Wednesday, December 20, 2006

5 days till Christmas!
Notice how I said "CHRISTMAS" and not "HOLIDAY". If you're such a tightass that you shit at an atomic level and you think the term Christmas is offensive, you deserve to be offended!

Damn political correctness out of control. This is what happens when advances in technology make it too easy for unfit people to survive and breed in today's world. It's not "survival of the fittest" anymore, and that's probably why the gene pool is closed due to contamination.

So 5 days till CHRISTMAS!!!
That means 4 days till christmas shopping..... I guess I ain't doin a good job of keeping the pool clean either!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Coming soon: The TRUTH about Xbox 360 Backwards Compatibility. Yeah, it's not as traumatizing to the eyes as the PS3's glitch, but it's still something that videophiles like me will notice. Two words: SCREEN TEARING.

So yeah, my PS3 video has gotten almost 600,000 views so far, and briefly reached the #2 spot on youtube for popularity. Also, it has spawned news articles on sites such as ZDnet, Joystiq, PS3scene, and a few million non-english gaming sites you english speaking people wouldn't care about.

In other non-videogame-nerd news, we finished work at SFU and now I'm working 5 minutes from my house! The time and gas I'm saving is mind blowing... I can sleep in till 6:30 am AND I would only have to fill my tank once every 2 weeks!

Too bad this won't last as I start school in a week and a half.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Today is what one would call a rather "shitty day".
No, I don't have diarrhea. Though... I probably rather would :P

You see, this shitty day.. or even week.. consists of a specific type of shit, namely bull. With a surprising variety of sources!

Ah well, shit happens to everyone, it's how they choose to deal with it that really matters. Wish everyone was as good at dealing with bullshit as I am, then other people's bullshit wouldn't spill into my life :)

Keep it real, fuckers!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Goddamn I'm tired.
Goddamn I'm tired, I'm so tired that I had a dream about writing this post and then I woke up while writing this post.

Goddamn people, I AM TIRED!
You know, when I pay an obscene amount of money for a video game system, I sort of expect it to work properly.

When I bought my PS3, it seemed to work alright. It played PS3 games just fine. Blu-ray movies worked like a dream. A dream that shattered when I inserted a Playstation 2 game into my Playstation 3's front vaginal opening.

When you play your PS1 or PS2 games on your PS3, they end up looking like someone peed, shat, and vomited all over them. Multiple times. Then ran the resulting mess through a shredder while setting it on fire. And jizzing on it to put it out.

You see the PS3 resizes the video output of PS1 and PS2 games at a low resolution without filtering, causing distortion and jaggies ON TOP OF JAGGIES. This occurs no matter what type of TV of video cable you use, though the problem is harder to notice on non-HDTV's and composite cables. It's also harder to notice if you're a sony fanboy doing whatever you can to deny your systems flaws.

I WANT Sony to fix this issue, and theoretically it would be quite easy to work it into a firmware update. Will they? Not unless enough people bitch about this to them.

So anyways I was sick of all these firmware updates coming out and not fixing fuck all. So I made a video detailing the problem, and boy is it ever popular! Check it out:

At the time of this posting, it has been viewed over 146,000 times, gotten 600 comments and received 16 honors:

#5 - Most Viewed (Today) - All
#1 - Most Viewed (Today) - Video Games - All
#5 - Most Viewed (Today) - English
#1 - Most Viewed (Today) - Video Games - English
#4 - Top Rated (Today) - All
#1 - Top Rated (Today) - Video Games - All
#4 - Top Rated (Today) - English
#1 - Top Rated (Today) - Video Games - English
#4 - Most Discussed (Today) - All
#1 - Most Discussed (Today) - Video Games - All
#4 - Most Discussed (Today) - English
#1 - Most Discussed (Today) - Video Games - English
#16 - Top Favorites (Today) - All
#2 - Top Favorites (Today) - Video Games - All
#15 - Top Favorites (Today) - English
#2 - Top Favorites (Today) - Video Games - English

It has also been linked on countless sites, and is spreading like wildfire right now!
Mission accomplished. Maybe now Sony will find it worth it to fix this epic fuckup.

With the popularity of this video, large masses of what is known as "fanboys" are attracted to it like flies on shit. Whether they are Sony, Microsoft, or Nintendo fanboys, they fiercly and blindly defend their systems.... wielding a mouse pointer to hit "Post Comment" buttons with, they battle with each other on such an intellectually low level that it is near incomprehensible to the average human mind.

Fanboys brains work differently than a normal person's. When they put words together, usually numbers are involved. Eg, "l33t, h4ck3d" etc, possibly due to not knowing the full extent of the alphabet. Sentences constructed by a fanboy are usually padded with LOLs, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s, 1111111's, or any combination of the above. They also show complete disregard for any grammar structure, or periods, commas, or even spaces.

That being said, it may make it easier for you to understand some of the comments I am about to post. Try to mentally revert yourself to the maturity level of an 8 year old when reading these, and it'll be even simpler yet.

chaingangricky (3 minutes ago)
F**** u you dont know notting it makes i look way better

It makes you look way better? Sorry to burst your bubble but you just made yourself look like an idiot with those legendary spelling skills.

Meko5 (3 minutes ago)
liek teh PS2 teh ownz PS3 HhHAhHAaHha!!!

PS3 iz teh sukz OMGZ!!

+5 points for the "OMGZ"

liverlad (7 minutes ago)
Here's an idea.... why doesn't the guy who made this video make a video of himself killing himself and let his friend, that's assuming he has any real friends - which I doubt judging by this stupid video - to put it on here, so we can all laugh at him dying. Next, why don't all the stupid fanboy queers fuck off and get a real life? You know, go out and actually make some real friends and get off the shitty computer for a while.

What a waste of perfectly good grammar on an idiotic post :P

15HighFlyer15 (11 minutes ago)
You FINALLY get the PS3 and what do you do???
Play PS1/PS2 games.. I just NEED to know.. How STUPID are you..?

How stupid am I for using a feature that's advertised by the PS3? Well I think you're beating me by a longshot.

Vwall2006 (50 minutes ago)
nigggers all niggers , why back in the day you all would be hung upside down with corks in your asses...look a nigger hes a nigger fuck all you of you for your ps2 games on ps2 don't be a fucking pussy flipper with std's

I have to give this guy kudos for that comma hidden somewhere in that long example of retardation.

joelbrn (1 hour ago)
THIS IS A LIE WHAT A RETARD THING TO POST ITS JUS A FUCKING LIE and i have ps3 which is batter than the XBOX360 OR Wii

I have spelling skills which are batter than yours.

ziggy775 (4 hours ago)
wow there gay ps3 kickes the x box 360's ass man fuck x box

^This post brought to you by all 3 of his brain cells.

iBegToDiffer (3 hours ago)
Are you effin retarded? If you have a ps2 game avaiable to play on your ps3 than that obviously means that YOU HAVE A PS2 IN THE FIRST PLACE so why the hell are you using your ps3 to play them on? You douche.

I'm a douche for wanting to play my older games on my new system rather than going through the hassle of hooking up my old one. Ah logic, I miss you.

Reborner (2 hours ago)
doesnt the ps3 have a blue ray instead of the red doesnt that affect the graphic?

Mikeysama (1 hour ago)
... that doesn't make any sense. All that changes is how the PS3 reads data. PS3 games require a more precise sort of laser to be read due to the media. The laser has absolutely nothing to do with the graphics. Thats like saying an mp3 file burned to a cd sounds worse than an mp3 burned to a DVD. Its nonsense.


Demspoopwecleanitup (42 minutes ago)
the girl on the video is hot. She's backwards compatible if you know what I mean. Hehe. I'd like to PS her 3, if you know where I'm coming from. Haha. I'd like to update her software with my firmware if you know what I'm saying. haha ok that's enough.

BT09 (34 minutes ago)
your fucked up you stupid piece of shit its a fucking video game animation

and her name is yuna

you stupid nigger

if you fucking like her that much you can probably go find some porn of her to whack off to because the way your talking you aint ever goina get laid stupid animation loving pervert


rayalan13 (1 minute ago)
wut a noob, the graphics difference isnt that obvious idiot, and theres no way we can tell the difference (if there is any) on youtube

I suggest you invest in some glasses, and possibly an IQ test. You may be eligible for disability benefits from the government.

That's all I have for now, but check back later as I will be posting the most entertaining comments I've gotten on my youtube page!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

It's great having a girlfriend who sometimes sends you porn links.

Hell, even if these porn links are somewhat questionable.


Yes. Questionable.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

So I work at SFU. It's a renovation of a fancy building which is going to have robotics labs and whatnot, so everything there is kinda high tech. Or something.

It has this neat toilet, which flushes automatically, so you don't have to touch anything that someone else touched after touching their gonads.

Yes, whenever I go to use it, it flushes automatically all right.... before I take a piss.

Artificial intelligence. If robots are supposed to take over mankind... well I wouldn't start worrying just yet.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

GAH I have a new gaping wound! This time on my other hand!

I was cutting a half inch pipe and the hacksaw slipped and cut the skin between my thumb and index finger. The result was a meaty mess that I couldn't quite figure out. It was a small but ridiculously deep incision, because the skin was folded when the hacksaw tore into it.

