Thursday, August 31, 2006

I have tomorrow and tuesday off, which makes for a 5 day long weekend. The awesomeness of this fact is quite close to overwhelming!

Maybe I should post about last weekend though, since I haven't yet.

FRIDAY
It was Tracy and Cory's 78483th party of the summer and this time I was going to drink a lot more than usual. I bought a lovely bottle of Jagermeister, (90% of which ended up in my bloodstream within 2 hours).

I don't remember most of the night. But from what I CAN remember, it was a party I would have wished I remembered. I'll post what I remember, in point form!!

- Before getting to the party, some creepy guy taking a pic of me and Ashleigh. I got a picture of him too! He's on the left. I took it while he was taking a picture of the other guy's kid. Yes.

- Doing a jager bomb for the first time and liking it, that's where it all started....

- Justin smoking his cigarette BACKWARDS. Why settle for filtered smoke when you can get 10 times the carcinogens for free!

- Me sitting in some PLANTER for like an hour straight. There's probably still a butt-print in the dirt there. Alien archaologists may still find it fossilized there 4000 years from now.

- Doing more Jager bombs with Justin, he had like 13.... jezus. If I had 13 there'd probably be more alcohol in my blood than blood itself.

- Some super GIANT fly buzzing around... I swear it was made up of like 5 regular flies! You could probably punch that thing in the face and bust a knuckle.

- Sobering up a little after winessing the SUPER HEROIC RESCUE EFFORT made possible by experts skilled in the art of making someone who's had too much to drink feel better. If that wasn't a run-on sentence, I don't know what is!

- Tracy asking for a picture of her looking drunk! I say the best pics of drunk people are when they REALLY DON'T want you to take their picture! Example.

- Me Matt and Shannon drunkenly singing along to "Yellow" by Coldplay. It's been a while since I last heard that song so when I would forget the lyrics, I'd just make random noises that sounded like them. Canadian Idol, here I come.

- A common occurrence at sleepover type situations is a pillow fight. Just as we were falling asleep Justin comes downstairs and starts madly flinging poker chips, and thus had a POKER CHIP FIGHT instead. Cause that's how we roll. They ended up everywhere... behind the couches, in my eye, in Shannon's pants.... poker chips hurt a bit more than pillows.

- When I finally went to sleep, I would wake up every now and then to various yet unmistakeable noises coming from the room directly above me. I was scared.... and wishing that I actually DID believe in ghosts!

- I left and got home around 11, it was bright and sunny and it felt like I had been up all night, but I wasn't hungover as usual :-)
And that was the party! I was too drunk to take pics, but there's a few of them here. I think this is the smallest slurrey field trip gallery ever!

SATURDAY

Friday kinda blended in to Saturday so I don't know where Saturday actually began. After I came home I had lunch, then hung out with the Ash for a bit and then met up with Eric, got ready, and headed downtown to see:

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

Yeah, I was fooooookin excited. We picked up Veevito (after waiting at her house where she got ready in record time), and met Sara and Tara there. Kuljit and her friend also joined us.

PHANTOM was nuts, you knew from the opening scene that the whole thing was just gonna be extremely badass. It was really well done. The sets are unbelievable too!!! Especially how they can be interchanged so easily, sometimes right in front of you. It was quite the experience and well worth the massive amount of money the tickets cost.

Well that's it for now!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY VUV!!!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Oops, I broke my promise!
Today's post will consist of this:



I don't understand it either, but it still makes me laugh.

Monday, August 28, 2006



I told you I'd post something more substantial today :)

In other news, it appears that the tagboard to the right has been conquered by robots. Spamming robots. You'd think, in today's world, that all this advanced information technology would be used to benefit humanity. But no, it's used to send you endless messages about how to enlarge your penis, and get out of debt.

