Saturday, October 23, 2004

One of the biggest new fads these days is to get a gmail account. So when Gavin sent me a google invite, I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and see how fun of a ride it would be.

Well, my gmail address is slurrey att I haven't really gotten any mail yet, not even spam.... but hey, at least I get 1 GIG of storage so I can never delte ANY email I get and let all the shit accumulate until the internet collapses in on itself.

Fuck, my road test is on monday. I've been meaning to get rid of this "N" for 5 years now... it's not like I even had one on the back of my car in the past year!

I've got 2 exams this wednesday. Lucky eh, even when I have only 3 courses, 2 of them manage to have an exam on the same day.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Soon, scientists will discover how to convert sluts into fuel.... it'll be a lot cheaper than gas!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

So last weekend we went to the island for the hell of it. We ended up having a fucking excellent time, at the expense of a night's sleep. Oh well!

So, we all had to meet up at 7:15 am at my house on saturday morning. The people attending were me, Val, Chad, Robin, Eric, Matty, and Craig. Since most of us went and saw Team America: World Police the night before and didn't get back home until 12 pm, most of us got a maximum of 5 hours of sleep.

So at 6:45 in the morning I leave my house to pick up Val at the skytrain. Now, for some reason skytrains weren't stopping at her station, she ended up being half an hour late, and we didn't get to my house until 7:30. Everyone was waiting and we had little time to lose, so we headed down to the ferry terminal and successfully missed our first ferry. The biggest insult was while the ferry was pulling away it was laughing at us. Seriously, the horn blew 3 times and it sounded like "HA. HA. HA."

We had 2 hours to kill. Most of the guys utilized those 2 hours to stare at the chick with the mini-skirt, while Val played the pink gameboy advance SP I got her for her birthday. I just fell asleep with my eyes open pretending to be having conversations with everyone.

The other ferry finally came and we got back into our car and listened to really stupid music. Chad started macking on the chick in the car next to us, with encouraging results.

Usually with ferry rides, they are boring. That's not the case with us! First we went to the back deck outside and threw napkins and paper airplanes to see how far they would fly. Then we went to the side and waved/screamed to the other ferry passing us by. They screamed back.

We got to the island and went to pick up Tink at her apartment. Her place is fucking awesome, it's so huge and roomy and CLEAN! She gave us some finnish Boola bread and off we went to get food.

At White Spot.

Man, that's the one place I can't stand to eat at, but by Murphy's Law everyone else I'm with would be craving it. I was hungry though, how bad could it be?

Having had bad experiences there before, I played it safe and ordered a burger with nothing on it at all, just the bun and the patty. You know, cause I really didn't feel like eating something that had disgusting multicolored burger-jizz pouring out the side of it.

Our server fucked it up but oh well, he ended up bringing me a jizz-free burger. Though I couldn't guarantee it was spit-free... cause some servers are assholes like that. Fuck it, I was hungry anyways.

Then we went to the heart of Victoria, with Tink as our tour guide! She did an excellent job. We started off with the Parliament buildings, then went to the wax museum, then walked along the waterfront, then walked around The Empress.

Isn't it great with all of Victoria's tourist attractions are within a 2 minute walk from each other?

Anyways the parliament buildings were great, we took lots of pics in front of them. I was gonna get a picture of me humping the buildings, but the security guard was standing right there and I'm sure me humping the building would be taken as a breach of security or something.

The wax museum was also fun. All the wax figures looked so eerie and real, the moving ones didn't help things either. There was tons of cool shit there. If you visit the island, I definitely recommend it!

After the wax museum we walked around and ended up at The Empress, which is a fucking unbelievable place. We walked around inside and I thought I was going to spontaneously combust from not being worthy enough to be there. Beautiful place, if that building had a suitable hole I'd give it a good rodgering.

We also found a school called "South Park School".

After South Park, we drove around some more. We had 2 cars, and a walkie talkie in each car so we were talking back and forth between them. We decided to all go and buy some booze (which I never ended up drinking) and drink at Tink's. We rented Party Monster and headed back to her place.

The next 6-8 hours were a total blur, but I'm pretty sure that in that time most of us watched Party Monster and Jay and Silent Bob, while either drunk or extremely high, and somehow pizza came, even though I don't remember ordering it! I remember Tink always getting up and getting lots of stuff for us, and making us drinks. She was definitely the AWESOMEST host ever.

Then a few of us went for a 3 hour long walk up and down Victoria's hills (we sorta got lost). By the time we came back, it was 1 or 2 am. Everyone was dead tired due to waking up at like 5 am that day. We were ABOUT to call it a night, when Chad had the brightest idea.

"Why not pull an all nighter and catch the first ferry back to Surrey?"

Well, it was a good idea, since none of us were gonna get much sleep anyways. The first ferry out was at around 7 am. Then, Chad had an even brighter idea....

"Hey guys, why not drive for 2 hours to Nanaimo, and take the Duke Point ferry back to Vancouver, since it leaves half an hour earlier?"

Ok, so instead of waiting around for the 7 am ferry that's right by Tink's house and possibly getting some sleep in the process, we could drive for 2 hours up to Nanaimo just to take a ferry that leaves half an hour earlier, and takes us to Horseshoe Bay, an hour from where we live? While the ferry by Tink's left only half an hour later and took us to the terminal RIGHT BY OUR HOUSES?!