Now here's the gross part. You may want to skip this if you are a pathetic, gore-fearing pussy :)

There was this chunk of meat hanging where I got the cut. And you all know that when you have a wound involving a hanging chunk, if that hanging chunk doesn't contain any vital organ or anything, you gotta cut it off. It's instinct. Damn thing will never heal with a friggin meaty thing always hanging and moving around.

So I tried to grab it and tear it off. OWWW OWW OWWWWW!!!! Apparently it was still connected to some nerves or something. I would have to give it a quick yank. OWWW FUCK!!!! It's all slippery with all the blood coming out so it slipped out as I pulled on it! Lemme try again...

HOLY FUCK MOTHER OF CHRIST AAAGGHHHH THE PAIN!!! This wasn't working.... I would need to use something to pull it off. I was wearing my tool belt, so I looked for any suitable tools in it.

First up, the needlenose pliers. I pinched chunky with the ends and tried to pull it off..... but the needlenose pliers just crushed the chunk of meat and cause me a lot of pain in the process. Well that was dumb.

Up next, was the side cutters! I took them and put them around the meaty hanging piece, and snip Owwww holy fuck it worked!! It only started bleeding twice as much but now it could heal a lot faster! I went and washed it out thoroughly, put a bandaid on it, and went back to work.

That's my story!

Monday, December 04, 2006

Update from the weekend!

Friday was boring as fuck, due to people not knowing how to use their cellular phones. I ended up watching paint dry, then peeling it off and eating it. It wasn't the yummy lead kind :(

Saturday was a whole new level of awesome though. For the first time in years, I got a birthday cake! Jess calls me up and tells me to go to Tracy's cause they were getting me a cake! Outta nowhere! I was like whaaat! Awesome!!!!

We went to dairy queen and got an ice cream cake, and had enough icing put on it to give someone diabetes 12 times over! Then went back and ate it and it was damn good. I've come to the conclusion that I've got some pretty rad friends!!

We ended up parting ways, I was gonna go to Ashleighs and they headed off to some party type thing in Vancouver. The original plan was a few of us go to Ashleigh's, get sorta drunk, and film a movie about zombies!!!! ZOMBIES!!!!

So I met up with Chad and Eric, and we picked up Valzilla at the skytrain, and went to Ash's house. We get there, and Matt and Justin are playing cards. Everything was calm and quiet so far.

Andrew and Lena show up and we kinda start talking about the movie. Then Jess, Tracy, and Shannon end up coming too.... turns out they didn't make it to vancouver after all. Dave and Dave show up, along with Jessica, and at that point it looked like this little gathering may be turning into a party!

A fair bit of people ended up showing up that night, though it was never too crowded cause as more people came others left.... like when Andrew and like 6 other people (including my girlfriend) took off to RICHMOND for sushi!!!!! Way to miss the best 3 hours of the party!

We still tried to make a movie... or at least come up with ideas for it, but in the end we were all either too drunk, lazy, or tired to film anything. Alternate video footage WAS captured though, and it is pretty hilarious. Youtube will be blessed with it in the coming days.


That's aboot it really.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

OMG if my car stereo dying was not enough, now my computer's DVD burner just died!! I paid over a hundred bucks for that thing! It had the ability to print labels on the CD (which I never got working lol). What the fuck!

I'm gonna take it back to anitec and see what they can do for me. It's 2 weeks past the 1 year warranty, great :(

So if they can't do anything to replace my broken drive, I'm just gonna eat it. I mean, fuck, I wanna get my full money's worth, and the damn thing's got to have some nutrients in it.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Who's going to the Canucks game tonight? I AM!
Who's jealous? YOU ARE!


Well.... probably not.

Monday, November 27, 2006

So I'm gonna update on the weekend cause I'm snowed in and can't get to work today!

On saturday afternoon it started snowing hardcore. It was obvious that the weather wasn't fucking around this time. It wasn't gonna just snow for 2 hours and then rain to melt the snow away. No way, this was gonna be some big shit!

In an extreme weather situation like this there's only one thing you can do... take advantage of it!!

So I rounded up as many people as I could and we went up to burnaby mountain for some badass sledding! It was good shit, and Jessika took lots of pictures of us wiping out at high speeds.

Sunday there was at least a foot of snow outside in the morning. It was still soft so I could sorta drive in it and not get stuck too often. Can't say the same for other drivers though, you'd think they'd never fucking seen snow before.. the way they're drivin. And in Surrey, with our multicultural population, most of them probably haven't!

I pick up Tracy and Cory and we go to IHOP for some good breakfast. We're all hungry as shit and suddenly the power goes out. Great! Ashleigh and Andrew show up and we end up goin to DeDutch farther down Scott Rd where the stores weren't electrically-retarded. It was the good shit!

After that I dropped ppl off and went back home, only to find my house dark and with no power. Rather than sit in the dark and cold I went back out to join Ash, Matt, and Andrew in building a snowman.

I have a problem with snow men. They have no defining features that distinguish them from snow-women. So I added one.

It was quickly ravaged. Only in surrey!

Today I woke up and couldn't even get into my car to go to work, cause EVERYTHING THAT COULD FREEZE, DID. I did take some rad pics outside though, you'll find them near the end!!


Saturday, November 25, 2006

My car CD/DVD player decided that it didn't want to read CD's anymore. God damn you JVC, you were such a reliable brand. Car stereos shouldn't just stop reading CD's for no reason! Especially $600 ones.

So now I have to ship my corpse of a car stereo off to who-knows-where so they can do who-knows-what to it and ship it back to me still broken... which is what always happens to me in these situations.

After dropping my car stereo off, I looked at the hole in my dash and had the intense urge to fill it in with something. No not THAT you fucking perverts.... though I gotta admit I thought about it for a second.

No, I had to buy a cheap-ass piece of shit car stereo to fill the musicless void, cause driving in silence just irks me. Especially when caught in traffic... gahdamn.
Last night me Vanessa James Tracy Cory Jessika and Shannon went and saw THE FOUNTAIN. I think I'm the only one who really liked the movie.... that's not to say I wasn't disappointed with it!


I've been waiting for over 5 years for this movie to come out. And all the great things I'd been hearing about the movie over those years built up so much anticipation that I couldn't stand it! And I finally got to see it last night!

I knew I was going to be disappointed, cause there was NO WAY any movie would live up to the expectations I had! I still thought it was an amazing movie, but I also thought it was slow and way too cut up. The story jumped around time periods way too much, seemingly at random. I think most people will get really annoyed with that, and the pace of the movie will turn them off even more. You really gotta give it a chance and get into it.

The music and visuals are the best things I've ever witnessed since... ever. It's some beautiful stuff, and when it comes out on blu-ray or HD-DVD I'm buing it for sure.

The ending got me, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what happened :P I guess it'll take a couple more viewings like Donnie Darko did.

In conclusion you'll either love this movie or hate it depending on what kind of person you are. If you have a short attention span though, don't watch it!!!! People started walking out of the theatre during the opening tattoo scene. The movie showed every single step of him making a tattoo needle out of his pen, and the ink ingredients, including slowly lighting a fire to boil the ink, and for a while you didn't even know what he was doing! That was too much for some people! But if you can sit through a movie that pays attention to so much detail, then you'll probably really enjoy it.

After the movie we stood outside in the freezing cold trying to figure out what we were gonna do! Now you'd think that when figureing out what to do while being so cold, you'd want go somewhere warm right? Haha no way.. we ended up going to White Rock, damn near the coldest place in surrey probably. We tried to walk the pier but only made it halfway :P

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


First of all, here are the presents I got from people!

From El Valito: An Xbox 360 HD-DVD player (high definition movies on it look so real it's unreal!), Maddox's book "The Alphabet of Manliness", and a King Kong game! Wow... those were the best gifts ever!!! I know I'm gonna be using the HD-DVD player a lot, now that I'm starting to build a new collection of movies in HD!

From Susan I got an AWESOME scarf with a 8-bit Mario mushroom on it! She made the whole thing herself! And also a Playstation 3 tshirt and keychain type thinger!

Mya got me this HILARIOUS book with a hole in the middle of it. You stick your wang through, and your wang stars in a series of pictures! It was a great party prop and an awesome idea... now if only my wang could actually fit through that hole :P

From Brian and Shannyn I got a FANCY drinking glass and a mini-bottle of BOLS!

I got some cool stuff from other people too!

So saturday night was my birthday party, also known as "the annual event to see how many people we can cram into 2 rooms". I dare to say, that it just might be the FREATEST PARTY I HAVE EVER THROWN. It was crazy!!!! This is who all showed up:

Ashlita's Eric
The Prez
Mike Brophy
Karyn's Kevin
Dave Marshall
Chad W
Dave Dudley
Erin #2

So in total, 37 people ended up coming!! Last years birthday party was 25 people in comparison. I'm scared to see what next year's numbers are gonna look like.

