Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Oh man.
I am so bored here.

I'm writing a post out of complete boredom. I don't even know what I am gonna write about. I suppose I could write about how bored I am, but I don't want to bore you guys to death too.

The weekend was stellar, mostly for the fact that I got to come back to civilization, and remember what it's like to.... ummm... not sit around all day feeling my brain cells die. Friday night was Ashleigh's party, which turned out to be pretty killer. I'd post the pictures but I left them back at home!

Saturday was pretty good too. Me Tracy Jess Amanda and Colin went up to Eric's and had a fire! Then on sunday me Val Tracy Cory Kevin Kevin and Eric went and saw PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN 3.


I'm sure this movie would be great... if I knew what the fuck was going on! Last time I saw Pirates 2, was when it came out a year ago!

Not remembering what happened in the last movie kinda ruined this one for me. The plot is really hard to follow when you don't remember who the fuck everyone is! So this review is kinda pointless. If you're gonna see Pirates 3, make sure you see Pirates 2 right before.

Oh and Kiera Knightley is still skinny as shit. The very shit that her skinny non-ass poops out (whenever she's actually eaten enough to be able to poop anything out) which probably has the diameter of a human hair.

Gawd, I hate it when girls starve themselves to look "pretty". I mean yeah if your actually fat then take your ass to the gym... but who the hell gets turned on by girls that look like skeletor? These same neanderthals see some malnourished chick and are like "I'd totally hit that". Yeah you'd probably break it too. Lame.

Well I managed to kill 20 minutes writing this! Not too shabby!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Man, what's with all the spiders in this house?! (I'm back in Sechelt). I just went to the bathroom, and when I reached for the toiler paper, this crazy spider jumps out and is all like "Y HALLO THAR". I said hello back by squishing it with the very same TP that it was using as its home. I wish I had taken a shit so I coulda wiped my ass with its face!

Friggin spiders. Did you know that if you put 2 of them in a jar, they will fight to the death? Well you'd think with all the spiders here, they'd all kill each other! But no, they gotta harass me one at a time!

I just realized that spiders are like ninjas in movies. When someone in a movie is fighting a group of ninjas, only one of them will attack at once, while the others just stand around and look menacing. No wonder I never encounter 2 spiders at the same time...

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

So here I am in Sechelt. You know, the middle of nowhere isn't toooo bad!

Before coming here, the only thing I knew about Sechelt was that it was a place I knew nothing about. I had no idea what to expect!

So I get here (after almost a 3 hour ride), and the first thing I notice was all these weird ass things poking up out of the ground. The locals call them "trees". They're pretty neat.

After work I got to build my own bed. It was badass, it came as a box of wood with a sheet of paper showing what the bed SHOULD look like by the time you put it together. I think I got it pretty close, it should be ok to sleep on. I wouldn't use it for anything other than that though..... heh heh hah.

Monday, May 21, 2007

So yesterday we went to the rodeo anyways, despite the monsoon outside! Hell it's only rain, how bad could it get?

El Valito and I went to talize to harass Shannon till she got off work, and then went outside and chilled (literally) waiting for Ash to call. Shannon's coworker came out and everyone shared some epic work stories... there's something to be said about some of the people thrift stores tend to attract and it's not a good thing (except for entertainment value) :P

We picked up Matt and Ashleigh went down to the rodeo!! And met Stuart there too. There were barely any crowds there at all due to the rain... highlights of the rodeo included:

- My first layer of clothes getting soaked.

- The trash can designs, I wanted to take a pic with my head in it's mouth, but unfortunately... it's a fucking trash can!

- Riding the monster truck!! We went over cars and shit, it was badass in numerous ways!!!

- What the fuck lol.

- Me spending like a million bucks at one booth trying to win Val something, then I just gave up and stole one of the balls that fell out of the booth and gave it to her. She lost it :( hahah

- The huge bull, I swear that thing could like gore 300 people at once. Or feed 3000 people at McDonald's :P

- Having 20 minute staring contest with Emo-horse! It didn't move the entire time! It just stood there looking all sad!

- Me buying these glasses, adding +13 to my coolness and a staggering +27 to my sexiness. I had to take them off though cause I noticed even the barn animals checking me out.

- My second layer of clothes getting soaked.

- Going to the photo booth where they super-impose your head on some half-naked body for only 15 bucks!! Shannon got like THREE done and they turned out pretty good, but Matt's was by far the greatest. It was all in the facial expression he made!! I was going to get one done too, but then realized I could do it at home in photoshop, without spending $15!

- Shannon and I went on the zero gravity ride, which just so happens to be the BEST RIDE EVER. We got completely soaked and frozen, but it was worth it!! The best part is when the lights and music went out... "uhhh is that supposed to happen?". Of course Val got it on video, and you can hear her laugh when it happens! It feels good to know that if I died on some busted-ass ride, my girlfriend would find my death humorous :P

After the rodeo we went to Ashleigh's and Matt's to hang out. Ash put in some crazy hardcore porn, where this chick is being fucked by like 10 guys in capes and haloween masks, and ingests more cum than in every previous porn flick I've seen combined! Then she pukes all over some guy's dick.

There's people out there that get off on this kind of stuff, and that fact alone frightens me.

Then Ash popped in DVD #2, which was a bunch of chicks with dicks. Damn near all of them on the video looked like guys with makeup and tits!

