Saturday, December 25, 2004

This is the coolest fucking movie trailer I've ever seen. Hell, the trailer itself beats some movies I've seen over the past year.
Can't wait till this comes out.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

I got my marks from school back, 81% in datacomm, 79% in algorithms, and a boner-inducing 66% in ACCOUNTING 2. Accounting 2... the same course I had already failed twice, and thought I had a good chance of failing again. Fuck yea.

So now, I'm 100% finished the CST program at BCIT! To celebrate, I'll uh..... go find a job or something.

Did you notice how people drive like complete retards around christmas time? With all the last-minute shoppers out there, there's an increased volume on traffic on the roads. It appears that most people don't know how to react when there's more cars on the road, and they turn into simpering fucking morons (more so than they already were).

It's like in the summer, when it's been sunny almost 2 weeks straight, and then the first day it rains lightly, traffic screeches to a halt. Why? Because dipshits that don't have the brain capacity to remember what rain is are mortified to go over 30 km/hr.

It makes you wonder sometimes, where the fuck did these assholes get their licenses?

In other news... keep an eye out for our halloween pyro video that I'll be putting up soon. We went to an abandoned field in the middle of nowhere and blew the fuck out of old stereos, printers, and a teddy bear, and threw burning stuff at other burning stuff.

Hmm, looks like someone hacked the Hedley board using the phpbb highlight exploit. Pretty shitty, especially when they could have avoided it by upgrading to the newest phpbb or at least backing up the database daily.

Merry CHRISTMAS everyone! That's right, CHRISTMAS with a capital CHRIST. I'm not religious or anything, but when they want to get rid of the word "christmas" so that easily-offended tightasses don't get offended, that really pisses me off.

Whoever gets offended by "Merry Christmas" should remove the large stick from their easily-offendable asses.

I could go on more, but I'd imagine there's not that many people out there who enjoy reading 4 pages of ranting. Especially when 90% of it is four-letter words.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004


Hey bitches, I can still post here! Go figure!

Go me.

So heres the scoop, on May 1st, I will be holding a birthday party, but thats a long ways off, so Im planning more short term.

Who wants to party it up in January? I know I do. So whose house are we crashing the party at, and on what day?

Uhh... yeah, this was more just a test to see if I could still post...

Guess I can...


Move along.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

It's that time again!
Here's the list of the top FUCKED UP keywords people used to find slurrey!

"Controller is fucked"
"Preteen Penis"
"Jacob Hoggard"
"Greek sluts"
"Fucked up cars"
"Whore got trich"
"Picture of deer screwing"
"Why bleeding after sticking banana up pussy"

Is this the kind of scum slurrey attracts?

I've got 3 exams this week, and after those I'm DONE at BCIT!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

It's finally here.

Our latest film, "The Birth Of Slurrey Man" is now available for download!

Now, this video was filmed all in about 2 or 3 hours, with no planning whatsoever. I just grabbed the camera to witness SLURREY MAN become the superhero he is today!

This video is 25 minutes long, with a lot of random footage of Slurrey Man doing his thing. It's a 54 MB divx avi, so you need to download divx to be able to view it.

The video quality is utter crap, cause of how much I had to compress it. If you want the 300 MB DVD-quality version, just let me know.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Wow, last nights birthday party was the best one I've ever had!!!!!
Here's who came (in order of appearance... to the best I can remember):


25 people.... holy mother of shit, that's as many as my LAST TWO BIRTHDAY PARTIES COMBINED. And we only had two rooms to fit everyone in! It was pretty chaotic/awesome.

And now, the presents people got me!!!

Parents: New 5.1 speaker set to replace my old ones, and a 256 MB memory card for my mp3 player!!!

Val: Paper Mario for gamecube, and that sexy fiber-optic light from Ikea!

Melissa and Sarah: Their present was both cool and frightening at the same time! They got me a bag of different asian food thingies.... such as Wang soup!!! I really can't tell if the main ingredient is actual wang, but I'll probably never know since I don't know what wang tastes like anyways! Oh yeah, their card fucking rocked! They went all out with the drawings (and the wang references!). That deserves a lot of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s!

Chad: Ohhh man. Brought back a whole bunch of nightmares from highschool by getting me... a physics 12 textbook, complete with a... lovely note from Mr. Mitchell (my physics teacher). That course kicked my ass nicely! But within the textbook there was a Boston Pizza coupon, which helped make some of the bad memories go away!

Gavin: Gavin got me a cute and cuddly teddy bear! It sure stood out from the rest of the presents I got... I mean it was so goddamn cute that my penis temporarily inverted itself! I hugged it and it made me feel better about the Physics textbook Chad got me :-P

Matty: Matty got me a party Bag which included many cool things that I dropped all over the place! I was pretty liquored up when I got this present, though I think I would have done the exact same thing had I been sober!

Aron: I think he tried to touch my ass!

Brendan & Susan: They burnt me a great DVD with about 3 gigs of sweet music on it, a script writing program, the goodfellas and godfather scripts, and the movie Napoleon Dynamite! I heard it's a really good movie, so me and Val are going to watch it soon! And now we will start writing the script for our new movie! Hahaha that reminds me, I think Brendan was talking about the movie but we were totally wasted and out of it! We'll have to have a more sober meeting about the movie soon.

Mark & Katie: Mark got me some extremely TINY condoms (a gift I've gotten for 3 years in a row... I just think you guys are jealous of my 72 feet of manliness), and a hilarious card that scared me, and the game ANIMAL CRACK err... CROSSING for Gamecube! I can't wait to get addicted to it and lose all contact with the world outside my room!

Mike & Steph: They got me enough booze to KILL me! A bottle of JD, and a bottle of Malibu! Now I'm set for the next party, I might get to "POISONED" and/or "DEATH" on the drunk chart!

I'm trying to think of any more presents people got me, but at a certain point yesterday the night started to become a blur! If I forgot something, let me know!

So the party was fucking mind-blowing. Me and Chad came up with a new idea, the drunk chart! See there would be levels of drunkedness on this chart, and people would put their name on stickeys and stick it in the appropriate place in the chart depending on how drunk they were. It was a genius idea, and since Josh was above all of us alcoholics he put his sticker ABOVE the chart!

Stuff that happened!

    - An INSANE amount of alcohol was consumed.

    - We watched a couple of videos, Copside 1 and SLURREY MAN. There was too much drunken noise to actually hear anything (the commentary on SLURREY MAN is the best part) but I think people still enjoyed the movies!

    - Melissa shitkicked me in Dr. Mario once again. It was like playing against Shigeru Miyamoto himself!

    - Both of the party rooms crowded to the point where everyone ended up sprawled on the floor drinking! Hey when you're drunk enough, who cares of your sitting in different types of potato chips... which was what the floor was covered with! Wow, I think out of all the chips and nachos I bought for the party, half of them ended up on the floor :-P

    - Whoever liked VIDEOGAMES ended up taking over my room and playing multiplayer Halo 2 and Dr. Mario for about 7 hours straight! You guys are nuts!!! There was also a Halo 2 game set up outside in the main room, but no one was playing it because, and I quote, "all the cool people are in this room"! Also instead of an actual Xbox controller in the xbox, I had a PS2 controller hooked up to it. People were like "WTF did you do MiKE?". It's called a PS2-to-Xbox adapter!!

    - We ordered pizza. It was extremely difficult due to our drunken state. Adding up the money and stuff and trying to figure out who was getting what... it all took a total of like 40 minutes. Panago was almost closed by the time we ordered, they weren't delivering anymore so people had to go pick it up!

    - There were two webcams running, a LIVE one in my room, and one in the other room. I saved ALL the pics and will convert them into another fast-forward video like every year. Unfortunately no couples locked themselves in my room and made whoopee in front of the cam, mainly because it was filled with HALO 2 addicts!!! Check out Eric's "game face".

    - Aron (aka The Prez) set up a WC info booth. I don't think very much info was given out.

    - My screaming chicken made so much fucking noise!

    - There are many wet spots on my carpet which I am hoping are spilled drinks!!

    - The party lasted until around 5:30, when the last people left. Me and Val cleaned up for a bit, and then went to bed at around 7. I was way too hammered to remember much else about the party, but everyone's talking about it on the message board so read more about it there!

All in all this has been the best birthday I've ever had, thanks to everyone for making it so fucking rad!

Fuck that rhymed, and what a bad rhyme! I'll never be a rapper.

Stay tuned for more party-related footage coming soon!

Saturday, November 20, 2004


To see this webcam LIVE, click the image!!!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

The coolest stupid thing I've ever seen.

