Monday, October 30, 2006


I haven't posted in a while, to all my imaginary fans out there, I'm sorry! Real life kinda took over for a while. But I put on my pocket protector and my glasses today and I was once again attracted to the computer... it was almost magnet-like.

And the computer radiation shrank my *AHEM* to a point where it can only be measured in foot-long increments. It barely has its own gravity field anymore!

So now that I'm capable of posting again I shall be doing it every day!

The past week has been interesting. From having to run from parking lot security guards (You'd have to listen to last week's slurrey show (#77) to hear about that one), to waiting in the same place in traffic for 2.5 hours, and all the shiot that happened in between, I'd say it's been pretty eventful.

SATURDAY WAS KARYN, KEVIN'S, AND ERIN'S HALLOWEEN PARTY! I dressed up as an XBOX, complete with a cooling fan and a modchip. I dunno why I added the goggles, I probably figured they were just badass enough to wear anyways :)

The party itself was really fun! You can probably tell by the pictures.... all 350 of them!

On Sunday we ended up going to Fright Night at the PNE. My, how things have changed with that thing! They totally improved the whole setup. There's now fog, lights, music, and.... rides!! When we went like 3 years ago it was just 3 haunted houses and the roller coaster. And nothing was decorated.

Was Fright Night scary? Well, when I saw the lineups I nearly shit my pants in fear, except the intense coldness froze my body organs in place. So yeah, I'd be sorta afraid to do that again! Eric got us free tickets though, so the feeling of self-failure for paying $22 to wait in line for 90% of the night was somewhat diminished.

All we did there was go on the swing ride (my face is STILL thawing from the freezing wind) then go through some random maze, and then waited in line for OVER AN HOUR for a 30 second ride!! AJKSDOISJDIOCANSOIFJASIS!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sunday, October 22, 2006


Monday, October 16, 2006


You know what really PISSES ME OFF?

Accidentally buying the FULLSCREEN version of a DVD!

As you may or may not know (depending on if you care or not) DVD movies come in 2 versions, WIDESCREEN and FULLSCREEN.

WIDESCREEN: This is the way the movie is originally filmed, with a wide angled lense, and presented in the theatre. When you buy a WIDESCREEN DVD, you're getting the exact same picture as what you saw in the theatre. You're not missing a thing:

FULLSCREEN: Since most older TV's have a screen much closer to the shape of a square, they take the original movie and crop the image so it fits on a square TV screen. The result? You're missing out on a huge chunk of the picture on both sides. Damn near all VHS movies are in FULLSCREEN.

Now this is why you DON'T buy fullscreen DVD's. Say you have a regular older styld TV with the square screen. You may think "I'll just buy all my DVD in FULLSCREEN versions, so it fills my screen".

Well first, you're getting a half-assed picture, cause the sides are cropped. Second, eventually you're going to buy a WIDESCREEN TV. Everyone is, they're not gonna be making square TV's much longer. Now, you'll want to play your FULLSCREEN DVD's on your WIDESCREEN TV..... you'll be getting this:

Notice how the FULLSCREEN image looks SQUASHED, because it's a SQUARE image stretched to fit on a widescreen TV! ALL of your fullscreen DVD's are gonna look like that on your new TV! All your favorite actors and actresses will look 100 pounds fatter! And you'll have to blow a bunch of money to replace your retarded DVD collection.

Let's see a comparison.

This is what it'll look like:

This is what it's supposed to look like:

And that's why you don't buy FULLSCREEN DVD's!!! I don't even know why the fuck they make them.... for stupid people I guess? Does anyone not realize that most DVD players can take a WIDESCREEN DVD and crop it on the fly so it fits reguular old TV's?

FUCK FULLSCREEN! Here's some more commentary on this issue from other people:

monofonik: FUCK! THAT'S THE WORST!
monofonik: my mom does that all the time.
monofonik: "i wanted it to fill the full screen!"
monofonik: "mom! it DOES! WE HAVE A WIDESCREEN TV."
monofonik: uuurrrgggghhhhh
This is what I did on the weekend!

