Thursday, January 31, 2002

Want to own a piece of history? How does a chunk of wreckage from the WTC sound? Well, there's this company making medallions out of the structural steel from the WTC wreckage, and you can order it online for only $29.95! Of course, the families of the victims are really pissed off...

``I don't want one,'' said Michael Cartier, co-founder of Give Your Voice, a victims' families group. ``There is going to be a large number of people never found because their bodies were pulverized. In all probability, their bodies could be with the steel in those medallions. Where would you display that?''

Isn't that just fucking creepy? I think I'm gonna order one.
Check out the link here:

Wednesday, January 30, 2002


  • It is impossible to lick your elbow.

  • A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.

  • A shrimp's heart is in their head.

  • People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

  • In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ).

  • It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

  • A pregnant goldfish is called a twit

  • Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetic Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.

  • In average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.

  • More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

  • Rats and horses can't vomit.

  • The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

  • If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. if you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

  • Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

  • Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

  • If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?

  • In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

  • The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

  • Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

  • A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

  • 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.

  • In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.

  • Most lipstick contains fish scales.

  • Cat's urine glows under a black-light.

  • Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

  • Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
OMG! I have a feeling I am luckier than most people!!! Today I found a hundred dollar bill right outside of Pet Smart when I went to get fish during my spare. At first I thought it was fake. The edges were very worn and there was a small rip on one corner. I was just going to throw it away... When I looked more closely at it, I realized it wasn't fake. I stood outside for about 20mins just to wait and see if the person who lost it, would come back for it... but no one was around... I haven't spent it yet, because I would feel guilty. I know that they lost it fair and square, but a part of me wanted to give it back to them. I guess who ever it was that lost it, doesn't deserve to have it back because of the way they neglected to hold on to it. Anyway, their loss... my gain. Perhaps I will put it in the bank or make a wise investment with it.

Tuesday, January 29, 2002

Today was by far the best day of my life. Well maybe 2nd or so, but still. Okay so My boyfriend left me a shirt and hoodie, so I wore them, and they're so comfy, and I felt like a skater all day and it was fun. Then I get into ESL class, and they have new Japanese Exchange students, that came last weekend but the teachers walked out and stuff (Vernon was on the BCTV news this morning, for like a few seconds but STILL! im sor proud) so I only met them today. They are SO cute. I'm almost sad because after Thursday I'll never see them again. -Sigh- So anyways. I come home for lunch as usual, as I live a block away from my school. I was like "Mom, we have to go to Seaton today after school to see if I got in." Because well I've been trying to transfer since JUNE like a month before school anded and they kept pushing me back and Yeah. So my mom was like "well they called but (and she looked really sad)...." and she paused, and then she like JUMPED on me and yelled " YOU GOT IN WOOHOO!" I just about peed my pants, I like squealed really loud into her ear and started jumping around and screaming lol. My friend Laura was there and she was like peeing her pants laughing at me she had to sit down! So anyways, then my friend at Seaton , Tara-Lee invited me to her b-day party on Saturday, and yay! Soi yeah today was the rockinest day EVER! So I was walking around getting some pictures of people after school but I need to get more tomorow, so I can fully remember everyone. Oh yeah! My cute friend Kristel made me a card in Chemistry class, it's like the cutest thing anyone has ever done for me! Yay! I have to get more pictures tomorow, agh I'm so essited! FINALLY! -Prance!-

Ciao babes! <3 Ashlita XD
Here's a post I posted a long time ago while I was working in construction. I just thought I'd post it again cause it's one of my favorites and it was posted way back when not many people were experiencing the wonderfullness of this site!

OH MY FUCKING GOD... at work it smells like someone shit in the underground parking!! Jesus it's really dark in there too and tonight I am gonna have brutal nightmares of me walking in there and stepping on this massive brown coiler, which will bite my foot off and then I'll wake up and realize that I shit myself having a shitty dream like that! Why the hell would somone shit in the underground parking? There's rats there the size of fucking possums! You can't even take a piss in there without a rat jumping up and swinging off your dangler for fun.

Then, I look at the jiffy johns. Most people actually fear the moment when they realize "Oh oh... I have to pinch a sizeable loaf", except there's no actual toilet around, just a portable potty filled to the top with feces (and other assorted.... feces). Seriously, I will never shit into a jiffy john for as long as I live... just open the lid and look in!! Mountains of different colored turds that if you look at them long enough, you'll swear that some of them are moving. Hell, if your asshole sees a sight like that it will probably close up and you'll never shit again, you'll just get fatter and fatter and smell more and more like shit... I think I now realize that some people would rather squat in the parking lot and lay a big steamer while rats jump up and bite their nuts.

Sunday, January 27, 2002

I am Slurrey Guy: spelled "ditto" at "dtto"
Lilliah 24: as?
I am Slurrey Guy: :P
Lilliah 24: are you mudman?
I am Slurrey Guy: as :p
I am Slurrey Guy: sorry i'm drunk
I am Slurrey Guy: no i'm not
I am Slurrey Guy: yes i am
I am Slurrey Guy: ;-)
Lilliah 24: drunk? it's 4:15 in the afternoon
I am Slurrey Guy: i'm not drunk
I am Slurrey Guy: but i am mudman
I am Slurrey Guy: ;-)
Lilliah 24: WHAT THE FUCK
Lilliah 24:
I am Slurrey Guy:
Lilliah 24:
I am Slurrey Guy: :O !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am Slurrey Guy: *rons*
Lilliah 24: rons?
I am Slurrey Guy: *runs*
Lilliah 24: omg
Lilliah 24: ahahaha
I am Slurrey Guy: LMAO
Hi everyone, For the past week, I have been thinking of whether or not to go to Hawaii for spring break with my evil, annoying father, who is only trying to make me like him by buying me things, as usual. Well, I woke up this morning, and thought "If the opportunity never comes back, I will regret it for the rest of my miserable life." So, Not only will I regret NOT going to Hawaii, but, I was thinking, he IS my dad, and technically, according to the custody papers, I should be at his house one day a week and every second weekend, so TECHNICALLY he could get my mother in serious trouble, so I fugure... what the hell, I'll humor the guy.
Wish me luck.
Ciao babes <3 Ashlita
To view the visitor statistics for this site, click here!
Please note that these stats were activated on like 1 am, January 26.
A couple of posts ago I expressed my anger for people driving like retards in the snow. Well tonight, it snowed a lot more, and I got to witness the retardedness of other drivers grow exponentially.

I also froze my balls almost completely solid, but that's a different story. Stay tuned for field trip pictures!

Saturday, January 26, 2002

Looking at my new site stats, I see that 40% of people who have visited this site since last night use a resolution of 800x600. What the fuck guys. Do you use computers that archeologists have dug up from past civilizations? 800x600 is the same resolution they used on the computers at my old high school that the retards use, so they can see what's on the screen! How can anyone stand to not be able to fit anything on their screen?! Is computer illiteracy that rampant around here?

If your computer can handle it, right click on your desktop, click on properties, click on the settings tab, and drag it to at least 1024x768! Oh and chage the color settings to 32-bit, cause anything lower makes it look like a butt monkey ejaculated onto your screen! There, now you probably feel like a blind person who can finally see again!

No need to thank me, I'm just making people's lives feel less retarded.
Yeah as you can see in the below post, I was a little too happy for my own good at 2 am in the morning. With the lack of drugs available, it's quite surprising!
I am Slurrey Guy (5:04:31 AM): well i'm goin to bed, nite niters!! :D
Lilliah 24 (5:04:37 AM): goodnight, sweet dreams
Lilliah 24 (5:04:53 AM): or funny dreams, whatever works...since you just talked to me while high
Lilliah 24 (5:05:15 AM): woo that'd be weird

So uh...AIM conversations with me early early early in the morning after a little partying...are interesting to say the least.

Friday, January 25, 2002

As you can see, I sorta updated the links and stuff!

As you can see, it's snowing outside and the very thought of driving scares the shit out of me. It's not that I am frightened of driving in the snow, it's other retards who can't drive worth shit in the snow!! While driving in wintery condition, I see damn chimps in other vehicles driving too slow, swerving all over the place, bumping into each other, and stupid shit like that. I swear to god the cold conditions must have some effect on the brain, cause everytime I'm driving in the snow (or the black ice that it quickly turns into) everyone else who's behind a steering wheel suddenly loses 3/4 of their mental capacity!