So I couldn't update the site for a while, the FTP wasn't letting me in. So instead I worked on SLURREY MAN: DEFENDER OF JUSTICE. The video will be up soon, I just need to DiVX-ify it since it's 4 gigs. Not something I'd want to waste bandwidth uploading...

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday! I wrote that in my MSN and when I came home from school, I had like 200 msn messages wishing me a happy birthday. It was awesome!

This saturday is my bday party, I can't wait. There will be TWO webcams broadcasting LIVE from my room, so if you're stuck at home on a saturday night and have nothing better to do, you can watch the live webcam and pretend you're partying with us!! (And what could be better than that? Oh yeah actually BEING at the party!)

Owww my fucking brain.

Soon I will also have video of us being complete pyros on haloween, so stick around for that too.
Better updates later, I'm off to a free screening of the movie Immortel, thanks to Gavin!
(I hope the movie itself isn't in french...)

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

This past weekend has been rather eventful. Mya's haloween party was quite literally a blast (pics will be up soon!), and on Haloween night we participated in some mindless destruction via air bombs.

I think my favorite part of the night was picking up the burning stereo and throwing it at another burning stereo. I'll post the videos as soon as school releases the firm grip it has on my balls.

I blew all my speakers the other day.... actually it wasn't I who blew them, my home theatre receiver decided to do it for me. You see, sometimes it likes to turn up the volume by itself, and I guess this time it felt like turning it ALL THE WAY UP, killing every speaker in my 5.1 setup. They were the old massive 70's type of speakers too, the kind that if you had the volume really loud and sat in front of them, they'd liquify your face.

Needless to say, when my receiver decided to turn itself ALL THE WAY UP, I sure as hell fucking heard it.

Anyways, on to better things. Anyone watching the US election? Me neither. I have it playing in the background, and while I do admit that it's getting pretty intense, pretty much everyone knows Bush has ripped Kerry a new vagina. I guess we'll know for sure in a few weeks.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

One of the biggest new fads these days is to get a gmail account. So when Gavin sent me a google invite, I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and see how fun of a ride it would be.

Well, my gmail address is slurrey att I haven't really gotten any mail yet, not even spam.... but hey, at least I get 1 GIG of storage so I can never delte ANY email I get and let all the shit accumulate until the internet collapses in on itself.

Fuck, my road test is on monday. I've been meaning to get rid of this "N" for 5 years now... it's not like I even had one on the back of my car in the past year!

I've got 2 exams this wednesday. Lucky eh, even when I have only 3 courses, 2 of them manage to have an exam on the same day.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Soon, scientists will discover how to convert sluts into fuel.... it'll be a lot cheaper than gas!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

So last weekend we went to the island for the hell of it. We ended up having a fucking excellent time, at the expense of a night's sleep. Oh well!

So, we all had to meet up at 7:15 am at my house on saturday morning. The people attending were me, Val, Chad, Robin, Eric, Matty, and Craig. Since most of us went and saw Team America: World Police the night before and didn't get back home until 12 pm, most of us got a maximum of 5 hours of sleep.

So at 6:45 in the morning I leave my house to pick up Val at the skytrain. Now, for some reason skytrains weren't stopping at her station, she ended up being half an hour late, and we didn't get to my house until 7:30. Everyone was waiting and we had little time to lose, so we headed down to the ferry terminal and successfully missed our first ferry. The biggest insult was while the ferry was pulling away it was laughing at us. Seriously, the horn blew 3 times and it sounded like "HA. HA. HA."

We had 2 hours to kill. Most of the guys utilized those 2 hours to stare at the chick with the mini-skirt, while Val played the pink gameboy advance SP I got her for her birthday. I just fell asleep with my eyes open pretending to be having conversations with everyone.

The other ferry finally came and we got back into our car and listened to really stupid music. Chad started macking on the chick in the car next to us, with encouraging results.

Usually with ferry rides, they are boring. That's not the case with us! First we went to the back deck outside and threw napkins and paper airplanes to see how far they would fly. Then we went to the side and waved/screamed to the other ferry passing us by. They screamed back.

We got to the island and went to pick up Tink at her apartment. Her place is fucking awesome, it's so huge and roomy and CLEAN! She gave us some finnish Boola bread and off we went to get food.

At White Spot.

Man, that's the one place I can't stand to eat at, but by Murphy's Law everyone else I'm with would be craving it. I was hungry though, how bad could it be?

Having had bad experiences there before, I played it safe and ordered a burger with nothing on it at all, just the bun and the patty. You know, cause I really didn't feel like eating something that had disgusting multicolored burger-jizz pouring out the side of it.

Our server fucked it up but oh well, he ended up bringing me a jizz-free burger. Though I couldn't guarantee it was spit-free... cause some servers are assholes like that. Fuck it, I was hungry anyways.

Then we went to the heart of Victoria, with Tink as our tour guide! She did an excellent job. We started off with the Parliament buildings, then went to the wax museum, then walked along the waterfront, then walked around The Empress.

Isn't it great with all of Victoria's tourist attractions are within a 2 minute walk from each other?

Anyways the parliament buildings were great, we took lots of pics in front of them. I was gonna get a picture of me humping the buildings, but the security guard was standing right there and I'm sure me humping the building would be taken as a breach of security or something.

The wax museum was also fun. All the wax figures looked so eerie and real, the moving ones didn't help things either. There was tons of cool shit there. If you visit the island, I definitely recommend it!

After the wax museum we walked around and ended up at The Empress, which is a fucking unbelievable place. We walked around inside and I thought I was going to spontaneously combust from not being worthy enough to be there. Beautiful place, if that building had a suitable hole I'd give it a good rodgering.

We also found a school called "South Park School".

After South Park, we drove around some more. We had 2 cars, and a walkie talkie in each car so we were talking back and forth between them. We decided to all go and buy some booze (which I never ended up drinking) and drink at Tink's. We rented Party Monster and headed back to her place.

The next 6-8 hours were a total blur, but I'm pretty sure that in that time most of us watched Party Monster and Jay and Silent Bob, while either drunk or extremely high, and somehow pizza came, even though I don't remember ordering it! I remember Tink always getting up and getting lots of stuff for us, and making us drinks. She was definitely the AWESOMEST host ever.

Then a few of us went for a 3 hour long walk up and down Victoria's hills (we sorta got lost). By the time we came back, it was 1 or 2 am. Everyone was dead tired due to waking up at like 5 am that day. We were ABOUT to call it a night, when Chad had the brightest idea.

"Why not pull an all nighter and catch the first ferry back to Surrey?"

Well, it was a good idea, since none of us were gonna get much sleep anyways. The first ferry out was at around 7 am. Then, Chad had an even brighter idea....

"Hey guys, why not drive for 2 hours to Nanaimo, and take the Duke Point ferry back to Vancouver, since it leaves half an hour earlier?"

Ok, so instead of waiting around for the 7 am ferry that's right by Tink's house and possibly getting some sleep in the process, we could drive for 2 hours up to Nanaimo just to take a ferry that leaves half an hour earlier, and takes us to Horseshoe Bay, an hour from where we live? While the ferry by Tink's left only half an hour later and took us to the terminal RIGHT BY OUR HOUSES?!

To better illustrate the situation, Chad drew a map of our possible routes:

Obviously, being the crazy bastards we are, decided to drive for 2 hours to nanaimo :-)

We said bye to Tink, who was overjoyed because of a phone call from her new boyfriend :P. Funny how so many people meet their significant others through me, either directly or indirectly. As Eric says, I'm the "friends hub". Oh yeah, as I was saying, as we were leaving Tink's house, we forgot all our booze there! She totally deserved it though, she was a great host and put up with our drunk craziness, hell I was gonna give her most of my booze anyways since I was no longer up to drinking any of it. Hell I still have a 6-pack of Bullmax in my fridge that will probably fossilize over the next 300 years.

So we all pack into both cars, and head for Nanaimo. On the way there, we were drifting in and out of sleep. I remember Eric talking to the other car with the walkie talkie, they even made up code names for each other. I remember hearing stuff like:

"Rawide to car #2 ETA at Departure Bay Terminal is zero three forty five hours.... over"
"We advise to increase speed to niner-zero... over"

Both cars were doing 140 all the way to Nanaimo so we got there in only an hour. We went to weird restaurant place and ask them if we could plug our walkie talkies in to recharge them. I think I fell asleep there.

