Wednesday, August 29, 2001

Is it true? Can I update this again? FUCKING GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But we still need a new host! Help!!! We're either getting hosting from www.digital-host.net (if they ever get their shit happenin) or www.v0id.org (if he ever is online on AIM). It should be happening within the next day or two.

I have about 5 or 6 days worth of things to say on here, plus another 2 field trip features to add! So check back soon!

Wednesday, August 22, 2001

NOTE: Blogger will be down for a hardware upgrade for approx. 30 minuutes tonight, starting at about 11:00 PM PDT. Time now: 9:53:20 PM.


Haha they spelled "minutes" wrong. Imagine how many people will see that while trying to type up their blogs. I guess I better post something now. Well I'll finish the layout this weekend. I really don't feel like working on the fucking site right now I got enough shit to worry about. So just check out some of these quality sites: Punogre, Sammie, Rhiannon, Suzi, and of course Anti-dick.

In other news, this made me really fucking crack up. It's amazing how such a shittly made flash animation can be so hilarious.

Monday, August 20, 2001

STOP USING HOTMAIL!! Well, Brett sent me this interesting little nit of info from some message board. Ouch I'm glad I stayed away from hotmail, I don't want people looking at my beloved bestiality pics in my mailbox. Oh did I say that out loud? Nope, but I do think I typed it.

Let's all read each other's emails now! Thank you Microsoft!
Click here to find out how.
Ok, long story. I am in the middle of redoing this site, so things may not work properly. No scratch that, thinkgs aren't really working at all. So just be patient, grab a copy of national geographic, lock yourself in a closet, and beat off vigorously for the next few days while I work like a bitch to get this site fully functioning!

Geez I envy you guys sometimes.

Saturday, August 18, 2001

Our host is back up. Everybody go "YAY!".

Thursday, August 16, 2001

Well Everybody...

As of Sunday the 20th or so I will have a hell of a lot of free time on my hands due to the mass layoffs at work, infact the entire staff at my work in Surrey place mall have been laid off due to the lack of profit and revenue being brought in by our store, if you are having difficulty understanding this, please refer to the demograpics below:

A = Profit and revenue
B = Cost of maintaining our store

FORMULA:

If A > B = Every body happy and employed

If A < B = Pricks at head office lay everybody off in an effort to stop loss of revenue

Of course one must also include the impact theft has on our store, with the shitty security and the location being in downtown SLURREY, who can blame us for the ammount of product that goes missing. Infact just the other day two guys walked right through our detectors with a CD and got away with it because the detector diden't go off and the security guard diden't bring them back to the store to be searched, but hey, that's life. So now I am living it up unemloyed, oh well more time for music and Shit, Cya all later.

Work Sucks Ass
- The Platypus

Skeef the Sock Penis is setting up a webcam for himself. He's just gonna draw whatever the shit he feels like. Judging from what he has on there now, this should be slightly entertaining in a weird uncomfortable way. The guy has been rarely seen around here the past couple of months due to heavy partying, drug use, and occaisionally getting stroked by some random hand. There will also be the slurrey "graffiti cam" where any slurrey visito can write and draw crap on the webcam image on the site. Only from Slurrey.com people. Now send us beer, money, and clean vagina (preferably with a hot chick attached to it).

Wednesday, August 15, 2001

2 more horrid days of work before my vacation. It's funny how the entire year of working, while quite shitty, seemed to go pretty quick, the last week of work takes a fucking eternity to go by. It's like school, or pretty much anything else that sucks. When the end is in sight, time just slows right down. I've always had that problem, and these next 2 days will feel longer and more tiring than the entire year of working. Well, at least there's one reason worth going there. I ain't gonna mention it right now, but most of you will figure it out pretty soon.
Webcam pages have been updated... no let me rephrase that they have been rearranged, so I put Ashley and Kayla's webcams side by side so they can keep playing their webcam games and whatnot, and that's about it. I guess I'm going to start looking for some new webcams to add to the page. Even Skeef the Sock Penis has shown interest in having a webcam. Joy.

Fuck this I have a headache. I'm going to bed.

But before I leave, let me share a thought with you. Don't swat bugs, especially flies with your bare hands. Those fuckers have probably been in quite a few feces and carcassess, and are probably quite dirty. So I'd be pretty reluctant to swat them with any part of my body.

Tuesday, August 14, 2001

LINKAGE ALERT:
I would like to link Suzi now, because not only did she sign our guestbook TWICE (99% of you fuckers don't), but she also messages me in IRC 10 times asking if I was really the guy from slurrey.com, and she's really, really damn cute too. Visit her site, the layout is quite nice to look at, and the stuff she posts every day is worth having a look at.