Can you imagine when advances in artificial intelligence eventually leads to us building robots in our image? You'll have sales bots looking like the goddamn terminator knocking on your door and being like "Excuse me sir or ma'am, my x-ray vision indicates you have a small penis, and the radiation of my x-ray vision is probably shrivelling it up more. Would you like to try this unknown herb in hopes of somehow making it bigger? Or would you like a free college diploma?"

Fucking spaaaaammmmmmmmmm!

I'll make a real post tomorrow, I promise! And I promise I won't break that promise. I promise?

Sunday, August 27, 2006

I'm still alive I'm still alive!!!

And saying that, you should all be so happy that I am actually still alive, that you won't care about the fact I haven't posted in the past 5 days..... 0:)


In other news, the new company I work for, is actually paying me less than the company I was working for before!!

Before, I was making $14.50 an hour. Now, I'm making $14.43 an hour!

I GOT A 7 CENT PAY CUT!!! Oh, the humanity! How will I ever be able to live off that? Hahahah jesus.

I'll post a more substantial post tomorrow, I have to wake up in like 6 hours!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Oh man I sliced my finger up something fierce at work today!

I'll post a pic of the gaping wound when it's healed enough to NOT fill up with blood whenever I try to look into it. I bet I can make it sing!

Mike's finger... is currently taking song requests. Send some in!



.... I'm disgusting 0:)

Saturday, August 19, 2006

I watched The Butterfly Effect yesterday. The director's cut. And it puts the theatre version to shame.

If you're gonna watch The Butterfly Effect, watch the director's cut. Don't watch the shitty one with the missing scenes and the hollywood-ized ending.

Friday, August 18, 2006

You know what I just realized? I love driving.
I don't love paying for gas though.

I didn't enjoy driving much until after I bought my own car. Before that all I had to drive was what I call... the shitmobile. My parents' aerostar van. I swear, you could shit out a log onto the street, stick wheels on it, and it would be more mechanically reliable than that goddamn van. There's quite the variety of different places it's stranded me in.

I hate being stranded, so naturally I hated driving at the time.

Then, I get my new car. A vehicle that I didn't have to put all 60 pounds of my weight on the gas to get it to go past 60. Just touching the gas pedal you'd be going faster than that piece of shit van's top speed! And it had everything the van didn't... you know.. like air conditioning and a working fuel guage... it's a high class car. After driving that around, I learned to love driving.

However, I love driving a bit less these days, mainly cause my car looks like it got buttraped by another car. I have to wait till sept 11th to get it fixed!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The weekend was pretty fun. Friday I edited that video where we smashed up that printer, then headed over to Ashleigh's for some hardcore partying. I arrived fashionably late to discover.... I was kinda the first person there!

So when everyone showed up we went and hung out at a playground, but someone thought the park was too sketchy because of all the houses close by... so we went to a dark creepy playground surrounded by trees because it was less sketchy. Ah, slurrey logic :-)

Saturday morning me Ashleigh and Tanya had lnunch at IHOP. My god, the food there is righteous. My god, I can't believe I just used "righteous" in a sentence. Gnarly.

Afterwards we went to the porn store to annoy Jessika and then I hung out with Eric and we went GO-KARTING with Robin! That shit was really fun. Afterwards we picked up Vuvito and went back to good ole slurrey. As we were pulling into my driveway I see Tracy and Cory walking down the street (they pretty much live across the street from me now!) so we talked to them for a while. And got eaten alive by some kinda mosquito swarm in the process. Them me Vuv and Eric went back to my place and watched A BEAUTIFUL MIND. I think I've already ranted and raved on here about how good that movie was, so I'll spare you the repetetion and spare myself the effort of typing something everyone has already read before :P

We got an early night cause THE NEXT DAY...

IT WAS TIME TO (RE)CONQUER A MOUNTAIN

This mountain I'm talking about is called THE CHIEF and it's in Squamish. It's this big ass ROCK that takes up like half of Squamish and you can see it from everywhere. It's 1500 feet high! We did it before last summer, but it was awesome enough to do it again!

