More evidence that the Slurrey school system is a failure!
Read the following passage from one of my friends who just recently graduated from the system (sound out the words if necessary) read it SLOWLY word for word!
"Secondly.... i don't work any where near a computer, and even when i do get a job with computer i'll be making a lot more than will be an the next 5 years a least... mean while you'll be sitting in a trialer park drink beer and tokin with your buddies"
I saw the movie "Cast Away" today. It was the fucking awesomest movie up until the ending. Boy was that shitty. That movie is gonna win an award for the stupidest ending ever, which totally ruined the point of the entire movie.
Ok allow me to explain the predicament I was in yesterday. After work at 3 we went to the bar to have a few beers (yes they actually served me). Well, I had a headache so I only had 2 beers. Then I went home and got ready to do some christmas shopping. I went out and got a few things, and came back at around 6. I ate supper and without thinking, I had 2 Tylenols. Extra fucking strength.
Chad told me: "Oh my God ancemetophen and Alcohol that's a BIG NO NO! -- That'll make you so fucking sick!" Well, he was telling me this as I was puking into my custom-made "Morning Bucket�". I swear, it was like a hangover from the depths of hell itself. I dunno how, but I think I puked more stuff than I had actually eaten all week. Then I fell unconscious on the floor amid the spiders and pizza boxes.
I woke up 3 hours later at 11, and looked at some porn, and went to bed.
Today, I woke up feeling so damn good that I cleaned my room. After all, if I ever fall unconscious on the floor again, I don't want small animals crawling all over my face. So the moral of the story is: Don't mix alcohol and Tylenol. But hey.... everyone but me knew that one.
Just to inform all members and visitors that the Vice President of this site will be in Vermont for Christmas for the next week so there will be no posting done by me. By the way MiKE thanks for agreeing to allow me to pay for my plane ticket and all my family's tickets to Montpelier from your bank account (the money has been automatically debited).
Merry Christmas, and I will see you all in the new year!
Cats are fucking scary. It's just the way they look at you... what are they thinking? Are they planning to kill you? Are they trying to use their psychic skills to drive you insane? Are they sexually attracted to you, and are undressing you in their minds? It's crazy I tell ya.... CRAZY!!! Fucking cats.
I asked Santa for some broken glass and a bottle full of dead bees, and he told me to go fuck myself, so I gave Rudolph some Viagra and he raped Santa Claus up the ass. Then I had a dream of many dead naked chicks floating in the ocean.
Gotta love that new bowl of cum picture at the top of the page. Whoever spends all their time squeezing the splooge out of used condoms sure knows that semen is full of proteins. Nifty. Sure captures the feeling of our great hometown.
THE SLURREY SHOW IS FINALLY UP. Thank god. I have found a new encoder that finally works, Ulead Video Studio 6.0. It's a beautiful program, and has possibly saved the Slurrey Show from the depths of my hardcore midget porno tape.
Adobe Premiere is also a beatiful program; it has a nice unique way of crashing my computer. It makes all the screen go fucked up. Weird.
I come to you tonight as a tired man. I have been trying extremely hard this evening to get several programs to work, and it has certainly been a difficult task. As many of you are aware MiKE has wisely chosen to change the name and content of this site from "twistedmike.com" to "slurrey.com."
A question that many of you have certainly been debating is what is "slurrey"? Some of you have thought it was sexually transmitted disease filled vaginal discharge, others believe that is the mixture of feces and urine that is often left in the toilet by people who do not realize that toliets are designed to be flushed, still others have thought of it as some sort of purple fungus that appears in your local river and is ingested by you on a regular basis through the fish that you eat (no fish eating jokes please).
Essentially, it is all three of those things combined into one grand sespool of scum. You see we live in a city called Surrey, and many people here call it "Slurrey" to convey their great respect for our fair city. And why would they not love it? The drugs are cheap, the women are easy, and the streets are paved with gold...paint (and even that is peeling off the roads). Naturally we all will attempt to represent Slurrey in all of its grandure and glory, and give it every ounce of respect that it deserves.
I am honoured to have been chosen as this great site's Vice President and I find it incumbent upon me to ensure that everyone receives a fair and honest perception of myself and Slurrey. I reach out my hand to each and every one of you who view this site and welcome you to the greatest website known to man.
Thank you for your patience as you bear witness to our great advances, visit Slurrey sometime and you will get a real impression of what we have to deal with at this time day in and day out. The President, myself and all of our staff members are elated that you have decided to view our site.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!! Watch this Flash animation from Newgrounds NOW!!!!!!!! It one of those videos that will make you burst out laughing hard enough to shit yourself, and later on you'll remember the video and nurst out laughing in some library or other place and embarrass yourself.
I am having trouble encoding the Slurrey Show, thanks to my megahertz-challenged computer. Looks liek the show will now be in Windows Media Player format. It's encoding right now with no problem. Check back in an hour after this post.
Ok, if you want to be a staff member for this site, leave a message in the discussion board. But first, here are some requirements:
- You gotta be able to post at least once a day. Anything. - You gotta have at least somewhat of a sense of humor, or the ability to bitch about things quite well. - Being from Slurrey, BC, Canada is a plus!
It's been quite a while since the last update. The last few days I have been writing some Copside 3 script, making some new graphics, fixing my computer from yet another breakdown, and.... (drum roll)... WE DID THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE SLURREY SHOW!!!!
The Slurrey Show will be here tomorrow, it's 30 minutes long, and it's gonna be in realplayer format so you don't have to download it. I'll put it up as soon as I get home from work, cause I'm sure it'll finish compressing by then.
This site will be getting an overhaul pretty soon, with new staff members too!!
