something that is bound to fail in the future. Dreamcast rocks, I can use it to surf the internet and look at porn with it, and even make my own XXX movies to play on it.

Sega should have called their system the "Porncast".
Oh no, someone doesn't like me. She's "American" that pretty much explains her stupidity. I recieved an email from her. Lets see what she wrote to me:
"Why don't you do all Canadians a favor and jump off the nearest tall building? Is it just me? Or was your post one of the dimmest, most incoherent, idiotic post that I've had the misfortune to read?
"Stupid people piss me off." <<< So, you must be one hell of a self-loathing bitch.
"It's not very good when you wrap some hair around your tongue ring and then it gets stuck and stuff..."<<< Well, keep the cock out of your mouth.
Wishing for your slow and painful death,
Scary Old Man"
Thats fucking funny. Someone needs to get a life, well shes not worth anymore typing.
Its really hard having 4 jobs. I barely have any free time.... But seeing since someone wants me off here then I'll be posting things here more often.

Wednesday, October 25, 2000

My email is workin again, after I made a bomb threat to Rogers@home. They didn't take me seriously, but then for some reason my email started workin again. Wow, aren't I the influential one.


It seems that someone out there hates *Meow Mix*. How can ya hate a girl who likes to pour ice cold water down her shirt? Wow.

Tuesday, October 24, 2000

First of all, I found out my email won't work. It won't recieve anything, and sometimes it doesn't send email to people. This has been goin on for 3 days now. If you want to email me, for now send all your mail to: hexadecimator@yahoo.com.
@home sucks a broken wooden dildo.
Then, I go to watch Dark Angel, the show with Jessica Alba (yummy), and I find out it is a rerun. A rerun? What the fuck? This show just started playing... there are only 3 episodes out for shit's sake! And to make matters worse, it was LAST WEEK's episode. The one where Jessica Alba looks like a heroin addict and isn't very fun to watch... (except when that cop bends her over and searches her... heh... I'd give both my kidneys to be that cop..).
My middle finger is getting sore from being up all day today. What a shitty day.

Monday, October 23, 2000

This is a test, I the great M.C. Rae testing to see if I can "blog"

I was gonna post this a while back, but forgot about it, so i'll post it now I guess.
Ever watched the movie Shanghai Noon? Of course I rarely watch a PG-rated movie, but this one was tolerable. Now, the highlight of this movie is where Jackie Chan is fighting that evil villain guy, and he's hanging off a board in the church tower. Below him you can CLEARLY SEE THE FUCKING SAFETY NET!!! Fuckin shit, didn't these people see the net while editing the movie? Or maybe they left it in cause it's rated PG and they thought only 6 year olds would watch it and be too stupid to notice it.
Here's an image, click on it for the bigger size. I brightened the picture to make it easier to see:


Sunday, October 22, 2000

I'm going to be a good girl and write stuff in here sometimes. I don't want to dissapoint Mike, well not yet. Mike is one sexy bitch!!!!!!!!! He said I could kill him, that makes me feel special, 'cause you only tell people you like that they can kill you. So I need some money so i can fly to BC and kill him. So I'm going to take donations from all you people. Send me all your money, to get my address email me and I'll tell you. But please if you're a scary old man, please don't email me because I won't give you my address, I've already had to many gross experiences with scary old men. I'm not even going to get started on them, I can go on forever. Maybe I won't kill Mike, 'cause then who would update this page and stuff. But you can still send me all your money. I'm sad because my bestest friend in the whole world died on wednesday, I've known her for like 10 or 11 years now. She was my dog, but I still loved her very very much. Now doesn't that sad story want to make you send all your money to me. It's not very good when you wrap some hair around your tongue ring and then it gets stuck and stuff, its actually pretty gross. I don't know what to write on this stupid thing, damn you all. Stupid people piss me off. Is it just me or is Canadians a lot smarter then Americans.........every American I know is really stupid. Just thought I should point that out. I'm going to be a fairy princess for Halloween.
I couldn't update yesterday for a really fucked up reason. My wisdom tooth is coming out, but get this -- it's coming out SIDEWAYS!!! Jeezus what the hell... it hurts like a bitch too. I'd rather be shitting out large jagged pieces of metal.

There is a plus side to this. I can spit blood now. It's awesome.