So Eric shows up to my house with Jessika, cause he happened to run into her on the way to my house (not with his car). I get ready and off we go. We dropped Jessika off at her house, and went to pick up Ashleigh, who wasn't even out of bed yet! I waited in Eric's HOT BOILING CAR for 30 minutes while she got ready (I couldn't open the windows because they're power windows and the car wasn't running... I wish I woulda thought about opening the DOOR for some fresh air). I was THIS close to spontanously combusting when....

Ashleigh gets in the car, we get ready to take off, and she's like "Oh crap I have homework, later guys!". So I nearly evaporated to death for nothing, thanks fugger :P

We go and pick up Vuvvy and then go up to Squamish. We hiked up the Chief, did the same trail as last year (accidentaly!) but it was just rad as ever. Here's the pics!

RE-CONQUERING THE CHIEF

As you can see, we had SO MUCH FUN!

Oh and here's Eric climbing down the Chief's buttcrack. And HANGING off some high cliff.

Here's me sitting on the edge of the cliff at the very top, 1500 feet above Squamish! Check out the rest of the pictures, they're amazing of course.

We met some SUPER nice girl at the top of the chief, her name was Karen. She took our picture and stuff, she was probably the nicest person I've ever met at the top of a mountain. I gave her the address for this site so she could see all the pics we took!

Nanananananana after we dismounted the Chief, we went back to Surrey and met up with Ashleigh and everyone, and went to see that shitty movie I reviewed in the previous post.

Monday, August 14, 2006

PULSE was a stupid movie. Great idea butchered into some stupid generic horror movie.

Before I saw the movie, I knew nothing about it. All I thought it was about (from ealry reviews I read) was scientists finding some new ultra high bandwidth that evil spirits use, and them using the technology to spread through computers and take over the world. It sorta sounded... cool as fuck.

But nope, it was just another shitty brainless teen horror movie! Followed all the horror movie cliches and stuff, had some unforgivable plot holes, blah blah. I can't even review this movie properly because of all of my braincells that died in those 2 hours. That's the true horror of it.

I knew things weren't looking good when 2 seconds into the movie, you could see someone typing "www.chatroom.com".

Tomorrow I'll be posting about what we did on the weekend, and pics from HIKING THE CHIEF again! Stay tuned.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Our latest video, a spoof of the printer smashing scene in Office Space:



A high quality version will be available for download in the near future.... cause watching it on youtube is like seeing it through the eyes of a 86 year old masturbation addict.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

I have a job again :)
I can finally cease to be financially-retarded.

I'm going today to have ICBC look at my car. It really looks like shit right now... I can't wait till it's fixed.

The benefit of having your rear end of your car smashed in is that people don't tailgait you. Would YOU tailgait someone who looks like they got rear-ended? I'm not a slow driver by any means so when someone tailgaits ME it pisses me off that they want to drive at such RETARDED SPEEDS.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The past few days have been pretty strange. Fun, but kinda messed up. My car getting smashed in, my cell phone nearly getting fried, etc. When stuff like this happens, you gotta love it when it happens all in one weekend :P

FRIDAY NIGHT was when my car got smashed up by that fucking tire. We were all partying at Tracy's and heard a loud noise from her balcony. Someone's like "holy shit there's an accident on the street". We all run outside and I go to check my car... which now had a caved in trunk and a tire lying next to it.... the vehicle lacking the tire was nowhere to be found. I was fucking livid. Hit and runs REALLY piss me off, fucking cowardly pieces of shit.

Someone told us where the drunk driver had stopped (just up the street) and we ran up there. He was extremely cooperative, weird. Since the dumb fuck had tried to drive his car up 2 blocks while missing a wheel just to get away. The cops came and drunkboy got arrested and blah blah blah. I hate morons who can't drive properly. I hate driving and nearly getting hit by retards who lack the mental skills it takes to operate a vehicle. #@!*#^

Saturday we went and saw THE DESCENT. It was a good, suspensful horror movie. I enjoyed it a lot, and it usually stays away from the whole "horror movie formula" shit. Except for one part... the sort of thing all horror movies like to do nowadays. I was kinda disappointed they went with that route. Still good though. Afterwards we partied at Tracy's again, and times were good!