I just wish I has a pile of large frozen salmon riding shotgun so each time a driver lacking a brain pisses me off, they get a fucking huge ass fish thrown at their windshield with a satisfying THUD!
Okay! I'm back for a while! (as you all know, I left Slurrey lastnight... but now I'm back)

Today was so cool! It's going to be cooler tomorrow though because I'm doing it again... You are probably asking yourselves what is she talking about... well, if anyone has watched "jackass with Kenny Rogers" you will have a perfect idea of what I'm talking about. My friends and I downed about as much as we could out of a four litre thing of milk. Everyone had their own jug. Hahaha! We all ended up barfing it out! Yuuuuummmmmiiiiee!
god I hate my mother ARG!!!!! fffuuuuccccccccckkkkk I'm sick for school and she fucking flips out god I just wanna punch somebody in the head AAHHH another thing that's completely disgusting is that my best friends uncle just died at nanimo sky train station and why you say because he was being pushed everybody just had to be on the sky train or else the world would end or something and he got pushed by mistake *oh gee woops* its fucking sick that's all I have to say this man had a wife a daughter my age she's a friend of mine and he's gone now because some suit could be late for his meeting or whatever you no what peace out guys I cant even talk right now (must have alcohol)

luv Mya

feeling: pissed

listening to: the only time -NIN

Thursday, January 24, 2002

Hewo everyone.

well i dont have much to say.. cuz i dont like to talk about me that much. But... i want the teachers to go in strike and walk out.. i totaly understand where they are coming from.

OMG AAHH! i was just asked to a prom! IN GOLDEN!.. by 2 guys.. and they are BEST friends..
thats fucking crazy! now wtf do i do?
Uhm...oops. The post that was here about me ignoring this site...I haven't been, really. I have been ignoring posting to my own site for a few days because of my obsession with my journal's format.

I had blogbot set to make this blog the default because the blogger site wasn't up the last time that I tried to post here, and had forgotten to change the default back to my own blog. bad. I wasn't accusing anyone of being lazy or anything like that.
Well, it's doubtful that anyone has even noticed I've been in the emotional shitter reciently, and now that it's in the paper, I guess the cat's out. Vancouver Sun Headline today:
Vancouver woman's death, 4 other cases indicate outbreak, health official says"

So yeah, it just so happens that my father is one of those people,(not original 4) and there's a very good chance he will be dying this week... I'm going to my friend's house to smoke a lot of weed and drown my problems in a bottle today. If you wanna tell me something, e-mail me or post to the Diss-board. I'll check both tonight when I stagger home. Untill next time kiddies...

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

Found at Something Awful's childrens book feature:

Definitely a sickminded collection of photoshop monsters there, hehe.

More later, I have an appointment in a few. Hasta!
Black Hawk Down sounds like a good show, with Josh Hartnett in it, so now I HAVE to see it. ;) Well, I saw Orange County this weekend, it was SO funny, Jack Black rocks. So yeah I went with a group of friends, and Laura is like with me all the time so we almost peed our pants laughing at it because that movie is like my family, on film. Well, more attractive, and less annoying but still.

So there's the whole Walk-Out today. I'm not doing it, There's no point. Honestly, today staying in your class would almost be better. Like walking out for most people here is just an excuse to get out of school. So I'm not doing it, there's no point. I don't hate my classes that much that I need to use any excuse possible to leave. If I were to do anything at all, it would be something really fun like finding out the Premier's (or someone else REALLY important) fax number and faxing one time for every single lay-off he has and will make. That would not only piss him off, but he would HAVE to listen, I mean if you had nearly a million faxes coming through youd pay attantion too. I read a really good idea in my newspaper, so I scanned it ( blogger doesn't let me link.) Now THAT is thinking, it's not like everyone is doing it, you'd have to be serious to do something like thsat not just getting out of class.

Well yeah I have to go work now, ciao babes <3 Ashlita
Well I saw the movie "Black Hawk Down" today, and I was very impressed. Director Ridley Scott really knows how to make blood and guts fly around in a nicely orchestrated manner, it's sorta like art. Shit exploded, people died, and more people died after being hit by more shit that exploded. Yeah the movie was pretty brutal, especially that one scene where they operated on someone by sticking their hand up a wound in their leg to clamp an artery, and the poor guy was screaming his head off! If I was in that situation I'd just be like "Fuck off, I'd rather bleed to death!".

Amid all the human remains and exploding shit flying across the screen, there was an actual storyline. While it was mostly "we gotta get the fuck outta here alive while shit gets blown up and people die", it was still pretty nice and intense. Very educational too (I'm talking about how I found out in the movie that someone blown apart in half can still be alive, and speak rather clearly without going into shock). But I wouldn't rely on watching that movie if you want to know what really happened in Somalia, since I heard that it screws up sme facts.
Overall, VERY good movie! Go and watch it in the theater cause watching it on any smaller screen would be a fucking sin!

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

Hi guys, I guess I should say something, since I've pretty much been kinda um mean towards MCRae in the message boards of late. Well, I'm not exactly sorry for anything I said, but I'm sorry that some people feel that people do not deserve respect because of theire age, or other silly reasons, that can't be helped or changed. I never realized people could be so opposite me. I'm sorry for any personal attacks that are beleived to have been made by me, but I'm not sorry for my ideas.

To me, (and I don't care how many of you disagree, this is my opinion) respect is something you have until you prove you do not deserve. Just because you have more years doesn't mean you have more capabilities. One day you may meet a 12 year old that is very mature, and some day you may meet a 20 year old that acts like a child. Age should only be a factor in determining grades in school and other nonsence things, NOT maturity or respect.

So, I'm sorry for anything personal. But I'm not sorry for my beleifs. Respect me, I will respect you, meet me and I will respect you until you prove (or disprove) that you deserve it. Ciao babes <3 Ashlita
wtf? blogger's a bitch, won't publish my link.. ok, type this into Location Bar, then click the webcam picture onto of the computer after all the intros.. it's MIKE!!

Monday, January 21, 2002

Hey everyone,
What is up? I know that there are a 'few' fights among people here. But please keep it down. We have new people visiting the site everyday. So please.. set an example.

Ashlee.. i know your not bi.. and you know that your not bi.. and mike knows.. and a few other people know. So don't let one arrogant asshole tell you other wise. Even if he hates you, that's ok.. you will make like 5 new friends to replace one stupid one.

Mike, don't get mad at Chad. Its not his fault that he is an arrogant egotistical asshole.

Chad, grow up. I know that might be a little hard for you to do. But try. Yes a few people like you here, and i am one of them. But you need to be a little more respectful. I think you are a funny guy. But when you put down others to boost your self-esteem then.. that's wrong.. and i draw the line at that.

Ashlita, hun. Your my best friend ever. I know what you think of Chad. And i know your 'weapon' of choice. But.. calm down. Your a very funny little girl.. and i adore you (in a NON bi way).

Prez. I take it that you like Chad to. And that's cool. But you shouldn't stick your nose into the ass of other peoples fights.

And the thing about girls dressing slutty now a days, well its not all the girls fault. Most of the designers are male. And males want women, especially good looking women, to dress a certain way to show them selves off. I don't dress slutty, Nicole BLACK dress's slutty. But maybe she thinks she has the body for it. I don't know. But what i do know is that as long as there are male fashion designers women are always going to be perceived as sluts because of the way they dress.
I'm a bit busy today, so no really long post from me, but check THIS out!!!!!!!!! Funny as hell (though I don't consider hell to be funny at all, it's actually quite boring here).

Sunday, January 20, 2002

Today we briefly discussed the reaction of people when they think about eating cute little creatures. The Americanized reactions are usually negative towards eating small creatures like "cats". Then.. I thought about... what is the enviromental impact of eating meat? (mainly a meat centered diet)

High protein and fat diets are bad for your body and for the planet. Meat is however a good source of protein, yet it isn't the best source. A high protein diet can lead to osteoporosis. Not getting enough calcium can lead to that as well. The average non-vegitarian American eats three times the amount of meat they need to. (here are some pretty little numbers for you to digest: the average person in their life time will consume 12 cows, 20 hogs, 11 sheeps or goats, 1,438 chickens, 30 turkeys, 11,275 eggs, 398 kg of seafood, and 530 kg of butter/ margarine.)

If American people are eating three times the amount of recommended meat products, then they are certainly being waistful towards our environment. Want to know why? It is a proven fact that raising meat for human consumption is the most wasteful way of feeding humans. We are speaking in terms of food used, non-renewable resources used, water and land used, environment being destroyed, and pollution produced in the process of making meat for people.

