Monday, April 30, 2007

Hi internet!
Stop eating my posts, thanks. Fuckin asshole.

It seems like whenever I forget to make a backup of my post before trying to post it, I always get a DNS error. Then I press the back button to try and get to my post again... and poof. The text is gone up in that big webpage in the sky.

It's like... there are so many fucking computers connected to the internet, that the combined computing power has allowed it to achieve artificial intelligence. And it chooses to use its new self-awareness specifically to fuck with me! (not to mention that it think I need a bigger penis, judging by all those emails I get)

All I have to say is... fuck you, internet. (I hope this hurts your artificial feelings)

And yes, I backed up this post before trying to post it :)

Thursday, April 26, 2007

So today while I was driving, another idiot walked out in front of my car to cross the street, expecting me to slow down for him! He didn't even really look for traffic either.

Sometimes I wish it was legal for me to step on the gas pedal and make the gene pool just a tiny bit cleaner.

Monday, April 23, 2007

This is right, Boris Yeltzin has died.

In other news, FINALLY a new episode of Heroes is on tonight. It's been 7 fucking weeks!!! How can they let that happen? I don't even remember what the last episode was about!

At least LOST has learned how not to piss of it's viewers... next season will start much later, but at least every week there'll be a new episode. Putting gaps between new episodes only pisses viewers off and makes them not care about keeping up with the show anymore!

Sunday, April 22, 2007

SLURREY.COM FINALLY LOOKS OK IN MOZILLA FIREFOX!!

Why was it fucked up for so long? Blame the fact that I was too lazy to ever start using firefox. Everyone's like "blah blah Mike why are you still using IE, it sucks use firefox". And I'm thinkin... "uhhhh IE doesn't suck for what I'm using it for...". Not to mention that with firefox you need to download a plugin for everything that's not either text or an image...

So I finally looked at slurrey through the eyes of the "superior web browser", and it looked all fucked up. So with the help of Gavin, the wizard of HTML code, I got the thing lookin' all normal for you firefox junkies!
Safety videos are ALWAYS unintentionally funny. It doesn't matter in what time era they are made, it's a unversal fact that any safety video you watch is guaranteed to be funny. I can't put my finger on what it is.... could it be the music? The cheesiness factor? Or just how seriously the video takes itself?

That Worksafe BC safety video I watched yesterday... wow. If only they could harness the energy of everyone who has ever laughed at it, they could probably power a small continent for years. I want a copy.

This video is just badass.

Yesterday I sacrificed my entire day to an industrial first aid course. I took it because it would help me on my way to becoming an hero, and I also get a raise. Cha ching.

The class was very hands-on. A little too hands-on for my liking, especially when I'm sick.

Yeah, I'm sick. What the fuck?! I never get sick. Where the fuck did my immune system go?

And where the fuck is this post headed anyways? I can barely keep track of what I'm talking about. Neo-citran works good like that. I don't think it actually cures any of your cold symptoms.... it just makes you so out-of-it that you don't really notice them anymore.

Today I at the flea market I bought the longest VGA cable known to mankind. I don't even know why I bought it.... it's not like I'll ever want to have my computer monitor 100 feet away from my computer (and mouse.. and keyboard...). I'll probably find a use for it when I get my car PC installed.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

If it was possible for crack cocaine to travel over the internet, I'm sure it would be called facebook.com. That site is addictive as fuck! And I would know, since I'm quite addicted to fucking.

It's so cold in the mornings... nice spring we have here. The sun doesn't even bother coming out until it's damn near time to set. Just makes me wish the summer was here faster. This summer's supposedly going to be a real hot one. Hot enough that urinals will be rendered obsolete cause your piss would evaporate before even hitting the urinal mint.

Maybe in a few years with this so-called global warming, the same thing will happen to your poo.

(This post has been brought to you by MiKE's inner toilet-humor comedian.... hey sometimes excrement is funny for whatever reason, who really knows why!)

Hey that's something interesting... what makes toilet humor so funny? I know we've discussed this on the show before, but I'm baffled as to why something like a fart would generate laughs. Is it pure instinct? Back in the caveman days, before stuff like jokes were invented, what did early humans laugh at?