Sunday me Eric and Ashleigh went to BRIDAL FALLS which were pretty cool, and then went to explore the VEDDER RIVER. I went a different way than Eric and Ash and was seperated from them for a long time, and I had given Ash my camera and phone to keep in her purse cause I was afraid of it getting wet. Well...

When I see them again... they're on the other side of this mini river. So Eric grabs Ash's purse and stuff and attempts to cross the river. He nearly falls, getting Ashleigh's purse wet, which had my camera and our phones inside!

My camera didn't get wet at all, but my phone was soaked. I turned it off and took out the battery, and did the same to Ashleigh's.

Eric went back to where Ashleigh was and tried to find a way across what wasn't life-threatening, and I stuck around and watched my phone dry. Watching a phone dry is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Maybe a bit less... cause with paint you get the lovely fumes as well.

MONDAY me, Valito, Corey, Tracy, Ashleigh, and Eric went to this awesome hidden spot for swimming and diving into pools. If you have to get past a giant industrial barb-wire fence, you KNOW it's that awesome of a place. It was lots of fun.

We had to take a dirt road to get up there, so my car got covered in dust! And it had all the splattered brake fluid all over it, so the dust clung to that. My car looks worse than my old van... I never thought I'd see that!

I'm ending this post now cause I'm tired as fuck (-_-)

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

PICS FROM CAMPING


So on wednesday and thursday we were off camping!

Me, Vuvito, and Mark filled my car up with camping supplies early wednesday morning and headed out to Harrison, where Eric and his family had a group campsite at Hick's lake. We got there and set everything up and begun the best camping trip ever!

Highlights of camping in chronological order:

- Pumping Vuvvy's air mattress full of air. It took quite the effort, as you can see.

- Walking along the dirt road to the rope swing. We all got eaten alive by mosquitos. We were totally ambushed! The fucking things were insane, some of them were so gung-ho about their bloodsucking skills that I ended up BLEEDING from some of their bites!

- 20 minutes, 474534 bites, and minus 2 liters of blood later, we made it to the rope swing. Hung out there for a bit (har har!) and swung into the water!

- Going back and swimming to the island in the middle of Hicks lake. We found some huckleberries and Eric tried to get me to eat one. I was like no fucking way, if it's not processed by any sorta machine I'm not eating it! He ended up throwing one into my mouth from 10 feet away, that sneaky bastard!

- Eric and his brother successfully pushed over a GIANT dead tree. It was quite the moment of triumphant manliness. I think the average length of every male's dong in the immediate vincinity grew about an inch longer.

- After an awesome dinner of burgers, and watching Eric and Mark play crib for 32768 hours, we began drinking. Eric hit the beer bong with DAN THE MAN and then had a bunch of his liquor-y drinks. You know the phrase "Beer before liquor, never been sicker"? Well, it was proven true that night.

- Throwing ninja stars the next morning. One of them bounced off the log and flew only a foot over Mark's head. HARDCORE!

The rest of the camping trip can be seen in the pictures!!

Tomorrow, since I'm retardedly lazy, I will update on what we did this long weekend!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I know I haven't been posting once a day for the past few days. For good reasons of course, the main one being that I was off camping for 2 days!

Now let me tell you about the night BEFORE we went camping. This night consisted of helping Mark and his ex move out of their apartment.

THIS WAS ONE HELL OF A NIGHT! What a story:

It begins with me driving to vancouver and pick up THE CHAD and THE VANESSA. Then we head into north van to Mark's place which he's moving out of.