Then we went to the car and waited for the ferry. The whole thing was a blur to me. Somehow we wended up on the ferry, and it started moving. Everyone was tired as fuck, except for Chad and Matty, who were jolly as fuck. You could say there was a lot of fuck in the air. Everyone was falling asleep here and there, people were taking random walks, and I think I went outside a couple of times. And Chad was laughing REALLY HARD for an hour straight or something.

We finally got home at around 9 am. I went to bed and woke up at 5:30 pm! Man I felt like such a winner when I woke up, you wouldn't believe. All in all the trip was pretty excellent, for the most part. Check out the pictures, you'll love them.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Jacob Hoggard says: "Desks are a healthy part of one's diet".
Mmmm mmm wood good!

Monday, October 11, 2004

Lots of people have been coming here to download the video! I don't know exactly how many, I think my traffic stats site has bit the dust. I'm guessing it's a lot though, as about 1207 people have downloaded it so far. 1027 * 10 MBytes each = around 10 gigs my server has uploaded. Golly GEE the things I do for traffic here.

So someone posted about the video at the Hedley forum. Good stuff, looks like they all enjoyed it. Then some of them started bashing me again, can't really say I was surprised. I mean... scroll down and look at the past posts! I made fun of any Jacob fans who attacked this site, and my friends who didn't like Jacob went and posted negative stuff about him. Big whoop, doesn't necessarily make this a hate site!

Now, putting the video up on (and violating their Terms Of Service) is alright with me, it takes the load off my server. But they were also telling people to avoid slurrey, the great place that brought this video here in the first place! What a way to say thanks eh!

Well, I don't think it's worth my time anymore to put up any of the other Jacob stuff his fans might like, they sure don't appreciate it. ANGRY FACE * 31465321!


Now that that's over, who am I kidding! This is great, of course I'll keep putting stuff up. Telling people not to go here only adds to their curiosity... look what happened to! (don't go there).
RIP Superman.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

HERE IT IS! The Jacob Hoggard elementary school video is up!

In this one he's in a school play called "Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat". He's only 10 or something in this video and gyrates like a champ while impersonating elvis. He sings an entire song so well, that afterwards a baby in the audience was imitating him. It's THAT good. I feel I must apologize to mothers of preteen girls all across Canada.... looks like they'll have a lot of soiled panties to wash after their daughters see this.

The quality of this video isn't the best in the world, due to my elementary school hiring someone to record this play with a 1970's camera who had really poor filming skills. Half the time the camera man can't keep the camera on Jacob, either because Jacob's raw talent is too much for him to handle or he couldn't get enough of the little girls singing in the corner.

Well, there you have it. Tune in next week for pictures of Jacob eating a desk or something.

You need the divx codec to play the vid. Don't link to the video directly because the URL changes from time to time. Link to this post directly.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Jacob Hoggard pictures and videos coming soon. Well, whenever I get the time to do it. School has been a needy bitch lately!

Patience, 12 year old Jacob fans. They're coming.
I had a dream last night about the future.

In it, there was this new popular thing to do, where people install microscopic webcams in their bodies. You could put a cam in your stomach, showing live feed of your dinner digesting, or in your mouth, or lungs, or any body organ of your choice. You'd have the stomach cam, the chewing cam, the poop/penile intrusion cam (located in your anal cavity, and named according to what you most often use that particular orifice for). Hell, you could watch it while you ate, took a shit, dropped the soap.... you could even broadcast it over the internet!

Camgirls could have their own pussycam on the internet, where hobby-deficient losers could wank off watching whatever happens to be entering her cunt at that moment. Gynecologists in surrey could use these cams to investigate a surrey girl's snatch, without having to risk their lives going near the festering, toxic mess. It would be revolutionary!

Also, I dreamt that my penis had its own IP address. But that's a different story.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004


Filmed this a while ago when I was experimenting with my new DV camera.
Sat outside for half an hour filming clouds, because they looked fucking awesome!

Friday, September 24, 2004

Thursday, September 23, 2004

On friday we're having a pit party of epic proportions.

Segaxtreme is having a wallpaper contest, so I decided to use my artistic skills to come up with a beautiful piece of Sonic The Hedgehog fan art. Looking at the finished product made me feel all warm inside. I believe I have contributed a masterpiece to their fanart gallery, and I hope that Yuji Naka and the rest of the Sonic Team someday see it. They'd be so proud!

Clicky clicky!

Good stuff. I'm only gonna offer the wallpaper in one huge size, because why should I make 3 different sizes when you can right-click it and windows will resize it automatically? Deuh.

Right now I'm downloading 2000 mame roms for my xbox. See, my xbox already does everything. Plays every rom I have, plays any movie files I have, copies games, hell, it even tells me the current weather. I fear someday, with all the things it can do, it'll start learning on it's own.... and try and make me its bitch. I'll have to kill it by beating it with my Gamecube (that's why it has the handle on the back... so you can swing it around like a brick and beat the shit out of your other systems with it.)

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

So on Sunday night we went to Playdium to become asian... (no, fellow surrey-ites, in this case it didn't mean getting high). Our plan was to get good at playing Dance Dance Revolution. Cause once you get good at DDR, the world knows you're THE SHIT. Or something.

So a bunch of us go there. It was me, Steven (BP), Robin, Karyn, Matty, Mark, Katie, Mya, Craig, and Chad, who showed up later. Some of us got unlimited cards for the rest of the night, while those who didn't leeched off whoever had one.

We played lots of arcade games, and spent hours on DDR. Up until that night, I was the UNDEFEATED AIR HOCKEY CHAMPION among everyone I knew. After beating everyone, I went up against Matty, and lost in a crushing 7-1 defeat.

I blame the air hockey table, damnit. When no one was looking I humped it in vengeance! That'll teach it to stop vacuuming the puck right into my goal.

We took over the BIG DDR at Playdium and Karyn was getting really good at it. I got up there a bit and started practicing, it must have been the funniest sight everyone there had ever seen. I was dancin' like a retard having a seizure while on fire!

After maybe 2 hours on there I did get good enough to stop getting laughed at by my peers! Actually I don't think anyone laughed at me, cause they ALL SUCKED AS BAD AS I DID! Except Karyn.

After Playdium closed we went and did what we did best. Lit some fires while waiting at Scott Rd Stn, then me, Chad, Mark, Mya, and Craig went back to my house and read Maxim magazines until 4 am.

Mya ended up turning into a leper, well it must have been an allergic reaction or something cause we'd never seen anything like it! We were all pretty worried.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

I went and saw Sky Captain and The World Of last night. It was an hour and a half long visual orgasm. It was a fun ride, you don't get that sense of adventure from many new movies these days.

Watch for more Jacob stuff coming soon. From knowing him for so long, we got Jacob pics and videos. All you Hoggard fans will love it. Then you'll call me ugly because I'm not worthy enough to even speak his name.

Sunday night we're going to Playdium to practice some DDR and I can make a fool out of myself in front of all my friends. Then I'll kick Mya's ass at air hockey and have the last laugh.

This will make you LMAO.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Tonight, we will interview SLURREY MAN.
He's so busy lately, the other day he protected a fire hydrant from getting peed on by a dog. WHAT A HERO!

I'm going to go watch Sky Captain and The World Of tonight. I feel sorry for the people sitting directly in front of me for 10 rows down, I believe a jizm shower will be in their weather forecast tonight.

Oooh time to pick up the Vuvster!

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Seth On Slurrey-2

You know I was walking around the campus today and I had some weird thoughts come into my head. I noticed that this site has a lot of sexual content on it, so I decided that this week's post was going to be about that. Well.....not quite. I'm going to talk about relationships, which usually leads to frequent bouts of "sexual content."

Anyway, for those of you who have someone special in your life, have you ever stopped to think how lucky you are? No really, I'm being serious. I'm not talking about you jerkoffs that are dating someone and don't really like them, or just like them for their bodies, or what they give you or the fact that they let you put a dog collar on them a yell "who's your daddy!" till you face goes blue. I'm talking about being with someone that you can unconditionally trust and care about who is the only person you have eyes for.

The odds of this are phenomenal! If you think about it, or if you can remember when you were single think of what it was like. You meet someone, but don't click. You go on a few dates, don't click. You date for 6 months, you want to murder know what I'm getting at. I mean 99.99% of your encounters with the opposite sex in your lifetime will end up with a negative result. Thinking about that it's amazing that anyone finds each other with such stupidly retarded odds!