Saturday, October 21, 2000

I'm not obsessed with hairy nipples anymore, I just went through a faze where everyone I came in contact with I had to ask if their nipples were hairy. But not anymore, I might be a little curious, but i just won't ask, theres not really any point, no one is ever honest and will tell me that their nipples are hairy, its like their ashamed of them or something. But if you have hairy nipples feel free to email me and tell me about them. On to the picture, meet Mr. Fetal Piggy, I met him in biology class, I just had to get a picture, he's soooooooo cute. But he became not so cute after we cut him open and played with his insides.

If the picture doesn't work then I just suck. But i assure you thats its cute.

Friday, October 20, 2000

We have a new staff member for this site, and her name is *Meow Mix*! Like I said, she is obsessed with weird things like hairy nipples and vampire feces!
Ok everyone, I have a request.
Vote for LouAnn at Picpage! She's almost in the top 10!

Give her 10 votes for each category!

Thursday, October 19, 2000

Watch as I surf porn and watch scat on my computer!! This is a live image of my computer screen right now:
(click on pic to enlarge it.. sorry for the low quality)
Every E/N site has a webcam portal. That's what this site needs.
So if you have a webcam, (and preferably are a girl who likes to show her tits), then email my ass. Webcam page coming as soon as I actually have people on it.

Wednesday, October 18, 2000

"Fucjing Savage" is a pretty funny guy.. and his animation below is so true:

Visit his site here!!!
My site needs a fucking host. I can't run this site from my computer anymore, the massive amounts of traffic soon to come will overheat my computer and burn the house down. Hey there's a way to advertise my site:

By the way, most of you realize that when I write "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!", it means that sometime within the next minute or two, you will be laughing so hard that you'll probably fall into a seizure or something.

We were supposed to have a new staff member a couple of days ago, but she can't update cause of technical issues. Mostly from me humping the server.

Her name is Magenta and she is obsessed with hairy nipples and vampire feces. Gnarly.
Dark Angel was pretty ok today... most of it was just Max having seizures and acting like a heroin addict going through withdrawl. Not really attractive now is that? I give tonight's show a 6 out of 10 on the wank-o-meter.

Tuesday, October 17, 2000

Tonight, it is playing the show Dark Angel. The show with Jessica Alba.
Does James Cameron know that every guy who watches this show, it is like a masterbation ritual or something to them? Holy shit.

Monday, October 16, 2000

Today at work it pissed rain. So I was working hard in the cold and rain all day. It doesn't bother me anymore, I'm used to it. Besides if I catch pneumonia I'll get to spend a few days in a warm hospital bed. And hot nurses with no tops on giving me spongs baths.

Oh wait, scratch that nurses part. Damn recurring wet dream.
I am going to the Limp Bizkit concert on November 15th. It's on a wednesday so the morning after when I have to get up at 5 am is gonna be brutal.

Waking up early sucks shit. Whoever thought of having work or school start so early needs to have a rabid siamese cat shoved up his/her ass. Fuck.
This is what my girlfriend thinks of Jessica Alba:

I dunno why Erin made this, either because she's got too much time on her hands, or doesn't like the way I always post Jessica every tuesday, when Dark Angel plays on TV.
The bottom line: I'd love to watch them 2 in a catfight.

Sunday, October 15, 2000

When I finally get my mic working, I discover that it won't fuckin record anything. I have to scream into it to get any kind of recording done. Pretty much all it's good for is to stick up cat's asses and watch them run around with the cord trailing behind them. Weeeeeeeeeeeee...
There is something trying to come out of my ass.... and it's not shit!! I will never eat one of those mini remote controlled cars again...
Have you ever had a Coke after eating chocolate? Holy shit. It's like it goes from being a carbonated beverage to being some type of industrial strength acid. It's fucking gross, and it feels like drinking liquid sandpaper.
But how the fuck does it happen? Is it some sort of chemical reaction or something? Can I make a bomb by mixing Coke and chocolate?

Fuckin weird.

Saturday, October 14, 2000

I did not update yesterday because I was busy.
Anyways, right now this site consists of a sick fuck who posts on the main page (me), two other guys who never post on the main page (Eric and Chad), and a few pictures and some original movies.

