Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Hahahaha I read this and just had to post it here, it's great.

Teaching Math In 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost
of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost
of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost
of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost
of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the
number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is
selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What
do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after
answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut
down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2006
Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100 El
cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede

Sunday, March 05, 2006

MOVIE REVIEW: Ultraviolet

Rating: On a scale of 1 to 10 I give this movie a "DON'T EVEN THINK OF WATCHING THIS STUPID TURD"

So the other night me and Vuv went to go see Ultraviolet, a movie directed by Kurt Wimmer, who also did Equilibrium. I LOVED Equilibrium, and I guess I had the same expectations for his latest movie, which kinda suckered me into watching it despite the moronic looking trailer.

I tried to give it a chance, but within the first minute of the movie I knew it was hopeless. You don't introduce the main character of a movie by rendering her face in CG!! Idiot!

How bad is this movie?

I don't even know where to begin. In fact, I don't even think I'm going to put any effort into this review, it can be as disjointed and incoherent as this cinematic atrocity.

The CG (which makes up 90% of the film) is of such poor quality I've seen better graphics on my gameboy. There's an opening shot of some aircraft thinger flying over a cartoon city. Then these balls drop out of it, and go SIDEWAYS through a building's windows and turn into soldiers. Fighting ensues and people die and stuff and the only blood you see is when someone pricks their finger.

That's another thing, with a rating of PG 13 you will see some of the craziest fighting going on, and not see a single drop of blood anywhere.

So back to the shitty computer graphics in this movie. Violet has this gravity-altering device that looks like a winamp visualization. Or maybe the eye from lord of the rings. It allows her to run across ceiling and ride her motorcycle on the sides of buildings ripped straight out of some videogame. Then helicopters shoot at her and can't seem to hit her, meanwhile MUD is flying everywhere because the buildings seem to be MADE OF IT.

Or how bout at the end where some building explodes and the fire looks like it was copy/pasted straight out of photoshop, and the smoke looks so fake you have to wonder if the CG artists have ever seen what it actually looks like.

The top WTF things about this movie:

- Everyone has REALLY BAD AIM cause bullets fly EVERYWHERE and only the bad guys get hit. The camera jumps around so fast it;s like the camerman is having a seizure.

- For some reason they also BLURRED parts of the screen. My guess was to make it all look stylistic and awesome. It ends up looking like the person filming didn't know how to focus the goddamn camera.

- Hemophages have vampire teeth, which doesn't make sense cause they DON'T DRINK BLOOD. Actually the only thing different about Hemophages from regular people is that they act all badass, fight in fast motion, and use all these gadgets that regular people don't use for some reason.

- The dialogue in this movie is horrible. It TRIES to be badass. "
Evil overacting bad guy: "It is on"
(5 minute long dramatic shot)
Violet: "Yeah it is"

Then they have a swordfight and their swords catch fire cause they're FLAMMABLE or something. And you can't see anything except the 2 flaming swords clanging agains each other.

- Violet's hair changes color for no real reason, just to look cool. So does whatever she wears.

- Violet can store all her weapons in a memory card or something on her wrists and pull them out whenever she needs them. Does thet mean you can go on the internet and download whatever you want? Then why did she have to go to what'shisface's house cause "he has all her guns"? Couldn't he have sent them to her over msn or something?

- The storyline is all over the place. You don't give 2 shits about the characters. And there's a "twist" at the end that you can see coming throughout the whole movie.

So yeah, I can't believe this flick was directed by the same guy who did Equilibrium. What the hell happened? Did he become retarded somewhere between those 2 movies? I feel horribly embarrased for the guy. Having your name attatched to something as awful as this can't be too good for your mental health.

So what did my girlfriend have to say about the movie? "Ultraviolet: A full spectrum of CRAP."

I love her comment on this post too: What the hell was going on in that movie? I'm assuming during the editing process they ended up edititing out the PLOT. How do tears alter someone's DNA? How can a human being fit comfortably inside a 1" thick Imac briefcase? Why did that guy live inside a big truck? How did a movie this bad get approved?

I must say though, the soundtrack was quite awesome. But that's about the only thing you'll hear with "awesome" and "Ultraviolet" in the same sentence.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

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It's a sad day when you realize that computer-generated spam mails make more sense than most of the blogs on people's msn pages.