Monday, August 13, 2001

This is what happens when people like me have access to instant messaging programs such as AIM:

I am Slurrey Guy: Gonads rule
I am Slurrey Guy: ...
I am Slurrey Guy: you don't like gonads?
I am Slurrey Guy: gonads?
I am Slurrey Guy: Do gonads like you?
lilliah24: What the fuck?

Fuck I'm going to bed. This is my last week of work, and I don't want to make it hell like the entire past year, of me getting only 4 hours of sleep a night. Some of you know what I'm talking about... going through the weekdays in a semi-conscious sorta state, not remembering anything that happened, and having the mental and physical capability of a retard. If they made work hours start later, like at 10, I bet worker efficiency would increase tenfold. And I wouldn't be so fucking tired that I don't have the strength to take a piss. Whoa.
Wah. My ISP, the notorious @home, decided to perform some maintenance to speed up the internet connections in my area. Well they decided to change my IP address... AGAIN!!

I can just see this fat, 40 year old geek @home technician who looks like that comic book store owner off the Simpsons, sitting in his fat grease-saturated chair, flicking his quarter-inch spagetti thin penis. He says "Huh huh huh I think I'll just change this guys IP nimber to piss him off uhyuk uhyuk!" and at the push of a button big enough for his fat fucking fingr to actually press,, he wipes out half of slurrey.com for around 13 hours!

And my internet connection speed hasn't improved one bit! Even after all the leechers on my servers have been disconnected getting a wrong IP address!

So enough of that horse shit, I got a new thingy that gives me a static name for my IP, and whenever they try to change my IP it will update and this site won't be crippled ever again. Those damn semen taste-testers.

Sunday, August 12, 2001

Ok so they were selling RAM real cheap down at Future Shop. I mean, 256 MB of PC-133 RAM for only $69 Cdn!!!! How can you resist? Especially with a number like 69, well I just had to go out and buy some. SO I buy 2 256 MB sticks, and I go home and play "Doctor Proctor" on my computer with them (translation for those of you who don't speak the language "MiKE", it means that I installed them). So I reboot my computer, watching proudly as it boasted about 768 MB of RAM. Windows starts up beautifully, and suddenly I get a blue screen of death.

"There is not enough free memory, Norton AutoProtect may not run properly"

I started raping my computer in frustration, wondering how there could not be enough memory when I just installed nearly 6 times more memory than what most average computers have. So I try to run a program, another crash. My computer was just crashing this way and that... I was pissed off. Then I looked it up on the internet and read that having over 512 MB of memory could make Windows 98 unstable... holy carnivorous horse penis that makes no sense. I got more RAM to prevent slowdown and crashes, and installing too much causes them again? So I yanked out a RAM stick, ate it, and everything started running great again!

If anyone wants to buy a 256 MB Ram stick off me, I'm selling it for $75 Cdn. May or may not have been previously passed throungh in a bowel movement.
The word on the street is,, that this part of the site, the updates/news page,, is down. Well the word on the street is also if you are reading this right now, then it's back up.

Saturday, August 11, 2001

GET /default.ida?XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX .....ect ....u0000%u00=a HTTP/1.0" 404 868 "" ""

Whoa, at least every 30 seconds I get another Code Red Virus request on my server. This thing is spreading almost as fast as a new STD would in Surrey. Ouch.

Thursday, August 09, 2001

Oh man. Oh. FUCK I just can't stop laughing at this.
Curry

Don't forget to watch the video on there. Stuff just shouldn't be this funny I know I've busted a few guts laughing at it.

Wednesday, August 08, 2001

*IMPROTANT*
-Any one who attended L.A. Matheson secondary school must read this:

It was just learned yesterday, and has not been officially confirmed yet, but a very good source has informed us that Marino Mastrovic's band is on this wednesday the 8th of August, signing with a well known record label. Infact we have also been told that Bif Naked herself attended the bands performance for the record label in person to listen to the band play, and as you can tell it sounds like this tallented group of musicians made the label so congratulations.

-May your reign be long and prosperous
Sid Meier
Well...