To better illustrate the situation, Chad drew a map of our possible routes:

Obviously, being the crazy bastards we are, decided to drive for 2 hours to nanaimo :-)

We said bye to Tink, who was overjoyed because of a phone call from her new boyfriend :P. Funny how so many people meet their significant others through me, either directly or indirectly. As Eric says, I'm the "friends hub". Oh yeah, as I was saying, as we were leaving Tink's house, we forgot all our booze there! She totally deserved it though, she was a great host and put up with our drunk craziness, hell I was gonna give her most of my booze anyways since I was no longer up to drinking any of it. Hell I still have a 6-pack of Bullmax in my fridge that will probably fossilize over the next 300 years.

So we all pack into both cars, and head for Nanaimo. On the way there, we were drifting in and out of sleep. I remember Eric talking to the other car with the walkie talkie, they even made up code names for each other. I remember hearing stuff like:

"Rawide to car #2 ETA at Departure Bay Terminal is zero three forty five hours.... over"
"We advise to increase speed to niner-zero... over"

Both cars were doing 140 all the way to Nanaimo so we got there in only an hour. We went to weird restaurant place and ask them if we could plug our walkie talkies in to recharge them. I think I fell asleep there.

Then we went to the car and waited for the ferry. The whole thing was a blur to me. Somehow we wended up on the ferry, and it started moving. Everyone was tired as fuck, except for Chad and Matty, who were jolly as fuck. You could say there was a lot of fuck in the air. Everyone was falling asleep here and there, people were taking random walks, and I think I went outside a couple of times. And Chad was laughing REALLY HARD for an hour straight or something.

We finally got home at around 9 am. I went to bed and woke up at 5:30 pm! Man I felt like such a winner when I woke up, you wouldn't believe. All in all the trip was pretty excellent, for the most part. Check out the pictures, you'll love them.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Jacob Hoggard says: "Desks are a healthy part of one's diet".
Mmmm mmm wood good!

Monday, October 11, 2004

Lots of people have been coming here to download the video! I don't know exactly how many, I think my traffic stats site has bit the dust. I'm guessing it's a lot though, as about 1207 people have downloaded it so far. 1027 * 10 MBytes each = around 10 gigs my server has uploaded. Golly GEE the things I do for traffic here.

So someone posted about the video at the Hedley forum. Good stuff, looks like they all enjoyed it. Then some of them started bashing me again, can't really say I was surprised. I mean... scroll down and look at the past posts! I made fun of any Jacob fans who attacked this site, and my friends who didn't like Jacob went and posted negative stuff about him. Big whoop, doesn't necessarily make this a hate site!

Now, putting the video up on (and violating their Terms Of Service) is alright with me, it takes the load off my server. But they were also telling people to avoid slurrey, the great place that brought this video here in the first place! What a way to say thanks eh!

Well, I don't think it's worth my time anymore to put up any of the other Jacob stuff his fans might like, they sure don't appreciate it. ANGRY FACE * 31465321!


Now that that's over, who am I kidding! This is great, of course I'll keep putting stuff up. Telling people not to go here only adds to their curiosity... look what happened to! (don't go there).
RIP Superman.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

HERE IT IS! The Jacob Hoggard elementary school video is up!

In this one he's in a school play called "Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat". He's only 10 or something in this video and gyrates like a champ while impersonating elvis. He sings an entire song so well, that afterwards a baby in the audience was imitating him. It's THAT good. I feel I must apologize to mothers of preteen girls all across Canada.... looks like they'll have a lot of soiled panties to wash after their daughters see this.

The quality of this video isn't the best in the world, due to my elementary school hiring someone to record this play with a 1970's camera who had really poor filming skills. Half the time the camera man can't keep the camera on Jacob, either because Jacob's raw talent is too much for him to handle or he couldn't get enough of the little girls singing in the corner.

Well, there you have it. Tune in next week for pictures of Jacob eating a desk or something.

You need the divx codec to play the vid. Don't link to the video directly because the URL changes from time to time. Link to this post directly.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Jacob Hoggard pictures and videos coming soon. Well, whenever I get the time to do it. School has been a needy bitch lately!

Patience, 12 year old Jacob fans. They're coming.
I had a dream last night about the future.

In it, there was this new popular thing to do, where people install microscopic webcams in their bodies. You could put a cam in your stomach, showing live feed of your dinner digesting, or in your mouth, or lungs, or any body organ of your choice. You'd have the stomach cam, the chewing cam, the poop/penile intrusion cam (located in your anal cavity, and named according to what you most often use that particular orifice for). Hell, you could watch it while you ate, took a shit, dropped the soap.... you could even broadcast it over the internet!

Camgirls could have their own pussycam on the internet, where hobby-deficient losers could wank off watching whatever happens to be entering her cunt at that moment. Gynecologists in surrey could use these cams to investigate a surrey girl's snatch, without having to risk their lives going near the festering, toxic mess. It would be revolutionary!

Also, I dreamt that my penis had its own IP address. But that's a different story.