Laughing had to have come from somwhere! Maybe back then, farts and poop humor were the only things they had. Perhaps "comedians" back then were just cavemen letting out toots and prrffppts in a primitive orchestral fashion.

And you know what? Seeing that today would probably make most people laugh. Hell, that's even higher quality than some of the "comedy" movies coming out lately. You can tell that mankind's come a long way...

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Check out this article on global warming. I agree with it 100%.
I'll post the whole thing here in case the newsweek link ever dies.

WHY SO GLOOMY?

GUEST OPINION
By Richard S. Lindzen
Special to Newsweek


April 16, 2007 issue - Judging from the media in recent months, the debate over global warming is now over. There has been a net warming of the earth over the last century and a half, and our greenhouse gas emissions are contributing at some level. Both of these statements are almost certainly true. What of it? Recently many people have said that the earth is facing a crisis requiring urgent action. This statement has nothing to do with science. There is no compelling evidence that the warming trend we've seen will amount to anything close to catastrophe. What most commentators--and many scientists--seem to miss is that the only thing we can say with certainly about climate is that it changes. The earth is always warming or cooling by as much as a few tenths of a degree a year; periods of constant average temperatures are rare. Looking back on the earth's climate history, it's apparent that there's no such thing as an optimal temperature--a climate at which everything is just right. The current alarm rests on the false assumption not only that we live in a perfect world, temperaturewise, but also that our warming forecasts for the year 2040 are somehow more reliable than the weatherman's forecast for next week.

A warmer climate could prove to be more beneficial than the one we have now. Much of the alarm over climate change is based on ignorance of what is normal for weather and climate. There is no evidence, for instance, that extreme weather events are increasing in any systematic way, according to scientists at the U.S. National Hurricane Center, the World Meteorological Organization and the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (which released the second part of this year's report earlier this month). Indeed, meteorological theory holds that, outside the tropics, weather in a warming world should be less variable, which might be a good thing.

In many other respects, the ill effects of warming are overblown. Sea levels, for example, have been increasing since the end of the last ice age. When you look at recent centuries in perspective, ignoring short-term fluctuations, the rate of sea-level rise has been relatively uniform (less than a couple of millimeters a year). There's even some evidence that the rate was higher in the first half of the twentieth century than in the second half. Overall, the risk of sea-level rise from global warming is less at almost any given location than that from other causes, such as tectonic motions of the earth's surface.

Many of the most alarming studies rely on long-range predictions using inherently untrustworthy climate models, similar to those that cannot accurately forecast the weather a week from now. Interpretations of these studies rarely consider that the impact of carbon on temperature goes down--not up--the more carbon accumulates in the atmosphere. Even if emissions were the sole cause of the recent temperature rise--a dubious proposition--future increases wouldn't be as steep as the climb in emissions.

Indeed, one overlooked mystery is why temperatures are not already higher. Various models predict that a doubling of CO2 in the atmosphere will raise the world's average temperature by as little as 1.5 degrees Celsius or as much as 4.5 degrees. The important thing about doubled CO2 (or any other greenhouse gas) is its "forcing"--its contribution to warming. At present, the greenhouse forcing is already about three-quarters of what one would get from a doubling of CO2. But average temperatures rose only about 0.6 degrees since the beginning of the industrial era, and the change hasn't been uniform--warming has largely occurred during the periods from 1919 to 1940 and from 1976 to 1998, with cooling in between. Researchers have been unable to explain this discrepancy.

Modelers claim to have simulated the warming and cooling that occurred before 1976 by choosing among various guesses as to what effect poorly observed volcanoes and unmeasured output from the sun have had. These factors, they claim, don't explain the warming of about 0.4 degrees C between 1976 and 1998. Climate modelers assume the cause must be greenhouse-gas emissions because they have no other explanation. This is a poor substitute for evidence, and simulation hardly constitutes explanation. Ten years ago climate modelers also couldn't account for the warming that occurred from about 1050 to 1300. They tried to expunge the medieval warm period from the observational record--an effort that is now generally discredited. The models have also severely underestimated short-term variability El Nino and the Intraseasonal Oscillation. Such phenomena illustrate the ability of the complex and turbulent climate system to vary significantly with no external cause whatever, and to do so over many years, even centuries.