A bunch of people were MIA too though. Mel, Megan, Kevin's Erin, Aidan, Angela, and Jessika didn't show up. Neither did Shannon but she's the only person who actually let me know beforehand that she couldn't make it... I guess most people are afraid to inform me that they can't come for fear of being ridiculed for missing a near-historical event. Psh you don't have to worry about that, I know the deep inner pain caused by missing out on so much fun is punishment enough :-)

I bet the amount of alcohol consumed would be able to keep a small european country drunk for a week. And with that drinking came some shit you don't see at regular parties. Full grown men crowded around a karaoke game singing Avril Lavigne at the top of their lungs, people picking up CARS and moving them, four people playing DDR at once.. on the SAME pad, and other stuff that well... some things that happen at my party stay at my party... narf.

Now you'd think that by 5 am or so... the party would be dying out right? Nope. The 10 or so of us left decided to go straight to the local Best Buy and continue partying while waiting in line for a Nintendo Wii! Me and Vuv didn't end up staying the whole time though... with the horrors of camping for a PS3 still so fresh in my mind.

I found out the next day that JOSH, who was waiting in the lineup with everyone else, went and bought a PS2 instead of the Wii! He said the reaction of the Best Buy employees was priceless. Here are all these people scrambling for the latest nintendo system, and Josh walks up to the cashier with a PS2! Awesome \m/

And that's my bday party update! I'm 24 now, I feel old as shit... wait that's an inaccurate statement since shit doesn't last very long unless it's preserved in jars or something. But damn, 24 already. I'm suffering through a mid-life crisis right now! AJSDJdsjfsdo;jfso;jfs!!!

Stay tuned, next post will be special, though I can't guarantee it'll be special in a non retarded way.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


So now I'm gonna tell you the epic tale of how I got my Playstation 3.

So thursday rolls around... I leave work early and stop at home to get the necessary items to ensure my survival while camping out. These items included 4829 layers of warm clothing, a laptop, a chair, and a Nintendo DS... which I forgot to bring games for.

I head down to Future Shop and get in the line at approximately 3:45 pm. There were 15 people already there, but I still thought my chances were good.

I set up camp and sat down in the spot I was gonna be spending the next 14 hours in. I took out my laptop and tried to connect to Future Shop's wireless internets. One of them, called "bbhotspot", was really fast and reliable. Unfortunately, it blocked half the sites I was trying to access. I couldn't even connect to akaradio with it.

The other one was "TechRoom" and it allowed me to go wherever I wanted in the internets, but it kept cutting out, and disappearing for a while. Making that one impossible to do the slurrey show with as well.

Goddamn it was only 4:15 pm and it was already fucking freezing!

Chad and Erin came for a few minutes and visited me, and went back to their warm homes (Chad HAD to emphasize the warmthness of his house).

Other people in the lineup were excited about me doing a live radio show from there, I do admit it was a great idea. All I had to do was make it work!

So I fucked around in the lineup for a while and slowly lost what little body heat I had left. Eventually Jessika showed up and kept me company for a while, and held my spot in line while I ran to Tim Hortons so empty the bladder unit and to get us some hot chocolates...

The lady at Tim Hortons told me that they couldn't serve any hot drinks because of the tap water quality from the storm we had. I was like "well can you use that crappy tap water anyways? I won't mind" and she still said no. Stupid media-fueled panic about our drinking water.... makes people go stir-fucking-crazy.

So I got overpriced hot chocolates at Starbucks instead and ran back to the lineup. Waited around with Jessika for a bit, and Tracy and Cory came to visit, and hung out for a while. Ashleigh and Matt came for a bit, and then Chad showed up to do the Slurrey Show. Josh and Matt appeared out of nowhere, and boy this was almost turning into a slurrey party, especially when Andrew and Lena showed up too! It was a good crowd!

Unfortunately we didn't get the slurrey show working right, but Cinco SOMEHOW found me and Chad's cell #'s and called us, and we were able to do the Slurrey SHow through my cell phone! We interviewed a bunch of other people waiting in line and stuff, and made fun of each other and whatnot. It was good times!

At some point a Futureshop employee came out and confirmed that the store was getting 16 PS3 consoles in. I was # 16 in line. meaning that I would probably be getting the last PS3 if no one in front of me was saving a spot for a friend who was also getting one!

Jessika ended up DITCHING me cause it was too cold (you goober!), so when everyone left to go back to their warm homes, I was left with no one to hold my place in line in case I needed to go pee. So for the rest of the night I knew I had to hold it. I wasn't going to leave my place in line, because I was potentially getting the last PS3 and the people behind me knew that, so I didn't wanna risk anything.

I held it all night, not only that but I had to hold back a #2 as well. TMI maybe, but I think you should all know the full extent of what I had to suffer through :P

By 11:30 my feet were completely numb from the cold, I probably got frostbite on my wang, and my nipples were hard enough to cut diamonds. Robin came by to laugh at me, and Eric showed up and brought me some Timbits.

12:00 came and... IT WAS MY 24TH BIRTHDAY!!!

Gotta love spending the first half of your birthday outside in the freezing cold waiting to shell out $700 for a game system.

So after everyone left it was 12:30 amd and... it started to RAIN. Yes, RAIN. THere was no awning directly above me, so I was getting wet. AND not only rain, but it was windy as fuck too. For the next 7 hours, I drifted in and out of delirious consciousness. I got soaked in the rain, and the parts of my brain that weren't frozen were putting together simple thoughts such as "why am I even doing something this stupid?".

I talked to other people in the lineup to pass the time, and suddenly a car from THE BEAT pulls up. 2 of the DJ's come out and offer people money for their spot in line. Some girl sells her sopt in line for $750 AND 2 canucks tickets! Awesome! PICTURE.

At 6:30 am a future shop employee came out and handed tickets to whoever was gonna get a PS3. I got the last ticket, meaning I was getting the LAST PS3. Everyone waiting in line behind me had to go home.... poor bastards.

At 7:30 they started letting each person in 2 at a time to buy their Playstations. The line was moving so slowly I thought I was gonna freeze myself to my current spot where I was standing!

I FINALLY got in, and bought my PS3, an extra controller, a game, and an HDMI cable. Total came to $1000. WOW.

I take the PS3 home, and try it out. Was it worth waiting in line overnight to have this thing? Fuck no. Was it worth waiting in line that long to sell it? FUCK YEAH! We'll see how much money I make selling this thing ;)

Coming tomorrow: My Birthday Party post!!

Coming soon... My PS3 review video! Including footage from the lineup. Hilarity will ensue, I can guarantee that.

Monday, November 20, 2006

You know your week is off to a good start when you do this 5 minutes after you start work on monday morning:

I somehow managed to get my knuckle caught in a piece of sharp metal, and it sliced a chunk of skin off.

It's not every day you get to see inside your own knuckle. Mmmmm bone.

For a high resolution picture of the aftermath after it was all cleaned, click here. It's awesomely disgusting :P


Vuv: awww hunny... i'd kiss it better but it's a little too gapey
Me: you can french kiss it ;)

I still have a few posts to catch up on, such as my PS3 experience, a review of my actual PS3 system, and the post about my birthday party! If you're looking for the birthday party pics, they're up on the message board!

Saturday, November 18, 2006


STARTS AT 7 PM PST!!! Click on the image above to access the live cam!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Ok so I am sitting outside Future Shop in the FREEZING cold stealing their wireless internets to make this post.

Their internets are internetly-retarded cause half the sites I try and go to are blocked... including slurrey. So I can post to my own site, I just can't see it.

I'm trying to get the the radio show working but the wireless keeps cutting out.... so I don't know if there'll be a slurrey show live from Future Shop tonight...

It is SO fucking cold....

If the slurrey show doesn't work, I will update my site hourly!
Newxt update soon..... god this is retarded.

Monday, November 13, 2006


This thursday, I will be CAMPING OUT in front of a best buy location to wait in line for a PS3. Thursday also happens to be the day of THE SLURREY SHOW.

Normally I would just cancel the show, but I found out I can use the wireless internet at best buy to broadcast the show!

That means,


So if you're smart enough to not be doing something as stupid as camping out in front of a store, then you can listen to people who are!!!

There will be lots of slurrey folk visiting and making guest appearances on the show, plus PS3 fanboy interviews, commentary on how retarded this is, and much more. It will be cold, miserable, and awesome, and you can catch all the excitement on from 9-11 pm PST thursday!

Best part is, Playstation 3 comes out on my birthday ;)

If you want to join us on the slurrey show, just send me a message on msn or email me and I'll give you the info!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I got my car back again, and they said they fixed the water leak! It's one of those things though, it takes a while to find out if the problem is actually fixed. Bwargh!

Next friday, the 17th, is my birthday.
The PLAYSTATION 3 comes out on that day.

I will be CAMPING in front of a store for almost 20 hours, in the freezing cold, to get my hands on a PS3. If I don't freeze to death in the process, I will sell it for triple the money!

Cause really.... no current PS3 games grab my interest right now. And I might as well make a few bucks in the process! I'll need the money, as I'm going to school for 2nd year electrical in January.

Time to get ready for THE SLURREY SHOW tonight! Tune in, it'll be grood :)

Monday, November 06, 2006

Remember when that tire flew off some truck and hit the back end of my parked car?