I just got home from the Guess who, "American woman Tour" concert at the Pacific Coliseum, it FUCKING ROCKED. Randy Bachman was awsome playing the guitar, there were no screw up's and the sound in the place was excellent. The lights were done really well and went perfectly with the music. We had really good seats (Section Z, Row 12, Seats 3 & 4) to be precise. We were almost facing directly in front of the stage. What really made my day though was that they played five or six songs written by B.T.O. "Taking care of business" and "You ain't seen nothing yet", to name a few, and man do my hands ever hurt, "NO, not friction burn from masturbation you sick Fuckers" from all that claping. Now that was a REAL "ROCK 'N' ROLL" Concert. Next I'm off to Thunderbird Stadium for the Edgefest tour. See all of you "TRUE" music fans there.

- Long live Rock and Roll
The Platypus

Tuesday, August 07, 2001

Oh wait I forgot to add this. When I went to buy some food for coffee break at the store closeby, some stupid raccoon-felcher budges ahead of me in line, what the fuck! I mean all I buy is a single Twix bar, which would take less than a second for the cashier to ring up a dollar and for me to pay for it, but this fat oralbeefstick intaker faggotwhore comes up with 2 bags full of small assorted shit and jumps ahead of me. 4 minutes into my tooshort coffee break later I finally get to pay for my Twix bar and get the fuck out of there. GODDAMNIT it would have taken me just a second to pay for my shit, and he makes me wait in there 4 fucking minutes!

That inconsiderate foreskin chewer..... he deserved to have a large block of solidified goat cum hucked at his head repeatedly until his skull caved in.
Oh fuck I'm tired. When most of my brain is non-functioning cause it's too tired, I tend to not be able to write anything. Blame it all on work. By the way, THIS IS MY LAST WEEK OF WORK, so after that I'm totally free, AND I will probably regain most of my IQ that I have lost over the past year because of getting nearly no sleep!! But right now I'm still asleep, so I'm gonna make this announcemnt, and go to bed for about 5 hours before I have to get up for work.

Some Slurrey.com staff members will be at the last fireworks show tomorrow so keep an eye out for us if you're there! We will also take many pictures of stuff worth taking pictures."
MULTIPLE JOKE ALERT:

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"

----

In reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, "And why don't you get me a whisky you bitch." The stewardess, flustered by the parrot's outburst, brings back a whisky for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man's cup of coffee. As the man nicely points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess, the parrot downs his drink and shouts, "And get me another whisky you slut." Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with the parrot's whisky but still no coffee for the man. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides that he is going to try the parrots approach, "I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee wench, I expect you to get it for me right now or I'm going to slap that disgustingly ugly face of yours!" Next thing they know, both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by 2 burly stewards. Plunging downwards to the ground the parrot turns to the man and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a lippy bastard... "

----

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" �He said you're going to die," she replied.
Today at work one of my co-workers (the same one that told the story of the dog that ate the corn kernels), was describing what it was like to have sex with a black chick.

"Yeah and her ass would turn white for a split second when I slapped it. There's nothing like having sex with a black chick, they are totally built for it."

Monday, August 06, 2001

Sonofabitch. I sure have a fetish for breaking shit. Even on my webcam at the moment it shows me accidentally breaking my Playstation last night. Well what I tried to do was put on a new CD spindle thingy, cause the old one was all cracked up and had lost it's testicles (translation for those of you who don't speak "mike": the ball bearings fell out). So I tore out the old Playstation CD drive thingy in quite a violent manner. Then I took the one from one of my old CD players (they all break after 2 months for some reason) and stuck it on there. After that I forgot about all the little piece of broken plastic that had fallen into the cd drive mechanism so when I turned the Playstation on today to enjoy a good shitty game of FF9, fucking shit these loud noises came from it and shot plastic shards and other shrapnel at me. I can't believe my own Playstation, which I had to use all my self control not to smash it to bits over the years, tried to kill me. Bastard.

So I vaccuumed it out, and now it seems fine.

Anyways I have found this awesome new site, well actually it found me (look in the guestbook). They have a website where they just fucking go wild and smash shit up to some really great music, and video tape it. In this one episode, they havde a whole parking lot of computer monitors lined up, and by the time they are done demolishing them the entire parking lot is just a big fucking mess, I love it. Damn they even have hot chicks doing it to! Check them out at Rexstuff.com. They even have a similar "tagging" form of advertising that we use, where they put stickers up with their logo and site address all over their town. Ok well we (or maybe only I) use sticky yellow paper with the URL messily written across, but it does the job.

Other destructive sites are Blow Up Computer Shit and Exploding Macs.

Watch for videos from us where we take revenge on a Hanson CD, and a laptop. Oh and Sign the Guestbook, cause who knows, YOU may be discovered next.
The names B.i.g. K sucka!

