Sunday, December 31, 2000

HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEARS



My new year's resolution for 2001? To not make any stupid resolutions.
Porn for all.
20 MB of good pr0n.
337 pics total, more growing every day.

Saturday, December 30, 2000

WE NEED HOSTING!!!!

Also, please post on the fucking message board. We have one for a reason!
More evidence that the Slurrey school system is a failure!

Read the following passage from one of my friends who just recently graduated from the system (sound out the words if necessary) read it SLOWLY word for word!

"Secondly.... i don't work any where near a computer, and even when i do get a job with computer i'll be making a lot more than will be an the next 5 years a least... mean while you'll be sitting in a trialer park drink beer and tokin with your buddies"

Thanks Slurrey!

Friday, December 29, 2000

This is what happens when someone like me is bored and exceedingly FUCKIN horny ....!!!!

btw Mike hope ur hand gets better err somthing.
No! It ab, rut sam!

Thursday, December 28, 2000

Ow fuck.
Note to self: Burn wounds all over your hand, and putting on a sweater very quickly causes plenty of pain.
Well well well... what do we have here?

Looks like I punched something I shouldn't have.... again.

Note that these are burn marks. What did I punch? I'll leave that up to you to decide.
Wow what a picture, if this is what I get to inherit if you were to die or resign hmmmm I think I'll keep the veeep job for "quite some time."

Tuesday, December 26, 2000

I saw the movie "Cast Away" today. It was the fucking awesomest movie up until the ending. Boy was that shitty. That movie is gonna win an award for the stupidest ending ever, which totally ruined the point of the entire movie.

"Wilson". Heh heh heh.
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am going to die happy! From Rache (Mister Bungle) and her friends!!! WOW (@_@)
I want Mike to get on right now. So do the other boobs. And stuff.
Mike's boobiest .. err ... biggest fans have a present for him..

Monday, December 25, 2000

BEAVER?!
When I die I want my last words to be "butt-cheeks"....
The second episode of the Slurrey Show is up for everyone to laugh at. It's quite a gut-buster.
Testies! Testies! One, two, three!
I've been in a rather GOOD mood lately! Well, compared to the past 2 Christmas's anyways. So ... COME ON EVERYONE! SAY IT WITH ME! 1...2...3! Penis! Penis! Penis! Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!

Saturday, December 23, 2000

Ok allow me to explain the predicament I was in yesterday. After work at 3 we went to the bar to have a few beers (yes they actually served me). Well, I had a headache so I only had 2 beers. Then I went home and got ready to do some christmas shopping. I went out and got a few things, and came back at around 6. I ate supper and without thinking, I had 2 Tylenols. Extra fucking strength.

Chad told me: "Oh my God ancemetophen and Alcohol that's a BIG NO NO! -- That'll make you so fucking sick!"
Well, he was telling me this as I was puking into my custom-made "Morning Bucket�". I swear, it was like a hangover from the depths of hell itself. I dunno how, but I think I puked more stuff than I had actually eaten all week. Then I fell unconscious on the floor amid the spiders and pizza boxes.

I woke up 3 hours later at 11, and looked at some porn, and went to bed.

Today, I woke up feeling so damn good that I cleaned my room. After all, if I ever fall unconscious on the floor again, I don't want small animals crawling all over my face. So the moral of the story is: Don't mix alcohol and Tylenol. But hey.... everyone but me knew that one.
We will be doing the Slurrey Show tonight, but you may be wondering how... since Chad is way down in Vermont. Well.... you'll see!! The Slurrey Show: Episode 2 will be up tomorrow!
Hello everyone,

Just to inform all members and visitors that the Vice President of this site will be in Vermont for Christmas for the next week so there will be no posting done by me. By the way MiKE thanks for agreeing to allow me to pay for my plane ticket and all my family's tickets to Montpelier from your bank account (the money has been automatically debited).

Merry Christmas, and I will see you all in the new year!

--M.C. Rae

Friday, December 22, 2000

I saw a dog wearing a coat today......how GAY

And all that wool could be used to give 20,000 third would country kids coats (or at least scraps of wool)

Thursday, December 21, 2000

Smack jack dilly wack the man of power on the hour commin at ya for the first time EVAH (dont worry im white) and im on the staff so there

insanely yours Shtupid_C
Quote of the minute:
"I like to stick quarters up my butt.... cause they have those rough edges... you know?"