Remember how I had to wait a month to get it fixed, and it took 2 weeks to fix?

Well.... now I have to take it in again, because it's not as "fixed" as I thought it was. See, now with this friggin biblical rainfall we've been having, aka the 3 day long vertical tsunami, it seems that damn near half of it has somehow been getting into my trunk. And from my trunk, it has been seeping into the floor of my car.

This is lame.

So tomorrow I have to give them my car to get that all fixed and cleaned out. And I don't get a courtesy car this time... nooo. I have to drive the VAN for a few days. Yes the very same van that likes to strand me places. I positively sure you could replace the engine in that thing with a retarded chimpanzee and still get better reliability and performance out of it.


This awesome site can best be though of as a spoof of wikipedia, where you can look up anything, and have it made fun of:


"Citizens of Canadia are often referred to as "Canadians," "Canadianans," "Canadiananalists," "Mother Canuckers" or "Ice Niggers,"."


- Vaginas often contain centipedes or sand.
- Most cunts smell like Kid Cuisine fishsticks.
- Asian vaginas are sideways. It's in the Bible.


"The Internet is a series of tubes, once used to transfer information worldwide but now used only to spread porn. "

"Computers talk like this:

People talk like this
"LOLLERCOASTER!!!! ^_________________^ ASL"

Neither one makes any sense but sometimes the computers replace the ONE ZERO stuff with BEEPS and BOOPS like on non-cable modems (the phone kind, aka dial-up). Because that travels over speech wires. Cable Modems are faster because they travel over TV. The scrolling stuff at the bottom of CNN Headline News is fast like a cable modem."

Monday, October 30, 2006


I haven't posted in a while, to all my imaginary fans out there, I'm sorry! Real life kinda took over for a while. But I put on my pocket protector and my glasses today and I was once again attracted to the computer... it was almost magnet-like.

And the computer radiation shrank my *AHEM* to a point where it can only be measured in foot-long increments. It barely has its own gravity field anymore!

So now that I'm capable of posting again I shall be doing it every day!

The past week has been interesting. From having to run from parking lot security guards (You'd have to listen to last week's slurrey show (#77) to hear about that one), to waiting in the same place in traffic for 2.5 hours, and all the shiot that happened in between, I'd say it's been pretty eventful.

SATURDAY WAS KARYN, KEVIN'S, AND ERIN'S HALLOWEEN PARTY! I dressed up as an XBOX, complete with a cooling fan and a modchip. I dunno why I added the goggles, I probably figured they were just badass enough to wear anyways :)

The party itself was really fun! You can probably tell by the pictures.... all 350 of them!

On Sunday we ended up going to Fright Night at the PNE. My, how things have changed with that thing! They totally improved the whole setup. There's now fog, lights, music, and.... rides!! When we went like 3 years ago it was just 3 haunted houses and the roller coaster. And nothing was decorated.

Was Fright Night scary? Well, when I saw the lineups I nearly shit my pants in fear, except the intense coldness froze my body organs in place. So yeah, I'd be sorta afraid to do that again! Eric got us free tickets though, so the feeling of self-failure for paying $22 to wait in line for 90% of the night was somewhat diminished.

All we did there was go on the swing ride (my face is STILL thawing from the freezing wind) then go through some random maze, and then waited in line for OVER AN HOUR for a 30 second ride!! AJKSDOISJDIOCANSOIFJASIS!!!!!!!!!!!!


Monday, October 16, 2006


You know what really PISSES ME OFF?

Accidentally buying the FULLSCREEN version of a DVD!

As you may or may not know (depending on if you care or not) DVD movies come in 2 versions, WIDESCREEN and FULLSCREEN.

WIDESCREEN: This is the way the movie is originally filmed, with a wide angled lense, and presented in the theatre. When you buy a WIDESCREEN DVD, you're getting the exact same picture as what you saw in the theatre. You're not missing a thing:

FULLSCREEN: Since most older TV's have a screen much closer to the shape of a square, they take the original movie and crop the image so it fits on a square TV screen. The result? You're missing out on a huge chunk of the picture on both sides. Damn near all VHS movies are in FULLSCREEN.

Now this is why you DON'T buy fullscreen DVD's. Say you have a regular older styld TV with the square screen. You may think "I'll just buy all my DVD in FULLSCREEN versions, so it fills my screen".

Well first, you're getting a half-assed picture, cause the sides are cropped. Second, eventually you're going to buy a WIDESCREEN TV. Everyone is, they're not gonna be making square TV's much longer. Now, you'll want to play your FULLSCREEN DVD's on your WIDESCREEN TV..... you'll be getting this:

Notice how the FULLSCREEN image looks SQUASHED, because it's a SQUARE image stretched to fit on a widescreen TV! ALL of your fullscreen DVD's are gonna look like that on your new TV! All your favorite actors and actresses will look 100 pounds fatter! And you'll have to blow a bunch of money to replace your retarded DVD collection.

Let's see a comparison.

This is what it'll look like:

This is what it's supposed to look like:

And that's why you don't buy FULLSCREEN DVD's!!! I don't even know why the fuck they make them.... for stupid people I guess? Does anyone not realize that most DVD players can take a WIDESCREEN DVD and crop it on the fly so it fits reguular old TV's?

FUCK FULLSCREEN! Here's some more commentary on this issue from other people:

monofonik: FUCK! THAT'S THE WORST!
monofonik: my mom does that all the time.
monofonik: "i wanted it to fill the full screen!"
monofonik: "mom! it DOES! WE HAVE A WIDESCREEN TV."
monofonik: uuurrrgggghhhhh
This is what I did on the weekend!

On friday we went and saw a movie. And you know what that means! It's MOVIE REVIEW TIME!

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(Movie Review)

This movie sucks. Well, the storyline sucks. The gore is quite well done.... it
gets pretty brutal sometimes! So if you enjoy watching faces being peeled off
and extreme nipple piercings, this movie's for you. If you don't though, you'll
be scarred for life. I happened to be sitting next to Ashleigh, who happened to
be in the latter category. She nearly squeezed my arm right off, it felt like it
was gonna be gorier than the movie itself!

So story sucks, gore is well done.... oh god and the ending is the typical hollywood horror movie bullshit ending done a million times before. Total cop-out garbage.

So back to the post now! After the movie we went to Tim Hortons and... at the last minute had the awesome idea to go to the casino in Langley.

The slot machines there SUCKED a million types of dong.... you'd only win like once every 12 tries..... it was lame. But for the first time ever I came out richer than when I went in! I NEARLY DOUBLED MY MONEY!!!! ($_$)

Yeah I bet with $10 and came out with $17. I didn't play ANYTHING after that cause I wanted to be able to say I didn't LOSE money at a casino for once.


Saturday night was Tracy and Cory's party! It was great, I brought a bottle of Jagermeister to the party and started doing jagerbombs. When I ran out of energy drink I just started drinking the jager straight.

I finished the whole bottle.

So I was the drunkest I've been in MONTHS, but somehow I still remember a lot of the party. I remember stuff like:

- Meeting someone who was drunker than I was, I think her name was Jessie but she kept calling me Matt!

- Seeing some people playing 50 cent's Bulletproof game, and asking if you lose a life if you get shot more than 9 times.

- Vuv finding LABYRINTH on the floor in Tracy's room and me lying in bed listening to her and the Shannster talk about David Bowie in spandex. A drunken mental image I could have lived without :(

- Jessika hiding my booze, poorly. It was right on the floor!!! I found it pretty easily... the second time I looked for it.

- Me playing with the BBQ. A lot! I just liked the clicky noise I guess.

- Tracy and Shannon dancing... and later wrestling. At least that's what they called it :P

- Me getting well aquainted with the floor (and the stairs too, judging from the bruises). It didn't hurt at the time!

- Etc etc etc, I'm lazy and I'll let the pics do the rest of the talking!!


Interesting story from that night! We were talking about Langley and I mentioned that all of my exes currently live there. Well........ it turns out Shannon used to know one of them!! Though this was years and years ago when she lived in langley. I found that both really funny and really scary.

It's a small world..... a bit too small I'd say!

Sunday, October 15, 2006




I have a feeling it'll be a bit difficult to find someone who enjoys reading this site AND can meet the requirements above....... and for those of you readers out there capable of being offended by that... I'd also hope that you'd be capable of understanding that I'm just kidding :)

If you want to apply, throw me an email at!!!

Tomorrow I'll post about the weekend and what I remember from it!
... It's gonna be a short post.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

So I'm gonna do a review of a movie me and Vuv watched today:

(movie review)

Well all I have to say is... while watching this movie I have never seen so many laws of physics blatantly defied at the same time.... the concept of SWORDS NOT BEING ABLE TO CUT THROUGH GIANT CHUNKS OF BUILDINGS or even SIMPLE FUCKING GRAVITY seems to have escaped the people who wrote this movie. Sir Isaac Newton must be spinning in his own grave so fast that... it's probably breaking a few laws of physics as well. The movie was retarded.

Pretty visuals I must say. If you plug your ears you can pretend that the storyline was coherent and that you were actually watching an ok movie! You'll need quite the imagination though.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Shiggity shiggity I think I OD'd on MSG after eating all that turkey this weekend. My god.... what a thanksgiving!

