Saturday, May 29, 2004

Cross Posted From My LJ and My website because I damn well can

" A Small ShrekII Review" By Mya Hardman As Seen on Her site



There is a certain time in ones life when they're told that seeing a children's movie is taboo, and for lack of better words childish. When sometimes all you're looking for is a little wholesomeness or nostalgia, you can be thought of as immature, uncultured and to some people maybe even perverse.
I suppose that is why movies like these are made. No it isn't you're snow white fairy tail where everything is pure and people sing about flowers and butterflies, but then again it isn't your heavy metal where everything is hardcore and people fuck girls with flower shaped areolas while the butterflies watch and masturbate.
A happy medium one would say.

Keeping in mind that I saw the 9:30 on a Friday, the place was packed. My seats were shit from showing up late and it was so tight in there, I could smell the double quarter pounder the man in front of me had eaten earlier when he laughed out loud at the comical side-kick Donkey (Voice Actor Eddie Murphy).
How many children did I see there tonight? Maybe two or three.
What this movie has done is made it both for children and adults without being complete and utter crap (Ex: Honey I blew up the baby, Daddy Gay..er I mean Daycare) This for movies today is an incredibly rare accomplishment, one of which I applaud.
They have taken old Disney movie characters and cleverly hidden sexual innuendos that would appeal to an older crowd, and all the great animation and fart jokes that would appeal to the new nickelodeon generation.

Not to mention a bang out cast that people both old and new would recognise;
With the proud Canadian and funny man Mike Myers as Shrek, the lovely eccentric Cameron Diaz as Princess Fiona (Did I mention to you all how cool I think it is that the Human form of Fiona looks almost exactly like Cameron?) , The Christ how is he still fucking alive yet always pleasant John Clease, The voice of the man that has hit middle age like breaking through your first hymen YET STILL oozes with sex Antonio Banderas, Jennifer Saunders (Known best for her work as Eddie From absolutely fabulous) as the Fairy Godmother, The man who loves to "party all the time" Eddie Murphy (fun fact: this is the first movie I've liked him in since... well ever) and Plenty more.

With small things that have the crowd roaring, for instance a giant ginger bread man destroying a local star bucks and then the customers fleeing across the street to another star bucks is funny yet scarily true.
I could Give out more and totally give away the movie but I wont that would be impolite now wouldn't it?
SHREK DIES AND THE SHIP SINKS!@#$%^
I give it four and a half out of five stars. I encourage you all to go and prove me wrong.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Aron says:
hahahaa I'm loling

Monday, May 24, 2004

Oww fuckit. I was stripping wire and the knife slipped and sliced my hand!
It's on the side of my hand too so no matter how I move it the wound opens and closes like it's trying to say something. "I will take as long as possible to heal, you bastard". At least it's small, still it bled like a bitch. Pardon the horrible pun.

Yeah, maybe I should invest in some good quality strippers...

Damn, that sounded wrong. Oh well, back to studying.
Man, I'm never pulling an all nighter like that again. I felt like a zombie... complete with the urge to eat brains. Cause my own brain ended up melting onto the labroom floor during the course of the night.

On saturday we filmed some pretty good footage. It involves dressing as cops, smashing the fuck out of another printer, and lighting a vaccuum on fire and swinging it around in circles, then throwing it into the ocean. While Eric was swinging it around, burning plastic was flying everywhere, that shit almost hit me too. It was good fun.

The video should be up soon, I'm going to edit it into one excellent fucking clip.

Exam week is here! I can't wait till it's over, I'm looking forward to that saturday party already.

There's already up to 40 people coming, it should be the biggest slurrey field trip yet.

It's going to be field trip #69. I believe this party will definitely be worthy of the title.

Time to study motherfuckers! Wish me some luck.

Friday, May 21, 2004

Well I'm pulling an all nighter at BCIT to get all this shit done. As stressful as finishing up last minute shit can get, tonight has had its fun moments.