Is there any point in pretending that CO2 increases will be catastrophic? Or could they be modest and on balance beneficial? India has warmed during the second half of the 20th century, and agricultural output has increased greatly. Infectious diseases like malaria are a matter not so much of temperature as poverty and public-health policies (like eliminating DDT). Exposure to cold is generally found to be both more dangerous and less comfortable.

Moreover, actions taken thus far to reduce emissions have already had negative consequences without improving our ability to adapt to climate change. An emphasis on ethanol, for instance, has led to angry protests against corn-price increases in Mexico, and forest clearing and habitat destruction in Southeast Asia. Carbon caps are likely to lead to increased prices, as well as corruption associated with permit trading. (Enron was a leading lobbyist for Kyoto because it had hoped to capitalize on emissions trading.) The alleged solutions have more potential for catastrophe than the putative problem. The conclusion of the late climate scientist Roger Revelle--Al Gore's supposed mentor--is worth pondering: the evidence for global warming thus far doesn't warrant any action unless it is justifiable on grounds that have nothing to do with climate.

Lindzen is the Alfred P. Sloan Professor of Meteorology at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. His research has always been funded exclusively by the U.S. government. He receives no funding from any energy companies.

Monday, April 16, 2007

PICS FROM JESSIKA'S EPIC PARTY


So on friday night Jessika threw a party in White Rock. I drank a lot and thought I still remembered everything that happened that night. Then I looked at the pictures and was like... "when the fuck did I do that?".

Let's list off what happened in point form, cause a drunken night means everything you remember is in point form anyways:

- Upon arrival, I immediately chugged a bottle of Red Bull and then my bottle of fireball. Yeah, I was serious about partying that night.

- I remember seeing Tiki torches outside Jessika's back yard. After failing to be able to light them due to their lack of a wick, they
became my new weapons. I ended up throwing one like a spear across the yard while yelling "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA".

- Someone broke the bottom 2 steps on the stairs outside. A while later, Lee fell through the cellar door,
causing more damage to himself than the door.

-
I was probably too drunk to do it myself...

-
I bit a dusty shelf. At the time, I thought it was a good idea cause it probably had a lot of undiscovered vitamins in it. I think I was wrong.

- Eric had his
southern region cleaned by a vaccuum. Why does he look like he's enjoying it so much though?

-
The party got +8 craziness.

-
Kyle shotgunned a beer and nearly died after swallowing a piece of the can.

- Eric conquered a tree. Like 3 times.

- (insert memory clouded by alcohol here)

- I discovered my ear was bleeding, not from the loud techno music that came outta nowhere (I thought we were getting taken over by robots), but by Ven stucking an electric mini-blender in it! She also
attacked Eric and Kyle with it before I finally stole the batteries or something. An hero is me!

- Tina drank too much and
called the couch her new home.

Other than that, the pictures best describe the awesomeness of the party, so go check them out.

Another thing that described the awesomeness of the party was the amount of pain I felt the next day. I had so much energy at the party I was doing all sorts of crazy shit and I guess I ripped some friggin organ or something, cause I get some crazy sharp pains whenever I breathe. I tried not breathing, but that didn't work out too well. Then there's all the bruises and cuts I got, that's what I call a fuckin party! Or proof that too much Red Bull and Fireball is a guaranteed way to aquire new places to bleed from.

Saturday we went back to Jessika's place for a BBQ, we walk in and see Tina still on the couch from the night before when we left the party! Awesome. After the BBQ we went to Ashleigh's and Matt's and had a fire there. While picking up a piece of wood, my hand was buttraped by a rusty nail sticking out of it.

Great, another place too bleed from, as if I didn't already have enough from the previous night!

Sunday me Tracy Cory and Jess went to Denny's for breakfast. Whatever body organ I had busted wasn't doing its job so I wasn't hungry (I guess that might be a clue to finding out which one it is?), and later on we went to see DISTURBIA with Amanda and Cory's friend Kyle. Good movie! Sorta non-predictable... I liked that.