On friday we celebrated Shannon's 19th birthday!! We went to the Wheelhouse, which was definitely an interesting place. Interesting that the average age of everyone in there was like... double mine! I could feel hungry cougar eyes watching me... I felt like a rat in a snake pit! It was still a good time, and I ran into half of the Pimpin Kings there!

We stuck around there for a bit, then went to the Casino! Everyone was REALLY EXCITED!!!! We checked out the place and took over a row slot machines. Everyone else was winning money while I won and lost and won and lost until I was down 5 bucks.... the best 5 bucks I ever lost.

In the end everyone had a kickass time (and probably a newly acquired gambling addiction).

I must mention, taking the late skytrain back to surrey is always fun, and ALWAYS involves vomit in some way. This time someone had puked by the door, and it reeked fiercly. Cory and Tracy's reaction best describes the bleakness of the situation. Some dude probably drunker than whoever puked on the floor, tried to get people to put chips on the puke in order to somehow absorb the smell. What??

Gotta love drunk logic.

SATURDAY................. in the morning I went and spent like $50 bucks on DVD's and.... 3 HD-DVD's. I don't have a high definition DVD player yet, but I figured I'd start my HD-DVD collection early. Yep, I'm THAT cool.

Later on that night me and Eric met up with Vuv and Mya. Seeing Mya for the first time in MONTHS was pretty nice, and we got to see her place too. It used to be a CANDY FACTORY. AND IT KICKS BOTH HOLY AND UNHOLY ASS. What a rad place to live!!!

We went to THE RED ROOM to see Aidan's band play. They were pretty good, and so was Mass Undergoe. I didn't care so much for the screamo band though..... I'm pretty sure red cross would be pissed off if they knew how much blood was lost from my ears bleeding.

We chilled there for a while, talked to Aidan and stuff, then went to Wendy's to avoid death from starvation. Does anyone ever notice how many times Wendy's workers forget to put stuff in the meal bag? Usually semi-essential stuff... like straws, napkins, the meal itsef, you know. Just an observation of mine :P

SUNDAY, me Vuv Tracy and Cory went to Ashleigh's for thanksgiving dinner!! HOLY FUCK WAS IT EVER GOOD! It was like the first turkey I ever ate that didn't.... dry me out from the inside. It was damn fine eatin'. After the huge feast we drank. And played that horrible drinking game again, called "PASS OUT". I didn't know that white russian could taste so disgusting when you take a shot of it every 2 seconds. That was seriously sick, I thought I was gonna throw up just from the taste. PASS OUT is a horrible, horrible game. Especially when it was meant to be played with 2 dice.... and we only had ONE!!! That meant it took twice as long to get to the end, which meant drinking twice as much!

TODAY I had ANOTHER huge turkey dinner, and just relaxed at home while recovering from the weekend. It was good times and a half, I tell ya!

Oh yeah, can't forget these!


Wednesday, October 04, 2006


We're now celebrating Shannon's birthday on friday instead, which is good news for you slurrey show addicts who need a fix, and even better news for me cause I don't have to show up to work hungover on friday :]

Monday, October 02, 2006

You know what??

I've decided NOT to buy a Playstation 3 the day it comes out? You know why?


I bought a Playstation when it came out. The laser died. When the PS2 came out I decided to wait a little so I wouldn't get a pre-busted system. Guess what happened when I bought it? The laser died.

Now with Sony using this new blu-ray laser technology, I ain't touching a PS3 for at least a year, cause god knows when they'll figure out how to manufacture it right.

I mean.... they couldn't even make a proper CD laser for the original Playstation....... the technology was over 10 years old at that point!!!


Aw fuck who am I kidding, of course I'll buy the PS3 on launch day! Otherwise known as "mike's wallet gets buttraped" day :(

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Me talking to my girlfriend about learning to drive (she wants to buy a truck):
Me: You can go 4x4ing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vuv: *runs over a tree*
Vuv: *bounds across a river*
Me: ......and this is you just driving in the city ;)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Starts 1 week from today!

Monday, September 25, 2006


I finally got my friggin car back! It's all fixed, good as new! I must say they did a pretty fine job, well I mean it was in there for 2 weeks so I didn't really expect any less. But the best part is... I don't have to drive that slow ass piece of shit courtesy car anymore!!

It felt so damn good to drive my car again. I generally prefer to drive vehicles that actually react when you push the gas pedal. When I floored the gas on my car it felt as if I slightly altered the rotation of the earth, it was great.

I'll always prefer driving to taking transit. I kinda do feel bad for polluting the environment, but at least I'm doing it in the best way possible! Driving my car, it's almost worth it.

Jesus, my grandkids will be cursing my name.... in the dreary future when all the sunlight is being blocked by the smog clouds, which happen to be pissing down acid rain. But hey.... I'm sure artificial cybernetic lungs will be invented by then... and artificial trees.... and artificial animals...

Hoooooo boy this'll be a long one!

So last weekend I helped Cory and Tracy move. It was like the end of an era, it was quite awesome being able to get shittered at a party and then stumble back home... 3 houses away!

The rest of the last week consisted mostly of work. In the past 2 weeks, I've worked at like 5 different sites.

However on wednesday I was sent to work at Royal Columbian hospital in new west, and it looks like I'll be staying there for a while. It's pretty nice working there, lots of interesting stuff to learn.

Did you know that the hospital has hidden mechanical floors between each floor? You need a special key for the elevator to stop there! But it's just badass. There's pipes, cables, and ductwork everywhere, but the coolest thing about it is the ROBOTS going around on these tracks, carrying boxes of random stuff! They're always whizzing about everywhere and it's neat as fuck.

Then one robot almost smoked me in the nuts as I was stepping over a track and it came around the corner. It was frightening, nearly being rendered infertile by one of The Terminator's ancestors.

We also work right by the morgue and on 2 seperate occaisions I saw them wheeling a cart with a full bodybag into a truck. I SEE DEAD PEOPLE (O_O).

So this weekend was an eventful one. Wanna see what it consisted of?


And that pretty much sums it up! Friday night we just hung out, I was kinda tired even though I had an accidental hour long nap. It was still a fun night though, and JESUS CHRIST WAS IT COLD OUTSIDE. My nipples could probably cut through glass whenever I went outside, I'm surpised I don't have holes in my shirt.

Saturday was the REAL party. It was pretty good, tons of people showed up. Then tons more showed up, and then people no one knew showed up! It was an interesting night, for sure.

Some 32 year old chinese dude showed up outta nowhere, and I guess he was hitting on the girls at the table or something. In the end as he was leaving one of them poked him in the butt with a chopstick. AWESOME!

There were lots of good times had, and the pictures are good enough to show that without me having to write about it! So check'em out! I sorta assume that most slurrey readers find it much easier to look at pictures than read :P

Ohhhhh I almost forgot to mention....

I bought this digital video camera, which cost $1399 when it first came out in 1999, for $20. It works PERFECTLY FINE, the only reason it was selling for so cheap was because it was missing the power cord, which I have.

The quality on the camera is almost as good as the one I paid $900 for! Pretty sweet deal eh? It's a Sony DCR-TRV510, with a friggin 4 INCH SCREEN. Why anyone would want a 4 INCH SCREEN for a camcorder is beyond me, but it just looks damn cool.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

This is a post of even lesser substance of the preceding post.

Oh wait....

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

This is a post. Just to say I posted today. There is no substance to this post, it is merely a representation of my lack of energy to post tonight. But there's a lot coming, I just need to have enough brain cells awake to be able to crank a good post out!


Sunday, September 17, 2006

I just noticed that there is an EVEN number of comments for any of the posts on the front page.

So I'm working in vancouver again, so I have to wake up at 5:30 like I used to. I feel more zombie-like than normal these days.

Friday though, we were sent to a different site. A rendering plant by the port.

A rendering plant! This was gonna be fun.

So by the end of the day I smelled like melted animals, I guess it didn't help that we were working by the incinerator thingy all day. Every now and then it would make a noise and blow steam out, unleashing a smell so bad that I wondered why the fuck the human brain is capable of processing a smell so bad. It was sick! Then the incinterator broke down and all this slimy oily shit started oozing out from under it, and everyone would be walking through it and going up and down the ladders there. The ladders got covered in that shit and when I had to go up or down them, my hands got covered in it. Yum yum!

And you have to love all the trucks bringing loads of carcasses in with tons of seagulls and crows circling them, fighting over bits and pieces of whatever-the-fuck that used to be!

The day went by pretty fast though. I got to work with a first year apprentice who somehow thought he could order me around like a foreman. The first couple of days I knew him he seemed like a regular guy, but on friday he was getting all cocky and thinking he was god's gift to electricians. And he somehow thought, even though I'm second year, that I have no clue what I'm doing! Hoo boy, I have a feeling the next few days are gonna be mighty interesting :-)

A cool thing about the rendering plant is that it can convert all these dead things into biodiesel, which can be run in any diesel engine. Apparently you can throw a human body in there and get like 3 litres of biodiesel from it. Imagine that.... think of all the pedophiles, murderers, exes, and rapists that could make themselves useful in your gas tank.