I'm live on the webcam right now. You too can join in on the fun and watch the crazy shit that goes on in the lab. Like random ass-rapings, people throwing super-magnets at the fridge, and me occasionally getting up and doing something stupid in front of the camera.

I have 1039 lines of code to comment, and a massive team project that's about a quarter finished. These are due later today.

Hey kids! Can you say s-c-r-e-w-e-d?
I can't wait till that pit party on the 29th, to celebrate finishing school I'm gonna drink my self stupid.

Monday, May 17, 2004

Why the fuck is my site so slow?
Its back, and its finaly done, in a new format!

Ive redone the porn store blog, the last two entries have been put in, and its all done.

Go and check it out, closure is finaly here.

http://patmeister.blogspot.com/

The end of the Porn Store Blog, though it will remain online for ever and ever, it shall never be updated again.

Read the last few entries, they're good.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Wow. School sure is ass-fucking me lately.
So much pressure and shit! I have probably 4 or 5 final projects or big assignments due next week, and there's no way in hell I have time to do them all unless I pull all-nighters next week.

Don't worry, I'll be back in a couple of weeks. Until then, don't expect to hear much from me, except for the usual one-liners every now and then.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

FIELD TRIP 67 - TRIP TO SEATTLE! 800 PICS!!!!!


So I haven't updated in a while, things have been pretty busy the past little while. Oh well, this huge-ass post should make up for the lack of stupid little posts I usually make every day.

Last weekend we went to Seattle to see the HIM concert at Graceland! The whole trip was fun as fuck, and you all know how much fun I think that fuck is! Now, let's start from the very beginning:


  • So friday morning, around 10:30 am I pick up Val at Scott Rd. We head back to my place and have lunch, and Eric and Sara show up! They have lunch too and then we head on out!

  • We get on the road and go wash the car. Now, I haven't been to a car wash in a while (which would explain why my raper van is a nice rusty brown color), but holy rat nadules, that new colored wax stuff they use in there is trippy as fuck! You too can have a great acid trip, in the comfort of your own car! Naafhkdslasdd!

  • Since I live only like 10 minutes away from the US border, we got there in no time! The wait wasn't long either, and I loved the markers they had so you knew EXACTLY when you entered the US. At one point, the front half of the car was on the US side, while the other side was still on lovely canadian soil.. err... ashphalt.

  • Going the the border, you'd think it was like entering Area 51 or something. I love how they have 150 video cameras pointed at every angle of the car! We had no trouble crossing the border at all, which was pretty good.

  • We were in the US!! Gee, looks exactly the same, except there's no snow on this side. Heheh. Actually, the first thing you notice driving down the highway is that they don't use ashphalt for the roads here, I think they use regular concrete. It was weird.

  • There was a restaurant stop so we stopped and had some food! Did you know that in the US, the iced tea isn't sugarized? It tastes a LOT different than the stuff we have here, and we found out the hard way as we took turns trying it and instantly spitting it out. That stuff tastes like roughly flavored piss! I bet I could bottle my piss and it would outsell that shit by twice as much! The funniest thing is, Sara decided to get another iced tea from another fast food place... and guess what? It wasn't sugarred either of course! Oh yeah, and when I took a piss at the McDonald's bathroom, the stalls were 2 feet high and near the floor!

  • As we were driving, I suddenly saw some buildings poking up through the hills, I got pretty excited: "HOLY SHIT WE'RE IN SEATTLE!". And almost instantly, the traffic went all crazy and we got kinda lost, taking a wrong exit.

  • You could tell that the Seattle skyline is pretty damn impressive, heightwise. There's not as many buildings as Vancouver, but the ones there are fucking tall!! Especially with the Bank of America tower being almost 1000 feet high, it looked fucking huge from even as far away as we were! I loved the architecture on most of the buildings too, especially this building. Did you know that the same guy who designed it also designed the twin towers in New York?! The downtown cluster of buildings felt really small though, compared to Vancouver. I guess what we lack in height, we more than make up for it with the insane amounts of density we've got downtown.