Over the past two days... (Kyle's Journey back to Slurrey)

I was beaten by Euro-Nazi thugz, rapped by female feminist protesters because I accidently said, "Where's the beef baby", then I was tied up, shipped in a Korean Freighter to Laos, where I studied the ancient art of "paper made products", then I took a balloon ride back across the Serangeti, where I accidently came across the forgotten ruins of Shangri-la. After taking a hot steamy bath in which I will now live forever... I took the first plane back to BC, but of course I was shot down accidently by stolen Iranian missiles stored secretly in a Palestinian Silo. Using my keen sense of smell and ultimate strength, I disguised myself as a tourist and made my way through "the throwing rock parade" to which I sang the tune of "Hayeki Bang Joy Fever" roughly translated, "Save me and my children and my holy land from those insane Israeli pigs" and was then given the first boarding pass to a ship known as the "Titanic Part Deus". Well as you can probably imagine... I safely returned to the Americas arriving in New York. I asked a tall dark fellow with a crooked smile, "Can you please tell me how to get to Canada eh?". He didn't take my accent too kindly, and he stabbed me in the back seven lucky times. Although this did seem to tingle quite a bit I gave him the 'ol Canadian one two... bam right in the jaw! He fell to the ground shaking, covering his ears in astonishment. A small Brooklyn Police patrol of about 20 military enthusiasts cam running at me with glocks loaded and ready. I held my hand up high and gave a hippie peace salute of two fingers but the cop which was closest to me had an eye patch covering one eye, and mistook it for a one finger salute. So I then began to "run away!" (Monty python yell for help) but to no avail every American I passed spat in my general direction. Luckily, I was able to use the saliva as a saline cleansing agent to heal my stab wounds. So due to my weight problem I began to slow down rather quickly. Noticing this I took the first cab I saw, and was greeted rather nicely by a Hindu fellow named Akbar Gigibald... I said "you have got to be kidding me!" to he replied, "No kid! Just money!" So I asked him if he lived in BC since I noticed a swing of his many people from his homeland there at this present time. "Oh no no. I move here. Houses cheap and taxi much brighter!" ...
So I got out of his cab around a campus in Virginia (I'm a man, cab driver was a man, we were twice as lost now!), some highly prestigious university to which I proclaimed, "Ooooo smartyville." I then remembered that Irish... ahem Kayla lived somewhere around here. Knowing that she is of the elite "special people" I thought she might know of a safe and easy route back to Slurrey. So I made my way quickly to the closest Starbucks about 100 meters away since I was dying of thirst, I asked for an "Iced Latte" to which the cashier replied, "which flavour?" to which I replied, "the coffee flavour bitch!". So just before I was escorted out of the coffee shoppe, I noticed 20 computers all filled with internet knowledge to which I thought I could look her address up in CNet! hehe... To my bad misfortune all were taken up by those Bastardly Asians. So I began to kick away at some of them, and luckily Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker came in to save the day! Amazed and shocked to find out that Kayla moved to Prince George with some lady like friends, B.C. I said, "fuck me!" How in the world am I going to get enough brain power and muscle to make my way back home?!

That's when it happened... out of nowhere this UFO or as I like to call them, "U.S. Government Issued fireburners" swooped down and beamed me aboard Scotty! (little Scottish week for ya! ) To my surprise it was true. All those geeks were right! Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock greeted me and we shared a game of dredl. They are both Jewish! :oO So I asked them, "Hey... guys... how... can... we device a ......plan... to take me back... home?" to which Captain Kirk replied, "I... do ... not .... talk like ...that!" In utter disgust they through me off near the San Fernando Valley in California! I suddenly realized that that Sonic Hedgehog kid lives somewhere around here! He will know what to do!...
So I went to Disneyland and met my favorite idol Donald Duck, "Donald. How do you do it?... I mean have such a wild temper and still be able to make millions of kids around the globe laugh at the same time?" ... "quack quak uak...." I think he thought that was rather amusing so I gave him the 'ol Canadian one two as well! Aiyeeee! The crocodile hunter was here! I yelled, "Look at the man in the sissy short shorts!" LMAO... but he came at me with a hoard of Alligators and Hippos... Aiyeeee!

Finally I made it to Winnipeg. This place was so fuckin cold and filled with so many drunk men that I took the quickest greyhound outta there. Watching and then falling asleep to the movie "Sleeping With the Enemy" starring none other than the redhead of all redheads I immediately and it seemed almost suddenly that I arrived in Banff. To my surprise, there were no ferries from Banff to Slurrey, so once again I was stalled. so... I decided to hitch a ride with a blonde babe in a Camaro. She was like, "You know where Alaska is?" I was like, "yes... you drive me to slurrey, then I will give you directions HA HA!"...