Hahaha wow, that's morbid. Someone should make some kinda movie out of it or something. "WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE WORLDS OIL SUPPLY RUNS OUT".

Oh I almost forgot to mention my spider story. On thursday, it was almost the end of the day at work and I was strapping cable to these rust pipes on the wall. I feel something tingly on my face and a bite, and I flicked it off, not seeing what it was. I'm now assuming it was a spider, cause a giant bump formed on my face. But it was the same skin color of the rest of my face, so it just looked like I had a tumor-face. So I spent this weekend looking like the elephant man :-)

More later, I'm pooped!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I'd post about something except I have nothing to post about. You ever get that writer's block kind of shit, where you WANT to write about something but don't know what? That's exactly what I'm going through. It's horrible, I have no idea what to post about...

Hey HEY! Looks like I just posted something... about posting about nothing! FUCK YEAH.
Once again, I saved the day.

Goodnight all you faithful slurrey readers out there.... wow I even said "readers" in plural. As you can see I'm getting pretty confident about this site's popularity :)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Gotta love it when the courtesy car that the autobody shop gives me is DEAD in my driveway cause the lights decided to stay on and drain the battery.

Gotta love it when I charge the battery again and am finally able to start the car, be all happy, only to have the car die again a minute later. I guess the pathetic thing that calls itself an engine isn't capable of keeping the battery charging while it's running?

Still better than driving the van of death though. At least the corolla died in front of my house, as opposed to the van which dies as far away from it as possible. I might have to drive that piece of shit tomorrow.... (x__x)

Monday, September 11, 2006

OH MY GOD!!! 2 POSTS IN ONE DAY!!! What the fuvk! The world must be ending! How will slurrey ever be able to handle me posting twice in one day!?!!?! The awesomeness must be overwhelming. I must be like internet-jesus or something.

Well, no. I've been starving this site of my magnificent posts lately so I figured I'd fix everything by overfeeding it with posts. That'll do it!

SOOOOOOO I take my car in to get fixed, and they give me my courtesy car.

A friggin corolla. Which I'll be driving for the next 2-3 weeks. The opposite of my car in a variety of different ways.

I guess the reality truly sank in when I stepped on the gas to go faster... but instead of going faster, the engine just made louder noises.

Lol 4-cylinder :(
So it's only taken them 5 friggin years, but this is what's going to be built on the WTC site:

Sunday, September 10, 2006


So what did we do over the long weekend? Just a lot of hanging out and stuff. Sometime during the long weekend we walked along crescent beach, through the nude part of the beach. The amount of penis I saw that day exceded the amount of penis that I ever want to see in a given day (zero). Yeah I don't count mine.

This weekend was good, on friday I felt so damn sick at work I had to go home, my stomach was doing its whole "I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU ATE LAST NIGHT SO NOW YOU'RE PAYING FOR IT, BITCH" kinda thing. At least this time on my way home I didn't have another INCIDENT. What incident you may ask? Well, you'll either have to have heard it on the slurrey show, or me telling the story in person to ever know. One can't just WRITE about it!

Friday night we partied at Tracy's, who lives like 4 houses away so I wasn't tooooo worried about how much I had to drink. I still remember most of the night.

Last night was a different story. What I DO remember makes no sense! I was THAT fucked. There was that drinking board game I played with Tracy n Cory, which we never really got through. Then I remember Jessika trying to pick up her fish right out of the miniscule fishbowl with her hands, probably to attack me with it or something. Some point after that I got really hungry and had a jerky craving. Me and Shannon took off to Mac's and I bought 7 bucks worth of pepperoni sticks.... only to find out the hard way that they were the hot spicy kind. So to ease my hunger I ate a cookie I maybe shouldn't have used to ease my hunger with. The cookie sealed the deal, I was NOT gonna make it home..... or even 10 feet in any direction. Me Kyle and David were bullshitting around for a while.... and between that time and when I woke up on the couch at 9 am, is one big blank spot where my memory should be! I'm sure I had fun though.

I'll post party pics soonish.

Today I saw the best movie, LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN. Check it out if you haven't already, it's great.


Wednesday, September 06, 2006


(Yeah, I suck at posting lately)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Well it is now officially the end of my 5 day long weekend!

Luckily for you readers, you won't have to endure another super-long post about what we did this weekend! Unluckily for me, it's cause we didn't do much.


The big rave-party-camping thing that was supposed to go down in Squamish got cancelled cause bears were spotted in the area. So the whole thing was cancelled. Cause of bears!!

I dunno about you, but I believe that bears have at least enough intelligence to stay away from a place with a massive crowd of people and (especially) the loud techno music. I mean, pump that stuff loud enough and the area within its radius would scare away anything that's not human and not on drugs :P

So what did we do instead? Stay tuned for tomorrows post.


(Hah I'm such an asshole blogger.....)


Thursday, August 31, 2006

I have tomorrow and tuesday off, which makes for a 5 day long weekend. The awesomeness of this fact is quite close to overwhelming!

Maybe I should post about last weekend though, since I haven't yet.

It was Tracy and Cory's 78483th party of the summer and this time I was going to drink a lot more than usual. I bought a lovely bottle of Jagermeister, (90% of which ended up in my bloodstream within 2 hours).

I don't remember most of the night. But from what I CAN remember, it was a party I would have wished I remembered. I'll post what I remember, in point form!!

- Before getting to the party, some creepy guy taking a pic of me and Ashleigh. I got a picture of him too! He's on the left. I took it while he was taking a picture of the other guy's kid. Yes.

- Doing a jager bomb for the first time and liking it, that's where it all started....

- Justin smoking his cigarette BACKWARDS. Why settle for filtered smoke when you can get 10 times the carcinogens for free!

- Me sitting in some PLANTER for like an hour straight. There's probably still a butt-print in the dirt there. Alien archaologists may still find it fossilized there 4000 years from now.

- Doing more Jager bombs with Justin, he had like 13.... jezus. If I had 13 there'd probably be more alcohol in my blood than blood itself.

- Some super GIANT fly buzzing around... I swear it was made up of like 5 regular flies! You could probably punch that thing in the face and bust a knuckle.

- Sobering up a little after winessing the SUPER HEROIC RESCUE EFFORT made possible by experts skilled in the art of making someone who's had too much to drink feel better. If that wasn't a run-on sentence, I don't know what is!

- Tracy asking for a picture of her looking drunk! I say the best pics of drunk people are when they REALLY DON'T want you to take their picture! Example.

- Me Matt and Shannon drunkenly singing along to "Yellow" by Coldplay. It's been a while since I last heard that song so when I would forget the lyrics, I'd just make random noises that sounded like them. Canadian Idol, here I come.

- A common occurrence at sleepover type situations is a pillow fight. Just as we were falling asleep Justin comes downstairs and starts madly flinging poker chips, and thus had a POKER CHIP FIGHT instead. Cause that's how we roll. They ended up everywhere... behind the couches, in my eye, in Shannon's pants.... poker chips hurt a bit more than pillows.

- When I finally went to sleep, I would wake up every now and then to various yet unmistakeable noises coming from the room directly above me. I was scared.... and wishing that I actually DID believe in ghosts!

- I left and got home around 11, it was bright and sunny and it felt like I had been up all night, but I wasn't hungover as usual :-)
And that was the party! I was too drunk to take pics, but there's a few of them here. I think this is the smallest slurrey field trip gallery ever!


Friday kinda blended in to Saturday so I don't know where Saturday actually began. After I came home I had lunch, then hung out with the Ash for a bit and then met up with Eric, got ready, and headed downtown to see:


Yeah, I was fooooookin excited. We picked up Veevito (after waiting at her house where she got ready in record time), and met Sara and Tara there. Kuljit and her friend also joined us.

PHANTOM was nuts, you knew from the opening scene that the whole thing was just gonna be extremely badass. It was really well done. The sets are unbelievable too!!! Especially how they can be interchanged so easily, sometimes right in front of you. It was quite the experience and well worth the massive amount of money the tickets cost.

Well that's it for now!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Oops, I broke my promise!
Today's post will consist of this:

I don't understand it either, but it still makes me laugh.

Monday, August 28, 2006

I told you I'd post something more substantial today :)

In other news, it appears that the tagboard to the right has been conquered by robots. Spamming robots. You'd think, in today's world, that all this advanced information technology would be used to benefit humanity. But no, it's used to send you endless messages about how to enlarge your penis, and get out of debt.

Can you imagine when advances in artificial intelligence eventually leads to us building robots in our image? You'll have sales bots looking like the goddamn terminator knocking on your door and being like "Excuse me sir or ma'am, my x-ray vision indicates you have a small penis, and the radiation of my x-ray vision is probably shrivelling it up more. Would you like to try this unknown herb in hopes of somehow making it bigger? Or would you like a free college diploma?"

Fucking spaaaaammmmmmmmmm!

I'll make a real post tomorrow, I promise! And I promise I won't break that promise. I promise?

Sunday, August 27, 2006

I'm still alive I'm still alive!!!