  • It's surprising how far away the Space Needle is from the actual downtown. I guess when they take the pictures of it, they take them from a certain angle so it LOOKS like it's in there among the buildings!

  • Did you know that the highways and stuff there are FUCKING CRAZY?! Like shit, they have like 5 highways stacked on top of each other going all over the place and doing sonic-the-hedgehog style loops! It was madness! Holy shit :D. Oh yeah, the roads in Seattle have so many rules. There's lots of one-way streets, lots of places you can't turn into during certain times of the day, etc. In one place, there was a sign in an intersection that said "do not turn left". We look over and see, there's NO PLACE to turn left! If anyone would have actually attempted to turn left, they'd end up in bushes or a ravine or something!

  • As we were driving around, we noticed that there wasn't much planning with anything built in Seattle. It looks like everyone just built whatever they wanted wherever they could, so you're driving and the scenery changes inconsistently! Like in Surrey, you drive, you see nice houses for a while, shitty houses for a while, stores for a while, slums and hookers for a while, etc. With seattle it's nicehouse/store/factory/park/warehouse/nicehouse/slum/shittyhouse and this is just one street! Also, everything seemed packed a lot closer together, and it was more claustrophobia-inducing. Other than that, Seattle is beautiful as fuck :)

  • We parked somewhere and went to find Graceland, where HIM was playing, and voila! We just followed the gothy-looking people and found the place pretty easily! Walking by all those people waiting in line, we could definitely feel the fiery stares. Especially Eric with his preppy blue jacket! It was wonderful!

  • Now that we knew where the place was, we had like 4 hours to kill. Eric decided to go rock climbing! We watched as he scaled this giant phallic rock... and failed. He was so angry, cause he's never defeated at rock climbing, and that rock was just standing there, mocking him. He swore he'd get his revenge, one day.

  • After rock climbing we walked around, and we saw a horny tree. Then we drove down to the Space Needle. There's lots of cool shit around there, like big metal things sticking out of the ground that just beg to be shaken, a large building with a butt-crack, lots of playland rides that are built on a smaller scale, and of course the big needle itself, what I refer to as "Seattle's big white boner". I refer to the Bank of America tower as "Seattle's big black boner".

  • We decided to not go on the Space Needle that day, and to save it for tomorrow. However, I did hump the space needle rather vigorously. I wonder if the people up on the observation deck were wondering why it was swaying so much. It was lovely, eventually I'm going to have a photo collection of me humping every US landmark there is! And when I'm done I'll make every other landmark around the world my bitch!

  • After my intimate moment with the space needle, Eric climbed some pipes to make himself feel better after the phallic rock incident. Gotta give him credit, climbing those pipes looked pretty dangerous. Meanwhile I was trying to eat ice cream without it landing all over my clothes, making me look like I had a little too much fun humping Seattle's landmark.

  • Then we went to some art musem (but only to take a piss). More weird restroom facilities, the toilets in this one were only 2 inches off the ground. If I woulda sat in one, my knees would be the same height as my face! Wow!

  • Then we saw a huge water fountain thinger and me and Eric tried to get our girlfriends to run into it with us (they were wearing white shirts). That didn't happen but we got them to promise we'd do it the next day!

  • It was time for the concert. Oh yeah, did I mention Eric and Sara didn't actually HAVE tickets? We were hoping some scalper nearby would be selling them, but there were none around. So looks like Eric and Sara weren't coming to the concert.... so only me and Val go inside. A few minutes later Eric and Sara show up too! They had bought tickets from a scalper for $70 american, but 2 minutes later they started selling them at the door for a lot cheaper! Shit sons! Well, at least they got in.

  • The concert was fucking awesome. Kill Hannah is a great band, and so was the band that played before them (Eighteen Voices I think?). The place was like a fucking oven, we were all packed like sardines in a tiny room with barely no ventilation, and it was so hot in there that it felt like everyone was sweating each other's sweat! Sick. What kept me going was the good music though. Something really entertaining: people were bodysurfing, but whenever they'd get near the stage, the security guys would run up there, ready to beat them down. They weren't fucking around, no one was getting onstage. And if they did, they were violently hurled right back into the crowd!