That's the weekend update, thanks for reading! And those of you who can't read, at least you got a bunch of shiny new pictures to look at.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

So I'm drivin' down the street on the way to get some dinner, and this crackhead-looking guy just walks out into the street in front of me with his 2 young kids. I don't slow down cause I didn't need to, and my car is like 2 feet from him and he gives me the dirtiest look... you woulda thought I did something like fling poo at his mother or something!!

Well, I'm sorry you risked your kids' lives just crossing the street, expecting cars to slow down for your stupid ass. What if a driver wasn't paying attention? I guess the only good thing that would come out of it would be a cleaner gene pool.

I hate people lacking the raw brainpower to figure out that walking out into traffic is a bad idea! Especially when there's a crosswalk like 1/4 of a block away!!
Tune in to The Slurrey Show tonight! It's a Karbomb edition show with special guests Amanda, Brittany, and Jessica! Tonight's show will feature topics suggested by our many listeners! And of course, judgement-impairing substances will probably be consumed before the show for some extra fun... (ok so when HAVEN'T we had a show where someone's either drunk or stoned outta their mind?)

One of the tires on my car is leaking air faster than a surrey hooker leaks jizz from her cavernous hole that once resembled a vagina. I can either pay to have the tire fixed, or keep filling it with air every 2 days for free. It's a battle of my cheapness versus my laziness, and right now my laziness is losing.

Fuck and I hate gas stations that try to charge you for air! You're breathing it all around you yet they're trying to get you to pay 50 cents to have it come out of a fucking hose! Assholes, they already fuck my wallet's ass with their artificially-high gas prices!

"Hey let's also charge them to fill up their tire too! Who cares if the tires so low on air it could cause an accident!". I'd like to find out who came up with this idea, and show them a middle finger so massive that its own gravity field will suck their cheap asses in and they'll burn up in its own atmosphere.



Hahaha what a wonderful website.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Me starting the night by chugging what's left of my Fireball.

Monday, April 09, 2007

- Go to Google.com
- Click on Maps.
- Click on Get Directions.
- From New York,New York - to - Paris,France.
- Read line # 23.
PICS FROM CHRISTINA'S AWESOME PARTY
(In an all-new gallery format!)


This easter weekend was just badass. Christ himself couldn't have had a better easter.

It began with Mugs n' Jugs on thursday after work with my coworkers, drank a bit, and then went to pick up my car. Getting my car back after over a week was badass!!! Being able to drive it with functioning brakes was even more badass!!! Paying the $285 for them brakes wasn't as badass.

Then later that night was the slurrey show, guest starring Jessika, Ven and Jill. The april fool's prank... was badass. Emphasis on the "bad" part of the word "badass". We managed to convince everyone that this was the last slurrey show ever. And they believed it! Pfffff, I'd sooner sell my left nut for below suggested retail value than quit the show!

Afterwards we chilled at Dudley's (It's like the new hangout place, much like Tracy's was in the summer). It was fun, and on the way there Ven got to experience the inside of my car's trunk.

Friday was... hmm. Chilled at Ash and Matt's new place, then hung out with Tracy, Cory and Jessika. I had the worst headeache ever, it was like half my brain was replaced by this spikey dildo that was ass-hammering the other half of my brain. So I went home and slept for a bit, then played Zelda.

I know they call it "good friday" but I found mine to be quite mediocre.

I recently posted that I was contemplating buying a nintendo Wii, but now I'm not so sure anymore. Zelda is great, but I took a look at the other games and they don't look that much fun. If I'm gonna be waving around an expensive white stick to play a videogame, it better be as fun as waving around the white stick that's already attatched to me.

(Though the Wii-mote does have the distinct advantage in that it's not nearly as heavy or large enough to cause fatigue after playing with it for a while)

Saturday was Chrstina's big party and boy was it ever fun! Getting there was a riot (we had to make room for Tina, so Jessika had the honor of testing the trunk out this time, I'm quite sure she enjoyed the speedbumps on Christina's street). The party itself was made of win and legend. I only had a bottle of Fireball to drink, so I just chugged the damn thing. I'll have the video of that up on youtube soon.