On friday we went and saw a movie. And you know what that means! It's MOVIE REVIEW TIME!

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(Movie Review)

This movie sucks. Well, the storyline sucks. The gore is quite well done.... it
gets pretty brutal sometimes! So if you enjoy watching faces being peeled off
and extreme nipple piercings, this movie's for you. If you don't though, you'll
be scarred for life. I happened to be sitting next to Ashleigh, who happened to
be in the latter category. She nearly squeezed my arm right off, it felt like it
was gonna be gorier than the movie itself!

So story sucks, gore is well done.... oh god and the ending is the typical hollywood horror movie bullshit ending done a million times before. Total cop-out garbage.

So back to the post now! After the movie we went to Tim Hortons and... at the last minute had the awesome idea to go to the casino in Langley.

The slot machines there SUCKED a million types of dong.... you'd only win like once every 12 tries..... it was lame. But for the first time ever I came out richer than when I went in! I NEARLY DOUBLED MY MONEY!!!! ($_$)

Yeah I bet with $10 and came out with $17. I didn't play ANYTHING after that cause I wanted to be able to say I didn't LOSE money at a casino for once.


Saturday night was Tracy and Cory's party! It was great, I brought a bottle of Jagermeister to the party and started doing jagerbombs. When I ran out of energy drink I just started drinking the jager straight.

I finished the whole bottle.

So I was the drunkest I've been in MONTHS, but somehow I still remember a lot of the party. I remember stuff like:

- Meeting someone who was drunker than I was, I think her name was Jessie but she kept calling me Matt!

- Seeing some people playing 50 cent's Bulletproof game, and asking if you lose a life if you get shot more than 9 times.

- Vuv finding LABYRINTH on the floor in Tracy's room and me lying in bed listening to her and the Shannster talk about David Bowie in spandex. A drunken mental image I could have lived without :(

- Jessika hiding my booze, poorly. It was right on the floor!!! I found it pretty easily... the second time I looked for it.

- Me playing with the BBQ. A lot! I just liked the clicky noise I guess.

- Tracy and Shannon dancing... and later wrestling. At least that's what they called it :P

- Me getting well aquainted with the floor (and the stairs too, judging from the bruises). It didn't hurt at the time!

- Etc etc etc, I'm lazy and I'll let the pics do the rest of the talking!!


Interesting story from that night! We were talking about Langley and I mentioned that all of my exes currently live there. Well........ it turns out Shannon used to know one of them!! Though this was years and years ago when she lived in langley. I found that both really funny and really scary.

It's a small world..... a bit too small I'd say!

Sunday, October 15, 2006




I have a feeling it'll be a bit difficult to find someone who enjoys reading this site AND can meet the requirements above....... and for those of you readers out there capable of being offended by that... I'd also hope that you'd be capable of understanding that I'm just kidding :)

If you want to apply, throw me an email at!!!

Tomorrow I'll post about the weekend and what I remember from it!
... It's gonna be a short post.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

So I'm gonna do a review of a movie me and Vuv watched today:

(movie review)

Well all I have to say is... while watching this movie I have never seen so many laws of physics blatantly defied at the same time.... the concept of SWORDS NOT BEING ABLE TO CUT THROUGH GIANT CHUNKS OF BUILDINGS or even SIMPLE FUCKING GRAVITY seems to have escaped the people who wrote this movie. Sir Isaac Newton must be spinning in his own grave so fast that... it's probably breaking a few laws of physics as well. The movie was retarded.

Pretty visuals I must say. If you plug your ears you can pretend that the storyline was coherent and that you were actually watching an ok movie! You'll need quite the imagination though.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Shiggity shiggity I think I OD'd on MSG after eating all that turkey this weekend. My god.... what a thanksgiving!