Single guys, you know what I'm talking about. Now I don't know any of you that well, but You single guys (whoever you are) know what I'm talking about! Just talking to a chick is a miserable exercise doomed to failure. "You're too fat," "You're too skinny," "You're too poor," "You are too much of a prude," "too much of a slut." "You have weird eyebrows," and the list goes on and on and on! Hell, and that's just the introduction! Then you gotta wine em and dine em, and play their games, make yourself a "challenge." Then if you're really lucky you'll get to date them. Fuckneh? You probably think you won't get laid more than 5 times your entire life (and it's probably true), but I digress. My point is these guys would understand it best, when we get into relationships we sometimes take it for granted what we have and how special it really is. So if you're having trouble with anyone just take a step back and really reflect on how special that person is, because it's not every day that you may run into someone like that on the street. Just keep remembering the 99.99% figure oh hell.....add a few more 9's in there!

Now if you'll excuse me I gotta go dump my chick, that dumbass bitch is really getting on my fucking nerves.

Plus I want to score with some hunnies at the Pit Pub tomorrow night!

I'm Seth Osler, and this is Seth on Slurrey.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

This is great, I'm getting 500 hits a day from Jacob fans all over Canada.

They spread this site on their message boards, grunting amongst themselves about hateful/ugly/gay/jealous bastard I am. Even though I myself haven't said anything that bad about the guy.
Out of all of Jacob's fans who've commented here, I've only gotten an intelligent response from maybe two or three of them who get the idea. As the retard train keeps rolling in, I'm gonna post some more comments you might have missed, for your enjoyment.

k urjust jealous of the fact that he made it this far and when u were in school
with him u thought u were cool by making fun of him and stuff adn now u regret
it and dont know how to say it! dumbass! jacob rocks ok and u kno what he will
make it further in life then u ! mayb he said he is from Abottsford because
maybe more ppl know of that place other than surrey obviousley he likes where he
lives if u hear what he says bout hs hometown he loves it! all i have to say is
u should have taken more time to get to know jacob rather than diss him and make
fun of him he is awesome and has a unique personality he would never say shit
about u liek this and he wouldnt post things like this about u because jacob has
something we know of as RESPECT take some pointers from him!!!!!!! jacob and
hedley all the way!!! i love u jacob!
-christine (

You learn how to avoid making run-on sentences in elementary school.

Mojo's another big fan who keeps coming back for more. He's actually not as bad as some of the more intellectually-challenged kids, at least his insults are coherent enough to understand:

oh yeah, this is the first website i've ever come to where the content is
dedicated to the owners own lameness. i mean, wtf is slurry mike anyways? i'd
say YOU were the one who spent too much time in the computer lab. and get your
bitch to remove that porno pic on the hedley forum. there's like 10-12 yr old
kids in there. you want your kid lookin at that shit? think about it, if it
won't cause your head to explode that is. actually, if it does, that would be
-mojo (

Yeah, I spent all of grade 10 and some of grade 11 in the computer lab until I got sick of it. But at least there I learned how to make webpages like this, which is now providing me non-stop hilarity from you loyal tards.

As for Mya's pic, why are you asking me? Doesn't your forum have moderators who remove stuff like that? I had nothing to do with that pic so it's not my problem!


Honestly your all just jelouse cuz hes made a name for himself and you just
nobody....Hust becuase ehs made it in life and your sitting on your ass and at
doestn mean you can go around writingsutff like what if hes
crazy...its not like it did him bad being lest hes not writing
stupid shit about ppl...he's gonna make it big no doubt about it...and hes hot
which makes it even better....and as for you your just friging lest he
has a girlfrisnd which is somehting you probly never had or ever will have.
-Steff ( (MSN profile)

Oh my god. Up to this day I never thought I'd see so many words mangled into unrecognizeable strings of characters. Perhaps Steff's keyboard is malfunctioning due to her tard drool accumulating all over it, who knows.

I managed to look up her msn profile (I know how to look at people's profiles without adding them to my list). In her profile she linked her livejournal, which I regret viewing due to loss of braincells. I think the color scheme burned half my eyes out too, as I can't seem to see the color pink or aqua anymore.

So apparently I'm "jelouse" and "friging ugly", and I'll never ever get a "girlfrisnd" in my life. Sorry to break it to you shitcake, but I've had more girlfriends than you have IQ points, which is around 4. This includes my current girlfriend I've been going out with for almost 2 years now.

I found your pic online, and I believe it matches your wonderful personality:

Wow, you're quite attractive. To flies, that is.

Well kids, that's it for this edition of "Jacob Hoggard's Stupidest Fans"!

I feel I must apologize to Jacob's more immature fans. I'm sorry for pulling you out of your dream world, by making you realize that Jacob might not be as perfect as you want him to be. I'm sorry that you now think he's not the flawless god-like Mr. Right that you've all been masturbating to. Call off the weddings you have planned 10 years from now to marry him, since your hopes and dreams are utterly crushed.

All because I told a story about how he sucked a pipe and said it tasted like ether!

You chimps need to grow up, respect other people's opinions, and realize that even if I DIDN'T like Jacob, it's my opinion and it doesn't affect your ability to idolize him!

Get over it kids!

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Jacob Hoggard's Stupider Fans
(further proof that the gene pool needs a lot more chlorine)

Well, the Jacob Hoggard post was mostly a success, it brought a lot of traffic to this site. Unfortunately, nearly ALL of that traffic consisted of simpering retards.

You see, since we knew Jacob Hoggard in high school, and have many stories with that kid. His name was mentioned in some slurrey posts of the past, and search engines were going crazy bringing people to my site. What people were searching for the most was "Jacob Hoggard Girlfriend", don't ask me why. Maybe all the screeching 12 year olds wanted to see what she looked like so that if they thought they looked better than her, they'd have a chance with him.

So I decided to make a post about him, since we went to school with him and have many entertaining stories to tell, which fans would find humorous. I did it with Janet Jackson's boob, it got me 2500 hits. Mentioning Avril Lavigne without makeup got Mike's site really popular too.
It wasn't supposed to be a positive post, or it'd be like every other Jacob fan site on there. I didn't want to make it very negative either, I didn't want everyone to think I was just ragging on the guy for no reason. The purpose was to get some hits from Jacob's fans, and probably start a discussion, with random flamers here and there to make fun of.

You can read the post by scrolling a few posts down. Keep in mind that the worst thing I called him was annoying.

Then, came the responses.

Someone posted a link to the post on Jacob's Band's message board, which seems to be overrun by preteens and teenyboppers. Immediately, the post's comment board was flooded by unintelligible childish insults that reflected the average IQ of Jacob's fans, which is around the same as their age range.

Let's take a look at some of these entertaining comments.

I think he's fuckin hot :) -lol- ... if any of you's guys reallie kno him,n if
he gotz msn, culd someone plz tell mE ,if ya kno it!!! -lol- mah email is .aight

I tried to run that through a spellchecker, as I don't speak preteen and could barely understand it.... and it promtly crashed my computer.

You negative people are all being ack asses with a J! God! Your just jelous that
hes famous now. dont start getting all fricken pissed off just cause you arent
in his shoes. take a chill pill and lower down the language.. hes far more
better than you guys anyways, especially since your here talking false shit
about him!
-Alana (

Wow, I'm an ack ass with a J! I bet I could mount my computer keyboard onto a wall and huck my own shit at it, and type up a better insult than that. And probably have better grammar too.
Btw, I wasn't talking shit about him, nor was it false. It was a funny story, promptly remove the stick from your ass and learn to laugh.

You Guys are such losers for bashing Jake.. Man.. Look how far he has come and
you are sitting here on your Stupid Lame Ass live Journals writing bad shit
about him.. PATHETIC.. Oh By the Way... from Your Pic.. You look like a CAVEMAN!
Ooga booga. It's a website, not a livejournal. Get it straight.

What i should have said the looks of your picture, i'm surprised
people didn't make fun of YOU! hahaha

Sarah became our biggest fan, repeatedly posting about my ugliness. Being called ugly is the biggest, deepest insult to a preteen, unfortunately these kids don't realize that it doesn't work on anyone over the age of 17.

Wow. I sence jealousy. So what if jacob was crazy? who cares if he was
he was just being himself. look where being himself got to. LOOK
LAST LAUGH. Jacob. You bash him, people bash you right back. You
know what .. He
may have you as an enemy, but he certainly has a LOT of
people caring for him.
so i suggest you stfu.

Wow. I "sence" you need to learn how to spell. I'm in no way jealous of Jacob, in fact I was kinda glad that SOMEONE I knew from Matheson was on TV. He's happy, good for him. I'm not into the whole singing thing, and having legions of dumb underaged fans doesn't appeal to me much.

im not even going to start bashing your looks, or this friggin site. jacob has
made it. you are sitting on your fucking ass writing shit about him that
probably isnt even true. just looking for some internet publicity im assuming.