And saying that, you should all be so happy that I am actually still alive, that you won't care about the fact I haven't posted in the past 5 days..... 0:)

In other news, the new company I work for, is actually paying me less than the company I was working for before!!

Before, I was making $14.50 an hour. Now, I'm making $14.43 an hour!

I GOT A 7 CENT PAY CUT!!! Oh, the humanity! How will I ever be able to live off that? Hahahah jesus.

I'll post a more substantial post tomorrow, I have to wake up in like 6 hours!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Oh man I sliced my finger up something fierce at work today!

I'll post a pic of the gaping wound when it's healed enough to NOT fill up with blood whenever I try to look into it. I bet I can make it sing!

Mike's finger... is currently taking song requests. Send some in!

.... I'm disgusting 0:)

Saturday, August 19, 2006

I watched The Butterfly Effect yesterday. The director's cut. And it puts the theatre version to shame.

If you're gonna watch The Butterfly Effect, watch the director's cut. Don't watch the shitty one with the missing scenes and the hollywood-ized ending.

Friday, August 18, 2006

You know what I just realized? I love driving.
I don't love paying for gas though.

I didn't enjoy driving much until after I bought my own car. Before that all I had to drive was what I call... the shitmobile. My parents' aerostar van. I swear, you could shit out a log onto the street, stick wheels on it, and it would be more mechanically reliable than that goddamn van. There's quite the variety of different places it's stranded me in.

I hate being stranded, so naturally I hated driving at the time.

Then, I get my new car. A vehicle that I didn't have to put all 60 pounds of my weight on the gas to get it to go past 60. Just touching the gas pedal you'd be going faster than that piece of shit van's top speed! And it had everything the van didn't... you know.. like air conditioning and a working fuel guage... it's a high class car. After driving that around, I learned to love driving.

However, I love driving a bit less these days, mainly cause my car looks like it got buttraped by another car. I have to wait till sept 11th to get it fixed!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The weekend was pretty fun. Friday I edited that video where we smashed up that printer, then headed over to Ashleigh's for some hardcore partying. I arrived fashionably late to discover.... I was kinda the first person there!

So when everyone showed up we went and hung out at a playground, but someone thought the park was too sketchy because of all the houses close by... so we went to a dark creepy playground surrounded by trees because it was less sketchy. Ah, slurrey logic :-)

Saturday morning me Ashleigh and Tanya had lnunch at IHOP. My god, the food there is righteous. My god, I can't believe I just used "righteous" in a sentence. Gnarly.

Afterwards we went to the porn store to annoy Jessika and then I hung out with Eric and we went GO-KARTING with Robin! That shit was really fun. Afterwards we picked up Vuvito and went back to good ole slurrey. As we were pulling into my driveway I see Tracy and Cory walking down the street (they pretty much live across the street from me now!) so we talked to them for a while. And got eaten alive by some kinda mosquito swarm in the process. Them me Vuv and Eric went back to my place and watched A BEAUTIFUL MIND. I think I've already ranted and raved on here about how good that movie was, so I'll spare you the repetetion and spare myself the effort of typing something everyone has already read before :P

We got an early night cause THE NEXT DAY...


This mountain I'm talking about is called THE CHIEF and it's in Squamish. It's this big ass ROCK that takes up like half of Squamish and you can see it from everywhere. It's 1500 feet high! We did it before last summer, but it was awesome enough to do it again!

So Eric shows up to my house with Jessika, cause he happened to run into her on the way to my house (not with his car). I get ready and off we go. We dropped Jessika off at her house, and went to pick up Ashleigh, who wasn't even out of bed yet! I waited in Eric's HOT BOILING CAR for 30 minutes while she got ready (I couldn't open the windows because they're power windows and the car wasn't running... I wish I woulda thought about opening the DOOR for some fresh air). I was THIS close to spontanously combusting when....

Ashleigh gets in the car, we get ready to take off, and she's like "Oh crap I have homework, later guys!". So I nearly evaporated to death for nothing, thanks fugger :P

We go and pick up Vuvvy and then go up to Squamish. We hiked up the Chief, did the same trail as last year (accidentaly!) but it was just rad as ever. Here's the pics!


As you can see, we had SO MUCH FUN!

Oh and here's Eric climbing down the Chief's buttcrack. And HANGING off some high cliff.

Here's me sitting on the edge of the cliff at the very top, 1500 feet above Squamish! Check out the rest of the pictures, they're amazing of course.

We met some SUPER nice girl at the top of the chief, her name was Karen. She took our picture and stuff, she was probably the nicest person I've ever met at the top of a mountain. I gave her the address for this site so she could see all the pics we took!

Nanananananana after we dismounted the Chief, we went back to Surrey and met up with Ashleigh and everyone, and went to see that shitty movie I reviewed in the previous post.

Monday, August 14, 2006

PULSE was a stupid movie. Great idea butchered into some stupid generic horror movie.

Before I saw the movie, I knew nothing about it. All I thought it was about (from ealry reviews I read) was scientists finding some new ultra high bandwidth that evil spirits use, and them using the technology to spread through computers and take over the world. It sorta sounded... cool as fuck.

But nope, it was just another shitty brainless teen horror movie! Followed all the horror movie cliches and stuff, had some unforgivable plot holes, blah blah. I can't even review this movie properly because of all of my braincells that died in those 2 hours. That's the true horror of it.

I knew things weren't looking good when 2 seconds into the movie, you could see someone typing "".

Tomorrow I'll be posting about what we did on the weekend, and pics from HIKING THE CHIEF again! Stay tuned.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Our latest video, a spoof of the printer smashing scene in Office Space:

A high quality version will be available for download in the near future.... cause watching it on youtube is like seeing it through the eyes of a 86 year old masturbation addict.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

I have a job again :)
I can finally cease to be financially-retarded.

I'm going today to have ICBC look at my car. It really looks like shit right now... I can't wait till it's fixed.

The benefit of having your rear end of your car smashed in is that people don't tailgait you. Would YOU tailgait someone who looks like they got rear-ended? I'm not a slow driver by any means so when someone tailgaits ME it pisses me off that they want to drive at such RETARDED SPEEDS.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The past few days have been pretty strange. Fun, but kinda messed up. My car getting smashed in, my cell phone nearly getting fried, etc. When stuff like this happens, you gotta love it when it happens all in one weekend :P

FRIDAY NIGHT was when my car got smashed up by that fucking tire. We were all partying at Tracy's and heard a loud noise from her balcony. Someone's like "holy shit there's an accident on the street". We all run outside and I go to check my car... which now had a caved in trunk and a tire lying next to it.... the vehicle lacking the tire was nowhere to be found. I was fucking livid. Hit and runs REALLY piss me off, fucking cowardly pieces of shit.

Someone told us where the drunk driver had stopped (just up the street) and we ran up there. He was extremely cooperative, weird. Since the dumb fuck had tried to drive his car up 2 blocks while missing a wheel just to get away. The cops came and drunkboy got arrested and blah blah blah. I hate morons who can't drive properly. I hate driving and nearly getting hit by retards who lack the mental skills it takes to operate a vehicle. #@!*#^

Saturday we went and saw THE DESCENT. It was a good, suspensful horror movie. I enjoyed it a lot, and it usually stays away from the whole "horror movie formula" shit. Except for one part... the sort of thing all horror movies like to do nowadays. I was kinda disappointed they went with that route. Still good though. Afterwards we partied at Tracy's again, and times were good!

Sunday me Eric and Ashleigh went to BRIDAL FALLS which were pretty cool, and then went to explore the VEDDER RIVER. I went a different way than Eric and Ash and was seperated from them for a long time, and I had given Ash my camera and phone to keep in her purse cause I was afraid of it getting wet. Well...

When I see them again... they're on the other side of this mini river. So Eric grabs Ash's purse and stuff and attempts to cross the river. He nearly falls, getting Ashleigh's purse wet, which had my camera and our phones inside!

My camera didn't get wet at all, but my phone was soaked. I turned it off and took out the battery, and did the same to Ashleigh's.

Eric went back to where Ashleigh was and tried to find a way across what wasn't life-threatening, and I stuck around and watched my phone dry. Watching a phone dry is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Maybe a bit less... cause with paint you get the lovely fumes as well.

MONDAY me, Valito, Corey, Tracy, Ashleigh, and Eric went to this awesome hidden spot for swimming and diving into pools. If you have to get past a giant industrial barb-wire fence, you KNOW it's that awesome of a place. It was lots of fun.

We had to take a dirt road to get up there, so my car got covered in dust! And it had all the splattered brake fluid all over it, so the dust clung to that. My car looks worse than my old van... I never thought I'd see that!

I'm ending this post now cause I'm tired as fuck (-_-)

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


So on wednesday and thursday we were off camping!

Me, Vuvito, and Mark filled my car up with camping supplies early wednesday morning and headed out to Harrison, where Eric and his family had a group campsite at Hick's lake. We got there and set everything up and begun the best camping trip ever!

Highlights of camping in chronological order:

- Pumping Vuvvy's air mattress full of air. It took quite the effort, as you can see.