We need more shit. Have you ever went to take a monster shit and left very little in the toilet bowl... which was pretty unsatisfying? Well this is what this website is like. Well I'm starting to do something about it.

In a few days we will have a new staff member or two. Also, I will add more pics to the images section. And I will get hosted somewhere so I can actually start advertising this site.

As Mike Huppe always used to yell: "UUUUUUNNNNNGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Thursday, October 12, 2000

Here's something to think about:

"If your dick grew teeth and started biting the rest of your body would you:"

A): Cut it off
B): Bite it back
C): Stick it in one of the girls' at Caken.com pussy and leave it there until it disintegrates (approx 1.3 seconds).
D): Masterbate
E): None of the above
F): All of the above including E
"A pig's orgasm lasts about 30 minutes."
"Gorillas sometimes use smaller monkeys as sex slaves."

Fuckin hell, why can't we learn useful shit like this in school?
I just saw a picture of this chick who had dreadlocked her pubic hair. Her pussy looks like a fucking octapus. Octapussy.

Ha ha I made a funny. Be proud of me.
Do you get raped by industrial machinery approximately every 2 hours? Do you enjoy having sex with burning newspapers and broken bottles? Do you have intelligent conversations with your anus after enjoying a bowel movement?

Welcome to my life.

Wednesday, October 11, 2000

Why the hell is bird shit... white? You woulda thought it would be brown or something so you could see it coming down and quickly dodge it, but because it's white it's hard to see and it usually lands all over your face. Which is quite gross, I might add.

Well this is a fine example of evolution... bird have evolved to make their shit harder to see so they can defecate on more people. I wish my shit was neon green. Oh wait, it already is. I guess I shouldn't spend so much time in front of the computer. Nah.
Online radio stations rule. Over at www.live365.com you can find an online radio station playing whatever you would like to hear. From heavy metal to pop to sounds of pigs grunting, they have it all. And boy do the sounds of pigs grunting make me horny.
At work today during coffee I pulled out a banana and just before I was about to peel it, I noticed a cocoon growing on it. EEWWW GOD DAMN SICK SHIT!!!! I scraped the cocoon off but it was empty. It really grossed me out, I lost my appetite. So I just ended up not eating the banana, preferring to stick it up my ass instead.

Tuesday, October 10, 2000

With Rogers@home, I can't even surf the internet properly anymore. My connection keeps getting raped about 300 times a day. My conversation with some random chick about hairy nipples was cut short when my @home connection died. God damnit, I was in the middle of this very deep conversation and suddenly it's over because the good ole boys at @home were having sex with the server hub a little bit too rough. God damnit, when I'm on the phone, the line doesn't just suddenly go dead! That's cause my phone company has actual human beings working for it, not some chimpanzees who's idea of system maintenace is beating the keyboards with their chimp dicks.

@home. My ass has better bandwidth than their cable lines.
Watched the show "Dark Angel" again. Storyline is kinda stupid now... I just watch it because of Jessica Alba. Fuck by the time the show was over I had to squeegee all the.... uh.... "stuff" off my TV screen! Wow.

Instant boner!

Monday, October 09, 2000

You know what I do to shit that pisses me off?
This is what I do.

You see, a long time ago I was listening to one of my favorite tapes on my walkman, and suddenly my walkman decided to chew the tape up. So the tape was totally screwed, and it was stuck in there, and I was pissed off.

So I grabbed a cut power cord, attached it to the battery terminals in the walkman, and plugged it it. Damn, it was a fireworks show, but the damn breaker kept trippin. So I put the walkman in a small puddle of gasoline and then plugged it in. Flloooppppmmppphhh was the noise it made as it burst into flames.

Now I have a nice little souvenir, which smells quite good and tastes like charcoal. Mmmm.
Here are the results of a study I have conducted:

"If you are crawling naked through your attic there is a 0.004% chance your penis will get caught to a rusty fish hook."

I dunno about you guys, but to me that is very re-assuring.
Today I was rubbing my... uhh.. magic lamp, and then this white genie CAME out. He said "I will grant you 4.887 wishes".

And then I wiped him off the wall and proceeded to take more LSD.

Sunday, October 08, 2000

I am playing Super Nintendo games on my Sega Dreamcast! Isn't that just fucked? The great thing is, you burn all the SNES games and the emulator program onto a CD and put the CD in your Dreamcast, and you can play the games!