Cats are fucking scary. It's just the way they look at you... what are they thinking? Are they planning to kill you? Are they trying to use their psychic skills to drive you insane? Are they sexually attracted to you, and are undressing you in their minds? It's crazy I tell ya.... CRAZY!!! Fucking cats.
I asked Santa for some broken glass and a bottle full of dead bees, and he told me to go fuck myself, so I gave Rudolph some Viagra and he raped Santa Claus up the ass. Then I had a dream of many dead naked chicks floating in the ocean.

I seem to be getting less weird every day...
Gotta love that new bowl of cum picture at the top of the page. Whoever spends all their time squeezing the splooge out of used condoms sure knows that semen is full of proteins. Nifty. Sure captures the feeling of our great hometown.

Wednesday, December 20, 2000

THE SLURREY SHOW IS FINALLY UP.
Thank god. I have found a new encoder that finally works, Ulead Video Studio 6.0. It's a beautiful program, and has possibly saved the Slurrey Show from the depths of my hardcore midget porno tape.

Adobe Premiere is also a beatiful program; it has a nice unique way of crashing my computer. It makes all the screen go fucked up. Weird.
Good Evening,

I come to you tonight as a tired man. I have been trying extremely hard this evening to get several programs to work, and it has certainly been a difficult task. As many of you are aware MiKE has wisely chosen to change the name and content of this site from "twistedmike.com" to "slurrey.com."

A question that many of you have certainly been debating is what is "slurrey"? Some of you have thought it was sexually transmitted disease filled vaginal discharge, others believe that is the mixture of feces and urine that is often left in the toilet by people who do not realize that toliets are designed to be flushed, still others have thought of it as some sort of purple fungus that appears in your local river and is ingested by you on a regular basis through the fish that you eat (no fish eating jokes please).

Essentially, it is all three of those things combined into one grand sespool of scum. You see we live in a city called Surrey, and many people here call it "Slurrey" to convey their great respect for our fair city. And why would they not love it? The drugs are cheap, the women are easy, and the streets are paved with gold...paint (and even that is peeling off the roads). Naturally we all will attempt to represent Slurrey in all of its grandure and glory, and give it every ounce of respect that it deserves.

I am honoured to have been chosen as this great site's Vice President and I find it incumbent upon me to ensure that everyone receives a fair and honest perception of myself and Slurrey. I reach out my hand to each and every one of you who view this site and welcome you to the greatest website known to man.

Thank you for your patience as you bear witness to our great advances, visit Slurrey sometime and you will get a real impression of what we have to deal with at this time day in and day out. The President, myself and all of our staff members are elated that you have decided to view our site.

Godspeed and UUUUUUUUNNNNNNNGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!


Vice President M.C. Rae

Tuesday, December 19, 2000

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!
Watch this Flash animation from Newgrounds NOW!!!!!!!! It one of those videos that will make you burst out laughing hard enough to shit yourself, and later on you'll remember the video and nurst out laughing in some library or other place and embarrass yourself.

MONSTERS IN MY CLOSET
There is good news and bad news.

The good news is that I finally got the Slurrey Show to encode. The bad news is that a parrot bit me in the balls.
"Polly want a testicle."

Like I said before, The Slurrey Show will be available on Wednesday.
FUCK.
I'll try to post the Slurrey Show up on Wednesday. It's just one fucking problem after the other.

Monday, December 18, 2000

M.C. Rae has been promoted to Slurrey.com vice president. Kicksaa!!
I'd like to welcome Rache to the staff, she's damn funny.
Slurrey Show: Still ain't fucking encoding right.... shiiiiit....
boobs.
I am having trouble encoding the Slurrey Show, thanks to my megahertz-challenged computer.
Looks liek the show will now be in Windows Media Player format. It's encoding right now with no problem. Check back in an hour after this post.
Also, my MiKECAM LIVE will not be on today, cause it gets screwed up when I'm doing something like encoding a big video.

BEWARE THE EVIL FIRE-BREATHING PENIS KNOWN AS "COCKZILLA" !!!!!!!!
(Yes, yes it was really good shit)
Ok, if you want to be a staff member for this site, leave a message in the discussion board. But first, here are some requirements:

- You gotta be able to post at least once a day. Anything.
- You gotta have at least somewhat of a sense of humor, or the ability to bitch about things quite well.
- Being from Slurrey, BC, Canada is a plus!
It's been quite a while since the last update. The last few days I have been writing some Copside 3 script, making some new graphics, fixing my computer from yet another breakdown, and.... (drum roll)... WE DID THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE SLURREY SHOW!!!!