Raising livestock for human consumption has had catastrophic effects on the tropical rainforest. 55 square feet of the rain forest is used up just to make one-quarter pound hamburger. Remember that next time you order two burgers to go.

I'm not a big fan of corn. The amount of corn consumed from corn crops grown in Canada and the US by humans is 20%. 80% of the rest of the crop goes to feeding livestalk. 95% of all oats grown as well are feed to livestalk.

By us over eating meat, we are loosing very valuable resourses. That extra corn could have gone to feeding hungary people... not to feeding cattle to make sure we get three times the amount of meat we need.

I am not a vegitarian and I'm not trying to preach to you all. Every 2.3 seconds, a child dies from malnutrion... mainly because they lack proteins. Proteins are very important to the survival of humans because they provide you with amino acids once broken down during the digestion process in your body.

Lets take one last look at something before I end this. On one acre of "prime land" 20,000 pounds of potatoes can be produced. If you took that same acre and raised cattle on it instead... you would get 165 pounds of beef. Looking at that stat, and knowing that 56% of Americans agricultural land is used to produce beef, we can certainly agree that our diets are so meat centered that the good produce we could be getting from that land isn't being used to it's full potenial because we have people who over eat beef and it is in such high demand.

If people would eat their recommened in take for meat, then we might be close to helping millions of starving people who really need the food get it for once.
Well, I'm posting this BEFORE I start to climb into this bottle of Silent Sam *Holds up bottle* I just finished talking to My ex gf from a year ago. She's hot as hell, and makes me want to tear my soul out and give it to her, just to make her happy. Can you figure out if I still like her? Well, I'm gonna go empty this bottle, anyone got a bottle of Cola to chase with? anyways, untill I wake up kiddies...
and weeeeeeeeee, oh my god there was this guy came over and was like weeeeeeeeeeee oh my god then my mom was like weeeeeeeeeeeee that was so funny cause when I went home my dad was like weeeeeeeeeeee there was this guy he was like "hey I got a knife" Weeeeeeeeeeeee then I went up to this thug gangsta he was like hey mother fucker weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Then there was this guy in a movie theatre and he was like "hey I got some popcorn" Oh my god Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! let the craziness CommenceBWAHAHAHAHA >: c )

"Mr. Bond, is it true that you have 146 venerial diseases, 3 of which are only found in sharks?"

Saturday, January 19, 2002

I took tons of hi-res pics of this fire!!! Yeah, this happened right by my house on Scott Road too, click here for the rest of these FUCKING AMAZING images: BIG ASS FIRE
I got MANY high resolution pictures, and they will be up as soon as I get back!

everyone posts like these big hug long posts.. and mine are so.. little.
oh well i am a little girl o0o0o i just got an email from 'Cameron Diaz' she says thanks for aking action in helping the world.. i dont know wtf i just signed up for.
anywhoo.. i am SO damn hot!! haha just has to sass there.
anywho... i have no life, so there is nothing new and exciting to report about. so ciao babes

Friday, January 18, 2002

This page went from having a new blog entry every 3 days or so, and usually only by Mike, to having like 8 a day from multiple sources. It's great! :D

So I woke up today after spending the whole night dreaming that I was still awake. That was a little too Twilight Zone-esque for my tastes. Who the hell dreams that they're playing random bullshit games on their computer, driving to the store to get a bag of Heath candy bites, and watching an entire movie, in detail? My memory is a little too photographic. When you remember the shade and box appearance of the Herbal Essences haircolor sitting on Reese Witherspoon's dresser in 'Legally Blonde', you know that you've had too much pot and subconsciously pay way too much attention to detail.

Strangely enough, it was the exact same time in my dream when I was waking up that it was in reality. I was confused as hell for about 15 minutes or so, until I was fully awake. Besides, a full night awake at the computer just isn't really happening until I've been harassed by my kitten at least a dozen times, with her typing in feline on my keyboard (my computer translates feline to be a command to open thousands of random windows, mainly help windows) and sitting on my shoulder, making me feel like a pirate with a very furry parrot. Arr!

And now I really want some Heath candy bites. Imaginary candy just doesn't cut it. Hehe.
Another site to plug, MadMonkeyRage. Aside from having one of the coolest sounding domain names out there (can't you just picture monkeys madly raging? that's what I feel like when I'm at home), it's also got some good stuff on it to read. Who knew that "FUCK" stood for "Fornication Under Consent of the King" back in the middle ages?
These days when you are talking to someone on the internet, you can't really see their emotions. The most common way to tell if they are laughing is when they say "lol". But there are varying degrees and variations of "lol", so I am going to list them here for everyone's benefit! Yes I'm so nice.

"lol" - Usually when someone sends this, he or she is most likely not laughing at all, but usually sends it as a response to something that could have been funny, or as just a typical response to anything. Usually saying something like "There is a meat product in my pants and I want to put it in your buns and squirt a dairy product on your face" will either generate a "lol" response or being blocked/ignored.

"LOL" - Spelled in the same way as lol but with capitalised letters, the person who typed that out thought that something was funny, and probably even managed a chuckle or two.

"LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Same as above, except since the person felt the need to add a few more exclamation marks after it, it can be presumed that they laughed a little.

"LMAO" - It stands for "Laughing My Ass Off" but it ranks about the same as a LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

"ROFLMAO" - Do not be fooled by this one, the person is not really rolling on the floor laughing their ass off, or they would not have been able to type that response. The person must have laughed quite a bit though, because ROFLMAO is a longword to type and most people don't really feel like typing such a word unless they are in the mood for it.

"LOL LOL LOL ROFLMFAO ROOOOOOFLE LMA LAOOLMAO LOL HAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO ROFLMROFLMAROTODOFKWEKWir e3nr4 u3joj32r3@^$@*&$#(* *(#(*#&$# #& *#&* &$)(#*&$) C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - This person is obviously not laughing, but having a seizure or something. It is recommended that the person recieve medical help immediately.
Well now, I haven'tt been here for a while. I got a webcam, which pretty much is a crappy one but it's Vernon, gotta love the selection, or lack thereof. So anyways. Yeah, I got 5 papercuts today from organizing the shelves in ESL class, I was SO bored. I'm in Infotech right now, listening to punk music and chatting on MSN instead of working, which I would basically be murdered for if caught. The good thing is, she never comes by to see how I'm doing because she's being busy with the losers in my class. Anyways. So my friend's friends, whom I HATE but, whatever got caught shoplifting at um... that evil place that starts with Z. So they admitted to it and got arrested so one girl's handcuff was too tight, and the other girl on the other end of it (the idiot only brought ONE set) had hers on too tight so the one girl took it off and the other was swinging it around and they were screaming "we made a MEMORY! we made a memory!" So yeah now that they are lame.... my friend's like wow I want to make a memory! Just not a criminal one! So We're trying to think of something to do tonight. Can someone like help and stuff? But yeah, I'm not a very interesting person. but I do have one more thing to say... I put my MSN name as ".:wench:. ashkita has a webcam wheee!!!!" and so at least 10 guys last night asked me if I would perform porn for them. See, I'm totally disturbed, but, they all know I have a boyfriend.... whats up with that?! Are all guys stupid perverted clueless dorks?! Or just most of them.
Here are a couple of links to some excellent sites:

Jillian - She has one of the best looking layouts I have ever seen. It's nice to look at, it's simple, and it doesn't have an overwhelming amound of links all over the place! Her daily updates are very fun to read, and I enjoy them a lot. It's not often you find a site with a writer so good you actually browse through the archives to read even more stuff. And she lives in our area too! Her button has been added to the local sites list to the left.

Jan - I found her site through Jillian's links, and it's also really good! She is really cool, and I think she went camping at the same place I did one, but I can't remember what the place was called! Anyways, go to her site, it's worth checking out every day to read her fun updates! (She lives around here too, I'll be adding her button link as soon as she has one)
Hi there folks, and welcome to I'm a Fucking Retard. Let's welcome today's contestant. "HIIIII I'm *Kayla*, I'm 19, an Aries, a musician and a 'Whose Line...?' fanatic. Teeheehee". < applause >

So, Kayla, let's get to the Lightning Round, shall we? 100 Points for each of these that you *have done* today! Heeere we go...

~Fell in the shower. *bzzt* 100 Points, alriiight!
~Didn't eat a single thing all day until almost passing out at 8PM. *bzzt* Good job! 200 points.
~Tripped over your own feet not once but twice in the same five minutes period. *bzzt* Three for three!

And this bonus question, for 200 points < audience gasp >...