After the fireball, the night was a crazy cinnamon blur. Lots of people were there, everyone was shittered, and I took like 450 pics. A lot of people were passed out by the end of the night, a sure sign of a grand party. Surprisingly, the puking was kept to a minimum!

Sunday was just awesome, I spent the entire day at the computer. So now there's a perfect mold of my ass in the computer chair. Or a perfect mold of the computer chair in my ass. I was too burnt out to move from there the whole day, and I was also working on the new gallery template you are now seeing when you look at the new pictures.

Don't you guys love it?! You fuckin' better, cause I spent like 8 hours on it! Hopefully it works for everyone. If some pics don't work, let me know and I'll fix it. It it's a bit slow for you, then go buy a computer that wasn't made in the stone age. I mean, if your computer is too slow to do something a Super Nintendo could do, then you're sorta behind the times...

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

PICS FROM MYA'S BABY SHOWER
(And other stuff! More pics coming soon!)


This post has to make up for the posts I've been too lazy to write over the past 2 weeks. Let's start with...

300

This movie kicked so much ass, including mine!!! You know how much ass it kicked?! I saw it twice in the movie theater!! Then I downloaded it!! Then watched it one morning and later in the day went to see it again at IMAX!! THAT'S how fuckin awesome it was.

I could rave on and on about the movie but the greatest movie reviewer in the world, Neil Cumpston, has written a perfect review of the movie. I'll post it here in case one day aintitcool loses this piece of history:

I just saw a movie that'll give your eyes boners, make your balls scream and make you poop DVD copies of THE TRANSPORTER. It's called 300. I don't know what the title has to do with the movie, but they could've called it KITTENS MAKING CANDLES and it'd still rule.

It's about these 300 Greek dudes who stomp the sugar-coated shit out of like a million other dudes. I have a feeling that a lot of high school sports coaches are going to show this film to their teams before they play. Also, gay dudes and divorced women are going to use screen captures for computer wallpaper.

The movie takes place about a million years ago, and it's sort of like a prequel to SIN CITY. Except way less guns and cars but twice as much skull splitting. If you watch this movie and go into a Taco Bell, and say to the cashier, "I need some extra sauce packets" guess what? You're getting twenty sauce packets because your face will punch him in the brain.

I can't spoil the plot because THANK GOD THERE ISN'T ONE. Just ass kicking that kicks ass that, while said ass is getting kicked, is kicking yet more ass that's hitting someone's balls with a hammer made of ice but the ice is frozen whiskey.

TWO COOL THINGS ABOUT THE MOVIE AND ONE THING I DIDN'T LIKE:

COOL THING ONE:
HEAVY METAL DURING BATTLE SCENES

Who gives a shit if the music isn't historically correct? LORD OF THE RINGS could've used some Journey. This movie has that chu-CHUNG kind of metal that you hear in your head when your shift supervisor at Wetzel's Pretzel is telling you that you'll have to stay for clean up and you wish you had a sock filled with quarters in your hand.

COOL THING TWO:
FOES, MINI-BOSSES AND A BIG BOSS

Basically, the Greek dudes are fighting these Persian dudes, but the director, who must have a dick made of three machine guns, does it all like a video game. The Greeks fight every death metal video from the last ten years. There's wave after wave of giants, freaks, ninjas, mutants, wizards, and a hunchback who looks like he's got Rosie O'Donnell on his back.

Would I have been happy if Dom DeLuise from HISTORY OF THE WORLD, PART I had shown up? Maybe, but this movie more than makes up for that glaring oversight.

NOT SO GOOD THING:
DUDE NUDITY ("DUDE-ITY")

These are Greek times, when there were a lot of naked women around. And there are some naked women in this film, but almost every naked woman scene has a muscular dude giving the screen an ass picnic. Dude-ity is something directors put in their movies so people will think they're serious, I guess, and not just throwing in naked hotties.

Any directors reading this - IT'S OKAY TO JUST THROW IN NAKED HOTTIES.

Can't someone make a movie about naked Amazons and call it PAUSE BUTTON?

