Sunday, March 25, 2007

So as we're driving down to the beach today I step on the brakes and my car makes this horrible grinding sound that damn near made me shit myself.

You see, my brakes a bit on the worn out side, and I've been putting off getting them replaced because I'm broke as fuck from having to go to school the past 2 months!

Fuckin... now the brakes are officially DONE and I gotta pull at least $300 out of my bank account's ass to get new ones. Just when I recently got out of friggin debt I have to borrow some more money again!

Damn brakes! They shoulda lasted at LEAST another month!

Monday, March 19, 2007


So saturday night was Dave Dudley's 21st birthday party, and it was so awesome that "awesome" is not worthy enough of a word to describe how awesome it was. Even the pictures don't do it justice. Wait'll you see the video footage... it's quite legendary. From the dude getting slapped repeatedly by Justin's girlfriend, to girls making out and someone peeing all over themselves, I never imagined I'd have so much crazy shit crammed on one tape.

Highlights of the night:

- Chugging the what was left in my jager bottle from last time, then chasing it with beer.

- Some jerkoff stealing my coldshots, but that's ok cause a million different people let me sample a million types of booze, so I got shittered anyways.

- Someone puking into a paper towel in Dave's room. To hide the evidence, someone else tried to flush it down the toilet. The toilet clogged!

- People puking everywhere outside! Even the tree wasn't safe (hahah Amanda!)

- I don't remember much other than that, the pictures and video help fill in the blanks though. Watch for the video coming soon to the SLURREY DVD! All members of slurrey get a free copy!

What a fuckin awesome party.

The rest of the weekend was pretty much overshadowed by the party, but on friday we went to see Deadly Silence... that new ventriloquist horror movie from the creators of saw. It's an entertaining movie... dumb but really funny.

So today on the way home from work I'm driving down the street Matheson is on and this cracked out lady's all limping in the middle of the street waving her arms at me. I stop and roll down my window like 2 inches and the following conversation occurs:

Her: "Please sir can you drive me to a gas station?"
Me: "What happened"
Her: "My car just ran out of gas just around the corner and I need to get gas"
Me: "There's a gas station like... RIGHT there"
Her: "But I can't walk properly my foot's all fucked up"
Me: "But you can drive a car."
Her: "Yeah can you please take me."
Me: "Where's your car"
Her: "Up around the corner"
Me: "I wanna see it."
Her: "Please sir I-"

And then I was just like fuck this and drove off. Bitch obviously had no car, and wanted to get into my car and try and rob me or something for some crack money. Pisses me off, trash like that wanting to take advantage of any good samaritan who would have helped her out.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Holy fuck I accidentally fixed my keyboard!!

I got so fed up that I just ripped the spacebar right off. Under the spacebar was this civilization of dust particles that was probably more advanced than mankind. There was also this metal spring thingy. I chucked the metal thing out and popped the spacebar back on.... and VOILA!!

Fuckin pointless metal thingy.
I haven't reallyposted much because I busted the spacebar on my keyboard. Not to mentionmy internets have been going down moreoften than a 12 year old surrey girl.

Fuckingspacebar.... the worst goddamn key you couldbreak on a keyboard.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Why the hell are search engines so ineffective?! Below are actual search terms typed into search engines to find this site:

- women with no arms and legs to make love to
- fucking while shitting
- dirty daughter
- using a stereo for electric penis stimulation
- massive 12 inch turd log in toilet
- the biggest shits and power pissing
- when i pinch my penis it smells like fish
- largest erect penis
- bcit clit
- afganitsan pussy
- watch sheep fucking videos for a phone online now

Notice that everything these weirdos people searched for to get here have NOTHING to do with this site! Well... except for the "largest erect penis" one.

And what the fuck is "electric penis stimulation"?? Why would anyone want to use their genitals to conduct electricity?! Hell, what's the resistance/impedance of a penis anyways? If I was HALF as psychologically messed up as these people I might wanna hook my dong up to an ohmmeter and find out.

Hopefully whoever gets their jollies fucking electricity will turn up the voltage too much and make their dick useless for anything other than passing current or urine. There's enough piss in the gene pool as is!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

So I got a fucking parking violation today!!! Ah wonderful, I needed that little surprise after probably failing my code exam today!

Anyways so I get this parking fine for a PARKING SPOT THAT I PAID FOR. I was SURE I paid for it, I parked right beside the fuckin ticket machine! What's up with that!? Good thing I keep my receipts when I buy my tickets. I pulled it out just to make sure I still had it, cause they kind of come in handy when disputing parking violations.

I take a look at it, and what do I see?

Thanks Impark. Only you could design a ticket machine that would give someone a parking ticket valid for only ONE MINUTE. Retards.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Slurrey was never about this antisocial elitist bullshit. The intent of this site is to bring people who like to party together and have a good time!!

Since when the fuck did slurrey become some kind of fucking highschool clique?! Did I miss something here? When did it become ok to call people dirtbags and shitheads just because they don't fit into your little circle of drama and shit-talking?

I tried to get people to get along but it's the same idiocy over and over again. You'd think that maybe when you see new people at a party, you'd go introduce yourself and make some new friends. Not at a slurrey party apparently. Nooo... new people just get dirty looks from whoever doesn't know them.

Well not anymore.

Being a member of this site for however many years doesn't make you better than anyone else. It doesn't matter how long you've been here for, a good member of slurrey is someone who gets along with everyone and doesn't talk shit about people behind their back.

I go out of my way for my friends, and I like to do things that benefits everyone as a whole. Getting that private campsite booked was insanely hard, I had to skip out of class and redial that reservation office 200 times (not kidding) before I finally got through. I'm here trying to plan a huge awesome thing for everyone, only to have it thrown in my face by people who don't want to come anymore cause they can't handle the easy task of not starting fights with people.

Even when I try and calm things between people I get fucked. I tell one group of people to leave Chad alone because the issue is over with, only to go to his page and see Josh starting more shit with them. How much of a tool does that make me look like?!

And to fuck with me too?

Example, Josh. I don't know what the fuck posessed him to call me up last night and psychotically scream at me, but I haven't had that shit happen to me since like 8th grade!!! Did you forget to take your fuckin meds or something?? Did something snap in your mind as a result of actin so tough on the internet, that you reverted back to a primal, elementary-school level?!

How in the fuck does someone go from a nice, funny guy into an asshole piece of shit who lashes out at his friends?! And to do this during my week of final exams when I'm already stressed out enough.... fuck you.

This is it. Anyone who doesn't value my friendship enough to at least try and get along with my friends and new people I introduce you to, either grow up and adjust your attitude or get the fuck out of here. I made this site for you people, I've done enough for everyone.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

I can be a prick too.
You'll see what happens when I bring myself down to your level.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Quick update from school...

It seems that every time I go to the washrooms here, the same bathroom stall is ALWAYS occupied. It doesn't matter what time of the day I go there, the past week or so there's ALWAYS been someone in that stall!

What's up with that? Is it always the same person? Have they taken it upon themselves to make that new stall their new home? Or is this person suffering from extreme constipation and has a really stubborn personality?