On friday we celebrated Shannon's 19th birthday!! We went to the Wheelhouse, which was definitely an interesting place. Interesting that the average age of everyone in there was like... double mine! I could feel hungry cougar eyes watching me... I felt like a rat in a snake pit! It was still a good time, and I ran into half of the Pimpin Kings there!

We stuck around there for a bit, then went to the Casino! Everyone was REALLY EXCITED!!!! We checked out the place and took over a row slot machines. Everyone else was winning money while I won and lost and won and lost until I was down 5 bucks.... the best 5 bucks I ever lost.

In the end everyone had a kickass time (and probably a newly acquired gambling addiction).

I must mention, taking the late skytrain back to surrey is always fun, and ALWAYS involves vomit in some way. This time someone had puked by the door, and it reeked fiercly. Cory and Tracy's reaction best describes the bleakness of the situation. Some dude probably drunker than whoever puked on the floor, tried to get people to put chips on the puke in order to somehow absorb the smell. What??

Gotta love drunk logic.

SATURDAY................. in the morning I went and spent like $50 bucks on DVD's and.... 3 HD-DVD's. I don't have a high definition DVD player yet, but I figured I'd start my HD-DVD collection early. Yep, I'm THAT cool.

Later on that night me and Eric met up with Vuv and Mya. Seeing Mya for the first time in MONTHS was pretty nice, and we got to see her place too. It used to be a CANDY FACTORY. AND IT KICKS BOTH HOLY AND UNHOLY ASS. What a rad place to live!!!

We went to THE RED ROOM to see Aidan's band play. They were pretty good, and so was Mass Undergoe. I didn't care so much for the screamo band though..... I'm pretty sure red cross would be pissed off if they knew how much blood was lost from my ears bleeding.

We chilled there for a while, talked to Aidan and stuff, then went to Wendy's to avoid death from starvation. Does anyone ever notice how many times Wendy's workers forget to put stuff in the meal bag? Usually semi-essential stuff... like straws, napkins, the meal itsef, you know. Just an observation of mine :P

SUNDAY, me Vuv Tracy and Cory went to Ashleigh's for thanksgiving dinner!! HOLY FUCK WAS IT EVER GOOD! It was like the first turkey I ever ate that didn't.... dry me out from the inside. It was damn fine eatin'. After the huge feast we drank. And played that horrible drinking game again, called "PASS OUT". I didn't know that white russian could taste so disgusting when you take a shot of it every 2 seconds. That was seriously sick, I thought I was gonna throw up just from the taste. PASS OUT is a horrible, horrible game. Especially when it was meant to be played with 2 dice.... and we only had ONE!!! That meant it took twice as long to get to the end, which meant drinking twice as much!

TODAY I had ANOTHER huge turkey dinner, and just relaxed at home while recovering from the weekend. It was good times and a half, I tell ya!

Oh yeah, can't forget these!


Wednesday, October 04, 2006


We're now celebrating Shannon's birthday on friday instead, which is good news for you slurrey show addicts who need a fix, and even better news for me cause I don't have to show up to work hungover on friday :]

Monday, October 02, 2006

You know what??

I've decided NOT to buy a Playstation 3 the day it comes out? You know why?


I bought a Playstation when it came out. The laser died. When the PS2 came out I decided to wait a little so I wouldn't get a pre-busted system. Guess what happened when I bought it? The laser died.

Now with Sony using this new blu-ray laser technology, I ain't touching a PS3 for at least a year, cause god knows when they'll figure out how to manufacture it right.

I mean.... they couldn't even make a proper CD laser for the original Playstation....... the technology was over 10 years old at that point!!!


Aw fuck who am I kidding, of course I'll buy the PS3 on launch day! Otherwise known as "mike's wallet gets buttraped" day :(

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Me talking to my girlfriend about learning to drive (she wants to buy a truck):
Me: You can go 4x4ing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vuv: *runs over a tree*
Vuv: *bounds across a river*
Me: ......and this is you just driving in the city ;)