The 3rd DVD was the best. It was porn movie with a "plot".... a bunch of people are looking for some killer in an abandoned hospital, and they split up and each couple goes and fucks somewhere. Cause y'know, that's automatically the first thing you want to do in an abandoned place with a serial killer running loose. The only thing worse than the plot was the dialogue:

"Fuck my asian pussy!"
"Do you like my big american cock?"

"Fuck my chinese pussy!!! Oh yeah"

All in all it was a great day and an awesome way to end my stay here in civilization. Tomorrow I'm off to Sechelt!!!


Oh and btw, if you missed there, here's a bunch of pics from the last couple of weekends! Though we did a bunch of stuff, I didn't use my camera much!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Going to the rodeo today would have been AWESOME!! If it didn't involve DROWNING.

Fuck you, rain!

Thursday, May 17, 2007


My work is sending me off to work in Sechelt for 2 months. I don't know if I'll have internets there but if I don't, I still come home for the weekends!

I really didn't want to go work in Sechelt, but shit happens. What really sucks is I can't do the Slurrey Show anymore (till I come back), so tonight's the big finale. Tonight's show will feature both Eric and Karbomb co-hosting, and special guest Shannywack! It'll be good times, make sure you tune in, fuckers. You you won't hear another live slurrey show for quite a while.

Tune in, 9 pm tonight, on http://www.akaradio.com.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I'm gonna write about Spiderman 3. I am well aware that everyone who a) have access to the internets, and b) have seen the movie have already expressed their (usually) negative opinion about it. However, I'd feel left out if I didn't contribute to the hate being directed towards this poor excuse of a sequel.

Spiderman 3 had the shit hyped out of it, much like the Playstation 3. They DID come from the ass of the same company, Sony Entertainment. They even use the same goddamn font! Of course, no one expected Spiderman 3 would suck balls with the same ferocity the PS3 did.

A million of us were gonna go on friday, but it was clear that the movie's popularity would attract all sorts of kids to the theater, not only selling out all the shows but annoying the shit out of anyone capable of growing a pube. So we decided to go on sunday instead.

Well, some of us! Lots of people didn't want to wait till sunday to see it, so they went on friday anyways, with the intention to see it on sunday with us as well.

No one wanted to see it a second time. That was the first warning sign that the movie was shit. But whatever, I was willing to give it a chance! It's all about the positive attitude... what a waste of it.

We got to the theater early to get good seats. With everyone cancelling, it turned out to be a couples night. It was me (obvously), Val, Kevin, Erin, Shannon, Stuart, Amanda, and Colin. It was really crowded, I had to walk against a sea of people to give Amanda and Colin their tickets. Then there was that weird guy me and Shannon encountered by the stairs, he started singing this random gibberish while barely moving his lips. It was fucked up. And I realized, more entertaining than the epic loads of fail we were about to witness.


So is this where I tear the movie apart? Well yeah. But first off I want to say that it's actually kinda a good movie, and it has its shining moments. The reason why I (and 95% of the population) was disappointed in it was cause it didn't come close to being as good as the previous movies. And all that hype made it seem even worse.

The script was a mess. It's like someone wrote it while taking a shit, and discovered that there was no toilet paper left. It's all over the fucking place.

There is a crucial moment in the movie where I COMPLETELY lost faith in it, all my high hopes went down the toilet in 1.5 seconds:

It only got worse from that point on. Lets just say that the 70's didn't call to ask for their dance moves back, not after what Tobey Maguire did with them.

Another key scene you'll love is a sad one. Okay so like 40% of this movie is someone crying... well there's this super sad scene. And Tobey Maguire starts crying. His face... it begins vibrating. And if that wasn't funny looking enough, another crying character has her face start vibrating too, at the same frequency. We all burst out laughing at the "saddest" scene in the movie.

I'm sorry, but if you make a movie and have your actors look like they're having a seizure when they're crying, it kinda ruins the effect.

The movie doesn't end in a way that pumps you up like Spiderman 2 did. It ends like a wimper of a fart in the wind.

We had a better time making fun of the movie afterwards, than watching the movie itself. Even the really great scenes (especially the one with Bruce Campbell), the amazing action scenes, or the perfect special effects never saved this movie from feeling mediocre.

At least there's still some good movies coming out soon to look forward too. Like 28 WEEKS LATER, PIRATES 3, HARRY POTTER #whateverthefuckitisnow, and STARDUST.

Monday, May 07, 2007


It hasn't really been eventful lately. Everytime I logged onto here to write a post, I couldn't think of anything to write that would be worth the 2938 braincells people lose whenever they read something I write. That and also my last few posts have been getting eaten by blogger.

So last weekend we went and saw HOT FUZZ with a million people. It was me, Val, Eric, Brophy, Amanda, Colin, Dudley, Christina, and ummm, I can't really remember who else. That kinda shit happens when you try to write about something that happened eons ago!!



If you liked Shaun of the Dead, then you'll like this movie in the exact same way. It came from the same people. I haven't laughed so hard at a theater screen since Borat... christ I couldn't believe how good of a job they did. British humor. It's the good shit.

If you have enough mental capacity to laugh at stuff way more evolved than poop and fart jokes, this flick's for you. That's all I'm gonna write about this one, it's best if you walk in there not knowing what to expect.

That was friday night, saturday night was Pat's bday party. It was pretty good, I didn't know anyone there but I met a couple of new people. Afterwards we went to Don's and watched the party DVD from Dudley's 21st bday. Fun fun!

There, that takes care of the post from last weekend! Coming up whenever I can muster up enough energy... the post about this weekend!