Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I must have angered the car gods up there with my previous post, cause today karma (car-ma? ho ho ho) bit me in the ass.

I get to work, and go to park in the underground parkade. This underground parkade was probably designed by clueless architects who think everyone drives a friggin toyota tercel or something, cause everyday it's a struggle to navigate my behemoth of a car into it. I know a drive a boat, but inside that parkade I feel like I'm driving a fucking aircraft carrier.

Well today the inevitable happened and I scraped the corner of my car on a concrete column and successfully un-pimped it (both the car and the column). FUCK!

Then if that wasn't enough, on the way home from work the dreaded "check engine" light came on. Life is awesome!

Let's talk about better days.... the weekend perhaps:


Yet another birthday to celebrate, and boy did we celebrate it! I'm gonna start from the beginning though.

Friday night I met up with El Valito, and we went to get her a new cell phone. Because well, her old one from like... 1982 just wasn't cutting it these days. That thing was a brick and a half, I bet you could throw it at someone and it would kill them.... hell the radiation would probably do them in before it hit them. It was time for her to have a phone that WASN'T found during an archeological excavation.

We went to the Telus store and Val got a Samsung U510, one of those nifty slider phones! I thought it was quite sexy.

Then we went to Red Robin for dinner and had to sit next to these loud, stupid ho's. There's nothing awesomer than eating dinner while listening to conversations so stupid, you lose enough braincells to want to sniff glue to revive them. Like at one point, one of the dumbells told a joke:

"What do you call cheese that isn't yours?"
"NACHO cheese"

Cue screeching laughter and another one of them finding the joke so funny she had to REPEAT IT 4 TIMES!!!!

After dining in hell, me and Val hung out with Shannon and we drove to north van for shits n giggles, it was good times. (Plus it totally helped knowing how to get around that area, since I had to work there on monday)

The next day I unlocked the phone that Val had given me, that Matt had given her, that Cory had given him. Yeah I got like sloppy fourths, a perfect phone for the slurrey show phone line!

That night was Jessica's bday party at Tracy's, and what a party it was. I drank a LOT, and when I finished my drinks, Jessica made me a drink so strong I think it turned my liver inside-out! The rest of the night involved people squirting each other in the face with baby bottles, girls wrestling, girls kissing, girls comparing boobs, and other reasons why alcohol is a pretty good invention.

From what I remember:

- Ummmm

- Uhh

- Walking somewhere

- Hmmm...

Yeah it's all in the pictures. By around 2:30 the party started winding down and most people had left, then Shannon showed up and more drinking occurred... and we partied for another 2 hours. It was a long-ass party... and I did myself proud and stayed consistently drunk enough to barely remember it from beginning to end :]

Monday, September 24, 2007

So I'm trying to watch the season premiere of HEROES tonight, and out of nowhere like 10 fucking commercials for Nissan's Rogue play in a row!! Fuck off!

Like at the beginning of the show there was a message about "limited commercial breaks sponsored by Nissan" and I'm like "awww how sweet". Little did I know that Nissan's idea of 'limited commercial breaks' is playing the same goddamn commercial 2 or 3 times in one break! Like what the fuck guys, you even had that stupid car in the show, do you also have to ram it into viewer's heads with your dick to get the point across?

I'm so annoyed, if I ever see a Rogue at a car dealership, instead of compulsively buying it like Nissan hopes I'll do after seeing their repetetive commercials, I'll proceed to defecate on the windshield. Then I'll turn the wipers on.

Sunday, September 23, 2007


Last weekend we went to the Foggy Dew and got shittammered (a combination of shittered and hammered). It was just a standard night of drinking, with a whole bunch of new people too! Karbomb came out, so did Trena, who I've known since grade 9! Met a bunch of Shannon's coworkers too and it was a pretty good time! Even spotted the guy in the fox hat there!

Most memorable moments of the night? They occurred after we left... they included chilling in the parking lot so I could sober up, and then as I'm driving through Wendy's, Tracy opening my car door and puking out of it! It was the funniest shit.

The next day we went to Langley for a bit, then came back to Tracy's and just bummed around. Eventually Valyce joined us and we went to the driving range to hit golf balls! I really sucked at it till Shannon showd me a secret way to hit the balls all the way to the other side... basically by not holding my golf club like a retard. I'm a pro now, I can hit the balls far but I just gotta work on getting them to go in the direction I want them to :P

That's pretty much that weekend in a nutshell. No crazy drinking stories or anything, but don't worry we more than made up for it this weekend! Wait till I post about that one, with pics like this and this, you KNOW it's gonna be good!

In the coming shows we will introduce this number and encourage listeners to phone in to the show! Listener interaction will reach a whole new level, and who knows how many fucked up people will end up calling in!

The phone will only be on during the show, otherwise the number just goes straight to voicemail. If you leave a voicemail, it WILL be played on the next show! No matter how horrible or raunchy it is.

In addition, a bunch of improvements will be coming to the show! These include pre-recorded disclaimers, news segments, a question of the day, and a huge surprise!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I better write about not last weekend, but the weekend before! Cause I have to, eventually. The only hard part is, trying to remember what the fuck we actually did that weekend??


Maybe I'll look at the pics to jog my memory,

(Ah, Bill's Birthday!)

Friday night we went to the casino! Before I went out though, I finished off a bottle of fireball cause Shannon was driving, we got on the skytrain, picked up Kevin and Val on the way, and went to Edgewater Casino for some gambling.