You almost got it. Almost. Getting more hits was one reason for posting it.

These fans think that I sit on the computer, day and night, thinking of new ways to ruin Jacob's life, because I am extremely jealous of him and he's everything I want to be but couldn't because I'm too ugly and gay. The gay comments are mostly confined to their message board, but I'll post some of those too.

Moving on!

Ur so damn Rude! Jacob is the best!!!
-Ami (

I got the message the first time I read that, why she posted it another 18 times beats me. I'm only rude when responding to rude people.

The best part about all of this is that if he even won; he would have come
out with one CD; perhaps had a song or two on the radio; and never would have
anything to show for it even a year down the road.

Does anyone remember Ryan Malcolm? Where is that guy these days? Right;
probably back in the barbershop quartet with his family.

Canadian Idol is a joke. If these people really think they have talent they
should take the Avril route and go down to the states because thats where all
the possibilities are.

Karyn has some good points, read it well kids.

I happen to be 23 years old..not a pre-teen....but regardless....are u an
ass? sure you're getting publicity for your site, but it sure as hell isn't the
type of publicity u want. Where Jacob has millions of people who love him, u
have the same million who hate u.....instead of wasting time on this crappy-ass
-Sarah (

Eek...Mike, disregard my last comment about getting a haircut. I saw the
pic u have postd of yourself with short ain't pretty either
-Sarah (

Sarah's back for more!!! She claims to be 23 years old, yet still sounds like a 14 year old. Since she's so obsessed with looks, I decided to look up her picture:

Sorry Sarah. There's just nothing I can say to that.

After the influx of retard comments, more of my friends from school reflected on what Jacob was really like. Now, most of my friends liked him a lot less than I did, so read on...

Man, Jaccob MADE IT? He got 3rd in Canadian Idol! Man, getting 1st in
Canadian idol isn't even making it! As amazed as I am that that little punk
actually got himself on TV, I'm satisfied to know that a year down the road NO
ONE will remember him. And that's fitting, cuz the guy's a little asshole. You
little girls think you KNOW this guy? Well take it from someone who went to
school with him(L.A. Matheson, check his bio as I'm sure you have it handy), the
guy's a dick. Totally racist, too. Granted a lot of east indians in our
school(them being about half the student body) could be dicks, but Jacob just
went too far. If they weren't white, then they were joke material for that guy.
I still can't believe I ever stood up for that guy. Shoulda just abandoned him
and let him get the beating he had coming. So really, you don't know the guy. I
haven't seen him in over 3 years now, but unless he's done a complete
turnaround(hardly) or found religion or something, ANYTHING, then trust me the
guy's not worth your attention. Sorry to break it to you.

We can all confirm that. TV makes everyone an amazing person, kids. That's their job. Since young minds are so easily influenced by the mass media, it's easy to believe that "OMGZ JACOBB IZ THE MOST PERFEKT PERSON IN THA WH0LE WIDE WORLD!!!!!!111oneone". Do you think Canadian Idol is gonna talk about how Jacob treated others poorly? Nope, everyone has their flaws, and TV ain't gonna show them.

*dies laughing* This site is hilarious. And for the people bashing you for
bashing Jacob? They're all totally 14. I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved Jacob
on TV. And dude, you'll be making fun of him, but he'll be laughing all the way
to the bank. Seriously though. Thanks for the laugh. I always wondered what went
on in the minds of people who bullied people in highschool. The answer? Not
much. *dies again*
-Krista (

Finally a post with good grammar. Now I don't know if you're talking about us bullying him, or him bullying other people, but in no way did we bully him. See, another common misconception was that I was trying to make Jacob's life a living hell for him, and terrorizing him every day. Nothing's farther from the truth, we made fun of each other and it was all in good fun. I even walked home with the guy a couple of times (like I said, he lived like 5 houses down from me). He pissed a lot of people off, but in no way were we "sworn enemies" or anything like that.

In fact, I actually forgot about this little tidbit. When we were little kids, my mom and his mom were best friends and Jacob and his sister would always come to our house to play.

Mike, u can change the angle of your face.....but you can't change the face

She's still obsessed with my face.
Jessica (her pic posted) writes:

1. people have different personalities...meaning if you didnt like jacob
that doesnt mean everyone shouldnt

2. lots of famous people werent popular in school...and you dont have to be
popular in order to be cool...

3. What is the purpose of your web page? did you really think this would
change peoples minds?

4. You're ugly

1. I never said I didn't like Jacob, neither did I tell anyone else not to. I know reading is difficult for you, but it's essential to not looking like an idiot when you comment here. Maybe read your comment again.

"If you didn't like Jacob, doesn't mean everyone shouldn't."

Now, isn't the reverse true? If you really like Jacob, it doesn't mean anyone else should too. Look at all the comments on here including yours.

2. No shit sherlock.

3. No, the purpose of this website is to occasionally write whatever I want in it. Someone doesn't like it, fuck them! It's called an opinion!

4. Yep, I'm so ugly. The top insult that 12 year olds use against each other, pity. However, I looked up your pic as well.

You are gorgeous.

Wow... there are so many people posting about Jacob that I felt if I wanted
to be cool that I better post something too. Hmm Good for Jacob for getting as
far as he did, I’m sure he worked hard for it and I hope he makes lots of
money.... BUT why the fuck does anyone care? It's not like he's going to read
some obscure comment thread on a site he probably has been to in 5 years and
then give his autograph to all the people who were nice to him and write crappy
songs about us "Bullies". But hey if you people think that "dissing" him or
"defending" him really matters please keep it up. It makes for some entertaining
although grammatically poor reading.

Eric speaks his mind too.

Mike, a few others of us, went to school with the guy. He was notorious for
being this little annoying bastard who everybody hated, and for good reason. So
all of a sudden word gets around that Jacob Hoggard of all people is in Canadian
Idol. We all start talking about it and watching the show, cuz hey it might be
fun to see him on stage. And then lo and behold, he stays in. Week after week.
It's funny, a little sad, but very entertaining what with having known this guy
for quite a few years. In fact, for pretty much all of us in question, Jacob
being on the show was the only reason we bothered to watch; to see how far he

So now here's where the basic comprehension begins for you. A bunch of us
knew the guy. That same bunch of us tend to hang around this site to chat with
eachother and others. So hey, he's in the final 3, so Mike makes a post about it
for 3 reasons(that I know of).

1: It's all pretty amusing and he knows that a bunch of people on the site
will be able to relate.

2: It's his site and if he wants to make a comment then he's damn well
entitled to do so.

3: He KNOWS that the post is going to bring in all kinds of 12-14yo girls
doing "Hoggard" searches, and he's the kind of guy that gets a kick out of
people that will defend someone till their last breath when in reality they know
NOTHING about the person. So there, make sense now?
I hope that cleared things up.

As does Josh, very good points, yet it does not stop the onslaught of retards commenting:

Ok, setting aside the logic you have laid out about the point of creating
this part of your site... regardless of the rest of us knowing it's out of
jealousy...we'll let u believe you have concrete reasons.

But explain why you mature bullies who are so much cooler than the rest of
us took the time to not only go to a porn site, but cut and paste Jacob's face
onto the download. I u not have ANYTHING to do with yourselves off in
Surrey BC? I'm sure there are places to go, things to see....but taking the time
to create your own porn picture?

I guess it all boils down to talk about the kids on here all
being aged 12 but...what maturity level do u think you have at 22 or 23? At
least the children on here are acting their age. People of 12 are immature. You
on the other hand are double their age but still acting just as childish.

-jenni (

Wow, this post would actually sound smart, with all the PROPERLY structured sentences and vocabulary. Too bad the message behind it is still as stupid as the rest of these.

I didn't post the Jacob pics, one of my friends did in response to all the dipshits being... dipshits! Sometimes the only way to deal with immature people is with immaturity (like the pic I posted of Sarah or this post in general). When you start up a shitstorm, be prepared to deal with it.

What others post on here? Not my problem, I believe in freedom of speech.

good grief.... i was born and raised in mission, moved to abby 19 yrs ago.
when someone asks me where i'm from i say abbotsford. if they then ask me if
i've lived here all my life i say, i'm a valley girl, born and raised in
mission. so get over it that it's listed that he's from abby. ain't no thing in
the grand scheme of stuff. and it is listed that he was born in surrey. ya, so
-rhiannyn (

Sarcasm man, you're taking it way too seriously. Who cares if he moved, I knew about that. I just wanted to spark a surrey pride debate, not a preteen whine-fest.