- Walking along the dirt road to the rope swing. We all got eaten alive by mosquitos. We were totally ambushed! The fucking things were insane, some of them were so gung-ho about their bloodsucking skills that I ended up BLEEDING from some of their bites!

- 20 minutes, 474534 bites, and minus 2 liters of blood later, we made it to the rope swing. Hung out there for a bit (har har!) and swung into the water!

- Going back and swimming to the island in the middle of Hicks lake. We found some huckleberries and Eric tried to get me to eat one. I was like no fucking way, if it's not processed by any sorta machine I'm not eating it! He ended up throwing one into my mouth from 10 feet away, that sneaky bastard!

- Eric and his brother successfully pushed over a GIANT dead tree. It was quite the moment of triumphant manliness. I think the average length of every male's dong in the immediate vincinity grew about an inch longer.

- After an awesome dinner of burgers, and watching Eric and Mark play crib for 32768 hours, we began drinking. Eric hit the beer bong with DAN THE MAN and then had a bunch of his liquor-y drinks. You know the phrase "Beer before liquor, never been sicker"? Well, it was proven true that night.

- Throwing ninja stars the next morning. One of them bounced off the log and flew only a foot over Mark's head. HARDCORE!

The rest of the camping trip can be seen in the pictures!!

Tomorrow, since I'm retardedly lazy, I will update on what we did this long weekend!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I know I haven't been posting once a day for the past few days. For good reasons of course, the main one being that I was off camping for 2 days!

Now let me tell you about the night BEFORE we went camping. This night consisted of helping Mark and his ex move out of their apartment.


It begins with me driving to vancouver and pick up THE CHAD and THE VANESSA. Then we head into north van to Mark's place which he's moving out of.

We get lost for a while in north van trying to find Mark's place, no big deal. We finally find his place, and I have to drive my car up his freakin' VERTICAL driveway, a hill SO STEEP that my bumper was DRAGGING on the pavement of the street when I started going up the driveway.

So we get up there, and put all of Robyn's stuff into my car to take to her new place.

Now, we had to get back DOWN the driveway of death. I had to BACK OUT OF IT.

Now.... I'm backing out of this friggin driveway that has a slope damn near perpendicular to the street it's attatched to... with Chad and Vanessa at the bottom keeping watch as I back out.

I'm so close to the bottom.... but Chad and Vanessa yell STOP cause my bumper was at an angle to the ground such that if I were to continue, the bumper would get crushed into the car!

I put the car back in forward (and the transmission made a noise I've never heard ANYTHING make) and squealed back up the driveway, then came back down and tried to turn the other way. Same thing, I still wasn't gonna make it.

So we were stuck on this driveway of DEATH. Then I realized.... the reason the bumper was hitting the ground like that... was cause there was too much weight in the car!!!!!! Weight being all of Robyn's stuff that we were moving....

SOOOOOOO..... we had to empty out my car again and put all her things to the side of the street, in order for me to be able to back out properly, and then load it back in. I have Chad the car key to get her stuff out of the trunk (cause I couldn't take my foot off the brake, or the car would lurch backward and kill my bumper). We took everything out and I was able to get on the street. Then we put all the stuff BACK in the car and headed to Robyn's new place.

We had gone like 3 blocks up the alley when Vanessa called me and told me that we left her Robyn's shoes there. So I drive backwards through the alley to go back and get her shoes. Then we're off again!

We get to her new place... and realize. Something. Horrible. CHAD STILL HAS THE TRUNK KEY!!! WE CAN'T GET ANY OF HER THINGS OUT OF THE TRUNK!!!! At the same moment of this awful realization... Chad calls my cell to inform me of this fact.

So we had to drive all the way back there and get the key!

Robyn offers to pay me an extra $10 for all the trouble, but I tell her not to worry about it cause it's worth the story! So we go back to her place and drop off her stuff then I go back to Mark's to get his stuff!

THIS TIME I leave my car on the street while we put all his stuff into it, I was never gonna go near that driveway again! Then we head back to Surrey and I ask Mark where his new place is.

"You know the apartments behind Talize?"
"You're shitting me? Those are the same apartments Tracy and Cory live in!"

We pulled in right below Tracy's apartment on the main alley thing and start carrying Mark's things into his apartment. Which is quite a nice place, I say. Now this is the best part of the story.

As we go to my car to get the last few of his things, Mark goes to open the door... and MY FUCKING CAR ALARM GOES OFF FOR NO REASON.

And I can't turn it off. And it's really, REALLY LOUD. And it was 12 am at night.

I jump in the car and drive this screaming, honking car to the rear parking lot (leaving Mark behind in the process) so I could pop open the hood and disconnect the battery. The battery needs a wrench to be disconnected. A tool that I did not have available at that one particular time, because I took my tools out of my car to make room for Mark's things! Mark runs up to take a look, we try to find the horn to disconnect it. No luck there. And this whole time all these people are looking out their apartment windows probably thinking wtf are these guys doing... then my car alarm suddenly stops.

WHAT A FUCKING RELIEF. I swear, if wasn't able to take a shit for 17 days and then finally was able to, I would not feel HALF the relief I was feeling.

So I go to get back into my car, and as soon as I touch the handle it sets off the alarm again.


I decide to drive this 389238749 decible noise machine farther away from these apartments.


While we were looking under the hood of my car, at some point MARK LOST HIS APARTMENT KEYS!!!

What a night.

I drive the loudest car in surrey to the Talize parking lot while Mark stays behind to look for his keys, and I'm trying to get the alarm to shut the fuck up. It was so loud, that I could hear the car alarm noises BOUNCING off the highrise building way back. It was fucked!

And for a trip mall whose stores were ALL closed, there sure was a lot of activity in that parking lot. Of the not-so-legal kind I'm sure. And these guys were all staring at me and my wailing car. It was ever so slightly uncomfortable.

Eventually I do figure out how to stop the alarm, just as Mark came walking back and Andrew, Lena, and Ashleigh pulled in. Mark found his keys under the hood, wedged between the battery and some miscellaneous part of my car.

I never did find out why the fuck the alarm decided to go off from opening an unlocked door, looks like it'll be one of life's mysteries. I feel bad for waking 37329 people up too. When I told Tracy what happened though, she said she never heard it! Man that's like sleeping through at atom bomb.

And that's what happened tuesday night. The morning after, we left for camping, but that's another post. If you wanna see the pics from camping tonight, I'll probably post them in the message board before I go to bed.

Till next time, fuckers!

Saturday, August 05, 2006

This image has been brought to you by the fucking drunk retard who hit a bunch of cars and lost the front wheel of his truck, which became well acquainted with the back end of my car while it was parked.


Check out how crooked my car is now. The trunk is really hard to open and close... I'd say my ride was sufficiently "un-pimped":

Yep, pretty shitty, but what can I do. At least it's all getting paid for. More on this in the next post I'm writing.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Awesome, I didn't wake up ridiculously early today. Therefore I feel way more functional than I have been the past few days.

Now I'm gonna tell my stripper story. I'm not a huge fan of talking to strippers, mainly cause it's their job to give people lap dances and I don't want a lapdance. No it's not cause I am lacking a male genital, it's cause my girlfriend wouldn't be super thrilled with that and possibly kick me in said genital :P

So the other day we were all gonna go to this pub, but decided to go to the paramount instead cause Shannon's never been there before. And y'know... a place with naked ladies versus a place without them..... not too tough of a choice.

So within 3.78 seconds of us sitting down, a stripper comes up to ME and starts asking me how I'm doing and whatnot. Oh noes. I don't want a lap dance, and if she's talking to me just cause she's mesmerized by my amazing sexiness, I don't want any of that either. So how do I let her know I'm not interested without sounding like a total asshole?

I gross her out.

Remember how I wrote about how I tore my lip up with my toothbrush a couple posts ago? I go into an exaggerated version of that story, like how it bled for 3 hours, how it's all infected and stuff, blah blah. I woulda thought she was gonna run away and find some fat stinky old guy to give a lapdance to, someone who HADN'T swallowed a litre of his own blood. I thought it would work!

NO, she one-upped me and went into her own "stories". Well shit! I had nothing else in my stripper-repelling arsenal. Luckily she went and talked to someone else who might have WANTED a dance or two!

The rest of the time at the strip club was good times, but eventually the myriad of boobs got old so we went and hung out at Tracy and Cory's for a while. Actually I think we spent like 90% of the weekend there partying and stuff. It was fun and a half!

Now I'm trying to plan camping for the weekend, it's not going very well. Trying to find a campingground that isn't fully booked... 3 days before a long weekend... not working too well.

So in case camping this weekend doesn't work out, I'm going camping tomorrow and thursday to get my camping fix! Don't worry slurrey show fans, and sorry to disappoint AKARADIO fans, but I'll be back before the show on thursday!

BTW... I watched REQUIEM FOR A DREAM for the first time in years on Sunday. Man I forgot how BLEAK that movie was... it's an amazing flick. Darren Aronofsky is talented like you wouldn't believe, I can't wait for his new movie, which will be his first high-budget film:


I've been waiting for this movie for YEARS, this is gonna change sci-fi movies the way The Matrix did. There will be ripoffs and spoofs of this movie coming out of everyone's yingyang.