This fucked up world is a fucked up place. Everybody's judged by their fucked up face! Fucked up dreams and a fucked up life, a fucked up kid with a fucked up knife. Fucked up moms and fucked up dads, a fucked up cop with a fucked up badge. A fucked up job at a fucked up place, and a fucked up boss with a fucked up face. Fucked up press and fucked up lies, we'll leave them in the truck with their fucked up eyes!
And then they're saying that you can't say fuck!! Fuck's just a word and it's all fucked up! Like a fucked up punk with a fucked up mouth, a nine inch nail that gets knocked the fuck out! A fucked up age and fucked up sex, fake ass titties on her fucked up chest! We're all fucked up so what you going to do? They fucked up me and fucked up you!
It's snowing. "IT'S THE COMING OF THE LORD!!!" Today at work it started snowing after lunch, and after only 2 hours there was like an inch and a half of that white shit on the ground. The entire construction site was a deathtrap. So anyways we get to leave early, but it took 3 FUCKING HOURS to get home with all the retarded traffic!
To all the drivers out there without proper tires for handling snow: PULL OFF THE FUCKING ROAD AND LET US MENTALLY SUPERIOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE SNOW TIRES GET BY!!!
I was jax0ring to pictures of tree branches (oooh so hot), but I guess I was yanking on my doodle a little too hard and it came off. As soon as it came off it bit me and I dropped it and it started wiggling away. I started chasing it but my penis was too fast for me (I guess all that masterbaitin is like exercise, it made it stronger) and it started getting away, and now we were outside in the neighborhood. To stop my dick from making its escape I picked up a big rock and chucked it towards my fleeing knob. The rock smashed my cock into the ground, stopping it dead in it's tracks. I ran up to it and stomped the hell out of it to make sure it wouldn't go any farther. Then a dog grabbed it and ran off with it. I chased the dog down the street and it went behind the neighbor's house and tried to bury it. I tackled the dog and bit its nuts off and it ran away. The I picked up my penis. It was all busted up and covered in dirt and bleeding and flies were all over it (pretty much the way it always is).
Does anyone out there know how I can re-attach my weeny? By the way it smells like the dust bag in a vaccuum cleaner!
Well think about it. Cat's can't reach theor paws to their asses. So how can a cat scratch its ass? Well, cat tongues are rough so what else is a cat to do than lick it's butt to scatch it? I mean, people scratch their butt all the time. Why can't cats?
Spookus had a 3-inch penis growing out of his forehead. It was quite irritating because whenever he saw a hot chick, his penis would become erect right in front of her, which would be quite embarassing. He went to the doctor to solve his 'little' problem. The doctor said, "I can't remove it. You'll have to do it yourself somehow." Spookus felt hopeless. Then suddenly he had an idea. He took some scissors and sliced it off. Surprisingly, the penis became alive and grew legs and said, "You have finally freed me! I shall take over the world!". ANd then the penis took over the world, and from then on all hot chicks had penises.
The moral of the story: If you don't want hot chicks to have penises, then don't grow one on your damn forehead.
I checked the guestbook today, and noticed that for the first time in almost 2 weeks, someone has signed the fuckin thing! Well, 2 people to be exact! I am so happy I think I may blow a load all over my keyboard.
If you are reading this right now, sign the goddamn guestbook!!!! Thank you for your masterb... err... cooperation.
I watched the movie Gone in 60 Seconds today. Damn good movie, especially with Angelina Jolie in it. Holy shit is she ever hot.
The Slurrey Show won't be filmed this weekend, cause we still gota make preparations and shit. Hey, would you rather see a show with just a bunch of guys screaming into the camera and doing stupid things, or would you rather watch a show with a bunch of guys screaming into the camera and doing stupid things in a funny sorta way? I rest my balls... errmm.. case.
There once was a guy named Booger, who liked to stick small animals up his butt. One day he decided to stick a rat infected with rabies up his butt, so he threw the rat into his ass (he also had a fetish for shoving hockey sticks in there, thus making his asshole quite large). Then, the rat bit him on the inside of his ass and took a shit in there. Booger screamed in pain, and later on that day he pooped out rat poop, and his wife (she had a penis) made fun of him ("Haha you pooped rat poop! You rat! Haha!"). Then he went to the doctor and the doctor told him that he had gotten infected with rabies. He started foaming from the butt.
The moral of the story: Don't stick rats up your butt.
For whoever can't figure it out, a fire snatch is the pussy of a chick with red hair.
Tiger torches are cool. Basically they are propane flamethrowers that are used to heat up/burn stuff. I got to use one at work today... and no one there knew that I am a pyro until now. I was supposed to heat up the walkways to melt the frost off them so no one would slip. Well, I did that AND lit a few small things on fire. Shit that tiger torch is fun!!
Licker of assholes. I installed a new 60 GB hard drive in my computer, and suddenly my whole fuckin computer wouldn't even turn on!! I spent all day today trying to get the damn thing working, so that's why this page was down a lot. Feature 5: Random Idiocy is coming tomorrow. Peace.
I went to the mall today because my watch needed repairing and so anyways the ugly bitch at the counter was like "$2.28" What the fuck!!!! I cannot believe that my watch is under warranty for 10 fucking years and you're going to charge me $2.28! What do you think I am, made of money? So naturally I was pissed right off so I stormed out of [insert major retailer's name here] and there were those stupid double doors and some woman with two small children were coming in I pushed open the door and I heard her say "Maybe this nice man will hold the do....." I let the door closed and it slamed into her buggy. Then from behind me I heard "Ahhh YOU JERK" I turned around and in my best beaner voice said "what?" "screw you bitch." I know that wasn't a nice thing to do especially with two small children around, but I am not a nice person!