The Slurrey Show will be here tomorrow, it's 30 minutes long, and it's gonna be in realplayer format so you don't have to download it. I'll put it up as soon as I get home from work, cause I'm sure it'll finish compressing by then.

This site will be getting an overhaul pretty soon, with new staff members too!!

Thursday, December 14, 2000

There is something quite satisfying about having over 8000 mp3's in my winamp playlist. Winamp could play for over 2 weeks without repeating a damn song!
This fucked up world is a fucked up place. Everybody's judged by their fucked up face! Fucked up dreams and a fucked up life, a fucked up kid with a fucked up knife. Fucked up moms and fucked up dads, a fucked up cop with a fucked up badge. A fucked up job at a fucked up place, and a fucked up boss with a fucked up face. Fucked up press and fucked up lies, we'll leave them in the truck with their fucked up eyes!

And then they're saying that you can't say fuck!! Fuck's just a word and it's all fucked up! Like a fucked up punk with a fucked up mouth, a nine inch nail that gets knocked the fuck out! A fucked up age and fucked up sex, fake ass titties on her fucked up chest! We're all fucked up so what you going to do? They fucked up me and fucked up you!
It's snowing.
"IT'S THE COMING OF THE LORD!!!"
Today at work it started snowing after lunch, and after only 2 hours there was like an inch and a half of that white shit on the ground. The entire construction site was a deathtrap. So anyways we get to leave early, but it took 3 FUCKING HOURS to get home with all the retarded traffic!

To all the drivers out there without proper tires for handling snow: PULL OFF THE FUCKING ROAD AND LET US MENTALLY SUPERIOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HAVE SNOW TIRES GET BY!!!

Argghh and stuff.
Wow it is now snowing here!!!

Great way to fuck up my weekend snow now my exam is going to be canceled and probably my girl's hockey game that I'm reffing!

Thanks a lot snow FUCK YOU

Wednesday, December 13, 2000

Only one update today but I have a good excuse.

I was jax0ring to pictures of tree branches (oooh so hot), but I guess I was yanking on my doodle a little too hard and it came off. As soon as it came off it bit me and I dropped it and it started wiggling away. I started chasing it but my penis was too fast for me (I guess all that masterbaitin is like exercise, it made it stronger) and it started getting away, and now we were outside in the neighborhood. To stop my dick from making its escape I picked up a big rock and chucked it towards my fleeing knob. The rock smashed my cock into the ground, stopping it dead in it's tracks. I ran up to it and stomped the hell out of it to make sure it wouldn't go any farther. Then a dog grabbed it and ran off with it. I chased the dog down the street and it went behind the neighbor's house and tried to bury it. I tackled the dog and bit its nuts off and it ran away. The I picked up my penis. It was all busted up and covered in dirt and bleeding and flies were all over it (pretty much the way it always is).

Does anyone out there know how I can re-attach my weeny? By the way it smells like the dust bag in a vaccuum cleaner!

Tuesday, December 12, 2000

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!
This guy is the next Jeff K of the internet!!!! Check out his site, it will change your life. Sega must be proud.

http://www.segasource.com
Why do cats lick their butts?

Well think about it. Cat's can't reach theor paws to their asses. So how can a cat scratch its ass? Well, cat tongues are rough so what else is a cat to do than lick it's butt to scatch it? I mean, people scratch their butt all the time. Why can't cats?

Also, cat's don't have toilet paper.
Kelso from "That 70's Show":
"Let's throw stuff at other stuff"

Let's face it, the guy is a genious.
I dunno why, 2 of yesteray's posts didn't show up. There are times when I wish a pack of perverted green old men would rape Blogger up the ass and then beat it with a hickory stick.

Monday, December 11, 2000

Confuscious says:

"Man who fuck porcupine, feel horny all day."
Spookus had a 3-inch penis growing out of his forehead. It was quite irritating because whenever he saw a hot chick, his penis would become erect right in front of her, which would be quite embarassing. He went to the doctor to solve his 'little' problem. The doctor said, "I can't remove it. You'll have to do it yourself somehow."
Spookus felt hopeless. Then suddenly he had an idea. He took some scissors and sliced it off. Surprisingly, the penis became alive and grew legs and said, "You have finally freed me! I shall take over the world!". ANd then the penis took over the world, and from then on all hot chicks had penises.

The moral of the story:
If you don't want hot chicks to have penises, then don't grow one on your damn forehead.
I checked the guestbook today, and noticed that for the first time in almost 2 weeks, someone has signed the fuckin thing! Well, 2 people to be exact! I am so happy I think I may blow a load all over my keyboard.

