How VANCOUVER are you?
You've peed in the staff can at the Railway.
You've stair-surfed at the Railway.
You've slept overnight on one of the couches at the Sugar Refinery.
You've been so shitfaced you actually danced to the house band at the Fairview or the Yale.
You've laughed at the gallery of old Leather Ranch ads on the walls of their store in the Granville Mall.
You've eaten a piece of Prime Time Chicken (when inebriated, of course).
You've eaten at the lunch counter of Save On Meats.
You've heckled during Jokes for Beer at Shindig.
You've put a friend on Roofies Watch any time you needed to abandon your drink at The Roxy.
You've thought about making T-shirts every time you passed Ph?B?h Nga on Kingsway.
You know what the BOW-MAC sign used to be.
You know how to turn on the BOW-MAC sign.
You have a Wally's Burgers T-shirt.
You have a Juicy Chicken T-shirt.
You know at least three places you can get served after hours.
You got crabs at a bar that self-defines as "upscale".
You have your Videomatica membership card.
You remember skinny paper bus transfers.
You were born at St. Paul's, VGH, Children's, Grace, St. Joseph's, or UBC hospital.
You don't own a snow shovel.
You've smacked your forehead on the doorway of the "John Malkovich Room" at the Railway.
You know the name of the voice actor that did the pre-recorded Seabus safety announcement.
You've received annoying promotional emails from the management of Jazzberry Ram.
You've seen someone you know naked at Wreck Beach.
You've seen Courtney Love take it off at the No. 5 back in her early career as a janky-ass ho.
You've met someone who's actually from Vancouver and said, "oh, you're the other one."
You've barfed on the Skytrain.
You've had your dog off-leash at a non-off-leash dog park.
You've had someone vow never to lend you their Whistler condo again.
You remember when Savage Love made its Canadian debut 뾦n the pages of Terminal City.
You've hauled your carcass out to the 'burbs to see a band you liked (at Cheers, The Breakers, Studebakers, The Brit, etc).
You've been verbally abused by the staff of the Elbow Room while consuming a hangover breakfast with a one-night-stand.
You've made the Pine Free Clinic preferred customer list.
You voted for the Dance Party Party.
You voted for The Captain when he ran for mayor.
You ran for mayor when TC offered a free pint to anyone who got their name on the ballot.
You've skipped school/work to go to the beach.
You've lived in the Lee Building, the Holly Lodge or Shaughnessy Lodge.
You've stayed out late on warm night and made a bonfire on a beach where it's prohibited.
You've put on your own late night show at the Kitsilano Showboat.
You've purchased fake ID from someone on Granville.
You've been chased out of Stanley Park by racoons, geese or tourists while high on mushrooms.
You've tried to steal boats in Coal Harbour or Granville Island.
You've been caught smoking a joint by the cops and let off with a warning.
You've had your home or car broken into.
You've spent two hours circulating Granville Island Market gorging on free samples for breakfast/lunch/dinner.
You've gorged on Those Little Donuts, and watched Superdogs and the smash-up derby at the PNE, all while under the influence of heat stroke and cheap draft beer. And maybe later on, you barfed there.
You remember spending almost half an hour trying to order a drink (one that ended up being way too sweet), drinking it anyway, and then lapsing into a near-diabetic coma under the eerie "Polynesian" lighting at the old Trader Vic's. And maybe later on, you barfed there.
You've bounced and barfed at the old Commodore.
You've got a tattoo from The Dutchman.
You've learned where they hide the keys on film set trucks.
You've eaten craft service on a set where you aren't even working.
You've said "who the fuck is the lady who tows around the fuckin' duck?" (gads I want to smack her upside the head and take that poor duck back to the beach -_-)
You've said "what the fuck is with the ventriloquist and the stupid monkeys?"
At the corner of "Midlife and Crisis" (Robson and Thurlow) you've fought the urge to push over all the bikes at the Southwest corner Starbucks, then had to fight the urge at the Northeast corner Starbucks to push over all the yuppies.
You've felt sick after bad sushi.
You've worn shorts in every month of the year.
You've been a total asshole and phoned a friend in Toronto to brag about the weather after seeing east coast snowstorms on TV.
You've obtained illegal roof access to at least 3 buildings in Vancouver (the bigger, the better)?and NOT to watch fireworks.
You've fallen asleep at Wreck Beach, burned your personal areas and been too wasted to get up the stairs.
You've put on a bathing suit and spent a summer afternoon pool-hopping through apartment buildings in Kitsifornia.
You've had sex in Stanley Park.
You've had sex on one of the bridges.
You've hocked a loogie off the Georgia Viaduct.
You've dropped out of Langara at some point in your academic career.
You've lived in shitty, overpriced, pet-unfriendly housing in at least 5 neighbourhoods.
You laugh when people back east tell you they really can get good pot.
You cry when people back east tell you they really can get good hash.
Your home has indications of a previous (or current) grow show.
You've got video games on your shelf that have names you know (or your own) in the credits.
You've been hit by poo flung from the hand of George Puil.
You've had food from the Hari Krishnas or the Sikh Temple.
You swam to the Folk Fest.
You've been stabbed slammed into a metal pole and used as a shield in a fight (-_-) at the fireworks.
You've thrown away a signed Douglas Coupland book.
You've been smuggled onto a BC Ferry.
You've had scabies.
You've sold your books, CDs, TV and bike just to make rent.
You've been an extra. 3 crappy times XD
You've stopped a friend from beating up Nardwuar the Human Serviette.
One of your friends stopped you from beating up Nardwuar the Human Serviette.
You know the punchline to "Why do Surrey girls wear underwear?"
You've bought underwear at the Chinatown night market.
You've snowboarded, gone swimming, roller-bladed, scored 'shrooms or weed, got laid on a beach and gone windsurfing, all in the same day.
You claim you did the Grouse Grind.
You've dropped acid and went to the Pink Floyd laser show at the Planetarium.
Ditto the Pink Floyd Wizard of Oz at the Blinding Light!!
You once worked at Duthie Books.
Your band made its biggest payday at Ms. T's.
You've tried to throw a rock through the windows of the sugar refinery (the Rogers one, down by the train tracks).
You've been caught jumping the Skytrain.
You miss Sam the Record Man.
You protested _________________ outside the VAG.
You've made a Downtown Ambassador cry.
You've told a tourist the steam clock is a scam and doesn't run on steam.
You've never been to Bard on the Beach.
You've checked out an ass in Lululemon pants.
You've bought meat and cheese at the Ivanhoe.
You've explained to a tourist that they can't go swimming inside the Law Courts.
You've climbed over the dome of the Sun Tower.
BONUS: You've had sex inside one of the zeroes in the big concrete "100" at the South end of the Granville Bridge.
Scoring:
0 Very Cornerbrook
1-10 Very Toronto
11-20 Very Whitehorse
21-30 Very Winnipeg
31-40 Very Edmonton
41-50 Very Calgary
51-60 Very Montr?l
61-70 Very Surrey
71-80 Very Burquitlam
81-90 Very Vancouver
91-100 Pretty Seattle