Got into a car accident?? *bzzt bzzt bzzt* SHE WON!!!

Tell her what fabulous prize she's won, Johnny!

Weeeellllll our winner receives a gash to the side of the forehead, dizziness and fatigue, a whole side of badly bruised ribs, completely fucked up shocks on her car, and the RETARD OF THE YEAR award, complete with a dunce cap. < more applause >

Yeeah. That accident scared me absolutely witless. I live in the middle of nowhere, so street lights aren't that prominent in this area. I was traveling at around 45 MPH, or 72kmph on a road with that for a speed limit, so I wasn't totally out of it. I saw headlights up ahead, assumed that they were oncoming traffic and veered to the right of them as would normally be the lane configuration. However, getting closer to them I realized that they were pulled over on my side of the road and had to jerk myself sharply left to get back where I should be, it was too dark to have seen this until I got that close. The abrupt deviation was going to send me into the woods on the opposite side of the road, so I yanked the wheel back right and turned onto two wheels and flew back across the road to the other side. I started screaming and then closed my eyes.

If ever there was a time for luck, I needed it then. And thankfully, I got it and am so glad beyond words that I did. I didn't flip over, nor did I hit the other car, nor did I hit anything else, nor did I damage my car in any way aside from getting it a little dirty. I had missed the other car by a few yards (meters, whatever), a telephone pole by two feet, a mailbox by about three feet, and a far sharper ditch by about another 6 feet. Though in somewhat of a ground depression, I had managed to miss hitting all objects and avoid flipping despite clinging on two wheels at one point. I burst into tears for about ten minutes, then the people in the other car helped me get the somehow completely undamaged vehicle out of the dip on the side of the road.

I did, however, jam my side down onto my gearstick and armrest console while I was on two wheels, trying to throw all my weight in the other direction, and had landed hard on it when my car stopped in the ditch. So I walk away from that war with bruised ribs and am so very grateful that that was the worst of my problems.

He's going the distance. He's going for speed. He's all alone, all alone in a time of need....
Heh. Oops.
So I used a little something (hehe) to help me take the edge off the pain. So sue me, I think I deserve it right now. :�

That is SO WRONG. (1.1 MB)

Thursday, January 17, 2002

hey what's up well its official Sebastian (my pussy cat) has liver cancer OMG WHY! I'm so sad, its not like he wasn't old he's sixteen but he's young at heart here's a picture of him, in other news I'm just sitting here with my thumb up my ass drinking a beer and watching friends, wow my life excitement never seems to stop. on an other topics what's with all theses shitty singers making movies for instance, Mandy Moore, *Pukes* I mean there's a pretty cast but come on *A Walk To Remember* hopefully for her career no body will remember this little mistake of nature, and then the lovely britney spears's new movie do I even need to explain how stupid this is anybody remember "spice world" she's all like " hi maybe if I shake my huge boobs it will help he act *wigglewiggle* oops nope *teehee*" give me a break, and last and pretty much least eminems new movie loosely based on his life, And I emphasize on the word "loose". Come on "slim shady" can you let me keep my lunch in my tummy for one minute please
well that's all for now
Luv Mya
listening to: basket case - green day
ps: the views and opinions of mya, where not meant NOT to piss anybody off, only slightly irritate <3
i am HOT! mwahaha and everyone loves msn name is the bestest its is.. Elmos On Fire! Elmos On Fire!
OMFG! i found out the GROSSEST THING EVER TODAY! this girl that i know.. (no names allowed) she gives her dogs hand jobs! -=gags=- that is SSOO dirty!!!
This website is experiencing the ravages of puberty.
Over the next few days you may notice some funny little errors happening here and there, all over the site. That's cause a new member-rating system is being implemented. It will kick quite a lot of ass, because anyone who visits this site can rank someone's posts every day, and all staff members will be ranked in a cool looking panel on the right side of the page. It will be interesting to see who posts the most interesting posts around here, cause I sure as hell know it isn't me (hint: I post poems about a guy dreaming he fornicated animals).
Look, you can now comment on each post! Oh my.
I was going to make a "happy post" tonight but I have another headache. Well anyways the guys at pheends are holding a contest to see who can do something extremely badass, and take pictures if it. Do we have what it takes?

I don't know what we'll do yet, but it will most likely involve fire, pain, and helpless Hanson CD's. Any other ideas? I do have an email address.

Wednesday, January 16, 2002

Here's an extremely beautiful post I wrote almost a year ago. Enjoy!


I wrote a very deep, involving, and emotionally intense poem:

The sun rose and the birds chirped peacefully
in the early morning hours
A cat briefly farted and blew the dew off some grass
While the neighborhood slept
Suddenly the tranquil dawn was shattered
By the sound of a fucking alarm clock
It's brain-piercing sound awakened Bob
from his dream of fornication with animals
And he pulled his finger out of his anus
Wondering what it was doing in there.

Well hot shit! I'm a poet!
i had the worlds best day today.
everyone loves me.. well today they do. tomorrow they might not.
Daniel came over today. hes the nicest guy ever. my dad seems to like him.
and mike told me the best thing ever.. to bad i cant share the good news with you.
Daniel said that he loves me.. omfg.. when he told me i almost fell outta my chair. it was a
huge shock to me!
me and my sister got in a huge fist fight at school.. good thing i kicked her ass.. or it would have looked bad.
i told some chick off today. it felt great. and i also made some fat kid look like SO bad! i triped him and
he was like.. 'your sister is a bitch' and i replyed 'ya, i know' and then i yelled at him.. i was like ' do you
have a problem with my sister?' and he was like 'yes' and i totaly went off on him . 'your just jealous that she is
seven times thinner then you' and then everyone started to laugh. i didnt think that it was that funny
but oh well.. what ever floats your boat.
Wow so I didn't go on the computer AT ALL yesterday. Yeah I was working on the big collage im making of EYES. I'm cutting out all the eyes of my year or two worth of magazines.... and putting them um somewhere, i think poster board. Anyways. So I'm working and I have a music channel on my digital cable going loud and im singing along... Well you can all imagine me singing Jimmy Eat World, if not, your lucky. Anyways... My boyfriend knocks on the door and i like freak out because it scares the hell out of me. So then later, I'm laying on the couch and he turns around or something and elbows me right in the nose. OMFG it hurt so bad. I had a headache for like hours, and still did this morning. I took a Tylenol and it only took half my pain away. So yeah my nose still kinda hurts, and the teacher im TA'ing for thinks my bridge of my nose looks kinda red. Anyhoo. My mom made me go to bed at 9pm, because "I looked sick" which I didn't, I was just in pain. So I wake up in the morning to my mother rifiling through my jewelry box looking for my pooka shell necklace. So I'm like mother go away just take my fake plastic leis. and she starts whining at me and im like MOTHER FUCK OFF and she starts yelling at me, so then she decides to keep looking through my stuff. So I was over slept, had a massive headache and my mom was being a bitch. God, what a great way to start my day. So then I get to school and start yelling at these preppy little bitches taking up the WHOLE hall and walking PAINFULLY slow and im going to be late for class. So I just SCREAM at them, and they like flip their hair and giggle "bitch ah ha ha" I'm like wow fuck off and push the little whores in training out of my way. Then I get to class and amazingly my headache just runs away. So then I have like the best day ever because im like really hyper. So yeah. That was my day. Also, I'm leaving school today at 1:10, and it's now 12:32. How fun!