If you are reading this right now, sign the goddamn guestbook!!!! Thank you for your masterb... err... cooperation.

Saturday, December 09, 2000

I watched the movie Gone in 60 Seconds today. Damn good movie, especially with Angelina Jolie in it. Holy shit is she ever hot.

The Slurrey Show won't be filmed this weekend, cause we still gota make preparations and shit. Hey, would you rather see a show with just a bunch of guys screaming into the camera and doing stupid things, or would you rather watch a show with a bunch of guys screaming into the camera and doing stupid things in a funny sorta way? I rest my balls... errmm.. case.

Thursday, December 07, 2000

There once was a guy named Booger, who liked to stick small animals up his butt. One day he decided to stick a rat infected with rabies up his butt, so he threw the rat into his ass (he also had a fetish for shoving hockey sticks in there, thus making his asshole quite large). Then, the rat bit him on the inside of his ass and took a shit in there. Booger screamed in pain, and later on that day he pooped out rat poop, and his wife (she had a penis) made fun of him ("Haha you pooped rat poop! You rat! Haha!"). Then he went to the doctor and the doctor told him that he had gotten infected with rabies. He started foaming from the butt.

The moral of the story:
Don't stick rats up your butt.
I hate fucking winamp. Why the hell won't it play some of my 90 minute long MP3's??? It's not my fault I like to have a whole bunch of fuckin songs stuffed into one MP3!!

Sonique sucks even worse... the damn playlist doesn't have a scrollbar! How the hell am I supposed to browse through my 3000+ song playlist without a fucking scrollbar?

I want some FIRE SNATCH dammit! UUUNNNGGGHHH!!!

Wednesday, December 06, 2000

Today MC Rae told me:

"I [expletived] a chick last night and while I was [expletiving] her, her [expletived] boyfriend came in and beat the [expletive] out of me."

Just wait until you see this guy on The Slurrey Show... he's a riot!
How can you tell a fag's underwear?

There are shit stains on the front.
For whoever can't figure it out, a fire snatch is the pussy of a chick with red hair.

Tiger torches are cool. Basically they are propane flamethrowers that are used to heat up/burn stuff. I got to use one at work today... and no one there knew that I am a pyro until now. I was supposed to heat up the walkways to melt the frost off them so no one would slip. Well, I did that AND lit a few small things on fire. Shit that tiger torch is fun!!

Burning propane kinda smells good too.
This girl wanted me to lick her fire snatch today, I said sure but not in front of all these people. I think I'll do it next week.


UUUNNNGGGHHHHH FIRE SNATCH UUUUUNNNNGGGGHHHH
You know, that chicken head in the below post is makin me feel kinda hungry...

Tuesday, December 05, 2000

Imagine finding this in your happy meal.

Chances are, you wouldn't call it a happy meal any more.
Read all about it here.
No updates today I am working on something new that you will all see in a week or two. To keep you occupied for a while, here's the pics from the upcoming Feature 5:

FEATURE 5 IMAGES

Sunday, December 03, 2000

Ahh, victory. I moved this website to the new 60 GIG monster, and now everything should be working fine.

Anyways, here are two hilarious videos that you should really see. We filmed them in my room and I guess this is sorta a preview of what to expect of "The Slurrey Show":

1. Prank Call/Braille on bank machines
2. Beaner's songs ("Penisvagina" and "The Skin on my Dink")

Today I saw a fire at a auto body car shop. I wish the fucking camera had batteries so I could take pics of it... oh well there's plenty of fires for us pyros to gawk at!
Licker of assholes.
I installed a new 60 GB hard drive in my computer, and suddenly my whole fuckin computer wouldn't even turn on!! I spent all day today trying to get the damn thing working, so that's why this page was down a lot. Feature 5: Random Idiocy is coming tomorrow. Peace.

Saturday, December 02, 2000

I went to the mall today because my watch needed repairing and so anyways the ugly bitch at the counter was like "$2.28" What the fuck!!!! I cannot believe that my watch is under warranty for 10 fucking years and you're going to charge me $2.28! What do you think I am, made of money? So naturally I was pissed right off so I stormed out of [insert major retailer's name here] and there were those stupid double doors and some woman with two small children were coming in I pushed open the door and I heard her say "Maybe this nice man will hold the do....." I let the door closed and it slamed into her buggy. Then from behind me I heard "Ahhh YOU JERK" I turned around and in my best beaner voice said "what?" "screw you bitch." I know that wasn't a nice thing to do especially with two small children around, but I am not a nice person!