The best part is, you can download any SNES game from the net for free, and you can fit almost every SNES game ever made onto 1 CD!

Saturday, October 07, 2000

I got my DVD player today. It fuckin blew me away. I bought The Matrix for it (Interesting fact: It is said that 95% or people who have a DVD player also own "The Matrix" for it). Now I know why.

Excuse my while I go and defecate all over my prehistoric VCR while I rape some DVD discs. Life, is good.

Thursday, October 05, 2000

Rogers@home sucks farts out of dead pigs. I can't access my fucking email, and I got tons of important emails I'm expecting today (like porn).

My cable modem smells like fish. Um.
The skin on my dink is pink I think,
But after sex it's blue!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yooooouuuuuuu!!

(I can't get Mike Huppe's dink song outta my head! Fuck!)
Tomorrow is friday. I get paid. Long weekend.
I am going to buy a top-of-the-line DVD player tomorrow, with extra zoom in features and slow motion so I could enjoy porn movies better. Here is a picture of the godlike SANYO 5100 DVD PLAYER, which isn't even out in the US yet!!

Wednesday, October 04, 2000

It is rumored that pornographic videogames will be made for the Playstation 2.
I just hope that my PS2 comes with a vibrating dualshock controller.

I know it's pretty sad when 9 year olds are stalking me and trying to rape me on ICQ.
Today I was jax0ring to pictures of tree branches (oooh so hot), but I guess I was yanking on my doodle a little too hard and it came off. As soon as it came off it bit me and I dropped it and it started wiggling away. I started chasing it but my penis was too fast for me (I guess all that masterbaitin is like exercise, it made it stronger) and it started getting away, and now we were outside in the neighborhood. To stop my dick from making its escape I picked up a big rock and chucked it towards my fleeing knob. The rock smashed my cock into the ground, stopping it dead in it's tracks. I ran up to it and stomped the hell out of it to make sure it wouldn't go any farther. Then a dog grabbed it and ran off with it. I chased the dog down the street and it went behind the neighbor's house and tried to bury it. I tackled the dog and bit its nuts off and it ran away. The I picked up my penis. It was all busted up and covered in dirt and bleeding and flies were all over it (pretty much the way it always is).

That's my story.

Tuesday, October 03, 2000

After watching the new show "Dark Angel", I have *come* to the conclusion that I want to fuck every hole in Jessica Alba's body for 3 weeks straight until my penis is worn down to a half-inch stub.

"That 70's Show" is the funniest thing I have ever seen. I have to sit in a kiddie pool with no pants on while watching it because I always piss myself laughing.

Fez kicks ass. Period.

Monday, October 02, 2000

Antihope.net has released another feature. You have to watch this Flash4 video. If it plays too slow, try shrinking the window:

The UNIBOMBER (funny as hell)

Note: I am not responsible for any ruptured body organs caused by laughing at this funny shit.

Sunday, October 01, 2000

Today when I woke up I saw that this was written on my dick: "Stop beating me". Don't look at me, I'm just as puzzled by this..
I need a fucking DVD player.
The reason I don't have one yet is cause I was waiting for the Playstation 2 to come out, because it also plays DVDs.
Then I saw this fucker, and thought "Fuck the PS2, this baby looks 10 times better!"
So the only reason to buy PS2 now is so I can maintain my "I HAVE EVERY FUCKING VIDEOGAME SYSTEM IN THE WORLD, THEREFORE I AM A LOSER" status.
Today when I was going to answer the call of nature, my bathroom's lights had burnt out so I had to use the other dreaded one. I looked into the toilet and there was this HUGE fucking turd in there!! I fucking swear, it must have been around 12 inches long and 2 and a half inches wide. I was like "ewww fucking sick" so I tried to flush it. While the toilet was flushing, all the turd did was spin around in there, leaving skid marks on the inside of the bowl. Sick! It looked like it was too big to go down the hole (reminds me of sex for some reason) so I ended up taking the plunger and breaking up that monster turd into smaller pieces. It was a gruesome task, but somebody had to do it (knowing the people I live with, that turd would have been sitting there for another 30 years).

That's the last time I use any other toilet than mine again.