  • Finally, HIM was supposed to come on. We waited... and waited... and waited. 40 minutes. The crowd started to get disgruntled, yelling thing like "FUCK HIM" and everyone raising middle fingers high in the air. Finally, the band walked onto the stage, everyone cheered and those middle fingers turned into devil horns. HIM played a fucking amazing show that night, and it was worth the crazy wait that me and Vuv waited for them to tour in north america. Rad concert!

  • After the concert Eric climbed a billboard! As he was climbing it, someone walking by yelled inspirationally, "You climb that fucker! Make it your own!". And Eric did. He 0wned that fucking billboard.

  • So it was around 2 am and we were driving all over Seattle looking for a hotel. All of them were either full or really expensive. We eventually found one... it wasn't actually IN Seattle but it seemed like a nice place and it was only $109 for the night. That night I bought McDonalds... and wow. The burgers tasted like shit. Now I know what difference using a lower quality meat makes in an already low quality meal... when I was chewing it I'd bite into these little hard bits in the meat that were probably bone or something. As I was eating I thought "maybe if I puke this out, eating it again would be a lot tastier than it was the first time".

  • Having a shower the next morning felt so good. Nothing like washing the 27 layers of other people's sweat that I had aquired during the HIM concert. I got an afro after the shower, I could have seriously used an afro pick that day.

  • After the hotel we drove around downtown Seattle. I took pictures of lots of buildings. We drove up a parkade that never ended, and parked on the roof. The view from up there was sweet.

  • We took pictures of the Bank of America building and the buildings around it. We tried to go up to the observation deck on that thing, but it turns out it's closed on weekends. Wow, that's smart. Let's close the thing during the only time people have the time to go to it. I guess someone had a lightbulb over their head but it wasn't on.

  • I'm sorry, but I had to.

  • Then we began our quest to find Hot Topic, and we did... after walking uphill for like 20 blocks!! Wow!! Normally I wouldn't be tired after that, but this was after the HIM concert, standing in the same place unable to move for 5 hours. I almost died halfway up, it rocked.

  • We spent like half an hour in Hot Topic looking around, they got tons of neat stuff there. And we could finally get it without paying $16 extra for them to ship it somewhere only 3 hours away!! I got a HIM t-shirt... and Val got almost $100 worth of stuff!! She went nuts in there :)

  • Then we walked all the way back DOWNHILL, and went to the mall to get some food. I ate a pizza that tasted like a newspaper.

  • Eric found a guy fishing for beer. He paid him a buck to take a pic with him!

  • Then we went on the MONORAIL! The entire time when we were in Seattle, when we'd see the monorail me and Eric would sing monorail song from the Simpsons. It was stuck in my head the entire trip. Also, there were coins all over the monorail track! If I could collect all those american coins, and convert them into canadian dollars, I bet I'd be fuckenrich. The monorail took us to the Space Needle... when we went up it was so much fun. I took an elephant's shitload of pics from the top. The view is sweet, and they even had binoculars so we could do what we did in whistler and look into people's windows with them!

  • After the space needle we walked around the place... and then. We ran. So far away. Through the massive water fountain!! Eric ran with Sara and they didn't get too wet. And I ran with Val and I pulled her through a jet of water :(
    ... >;)
    We got more soaked than we did at the HIM concert! At least this time it wasn't sweat.. or more specifically... other people's sweat.

  • I got a picture of Eric hitting his head on a low ceiling.

  • Eric and Sara decided to get more wet at the water fountain by the monorail!!! I can't believe they stuck their heads through the waterfall!!!


And that was the end of the trip! We left just as it was getting dark, and it was sad to leave. Seattle's such a rad city, I'd love to go there again. The McDonalds and the newspaper pizza made me really sick though, but I guess I shoulda expected that.


Shit, I can't wait to go travelling again. Next time, it'll be New York!