My final analysis is 300 the most ass-ruling movie I've seen this year, and will probably be the King of 2007 unless someone makes a movie where a pair of sentient boobs fights a werewolf.


There you have it! If you haven't watched the movie yet, you're missing out in an epic sorta way. Also, check out Neil Cumpston's review for Grindhouse. That's another movie(s) I can't wait to see.

THE PIT


So remember that great place, called The Pit, out in the woods by Scott Rd Station where we used to party and have ridiculous bonfires and stuff? Well for a few months they had bulldozers and stuff kicking the shit out of the forest and tearing it all up. On friday we want in there to see what they did.... and it was quite surprising.

THEY BUILT A RIVER!!! Running through the forest by the pit! It's probably for drainage and stuff, but it's still pretty cool. Maybe if we have another pit party there, people can use the river to pee in or keep their beer cold. Hopefully not at the same time.

... Though I wouldn't really recommend it, the water in the river runs so slow it's almost stagnant and looks like it has been pissed in, shat upon, and skeeted into by every species of animal that has ever been in that forest (including goth). It even has a layer of "skin" on it in some places. Yum yum!

Saturday was Mya's baby shower, an event I was invited to even though I happen to have male reproductive organs. Probably because it was also her going away party so everyone came and had some funs. She got a lot of cool shit for her baby... and my worst fear came true, me and Valito had gotten her something someone else had gotten her too! I knew we should have gotten Mya the breast pump, imagine the LOLs that would have been generated!

While we were at Kevin's, I saw his Wii and immediately wanted to play with it. We went over to Dudley's and took it out, and everyone had a lot of fun with it. Val, Matt, David, Susan all took turns with it, who knew waving a small white stick around could be so much fun!

GOOD WORK NINTENDO, NAMING YOUR VIDEOGAME SYSTEM AFTER A NICKNAME FOR A MALE GENITAL, YOU ASSHOLES. It's pretty fun to play though!

So I borrowed Kevin's Wii to play my copy of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Yeah, I have a Wii game... because when I bought the game I thought I'd be able to find a fucking Wii system to play it on!!

Thanks Nintendo, who knew something with a similar name to a dong would be so sought after?

SO yea, Zelda. Fucking epic-and-a-half gaming experience. It gave my inner videogame nerd a total boner. I'm at the part of the game where you're in a forest temple "rescuing" monkeys. The fucking monkeys crack me up. Especially the one that taunts you and slaps his red ass in your face. And the graphics... fucking fuck shit fuck, there's not enough 4 letter words to describe the awesomeness of this game!!

It's almost worth buying a Wii for!!! Well not really, cause it's also out on gamecube. But waving that stick around shure is fun!!

Monday, April 02, 2007

Not much to post about today, probably cause I was busy being addicted to goddamn Zelda for the Wii!

Ever wondered what would happen if all humans just disappeared off the planet?!
Clicky clicky, it's some interesting shizzit!



Tomorrow I'll post the pics from the weekend, including images from the pit, Mya's Baby Shower, and some other shtuff.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

The slurrey.com april fool's joke this year was pretty lame. This was probably due to the fact that I got home at like 3 am this morning, and wasn't really awake enough to come up with one on as grand of a scale as the previous years!

So I used one line of code to flip the entire site horizontally... I could have probably farted out a better april fools prank than that, but really I just wanted to go to bed!

I guess I could say that the real april fool's joke lasted all last week, when I didn't post. Then readers of this site were probably like, "omgz MiKE is dead" and this post is like "HAH April fool's suckers, I'm still alive and you'll have to keep putting up with these stupid posts!". Yeah that's it!

So I'm driving the shitmobile van again since my car is in the shop getting its brakes done. Fuck that van isn't even worthy of being called a piece of shit! It's so slow, unresponsive and unreliable. Driving it is comparable to a cowboy riding a mentally retarded horse with 3 legs. Neeeigghgghrgrhgh!!! And it makes me look just as bad too.

This thing must have an award-winning engine. When you press down on the gas pedal, more energy is expelled in the form of loud revving noises than actually making the vehicle accelerate.

I'll post about the weekend tomorrow!