Umm.. well, im with Mike and them. I went to school with the infamous Jacob
Hoggard and he really is a jerk sometimes. Im glad that someone I know made it
as far as he did on Canadian Idol. But thats as far as its going to go. Hes
going to PERHAPS make a song, it will get on the radio and then he'll dissapear
and no one but his close friends will know where he is or WHO he is.

The last thing I remember about him from LAM is he walked around with a
rubber fish and kept throwing it at people or into the janitors buckets of
water. Someone should have handed him and knife. Cuz hes seriously retarded. Im
sorry that he didn't win. But it might be a good thing. Let that Medicine Hat
flammer win. More people in Canada can relate to him better anyways.

Oh yeah, the rubber fish!!!

huh, you took down the pic, what happened, your ass is being sued? i doubt
you'll post this...

I just posted it, so what? The pic's still up, Mya's site was probably down for a while cause that's where it's hosted. Sued? Not unless you can prove in court the pic caused him monetary or business loss. That business law course I took at school comes in handy sometimes.

Now, let's look at the message board thread that started it all. I looked through some of that message board, and the amount of stupid teeny bopper posts is staggering. There is NO WAY anyone on there is over 14.

ewww.. what kind of asshole would do this... gay... JACOB SHOWED HIM!

Yep, he sure showed me alright? When did this happen, and how did I miss it? I wanted to see this show, darn.

Chipper - You know, this just shows how huge he is! If people actually take the time to mke a whole website about how much they hate Jacob, he must be really famous!!

An entire website? Really? Cause I only thought I made ONE post. Hating him? You might want to learn to read, then actually READ it and try and find where I said I hated him. It'll be a fun game for all of you! Who'll win? There are no winners here.

Kristina - It's just a guy with an opinion. Just leave it be, if he wants to say
this we can't stop it... so it's best to just leave it alone and forget about

There ya go! A rare occurrence of intelligence on that post. No sense for them to lose their precious few brain cells raging about a post where I never really said anything bad about the guy to begin with. Notice how the smarter posts are more gramatically correct too.

Alana - Jeez! people like that, piss me off soo much. i told them off....ehehe

EEeeeEEEeeEEEeeeeeEEeeEE-HEE-HEE-HEE. Wow, I bet you feel good now, that you valiantly defended poor Jacob from all us evil soul-sucking bastards. Maybe now he'll dump his girlfriend and marry you.

french_hottie - Let's all just laugh about Jacob sucking a pipe! lol

You got it!!! That WAS another point, to make people laugh at his crazy stories. At first I thought she wasn't an idiot. Her later posts prove that she has, not a stick, but some sort of tree lodged inside her anal cavity.

J-Craze - Its alright i gave him my piece of mind.. Those Live Journals.. Are
sooo dumb.. its on the internet.. people are bound to read it.. So why bash in
them.. I dunno.. People.. PATHETIC...

You might want to learn to formulate a proper sentence before calling someone pathetic, and stop using all those dots "......." too dude. Where's PACMAN when you need him?!

Samurai_Viking_Chick - um... i think i must've read something wrong or didn't
read something at all cuz i didn't really find him to be an asshole or
anything...i'm confused.. oh and slurrey is just a nickname for
case you didn't know..

Out of all these flamers, she actually was able to read the article and see that I WASN'T being an asshole. I'm impressed, maybe not all hope is lost. But then again...

elizAbeth - ew that guy is soo gay...

Was that supposed to be an insult? Yeah ok, I'm a fLaMiNg h0m0, even though I have a girlfriend. Even if I was, anything wrong with that?

krissyb123 - My message to this "Mike guy".... I'll be looking forward to you next entry,
"The Day I Got My Ass Kicked" (and I'm too stupid to know why) That's it you
fucking moron, just give someone (or a whole bunch of 'em)the coordinates to
your house!!!

Oooh, stepping over the line here. Threatening someone over the internet CAN actually get you in trouble with the police, and some people find that out the hard way (just ask Chad about Tony!)

Guest - k i dont even think that guy is telling the truth because yes jacob did
go to elemntary school in surrey (i know this because my frind went to school
with him) but then for high school he moved to abbotsford so unless this guy
moved with him they didn't go to the same high school...what a loser

Actually he went to LA Matheson with us from grade 8 to 10, after that we graduated. After that, who knows. We even have the year book pics to prove it, so next time get your facts straight before sounding like a superdunce.

i_heart_jacob - omg he sucks. haha but i told him off. i also told him that hes
FUGLY... cuz he is. lmao

Lyke omg... don't "lmao" yourself too much, it could cause (more) brain damage.

They went on and on their message board in a diss fest about me, I always thought kids these days had better things to do with their time, like drugs and sex. They can't get either, so they opt to go and diss random people on the internet for making a post about Jacob that isn't about how OMGKEWLIEZ he is.

All in all, I had lots of fun writing this post. If you're angry you're on here, well life is tough, next time think before going on someone's site and being idiots.

You've just made complete asses of yourselves. CONGRATULATIONS LOSERS!

Saturday, September 11, 2004

On this day, 3 years ago...

Oh fuck it, you all know what happened. Thousands died, it was a horrible day, etc. I won't bother repeating everything that everyone else posts on 9/11.
Now, do you know what they're planning to build there to replace the twin towers?

In my opinion, it looks fairly inadequate... half-assed if you will. Sure there are more buildings, but they're all shorter than what was there, reinforcing the fact that most americans are afraid to work in tall buildings after 9/11. There's not a single building that will go over 70 stories in that picture.
It's a combination of fear, greed, and politics that killed any chance of the original twin towers being rebuilt, and you can read the entire story at

yes it's true

Sorry Ladies, Jacob Hoggard is taken.
Please commence with the wrist slashing.

Thanks a bunch

Seth on Slurrey

You know what really pisses me off. Fanatics.

How stupid are people these days? I've been watching this whole Jacob Hoggard fiasco for a bit now and it seems that I have come to a conclusion (get ready this is deep.......):

1) Canadian Idol fans are complete morons

Case in point. This Jacob Hoggard kid. Now granted, I don't know the guy. Apparently Mike and his friends went to school with him, whatever. Anyway I don't watch this Canadian Idol shit because quite frankly I have a life. But, let's say I didn't have a life and I happened to watch Canadian Idiot....err Idol. Ok fine, turn it on, watch a couple hours, go do something else, whatever. That's fine by me, hell everyone has a favorite show, you'd be hard pressed to find me missing Monday Night Football. But when people go so far as to idolize a guy on a show, set up webpages in his honour, and defend him to the death with extreme effort because someone made a critical post on a website...yeah....something isn't right upstairs.....

It seems that this Jacob guy now has an army of 12-15 year old girls ready to defend him to the death. Hmmm a mass of people devoted to your every word and willing to sacrifice themselves for you......I believe a man named Adolf had that once upon a time, and look how THAT turned out.

Now we all know he came in 3rd on Canadian Idol, wow! I can't even remember who came in first last year! Let alone third, and you know what no one else knows and no one else cares! Hell, if I were on that show I'd be sure to use my 15 minutes of fame to my complete advantage. My only wish would be that MY groupies would be legal.

Jacob reminds me of another "upcoming superstar" as you Hoggard fans seem to think. Do any of you remember Jimmy Ray? Of course you don't you were 5 years old when he came out. He was yet another one hit wonder, but at least this guy got a CD out. Jimmy Ray had one song, and it was all about himself. Remember guys? let's sing along:

"Are you Johnny Ray"
"Who wants to know?"
"Are you Gay Ray"
"Who wants to know?, who wants to know about me?"

No one does you dipshit and no one did! And where is he today? Who knows! he was popular for about 5 minutes and he had one shitty CD. In a year the only people who will know the name Jacob Hoggard are Mike's friends who went to school with him, and they'll only remember him for the whiny, bullying, racist little shit he alledgedly was.

But I don't blame blame you idiot fans who are so brainwashed that you'll defend him no matter what. So obsessed with "celebrity" (notice the quotation marks). Why don't you guys do me a favor and all get a life and be your own people instead of idolizing someone. OR idolize him if you will, I don't care, but don't come to this site and bitch at everyone about it. NEWS FLASH kids, not everyone in the world is as obsessed with Jacob or Canadian Idol as you are!

Do me a favor kids, get a life. Quit idolizing people and bitching about it on a website. How pathetic is THAT.

Mankind are an incorrigible race. Give them but Idols -- it is all that they ask; the distinctions of right and wrong, of truth and falsehood, of good and evil, are worse than indifferent to them.