BTW, Kink... in your little idea about spelling, you spelled decipher as "decypher" Good job, your my hero.
I have two seggestions for you Mike:
#1update the Staff Page. New pics or whatever, as well as the contact info. (possibly circulate a questionaire to all staff for updates, maybe include photo if want changed)
#2 Instate a spell-checking rule. Maybe people could type up their blog on Microsoft Word(Everyone's got it) or something, then copy to the blogger screen.
My head hurts trying to decypher the gibberish some of the *ahem* younger staff members post on here. Disscusuion board is good as is. except that "Who?" character... he's a bit of a dick. And Sonic-Tsunami gets a hard rap for being such a retard. But he deserves it! HAHAHA >8<}
till next time kiddies....
Well as Long as music reveiws are being done i just got the new Ludacris (seriously one of the few rappers i achualy like ^.^) its pretty damn good if you ask me, and you didnt but im telling you anyways CAUSE THATS JUST WHAT I DO HAHAHA (dont do crack like me kids) theres the one song thats releast on the radio (role out) but like it is most of the time with ludacris not many of his songs will be on radio considering ever secend word is a vulgarity if they tryed to edit it it would sound like a my hason cd i know use for a coster (man that chick from hansons hot eh?)
anyway i got tow new shirts from one says heres
heres the

there so cute i could just die right here and leave you guys to clean up my rotting corpse.
uh im haveing the worst day ever i just HATE being single hhhhaaaatttteee it men everyday i come this much closer to marying my best friend! ew i always get old chinise men hitting on me what the fucks with that huh, my mom says its because i look like an anime cartoon, im really not sure how to take the coment....
anyways my birthdays comeing up (feb 17) im gonna be 16 (i be'z a baybee) i wanna take the grey hound with my friends to new york i want i rememberable "sweet sixteen" its sad cause i cant remember my 15th or 14th birthday i realy cant BooHoo,
My Kitty Sebastion just went to the vet and he vet said he might have cancer CANCER! i love seb i dont want him to die, hes all skinny and his hair is falling out im so sad!
well anyways im gonna go hack a but now cause im a dirty adict
luv mya
feeling: damn tierd
listening to: the perfect drug -NIN

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

For whoever disses our hometown Surrey, on the radio, or any place else, YOU ARE SO WRONG!!! Surrey is the greatest place in the world to live, especially with our fine selection of whores (each with a nice selection of STD's to choose from), out wonderful scummy alleys that you can find used needles in in case you need to inject that heroin some guy dropped when he got shot, that intruiging smell of fish that wafts down King George highway, and fact that you can look forward to being robbed 5 FUCKING TIMES IN A ROW while walking to the skytrain without carrying a sub-machine gun!

Yes, I did go to the school where that guy got run down after a school fight, and some other guy got stabbed exactly a year after that happened. Not a big deal here in our lovely fucked up city! SO MOVE THE FUCK OVER HERE!!! The criminals (all 98% of us) are running out of people to rob!
wow... wut a day... arron hates me .. he doesnt repsect the way that i feel for him.. oh well.. its not like i need anymore friends.. i have enough already..
anywhooo he told me to keep his name outta my mouth.. and then called me a biatch.. hahaha wutta freak.. thinks hes tough! HA!!!
anywhooo... my week has been so.. fucked! i find out something new everyday.. today i found out that i am HOT!!! hahahaha.. oh well.. i got daniel.. mMm hes so cute! i luv him! yum!
hah... i dont wanna embarass him.. :D
*luv you Daniel*
I got the Gorillaz CD yesterday with this HMV gift Certificate I got for x-mas. Well, the Self-titled album has the 3 songs from the videos: Clint Eastwood, Rock The House, and 19-2000. Also included are a few songs I never heard of but are pretty cool too. 5/4 is good, Re-Hash is alright. I don't really like "Latin Simone(Que Pasa Contigo)". But that's mostly cause it's in Spanish. I plugged the CD in my computer to see if the advertisement on the inside cover was true :
"With the purchase of this enhanced CD you have aquired your very own key to the previously locked and very private nether regions of The secrets of Murdoc's Winnebago are within your Grasp, so stick it in your computer, get on line and get in there. Other included items are an exclusive screen saver and a selection of desk-top wallpapers."
Well, it played this screwed up flash movie, then my screen locked. I had to CTRL + ALT + DEL to fix it... I went to the web site and found a screwed up little site with nothing in the main area. There was an advertisement for a free download of a D12 and Gorillaz song titled 911. It has this Terry guy I never heard of in it. Song's not that bad though. Also, the seemingly only other working part of the site was the chat room, which was surprisingly full compaired to the Slurrey Chat/Graffiti page. This has a little character list to select from, type in a name (8 chars max) and select BG colour, font colour, and chatroom colour. Crowded too. Lots of freaks there. Mostly Spanish peeps though. And this wierd British guy.... but I'm getting off topic. I just wanted to say that upon reviewing this CD, I give it a rating of 7 *'s out of a possible 10. Only deducted because I'm an ignorant shmuck and I can't understand spanish. Also there are 1 or 2 annoying songs on it.. #6 :MAN RESEARCH (clapper), #14 : SLOW COUNTRY. This one the reasoning is not the song, Iiked the song, it's just theres this wind sound or something in the background that sounds like static throuout the whole song... it gets really annoying and gives me a headache.
Well, that's my ramblings for today.. I'm gonna go clean the kitchen...
Till next time Kiddies....

Monday, January 14, 2002

Poor dog :( Thats pretty harsh Mike. It sounds pretty retarded though, kinda like mine. My mother has now bought planks of wood to lock him in the kitchen so he doesnt piddle on the carpet. It's pretty entertaining, he's not used to them so he was barking and ran into one... My dog barks at inanimate objects too. As well as wasps, mosquitos, black flies, oh hell, pretty much bugs in general. But thats okay.
Anyways. Carlita, if it was my fault, which I think it is *I'm sorry!* I love you, your my bestest friend.
I can't beleive I like flash now... weird. It's pretty um simple now that the basics clicked in my head, I'm at school right now, so I'm technically supposed to be working but, you know, it's not like that. Today we are starting Visual Basic, or at least thats what the white board says....
Well, ciao 4 now.
My dog, Arie, died today. He got hit by a car a few days earlier, flied through the air about 30 feet, and hit the pavement so hard it cause a bit of internal bleeding and stuff. It's kind of sad though, because every pet I''ve ever has has died a horrible death, and I thought the damn dog would actually survive this time. Well, in memory of my mentally challenged dog, here are some of the posts I have made about him in the past. Rest in peace.

========= 9/17/2000 =========
My dog is fucking retarded.
He barks all day, all night. He doesn't stop. I don't know where he gets the energy to bark like that for so long. Even if you throw shit at him, he'll still bark like a moron. Other retarded things he does are:

- He runs head first into the fence twice every minute.
- He jumps so high in the air that his leash strangles him in mid-air and brings him down... which is really a sight to see.
- He chewed an electrical cord until it fried him. Then he got even more 'tarded.
- He eats pinecones.
- He chases his tale. Now I know all dogs do this, but mine does it for 3 hours non-stop.
- My dog humps his doghouse.
- He also shits in his doghouse.
- If you throw a stick, he'll get it and instead of bringing it back to you so you can throw it again, he'll run off with it.
- If you throw a 2x4, he'll try to fetch that, too.
- He barks at inanimate objects.

My dog is fucking retarded. Thank you.

========= 8/5/2001 =========
Fucking shit.
Dogs are fucking gross. My dog likes to eat shit, and even roll around in it. Neigborhood kids have reported seeing my dog sniffing another dog's shit in the park, and then rolling around in it. What the fuck man, you'd think a dog, an animal with a superior sense of smell, would stay the fuck away from anything that smelled bad.

Saturday, January 12, 2002

yet again.. another i hate me post.. wut fun..
to bad i really do hate me.. all i do is listen to other ppl.. and i am polite to them.. and nice.. and non-judgemental... and POOF outta know where all that good.. is thrown back in my face... all my pep talks... all my compliments.. all my advice.. everything.. its horrid
those are the sto0pid little things that make me so mad.. i just wanna jump off the bridge. no one cares about me. not even you.
My stepmother took my car keys because she assumes I went out last night when I did not. Fuck her.
My sister yells at me because I had the phone in my bedroom when she wanted it. Fuck her, too.

Nevermind my severe cabin fever, my significantly improved health and the fact that I was waiting for a phone call. Oh no. It's Saturday night and my family is playing Let's Really Piss Kayla Off and Drive Her Nuts. Contestant #1 wins the prestigious Assumption Award while Contestant #2 wins the illustrious Inconsiderate Award. EVERYONE'S A WINNER.

holy crap i was just watching much music and does anybody remember kylie minogue the chick who sang that locomotion song well i guess being with the dead guy from inxs (when he was alive) really changed her image heres before and heres after damn talk about pulling a maddona aparently shes a harsh SEX feind now wow isnt that some useful infomation. well my day so far has sucks dockey balls i woke up to my two cats humping on my bed on MY LEG hello ok sure be gay but not on my leg then i had to clean the hole house and thats just selfexplanetory on the suck scale then i went to the store and they didnt have coke cola WHAT THE HELL kinda store doesnt have coke, then after i came back (drinking pepsi ewww) i ran in to my ex boyfriend and he was with is new hoe so i had to lie about my wonderful "new boyfriend" then i came home to find my cat sebastion has shit all over the living room table which was just great to clean up i had so much fun, then to top it off some assfuck in a chat room was arguing with me about how wiccan isnt a real religion hello it was here before chritians or anythings ignorant fucks, and that brings me too now hopefuly ill get drunk tonight and froget my woes (the words of a true drunk)
peace guys hope you had a better day than me
feeling: pissed
listening to: Sin - NIN

Hi guys!
I'm over at my boyfriend's house but hes in the shower so I'm kinda taking over his computer. Which is SO much faster than mine even though his connection speed is like SO much worse than mine. Pretty damn sad. My computer is the crappiest beast. Anyhoo. I don't know what I did or where I went but some how there is thi window that came up and i cant close it and its making this annoying as hell thunder sound over and over and over and over. And it's telling me that I now have the key so some menacing sounding name's Winnebago. Hmm.... Well I'm not planning on owning a Winnebago until I'm about 60 years old and by then I'll drive at about 1/3 of the speed limit anyways and be about an inch from the wheel. Also, The thunder sound is beggining to piss me off like a cat in the shower. Yes, I am THAT mean.