We get lost for a while in north van trying to find Mark's place, no big deal. We finally find his place, and I have to drive my car up his freakin' VERTICAL driveway, a hill SO STEEP that my bumper was DRAGGING on the pavement of the street when I started going up the driveway.

So we get up there, and put all of Robyn's stuff into my car to take to her new place.

Now, we had to get back DOWN the driveway of death. I had to BACK OUT OF IT.
THE DRIVEWAY OF FUCKING DEATH!!!

Now.... I'm backing out of this friggin driveway that has a slope damn near perpendicular to the street it's attatched to... with Chad and Vanessa at the bottom keeping watch as I back out.

I'm so close to the bottom.... but Chad and Vanessa yell STOP cause my bumper was at an angle to the ground such that if I were to continue, the bumper would get crushed into the car!

I put the car back in forward (and the transmission made a noise I've never heard ANYTHING make) and squealed back up the driveway, then came back down and tried to turn the other way. Same thing, I still wasn't gonna make it.





So we were stuck on this driveway of DEATH. Then I realized.... the reason the bumper was hitting the ground like that... was cause there was too much weight in the car!!!!!! Weight being all of Robyn's stuff that we were moving....

SOOOOOOO..... we had to empty out my car again and put all her things to the side of the street, in order for me to be able to back out properly, and then load it back in. I have Chad the car key to get her stuff out of the trunk (cause I couldn't take my foot off the brake, or the car would lurch backward and kill my bumper). We took everything out and I was able to get on the street. Then we put all the stuff BACK in the car and headed to Robyn's new place.

We had gone like 3 blocks up the alley when Vanessa called me and told me that we left her Robyn's shoes there. So I drive backwards through the alley to go back and get her shoes. Then we're off again!

We get to her new place... and realize. Something. Horrible. CHAD STILL HAS THE TRUNK KEY!!! WE CAN'T GET ANY OF HER THINGS OUT OF THE TRUNK!!!! At the same moment of this awful realization... Chad calls my cell to inform me of this fact.

So we had to drive all the way back there and get the key!

Robyn offers to pay me an extra $10 for all the trouble, but I tell her not to worry about it cause it's worth the story! So we go back to her place and drop off her stuff then I go back to Mark's to get his stuff!

THIS TIME I leave my car on the street while we put all his stuff into it, I was never gonna go near that driveway again! Then we head back to Surrey and I ask Mark where his new place is.

"You know the apartments behind Talize?"
"You're shitting me? Those are the same apartments Tracy and Cory live in!"

We pulled in right below Tracy's apartment on the main alley thing and start carrying Mark's things into his apartment. Which is quite a nice place, I say. Now this is the best part of the story.

As we go to my car to get the last few of his things, Mark goes to open the door... and MY FUCKING CAR ALARM GOES OFF FOR NO REASON.

And I can't turn it off. And it's really, REALLY LOUD. And it was 12 am at night.

I jump in the car and drive this screaming, honking car to the rear parking lot (leaving Mark behind in the process) so I could pop open the hood and disconnect the battery. The battery needs a wrench to be disconnected. A tool that I did not have available at that one particular time, because I took my tools out of my car to make room for Mark's things! Mark runs up to take a look, we try to find the horn to disconnect it. No luck there. And this whole time all these people are looking out their apartment windows probably thinking wtf are these guys doing... then my car alarm suddenly stops.

WHAT A FUCKING RELIEF. I swear, if wasn't able to take a shit for 17 days and then finally was able to, I would not feel HALF the relief I was feeling.

So I go to get back into my car, and as soon as I touch the handle it sets off the alarm again.

&#^%@#^%@!$&!@%$*&#^%@#^%@!*%@!$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decide to drive this 389238749 decible noise machine farther away from these apartments.

BUT

While we were looking under the hood of my car, at some point MARK LOST HIS APARTMENT KEYS!!!

What a night.