-William Hazlitt 1778-1830, British Essayist

I'm Seth Osler, and this was Seth on Slurrey

Well I haven't been able to update for the past couple of days due to slurrey's FTP going down faster than a surrey hooker on a busy day.

We've been getting many comments on the Jacob post from his beloved fans. Plenty of hate from a post where I wasn't really ragging on the guy in the first place. Fortunately, some of this unintelligent verbal defecation is rather entertaining, so maybe I'll post the top stupidest comments from Jacob's fans who responded to my not-so-insulting post about him.

Wow, to think I got that much of a response from messing around and calling him a goof. If I had actually seriously insulted him I could probably expect his fans waging a jihad on my ass and flying a plane into my house 9/11 style.

Tired as shit, tomorrow brings a new day. Oh and I'll have the new pit party pics up soon, I sorta promise.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004


Blogger sure has changed since the last time I used it. Regardless it still sucks. Alot.
I asked MiKE to let me post on here again last night because apparently I had a good idea for something. Unfortunately I'm a retard and I forgot.


I am proud to be the one to welcome Robin to the club of teh bad drunks.

We're just a bunch of hosers eh?

Monday, September 06, 2004

100meter dash

This morning Mellisa came in 1rst place in the 100 meter dash with a record breaking 14 minutes and 27 seconds.

Thursday, September 02, 2004


This is the pit party from a couple of weeks ago!! 8 pages of pics!! I don't really remember what happened at it, but I do remember it was the best pit party so far!

There's another one this saturday, check the message board for details.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Have you ever laughed so hard over a long period of time, that you've given yourself a crippling headache?

This guy's articles are even better than Tucker Max.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

I drew a picture in MSpaint;

I call it "Accidental Discharge".
Break my face for I am amazing, and YOU are jealous

Monday, August 30, 2004

I can't believe that Jacob Hoggard is in the final 3 for Canadian Idol. Not only do I know him, but we went to the same elementary school and high school. Not to mention he lives JUST down the street from my house.

He was 2 grades younger than all of us, but me and Eric still had to TA some computer classes he was in. Jacob is one of the loudest, craziest, and most annoying people you'll ever meet. We made lots of fun for him and he tried making fun of us, but it just didn't work.

I remember this one time, we were in computer class and the teacher was away. Jacob was running around, jumping over computer desks and whatnot, and I throw a black plastic tube at him. I'm guessing it was some kind of weird computer partt from a macintosh, those machines are alien to me.

So he grabs it, and starts sucking it like a dick.

I'm like, "Dude, that's Ms. ***********'s penis!".

He drops it and screams "Ewwwww it tastes like ether!!".

He was definitely a weird kid.

So anyways, if he lives only a few houses down from me, and went to my schools, then why the hell does he say on the show that he's from Abbotsford? Is surrey not good enough for him? Did he think it'd hurt his chances if he said he was from HERE? Man, that sucks. Have some surrey pride boy!

Well as much as we made fun of him in high school, we hope he wins! Just so we can say, "we used to make fun of that Jacob guy who's a millionaire right now."



Samantha blew her competition away and grabbed the gold at high jump in the super saiyan division.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

waterheads report #1


Tommy came in second place with a smile on his face while Jerry ran the race backwards.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Well, the UPS guy brought the present I bought for Val today. That sure didn't take long!

The best part was tracking its route on the internet. First, it originated in "CHEK LAP KOK" (Yes, there is a kok in my lap). Then, the package was transported to "KWAI CHUNG" (Yes, Chad did say that she was quite young). The address was "93 KWAI FUK ROAD". Ok, I'm not even gonna comment on that one.

Val, I know you're mortified thinking about what I might have bought you. But rest assured, you'll love it!

Monday, August 23, 2004

My videocard is melting. I'm serious.

The picture doesn't do it justice though, in reality it looks far worse!

My computer case has a window on the side where you can see all its guts. Over the past year, my video has has been drooping lower and lower. Now it's completely noticeable, but it still works perfectly fine!

Why is it melting? Am I overheating it? It's not like I often play any graphics-intense games that strain it. So what the fuck!

ATI needs to stop making video cards out of candle wax.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Yesterday morning, the coolest thing happened.
I'm leaving for work and as I walk out the door, something flies RIGHT INTO MY EYE.

I'm like owww fuck and I look down. On the ground, there's a wasp on its back with its legs flailing in the air.

Then suddenly. IT DIES. I killed a fucking wasp.... with my EYE!

Sunday, August 15, 2004

The pit party was a huge success!
I will put the pics up tomorrow, today I was too busy with my awesome date with Val.


Sunday, August 08, 2004


Read the post on the message board for details!

Wow I haven't made a real post in here for so long.
My summer's been going alright. Worked for the first half of the summer, had some excellent pit parties, and generally just doing lots of fun stuff with Vuv and all my friends. So many things have happened, there's no way I can type it all out.

It's hard to condense this all into a big post, but here's basically what I want to say:

I went and spent almost $900 on a new video camera for filming out movies on. It's the Sony DCR-TRV460, which uses Digital8 as the format (whish is basically the same as MiniDV except it uses 8mm casettes instead). This camera has night vision, night color mode, a touch screen, mind-blowing image and sound quality, and so many other features.... holy fuck. It makes me VERY excited about our new movie. It even does widescreen!

That's right, it's about a robot. The robot costume we made looks incredible! Me and Eric spend all of monday working on it! Filming will probably take 2 months or so, since I really don't want to rush anything like Copside 3. It won't be a long movie, 30 minutes at most, but we're going for quality over quantity. Remember the 80's scene in Copside 3? ALL OF OUR NEW MOVIE WILL BE THAT GOOD.

Me, Eric, And Sara went to see I, Robot. When we came back to the parking lot, the car had been broken into. Eric and Sara both lost their phones, and sara also had her purse taken, with all her ID in it and her paycheque. It sucked big time. That crackhead bastard also got my NIN toque. I was so pissed off, I've had many memories with that toque! Fuck it, I got a new one the same day I bought my video camera!

Now, I had to take algorithms again so I decided to take it in August to get it out of the way with. It was 3 nights a week... monday, wednesday, and friday. Initially I thought that each class was only 2 hours long. Then I found out they were actually 4 hours long. So I'd be in there monday/wednesday/friday from 5:00 pm until 9:30 pm!!! Shitty hours eh? Ok, so the hours sucked, I decided to go ahead with it.

I go to the class wednesday night, and the instructor starts talking about how tough the couse will be, since they take the regular 3 month course and cram it into one month. Okay, I'm getting sorta worried. I mean, I did bad enough when I took it as a 3 month course, it's THAT hard. It shouldn't be too hard though because it's the only course I'm taking, and I'll get through it. Right?

Fuck no, he started teaching it, and I knew I was screwed. He's a REALLY REALLY good instructor, but the amount of material we covered in 4 hours, and me getting lost through most of it, I knew there was almost NO chance of me passing. I would basically be throwing away the $499 I paid for it, plus my whole summer trying my hardest to pass it. Not worth the shite.
It would be much better to take it in september with my other courses, at regular hours, over a regular period of time, and pass it.

I was getting so stressed out and depressed over it that I ended up dropping it and getting a full refund. So now the rest of my august is free, though I'll probably be working most of it.

And now a little surprise:

Our slurrey water fight video!

(right-click, save as...)

It's filmed with my new video camera, and while DiVX compression doesn't make it look all that great, you'll sort of have an idea how much this new camera kicks ass!

Monday, July 19, 2004


And some old pics from past pit parties!

Saturday, July 17th, will always be remembered by a lot of slurrey folk as the best pit parties ever. Well, unless of course we manage to beat it with a better party soon.

The turnout was great, a lot of people cancelled but I invited enough that at there were at least 35 people who came. A ton of my friends came, and friends of their friends, and even people I knew from high school. Chad W was even there!

Slurrey people who attended: Me (no shit), Val, Chad, Robin, Mel, Eric, Sara, Gavin, Aron Marty, Chris Hale, Pat, Mya, Tink, Mike, Ivar, Jessie, and Calen.

I brought Pat's stereo and the bastard had given me dead batteries to go in it! Pat you fucker! So I got Eric to get some... the damn thing took 8 D's and 4 AA's... fuck man might as well have brought a nuclear power plant to the pit with us. All the batteries cost $20... Pat you owe me at least half of that.