Hey on the note of old people driving.... I strongly beleive that every 5 years everyone with their liscence should take another road test. I'm serious. Some people are so dumb they dont know how to drive any better especially the old people. This would prevent ALOT of raod rage and accidents if you get rid of the bad drivers constantly. You can go back and try to pass it again of course, but just get of the road until you can drive like your supposed to. And if all these little old Grannies need to get to Walmart or Panningtons then they can take the publc transit. That would also be good for the economy!

Wow aren't I smart?! Me and my mom have been planning this for like months. But anyways I have GOT to get rid of this DAMNED lightning, Ciao!
Well I'd like to thank Ashley for the christmas card I got in the mail today! It may be a little late, but it's the first Xmas card I've ever gotten in the mail and it's GREAT!! Thanks a lot!

Well, 3 staff members have quit, and 4 have joined!! Never in the history of this site has there been so many posts by so many different people! So I guess I'll be updating the staff page, or maybe just changing it all together for the better. And also more members may be hired soon. We'll see what happens!

Anyways, yeah I drive like a retard. But it's still better than most of the fucking hemmoroid-munchers on the road right now who shouldn't be allowed within 20 feet of any sort of steering wheel.

Friday, January 11, 2002

I just want to let everyone know.. DO NOT DRIVE ANYWHERE WITH MIKE! he likes to drive into on coming traffic.. AND he likes to run stop signs... wut a freak!
Sex deprived? not getting any because you just plain can't perform? Do you know zero "moves" but don't want to spend time with random people learning the old fashioned way? (Don Juan was a slut... lol) Then you're in luck! For all those here who have little to no sexual experience, I have found a little gift to give you.FOREPLAY PRIMER will give little hints, and all the great tips for those too sheepish to ask someone if you're doing it right. These are tried tested and true..... heh heh. I thought I'd do something to assist the Slurrey community for once. Well, I'm off to my girlfriend's place. Be home tomorrow. G'night all.
Isn't Kenneth Cole some sort of pretentious, preppy, astronomically expensive designer? That's what I thought, too.

Now that we've established that...why is he calling my house? No really--I'm serious. Caller ID: Cole, Kenneth.

"Hi, I would like to pay you to model my clothing.

After that, you can teach earthworms to tap dance and try to talk Bill Clinton into becoming a monk. Hahahaha."

You think I'm weird now, don't you? Hey, I warned you that decongestants were a crock of shit. Sometime in the next few days I plan to reestablish oxygen flow to my brain but for now...zzz...
Well, no job right now, I was working with Thunderbolt Industries. It was, in actuallity, a legalized Pyramid Scheme, and I was selling shit out of a box. The job was ok before x-mas when the cost of everything was angled so I brought home $150 a day taxes already removed. Unfortunatly, the season of giving is over and if I got rid of all the crap they gave me, I'd make $80 for a 12 hour day. Definately not worth it.

So my plans for the day are to single-handedly remove from the walls and cramm into the crawl-space in the attic all the x-mas CRAP we didn't put away last week like we should have. I've already ceremonally dismantled the artificial tree and taken down the lights inside the house... not sure if I should take down the outside lights, or leave them up till July like 1/2 the people in Surrey... Nope, I'm in Burnaby now, Oriental is the ethnic majority here... not too much x-mas enthusiasm here.. lights at night in april would more likely annoy than amuse.

On a comepletely unrelated note, I'd like to take this time to say that this new chick, Shakira is way better than Britney Spears. I mean hotter? Lets compare Shakira to Britney. Yes.. Similar look, but one diff.. NO SWEATY GUYS HANGING OFF HER!!! Also, this babe can ACTUALLY SING! No lip-synching, voice harmonizing, or any of that stupid factory-crap.

While on the subject of music, I'd like to ask if anyone has seen the "New D-12"? From what I've seen, this is Snow, Kardinal Offishall, and a bunch of other Canadian rappers out of Toronto calling themselves Ghetto Concept and the 7 Bills All Stars. They don't sing about groping grandmothers or fighting or other shit like that. Honestly, I've only seen the video twice, and if you've ever listened to a Snow video, you know you hafta listen to it a few dozen times just to figure out the actual lyrics.I'm totally supportive of any Canadian compalations or get-to-gethers that could possibly move Canadians forward on the world stage.

Well, I've wasted enough time talking on here, gonna get to my dis-mantling of x-mas. Untill next time kiddies...
Sooo...I'm not new per s�. I've been around for almost exactly a year. Imagine that.

As is the case with Mya (hello, by the way), I am very sick. I had gone a whole streak of nearly 7 months without being ill (this is a miracle� because my immune system is shittier than a cesspool) and suddenly had the flu before I went to Florida in December and now have bronchitis, upper respiratory infection, two ear infections and a sinus infection. It sounds like my 19th birthday all over again. I've already babbled about this a few too many times so I don't care to bitch about my misery anymore. I just have one thing left to hash over: the logic of doctors never ceases to amaze. My throat could be closing down entirely and they would still prescribe pills the size of bars of soap to help cure my ails. I am sorry if I'm opposed to choking to death. Also, I have issues with decongestants. They are a distraction drug meant for people to be too woozy to notice that their brains, lungs, sinuses, eardrums and tonsils are going to EXPLODE due to fluid pressure. I feel like I'm hungover, deaf, and swimming in my brain. Decongestants are a crock of shit.

Aside from the sickness, life is a chair of bowlies, damnit. I have a boyfriend (you will seem him referred to as Mr. X but don't be fooled...I just couldn't drop that nickname even when I got back with him), a few new friends, a new (and not quite finished) website that I've already linked too many times in this post (hehe), and a LIFE--still far from perfect, but I'll take that over a constant nightmare.

I don't have anything to bitch about or any jokes at the moment, I'm drugged up and it's late. Sorry for being boring, that'll change shortly ;)

Thursday, January 10, 2002

Hi everyone! I'm one of the lucky ones! I'm so pleased. Now I know today there was a bit of heat in the message boards, and honest to everything I hope I never start a controversy. So thanks Mike for putting in the Slurrey team!

I love Survivor, and the 2 hour special just ended so yeah, if you dont like it you wont like this much but thats cool.
I am SO glad Ethan won! I had him picked out from the very beginning, I think he deserved it. I think Kelly was an evil bitch, but I can see myself doing the same thing. I'm pretty amazed that Kim won that immunity, I mean a pro soccer player versus a woman probably close to twice his age... pretty damn amazing, when I'm 56 I sure the hell hope I could pull a stunt like that. Tonight's episode was totally worthwhile for me, and I dont know about you guys but I seriously can't wait for next season.

So anyways, thanks for having me!
o0o0oo0 i am SPECIAL!! haha
:D i feel loved! yay!
hey peoples im seriosuly sick so i cant realy think of anything funny to say, i dont know mabey its the cough medacin or the beer but im all woozey so heres a joke about some contrucion workers why because my ex is one and well...he sucks a sweaty sack A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a
handsaw so he sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to
him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language. The man on the 3rd
floor does sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at
his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a
handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down
his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so
angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says," What the fuck is
wrong with you dumbass? I said I need handsaw!!"
The other guy says," I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm
Luv Mya
I've hired 4 new staff members today. Try to take a guess to who they are before they introduce themselves!
This is Some Funny SHIT!

Ok. I have it really good. I mean, REALLY good. If you're into the type
of fetish that I'm into, you'd love what I have.