So finally I arrived to the "greatest whore country this side of Texas (Slurrey)" and I gave her the quickest route back to Edmonton... what a blonde eh?

Ahhh so finally here I am. Back on the Slurrey boards to post messages in what must be the most mediocre life one person can have.
It is now Scottish week!!

India Week was getting tiring and the Mehndi craze is over.

Sunday, August 05, 2001

HOLY FLAMING SPIKY MOOSE TESTICLES!!!
Yeah, so our site was #4 in the Stileproject.com Top 50. Here is a screenshot. I nearly pissed AND shit myself seeing that! We even beat out Freakfarm. Now I am slamming my head against my pet concrete block because I didn't make a better banner... hey I thought no one would ever fucking see that ugly chunk of digital fecal matter.

Last time I checked, we got 141 hits off that! Beautiful!
Next time you go swimming in the ocean, think about all the raw sewage that's been pumped into it. All the volatile chemicals and garbage thrown into it. All the airplance crashes, ships sinking, and other disasters that have caused many dismembered human corpses to be floating in it. All the sealife in there.... where do you think all those creatures defecate? On the land? Nope, in the water that you swim in.

Now you know why I don't like swimming much.
Fucking shit.
Dogs are fucking gross. My dog likes to eat shit, and even roll around in it. Neigborhood kids have reported seeing my dog sniffing another dog's shit in the park, and then rolling around in it. What the fuck man, you'd think a dog, an animal with a superior sense of smell, would stay the fuck away from anything that smelled bad.

Then one of my co-workers at work was describing how his brother had gone for a swim in the lake. Hearing the call of nature, he decides to lay a turd right in the lake. So he did, but the previous night he had eaten corn. Now the shit floated to the bottom just fine, but the half-digested corn kernels floated up to the surface. And guess what. His dog fuckin jumps in and starts eating them!! AAAGG aa bad mental picture oww. THis was said during lunch time at work too, so I kinda lost my appetite, and most of what I had eaten too.
Jeez, I think that 12 Monkeys is the among coolest damn movies I've ever seen. Except it's one of those movies where you have to really pay attention, cause if you miss an important point, the rest of the movie makes as much sence as the patern that occurs when you play 'connect the dots' with the pimples on your ASS. So this is a stricly non-masterbational-to-any-tits sorta movie.

12 Monkeys...

Friday, August 03, 2001

word.


Mike, I would like to change my username in Blogger.
One questin. How?
This new image has a much more slurrey feel to it yo.

Thursday, August 02, 2001

Check out this nifty thing I've found!! Some guy has a live webcam hooked up to a sign on his house, and there is a form on his site that you type stuff in and you can see it appear live on the sign! How original, I've had quite some fun with it, imagine the stuff you can type and people who are walking by will see it! The possibilities are endless!

Type stuff on this guys advertising sign

Wednesday, August 01, 2001

OFFICIAL RETURN OF RESULTS

MOTION #1 Should the person administering the Vice Presidential Elections and Referenda be a separate non-partisan person called the "Electoral Officer", who must not be a staff member, and cannot vote? (instead of the current method of the Vice President conducting the referenda)

Yes: 7
No: 3

MOTION PASSES--Therefore as of Noon Aug. 31, 2001 the VP elections and all referenda will be conducted by the newly established "electoral officer"

MOTION #1(a) Do you support outgoing Vice President Chad McRae for the postion of Electoral Officer if it is approved?

Yes: 8
No: 2

MOTION PASSES-Therefore as of Noon Aug. 31, 2001 Chad McRae will resign as a staff member of this site and become Slurrey.com's Electoral Officer, I freely give up my right to vote in any referenda or elections after Aug. 31, 2001 and to be a staff member until I resign as electoral officer.

MOTION #2 Should the number of staff members be limited to a maximum of 10?

Yes: 5
No: 4
Rejected: 1 (blank ballot with "undecided" written on it)

MOTION PASSES- The number of staff is limited to 10 "Skeef" does not count as staff for this purpose and the weekly posting will be strongly enforced by the Vice President-elect.

MOTION #3 Should the conviction of Kayla (formerly Irish Bitch) be revoked and she be restored as a full staff member as before the impeachment?

Yes: 8
No: 2

(2/3 majority was required for passage)

MOTION PASSES- Therefore Kayla's impeachment conviction is REPEALED from her record and she is restored as a staff member as of August 31, 2001 at noon.


This certified the first day of August, 2001.

M.C. Rae
Vice President