Basically everyone got really drunk except me and Chad (we were the DD's). Aron totally went crazy and was saying/doing the funniest shit. He started giving everyone east-indian names, and from that point on in the night his new name was Sukhwinder. Mya was pretty drunk too, apparently she went around looking for Cloud (a retard on our message board) and I must say, there were a few people there I thought might actually be him! Someone passed out for the entire night, and fell into a pile of broken glass (people were smashing bottles all over the good places to sit).

The fire... oh god the fire. Best bonfire ever. Me and Eric lit the fire, Mya helped by crazily squirting lighter fluid all over it. We threw a printer and Gavin's busted VCR into it, and later on Mark comes back with a plastic shopping cart, which burned like nothing I've ever seen before. It melted so weird and pools of melting plastic flowed down the fire, check out the pics, they look sweet! The shopping cart then became a throne for Mya, the Queen of Whalley.

So many things happened during the night I'm having a hard time remembering them, and I was sober!

- A couple of people picked up hot embers from the fire and were throwing them to each other.
- Pat's friends started a mosh pit.
- Couples were randomly walking in and out of the bushes hmmm.
- Tink got a date.
- Darren and Jari were there too!
- Darren was Chad's secret service agent!
- Robin was pretty wasted and kept talking about "picking up bitchez".
- Chad had to keep going back to the car to give everyone rides too.

That's about all I remember! I'll add more to this post as people remind me!

Sunday, July 18, 2004

What the fuck is wrong with slurrey?
Nothing now, apparently.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

I'll make a real post soon, I promise!
In the meantime, check out the message board, which has exploded in activity in the past few days (like a bitch on hastings... HA that'll never get old!)

BTW, pit party this saturday. I'm trying to get as many people as I can to this thing! For details look in the message board.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

How VANCOUVER are you?

You've peed in the staff can at the Railway.

You've stair-surfed at the Railway.

You've slept overnight on one of the couches at the Sugar Refinery.

You've been so shitfaced you actually danced to the house band at the Fairview or the Yale.

You've laughed at the gallery of old Leather Ranch ads on the walls of their store in the Granville Mall.

You've eaten a piece of Prime Time Chicken (when inebriated, of course).

You've eaten at the lunch counter of Save On Meats.

You've heckled during Jokes for Beer at Shindig.

You've put a friend on Roofies Watch any time you needed to abandon your drink at The Roxy.

You've thought about making T-shirts every time you passed Ph?B?h Nga on Kingsway.

You know what the BOW-MAC sign used to be.

You know how to turn on the BOW-MAC sign.

You have a Wally's Burgers T-shirt.

You have a Juicy Chicken T-shirt.

You know at least three places you can get served after hours.

You got crabs at a bar that self-defines as "upscale".

You have your Videomatica membership card.

You remember skinny paper bus transfers.

You were born at St. Paul's, VGH, Children's, Grace, St. Joseph's, or UBC hospital.

You don't own a snow shovel.

You've smacked your forehead on the doorway of the "John Malkovich Room" at the Railway.

You know the name of the voice actor that did the pre-recorded Seabus safety announcement.

You've received annoying promotional emails from the management of Jazzberry Ram.

You've seen someone you know naked at Wreck Beach.

You've seen Courtney Love take it off at the No. 5 back in her early career as a janky-ass ho.

You've met someone who's actually from Vancouver and said, "oh, you're the other one."

You've barfed on the Skytrain.

You've had your dog off-leash at a non-off-leash dog park.

You've had someone vow never to lend you their Whistler condo again.

You remember when Savage Love made its Canadian debut 뾦n the pages of Terminal City.

You've hauled your carcass out to the 'burbs to see a band you liked (at Cheers, The Breakers, Studebakers, The Brit, etc).

You've been verbally abused by the staff of the Elbow Room while consuming a hangover breakfast with a one-night-stand.

You've made the Pine Free Clinic preferred customer list.

You voted for the Dance Party Party.

You voted for The Captain when he ran for mayor.

You ran for mayor when TC offered a free pint to anyone who got their name on the ballot.

You've skipped school/work to go to the beach.

You've lived in the Lee Building, the Holly Lodge or Shaughnessy Lodge.

You've stayed out late on warm night and made a bonfire on a beach where it's prohibited.

You've put on your own late night show at the Kitsilano Showboat.

You've purchased fake ID from someone on Granville.

You've been chased out of Stanley Park by racoons, geese or tourists while high on mushrooms.

You've tried to steal boats in Coal Harbour or Granville Island.

You've been caught smoking a joint by the cops and let off with a warning.

You've had your home or car broken into.

You've spent two hours circulating Granville Island Market gorging on free samples for breakfast/lunch/dinner.

You've gorged on Those Little Donuts, and watched Superdogs and the smash-up derby at the PNE, all while under the influence of heat stroke and cheap draft beer. And maybe later on, you barfed there.

You remember spending almost half an hour trying to order a drink (one that ended up being way too sweet), drinking it anyway, and then lapsing into a near-diabetic coma under the eerie "Polynesian" lighting at the old Trader Vic's. And maybe later on, you barfed there.

You've bounced and barfed at the old Commodore.

You've got a tattoo from The Dutchman.

You've learned where they hide the keys on film set trucks.

You've eaten craft service on a set where you aren't even working.

You've said "who the fuck is the lady who tows around the fuckin' duck?" (gads I want to smack her upside the head and take that poor duck back to the beach -_-)

You've said "what the fuck is with the ventriloquist and the stupid monkeys?"

At the corner of "Midlife and Crisis" (Robson and Thurlow) you've fought the urge to push over all the bikes at the Southwest corner Starbucks, then had to fight the urge at the Northeast corner Starbucks to push over all the yuppies.

You've felt sick after bad sushi.

You've worn shorts in every month of the year.

You've been a total asshole and phoned a friend in Toronto to brag about the weather after seeing east coast snowstorms on TV.

You've obtained illegal roof access to at least 3 buildings in Vancouver (the bigger, the better)?and NOT to watch fireworks.

You've fallen asleep at Wreck Beach, burned your personal areas and been too wasted to get up the stairs.

You've put on a bathing suit and spent a summer afternoon pool-hopping through apartment buildings in Kitsifornia.

You've had sex in Stanley Park.

You've had sex on one of the bridges.

You've hocked a loogie off the Georgia Viaduct.

You've dropped out of Langara at some point in your academic career.

You've lived in shitty, overpriced, pet-unfriendly housing in at least 5 neighbourhoods.

You laugh when people back east tell you they really can get good pot.

You cry when people back east tell you they really can get good hash.

Your home has indications of a previous (or current) grow show.

You've got video games on your shelf that have names you know (or your own) in the credits.

You've been hit by poo flung from the hand of George Puil.

You've had food from the Hari Krishnas or the Sikh Temple.

You swam to the Folk Fest.

You've been stabbed slammed into a metal pole and used as a shield in a fight (-_-) at the fireworks.

You've thrown away a signed Douglas Coupland book.

You've been smuggled onto a BC Ferry.

You've had scabies.

You've sold your books, CDs, TV and bike just to make rent.

You've been an extra. 3 crappy times XD

You've stopped a friend from beating up Nardwuar the Human Serviette.

One of your friends stopped you from beating up Nardwuar the Human Serviette.

You know the punchline to "Why do Surrey girls wear underwear?"

You've bought underwear at the Chinatown night market.

You've snowboarded, gone swimming, roller-bladed, scored 'shrooms or weed, got laid on a beach and gone windsurfing, all in the same day.

You claim you did the Grouse Grind.

You've dropped acid and went to the Pink Floyd laser show at the Planetarium.

Ditto the Pink Floyd Wizard of Oz at the Blinding Light!!

You once worked at Duthie Books.

Your band made its biggest payday at Ms. T's.

You've tried to throw a rock through the windows of the sugar refinery (the Rogers one, down by the train tracks).

You've been caught jumping the Skytrain.

You miss Sam the Record Man.

You protested _________________ outside the VAG.

You've made a Downtown Ambassador cry.

You've told a tourist the steam clock is a scam and doesn't run on steam.

You've never been to Bard on the Beach.

You've checked out an ass in Lululemon pants.

You've bought meat and cheese at the Ivanhoe.

You've explained to a tourist that they can't go swimming inside the Law Courts.

You've climbed over the dome of the Sun Tower.

BONUS: You've had sex inside one of the zeroes in the big concrete "100" at the South end of the Granville Bridge.


0 Very Cornerbrook
1-10 Very Toronto
11-20 Very Whitehorse
21-30 Very Winnipeg
31-40 Very Edmonton
41-50 Very Calgary
51-60 Very Montr?l
61-70 Very Surrey
71-80 Very Burquitlam
81-90 Very Vancouver
91-100 Pretty Seattle