First off, maybe I should say a little about myself so you can then put
a name and face to the sick perverted fuck you're about to read about
(!). My nickname is Zibbit and I'm 20 years-old. I have a pretty laid-back
family, and all of my cousins, especially the one I'm going to tell you about.

My fetish is farts. Before you say that that's nasty, I'll explain this
one. Ever since I was about 8 or so I've had this thing for girls farting.
It made me so horny that I would find myself vigorously masturbating
after-the-fact over the sound and the smell. I think it's the overall
factor of a girl (who's supposed to be so petite and cute, especially the ones
who totally are) farting and having it actually smell. In a way it also
astounds me somewhat. Think about it if you're a sick fuck: a pretty girl,
spreading her ass and ripping a giant man-fart in your face, then listening to
her giggle so cute- like. Man, it sends me over the edge! And like I said I
think I discovered this when I was 8 or so. But it got better for me.

Pretty soon I was getting pretty ballsy about sneaking a whiff after a
girl farted near me. Once I was playing hide-and-seek in my neighborhood (I
think I was 9 or 10) and my neighbor Kendra, who was about the same age as
me, was running away after I just discovered her. As she was running away, she
squeezed a tiny little fart out. Now I was just plain horny.

"Did you just fart?" I said without thinking about it.

She just looked at me and shook her Head, kinda giggling. I think she
wanted me to do what I did next. She turned around and stuck her butt out a
little as I walked over and got my nose as far into her ass as I could and
took a deep whiff or her warm fart. We played this game maybe two more times
before she moved away. It was nothing sexual on her part, it just left me a
great memory to masturbate to when I got home.

And by the way, my technique is different than normal male
masturbation. And it always played a great role in my future fart plans. I lay on my
stomach with my underwear on, then I rub my dick through the pants moving my
legs back and fourth until I cream. The orgasm is so much better than that
of intercourse. It just feels more powerful, and eventually I realized I
had the perfect position to try out these girls when they farted.

Around this same time I was screwing around with my sister. That's
natural of course, two kids who have no idea whatsoever just laying in bed
masturbating with each other. Then it all happened. My sister was still
rubbing when she said softly, "I have to fart." Now since we were
already masturbating I figured it would be ok if I just rested my face in her
crack when she farted, then be able to sniff it out and have my orgasm at the
same time. Kind of the goal I was looking to achieve from day one. So that's
what I did. I got behind her and put my nose right up against her asshole
(which was bobbing up and down since she was also masturbating like me) and
kept right on rubbing myself. I then told her to go ahead. She ripped this
tiny- like "pl-pl-pl-pl-pl" which was for the most part a dry fart, but I got
the scent first hand with my nose right in the source and my hand
vigorously rubbing my tiny penis. I came immediately. It was easily the best thing
I had ever discovered.

Now because it is just a little wrong to fuck around with my sister, I
resorted to fucking around with my older cousin Melissa. Actually, we
never even fucked around. I just more-or-less smelled her ass all the time!
At first tried to be very discreet about it. You know, she'd be standing
up somewhere and let out a quiet fart, thinking I didn't hear it. So I
would wait till she turned around and then I'd go near her butt just to get a
little bit of a whiff. It did enough for me. And probably the main
reason I liked doing this with my cousin was that eventually she got off over
what I was doing. I remember it very clearly, and what happened once was when
she was watching me for the evening, I must've been 11. She was 17 or so. I
didn't want to sleep by myself in the living room because I would
rather sleep in her bed (she had a waterbed). She told me I could sleep in her
bed but she was sleeping there too, so I'd have to deal with it. Um, fine
by me. So I watched her as she got into bed and rolled over towards me and
said, "Just don't pee my bed or anything." With that, she turned around and
fell asleep, at least I think she did. So I waited until I could hear that
really steady breathing, knowing she was asleep. I started to masturbate very
quietly, hoping not to wake her up. I guess towards the end of my
little session I heard a really cute sounding fart emanate from her ass! She
was sleeping! And, best of all, her ass was totally near my face! I jumped
at this opportunity, and knowing that she was sleeping, I put my nose in
her ass immediately and started to sniff up all of her beautiful fart. Man,
that one actually smelled good too! But I guess my nose was in her ass a
little too long, you know, trying to savor the aftermath of it, and she woke

"Zibs, why are you smelling my butt?" She said it almost like she
didn't care. Then she asked me more, "Um, are you masturbating?"

I was like, "Uh-huh," nose still buried in her asshole. I thought I was
in deep shit, after all, most girls would freak at the fact that a guy
wants to smell their ass after they farted! Especially since girls are
embarrassed about that in the first place. But then came the response I never
thought I'd hear.

"Well, if you wanna finish masturbating, and you wanna smell my butt,
I'll just lay on my stomach and let you take care of business. I may fart
though, and it might smell a little, but I'm just warning you. Whatever floats
your boat."

I was in heaven! Seriously! I lost my cum right there, and my face was
nowhere near her ass! So I still took advantage of it, though. I ended
up just getting in position and resting my face in her soft fart-scented
ass. I tried to masturbate again, but it didn't work until let a tiny fart
squeak out of her ass. Then I started right up. I was going at it, sniffing
her butthole every 5 seconds or so, keeping the effect realistic so I'd
have a good cum, you know. But I was nearing my second orgasm, and I felt her
butt bobbing up and down. I knew the waterbed wasn't doing it because the
cheeks were tightening and letting out each time I felt it go up and down.
Then I looked into her crotch, and found her hand rubbing her vagina. She was
masturbating just like me! And in the same position! This was too
unreal. I looked up at her and, knowing she was awake, asked her if I could
possible rub her vagina, just to see what it feels like. She said I could do it
but I couldn't tell my mom or dad about this. So I agreed and dove right in,
rubbing that thing to death. She moaned softly and said,
"mmmmm...uhh...I gotta fart, here it comes," and WHOOSH! Big silent fart came whooshing
out of her ass, hitting my nostrils and ascending into my brain where I
realized I was now gonna cum due to the fact that that smell sent me over the
edge. I came in my underwear and moaned really loud. After I was done she said,
"That felt really good. You can still lay down on my ass if you want."

So over the next few years, every time I saw my cousin we would have
fun. Once when I was 15 she let me fuck her, but I did it without a rubber,
cuz she told me it would feel a lot better. She of course farted a whole
lot, and they all smelled good, and made me cum every time. She even let me
cum inside her, and when she was tired she would just lay down on her back
and let me dry hump her pussy mound until I felt better. Every time I did
that she also got a free orgasm out of it. But my basic sexual fetish and
experience all comes from my older cousin Melissa, because she showed
me how to fuck and how to have a lot of fun...especially when she let me smell
her ass! She still lets me do this with her when I see her, but she lives
out west so it's getting harder and harder to see her. Although every time
we see each other, it's an instant replay of that time when I was 11.
Because we both know that it felt so good.

Over the course of time I also got pretty ballsy and actually preyed on
women who I knew farted a lot. Once I got to smell one of my teacher's
butts when she farted, but that story is for another time... it's a good one

*I found this in a post on Rhiannon's page, and I nearly Shit my brains out laughing*
WHO THE FUCK put naked CHINA MEN on this page... This is a direct violation of the 'Chinese Homosexuality act' and WILL NOT be tollerated. This matter will be investigated and a motion to Impeach the person(s) responsibe for this gross act against the straight community. Behavior like this is both unprofessional and un-called for, any other person(s) caught posting this 'Trash' on, will face the same fate as this staff member.

Well, Kink Calb... Your right Nobody had a clue that you were gone, partially due to the fact that NOBODY cares about you, and the fact that almost no one posted during the past few weeks... But don't worry cause some of us still vaguely remember who you are, the Dorky loking Dumb Guy...

Well speaking of getting things up the ass and that general sexual area, a former staff member who shall go un named *Cough* Eric VE*Cough Hack Wheeze* was caught masturbating to the music of the Fugees 'No woman No cry', brings a whole new meaning to the term 'Caught with your pants down' hah... For those of you who don't know, this is the person who "Borrows" CD's and dosen't give 'em back.