I drive the loudest car in surrey to the Talize parking lot while Mark stays behind to look for his keys, and I'm trying to get the alarm to shut the fuck up. It was so loud, that I could hear the car alarm noises BOUNCING off the highrise building way back. It was fucked!

And for a trip mall whose stores were ALL closed, there sure was a lot of activity in that parking lot. Of the not-so-legal kind I'm sure. And these guys were all staring at me and my wailing car. It was ever so slightly uncomfortable.

Eventually I do figure out how to stop the alarm, just as Mark came walking back and Andrew, Lena, and Ashleigh pulled in. Mark found his keys under the hood, wedged between the battery and some miscellaneous part of my car.

I never did find out why the fuck the alarm decided to go off from opening an unlocked door, looks like it'll be one of life's mysteries. I feel bad for waking 37329 people up too. When I told Tracy what happened though, she said she never heard it! Man that's like sleeping through at atom bomb.

And that's what happened tuesday night. The morning after, we left for camping, but that's another post. If you wanna see the pics from camping tonight, I'll probably post them in the message board before I go to bed.

Till next time, fuckers!

Saturday, August 05, 2006



This image has been brought to you by the fucking drunk retard who hit a bunch of cars and lost the front wheel of his truck, which became well acquainted with the back end of my car while it was parked.

FUCK.

Check out how crooked my car is now. The trunk is really hard to open and close... I'd say my ride was sufficiently "un-pimped":



Yep, pretty shitty, but what can I do. At least it's all getting paid for. More on this in the next post I'm writing.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Awesome, I didn't wake up ridiculously early today. Therefore I feel way more functional than I have been the past few days.

Now I'm gonna tell my stripper story. I'm not a huge fan of talking to strippers, mainly cause it's their job to give people lap dances and I don't want a lapdance. No it's not cause I am lacking a male genital, it's cause my girlfriend wouldn't be super thrilled with that and possibly kick me in said genital :P

So the other day we were all gonna go to this pub, but decided to go to the paramount instead cause Shannon's never been there before. And y'know... a place with naked ladies versus a place without them..... not too tough of a choice.

So within 3.78 seconds of us sitting down, a stripper comes up to ME and starts asking me how I'm doing and whatnot. Oh noes. I don't want a lap dance, and if she's talking to me just cause she's mesmerized by my amazing sexiness, I don't want any of that either. So how do I let her know I'm not interested without sounding like a total asshole?

I gross her out.

Remember how I wrote about how I tore my lip up with my toothbrush a couple posts ago? I go into an exaggerated version of that story, like how it bled for 3 hours, how it's all infected and stuff, blah blah. I woulda thought she was gonna run away and find some fat stinky old guy to give a lapdance to, someone who HADN'T swallowed a litre of his own blood. I thought it would work!

NO, she one-upped me and went into her own "stories". Well shit! I had nothing else in my stripper-repelling arsenal. Luckily she went and talked to someone else who might have WANTED a dance or two!

The rest of the time at the strip club was good times, but eventually the myriad of boobs got old so we went and hung out at Tracy and Cory's for a while. Actually I think we spent like 90% of the weekend there partying and stuff. It was fun and a half!

Now I'm trying to plan camping for the weekend, it's not going very well. Trying to find a campingground that isn't fully booked... 3 days before a long weekend... not working too well.

So in case camping this weekend doesn't work out, I'm going camping tomorrow and thursday to get my camping fix! Don't worry slurrey show fans, and sorry to disappoint AKARADIO fans, but I'll be back before the show on thursday!


BTW... I watched REQUIEM FOR A DREAM for the first time in years on Sunday. Man I forgot how BLEAK that movie was... it's an amazing flick. Darren Aronofsky is talented like you wouldn't believe, I can't wait for his new movie, which will be his first high-budget film:

THE FOUNTAIN

I've been waiting for this movie for YEARS, this is gonna change sci-fi movies the way The Matrix did. There will be ripoffs and spoofs of this movie coming out of everyone's yingyang.