Well that's all for today... Good Night

Wednesday, January 09, 2002

Yeah I don't know what the fuck is wrong with my computer, it's getting viruses up the ass all of a sudden. It gets Code Red, Nimda, and a whole bunch of viruses with other weird names (like W32.ghostpenis@mm or some shit like that, I dunno). Fucking huh. Can't virus writers at least think up of good names for their viruses? What's the shit with "Nimda" what kind of a fuckin name is that? It sounds like the name of some Afghanistan refugee's fucking grandmother! Ooooooh just the way the name "Nimda" sounds makes me want to quiver in fear in the corner while clinging to my keyboard and losing control of my sphincter, thus DEFECATING ON THE SIDE OF THE FUCKING COMPUTER MONITOR. Oh a name like that... sooooooo scary. Only not. Yeah some dumb shmoe sits there working hard to write a virus but can't think of a good name that will make the unfortunate sap who has the virus shit his pants more than what the virus does itself. "Code Red". Give me a break. "I love you"?
*slams head on keyboard in disbelief*

If I had the skills to write some good virii (which I will aquire this term at college) I'd at least give my virus a name like "MOTHERFUCKING HARBINGER OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION TO ALL COMPUTERS" or "WORSE THAN YOUR TRANSVESTITE MOTHER'S RUSTY FUCKING STRAP-ON". Now that's how you do it right.

Hell it'd probably feel pretty good to survive a virus called something like that. Sorta like a battle scar. But I guess the effect will be dulled after watching Norton Antivirus get rid of it after 2 seconds.
I'm back FINALLY!

Now what most of you reading this message are probably thinking is :
"Who the Fuck is this Kink Calb Guy??"
the rest are thinking
"You were missing?"
Well yes, My computer contracted this nasty virus that fucks everything up unless you can in essence, out run it. You have approximately 15 seconds to open the internet and delete all the distory folders and memory cache before you lose vertical and horizontal hold on your monitor. after the who picture fucks up the screen emits a wierd screeching noise, similar to 7 guinea pigs in a giant blender set on Crush Ice. It's a complete bitch none the less. The "Proffesionals" at the computer repair place (name of business name not listed to protect the retarded) not only failed to repair the flaw, but also fucked up the IP address on our comp, so I had to dig through old files and shit to find the IP release and renew files (WINIPCFG.EXE). The morons at the Shaw "help" line, and I use the term loosely, wanted me to go buy a new shaw cd and re-install all my internet programs. including Outlook and all that other fun shit... I laughed and told him I'd fix it myself... And I did, so HA.

On a different note, I notice that Mike has instated his new format (much needed) and has updated most everything. The Jap guys pic on the previous post is rather disturbing, but I think someone will fill me in. I'm gonna go read the 150 unread e-mails I have accumulated in the past 2 weeks... arrrggg

Until next time kiddies....

If all you have been hearing about for the past couple of days is YATTA, then you are not alone!
What does YATTA mean? 'Yatta is defined as the Japanese short form for "yarimashita" meaning "did it". When used as an exclamation Yatta! it has the meaning of "I did it!" -From the Anime Encyclopedia.'

Yatta is a song which is preformed by 6 adult men wearing nothing but their tighty whities and a leave covering the frontal area. They call themselves, Happatai and yatta is only their hit song. They seem very devoted to what they sing about. They have a lot of pride and anyone who runs around in their undies like that.. deserves respect! If you haven't heard their song, you better check it out. The video is linked in the message bored, or here (

If you don't understand exactly what they are singing.. then you can follow along with the lyrics. This song is sung half in English and half in Japanesse. ( is where you can find the full set of lyrics. This is what the english portion of the song is :
"It's so easy
Happy go lucky
We are the world
We did it

yatta yatta yatta yatta
tousen kakujitsu
nihon daibyou
yannaru kurai kenkou da
Everybody say yattaa!"

I hope Yatta takes a special place in your hearts as it has with the people who frequent!

Tuesday, January 08, 2002

Ahh!! I swear I am going through a midlife crises or something! I have currently changed my mind about my future career. I wanted to be a nurse, but I'm not sure I have what it takes. I want a job that I'm going to love doing! Do you think I am going to like changing bed pans? I don't mean to sound mean.. but when you first get put on as a nurse that is what you have to do. I don't think I could see an old person naked... or give people sponge baths.. Change an old persons depends... lmao....
Does anyone have any good career ideas for me? I was thinking I want to become an art teacher or a french teacher. I will get my masters in something.. and I will also minor in another thing. Or maybe I will be a office assistant in the hospital. Coding in medical terms. I don't know what I want to be! A part of me still would like to be a nurse.. but I don't know anymore! :O

Monday, January 07, 2002

I will be hiring many new staff members soon. I'm tired of being the only one fucking posting here.

Friday, January 04, 2002

For those of you wondering where MC Rae has been lately, then read this:

-Two Winners From Previous Draw
-Double Dip Wins The Five-Plus
-6/49 Prize Adds Up To $307,884.60
Chad McRae, Surrey
An investment goal might be completed sooner than expected because Chad McRae won over $300,000 playing 6/49: �I wanted to get money to invest in stocks, but with the demands of school I've never gotten around to it.�
After meeting a friend who was going to buy lottery tickets, Chad decided to do the same thing. Then he realized he had two tickets from a previous draw. �The first ticket won ten dollars,� Chad recalls. �After the retailer checked the second one, she took two steps back.�
The ticket matched five 6/49 winning numbers, plus the bonus. The validation slip read: $$307,884.60! �I was stunned,� he adds. �I�ve never won anything like this before.� Outside, Chad�s friend asked what took so long. His reply: �You won�t believe it.�
Then this 19 year old student told his friend how his 6/49 ticket went from 0 to over 300,000 in less than a second!
I'm not feeling very original this late at night, and have nothing really amazing to post. So here's a pretty funny joke:

Two gay men decide that they want to have a baby, but they don't want to adopt because they want the baby to be as close to their own as possible. So they both masturbate into a cup and have a doctor use their sperm to impregnate a female friend of theirs. Nine months later, the two fags are looking at their baby in the hospital nursery. All of the babies are crying and screaming except for theirs. "Wow," one of the gay men says, "Our baby is the most well behaved one in here." A nurse who happens to be walking by says, "Now he's quiet, but wait till we take the pacifier out of his ass."

Thursday, January 03, 2002

I moved this page to a new host, They offer free, bannerless hosting with PHP support and a whole bunch of other goodies.

So now you don't have to make a mess spanking it while this page loads up ever so slowly! And I just saved you a few boxes of kleenex too.

Wednesday, January 02, 2002

This seems to be the perfect time to plug Bertie, since she is visiting Vancouver and writing on her page about it. It is fucking hilarious, I lauged so hard I nearly shit my skull into my pants!

"and your walk signs at intersections... it looks like the "walk" guy is leaping in a state of unbridled euphoria. is your pot really that good?"

Yes, yes it is.
Check out the site, NOW!!!
I made a button so everyone can link our site! It looks so damn good it's worth blowing a few loads over (especially considering I only made it in 5 minutes).

Yeah so please use it to link us. Please? PLEASE LINK THIS SITE.... I'm desperate!! If you do you get a free blowjob from Skeef the Sock Penis! I don't know how a penis made out of a sock would suck a real penis but 94% of you reading this are twice as smart as me so you'll figure it out!

Tuesday, January 01, 2002

The pictures from the new years party we had up on Sumas mountain will probably be up this weekend, and they are worth quite a lot of laughs. Among the fucked up things caught on the camera include: a dog wearing a bra, our bonfire with 20 foot high flames, me pulling out my 'big stick', Eric defying common sense and jumping over our roaring bonfire, us doing poses on top of a giant flaming log, and a whole bunch of other shit that sane people would not normally do!

Oh look, some more MP3's for you guys to download. Since on the way back from the new years party we listened to Supertramp, I feel it is appropriate to throw up some Supertramp MP3's to download! SUPERTRAMP WAS THE COOLEST FUCKING BAND EVER!!! Here are the only Supertramp MP3's I have left since my hard drive died... they fucking rule:

Supertramp - Hide in your shell (6.5 MB)
Supertramp - Take the long way home (7.4 MB)
HAPPY NEW YEAR MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
Features 1-12 are now back online, as well as all the movies... it's about time! The slurrey shows probably won't be coming back since no one seems to have any backed up. That's too fucking bad, I guess we'll have to film some more won't we?! Holy jiggly horse nuts we haven't done one of those in a while!

I got quite some interesting news... TERMINATOR 3... aka the sequel to my most FAVORITE FUCKIN MOVIE OF ALL TIME, is going to BE FILMED RIGHT HERE IN VANCOUVER! When I heard the news i nearly shit myself repeatedly... yeah call it multiple shitgasms!! I can't believe the awesomeness of this!!

Well, the year 2001 is finally over. I'm glad, it was a disappointng disaster of a year!! But there's nothing else to do but look toward 2002 and hope it gets at least a little fucking better!!!!