Cory, Tracy, and Kevin went gambling right away, and me Val Shann and Jessika went to the bar for some drinks. Cause spending money on alcohol is slightly more fun than losing it at a poker table, in my opinion at least :P

After having a drink or 2 at the bar and the girls ogling the bartender for a while, we called it a night and took the skytrain back home. Not a huge eventful night, but at least I didn't lose any money by NOT GAMBING AT ALL!

The next day we went to a car show and seeing all those nice cars gave my inner car nerd a huge violent boner, it totally made me wanna sell my car and get something that turns heads, lifts penis and wettens cooter. Not that my current car doesn't do that now, just to a drastically lesser extent (and to an older age group I guess).

After Shannon and I were done looking at cars we found Tracy and Cory again (who were taking care of Kaydence) and went back into surrey.... with about 32841912 different people who decided to do the same thing at the same time! Traffic was a bitch and a half on the way back!!!

I went home and got ready for Bill's birthday, and then met up with El Valito and we went to Red Robin, with Eric Marta and Jessika. After that we went to Bill's and had some fun times!!! Proof? Check out the pics motherfuckers!

After Bill's we partied at Ashleighs, and everyone was there and partying it up! It was a pretty awesome party as well, and once again I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen for a long time! It was great.

That's all folks! Next time I'll post about what happened almost a week ago! Goddamn I LOVE being so far behind on my updates. (That was sarcasm, for the sarcasm-impaired out there! I KNOW you exist!)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I have a giant fucking zit on my forehead. It looks like an (off-center) bindi dot..... which might be ok if I was east indian or there was actually enough sun this summer for me to tan and look like one.

Did anyone see the flashy-flashy boombooms this afternoon?? Wasn't that shit insane?! I guess rain isn't so bad when it's accompanied by lightning bolts and loud noises.

Fuck this zit is pissing me off. It's not one of those ones where you can easily do something about it like pop it or anything, so I just have to sit here and wait till it decides to haul its ass off my face!

Monday, September 17, 2007

I love it how as soon as the weekend is over, the sun comes out shining once again! This seemed to be a recurring theme during the summer... for fucks sakes and people are trying to STOP global warming? Haahahah fuck.

Update on the motherboard from the previous post... I tried everything to revive it, from resetting the bios to performing mouth-to-mouth (or mouth-to-USB port) resuscitation. Nothing!! Jesus Christ!!!!

....at least Christ rose from the dead. ARRRGGGHH.

So I bought a new motherboard, with a new CPU. It's an AMD Sempron 64 3000+. Translation for the non-nerds out there: It's kinda almost faster than what I need it for. I installed it with relatively major problems... you know... accidentally ripping the heatsink off the video card and having to super-glue it back together... then forgetting to plug the gpu-fan in and leaving it running till it crashes. Then burning myself on the overheated video card when I plug the fan in.

Computers. They bring my piss to a boil.

Other than wrestling with technology and repeatedly losing, my day's been pretty alright so far. Soon I'll post the pictures from Bill's birthday, I promise! And if you're too goddamn impatient, just take the URL of the last gallery, and increment it by one. If you're smart enough to do it right, I guess you deserve to see the pics a bit early!

I'm off to bed. Oh wait! There's fucking computer parts strewn all over it! No I gotta decide whether to spend the next hour cleaning up.... or just go to bed anyways and wake up with a Nvidia card stuck to my face and a hard drive lodged firmly in my ass.

Decisions decisions :(

Sunday, September 16, 2007

I fucking hate computers! HATE them!
The one I was working on all day today to use as the new slurrey server, decided to off itself as soon as I was done setting it up. I dunno what it did but it just shut off and never turned on again. In any sort of way.

I looked up the problem on the internet and people say that the particular motherboard (Asus A7n8x) I have is fussy with certain combinations of RAM, video cards, and power supplies. Fussy? What the fuck!! Since when have motherboards had a personal preference to what parts I stuck in them?? Fuck off, does that mean I have to go keep buying different brands of parts to see if my motherboard finds them worthy to use??

Geez Asus, whose company name sounds like a combination of Ass and Anus, way to make a good motherboard. Your motherboards should be able to accept any ram, video cards, or penises anyone would want to stick in them. I want to karate chop this motherboard in half with my dick. Then again, I don't know if I'd want to put any valuable part of mine near that piece of shit.

Today's post brought to you by my frustration with stupid computer garbage.

Sunday, September 09, 2007


We just HAD to go camping one last time during the summer, it's way too much fun to only do twice a year. And now that pit parties are officially dead (cause there's no pit to have them at), camping is the only way to spend a significant amount of time in a non flourescent-lit area :P

Long weekend camping was kinda in the planning stages for the past month... originally we were gonna go stay up in Shannon's cabin thinger in Princeton, but that fell through so we went with our backup plan. That almost fell through as well cause she found out she had to work on friday till 9:30 at night. The obvious solution is to just go the next morning.... but we went with the Slurrey solution: leaving for Harrison at 10:30 at night.

Me and Vuv met up earlier that day to do some last minute shopping, then we picked up Mike and Kyle (and their camping shiota, which barely fit into my car), went back to my house and waited for Shannon. When she came we crammed the rest of our stuff in her truck (more tetris flashbacks) and off we went.

The great thing about leaving for harrison so damn late is... there's no fucking traffic AT ALL to deal with! We ripped it up the freeway till we got to the dirt logging road in Harrison... oh hell even that didn't stop us, Shannon just likes to break the sound barrier going up those things, and my car keeping up with her would bottom out after every bump we drove over! Hahah fuck there was so much weight in my car with us and our stuff, everytime the road dragged on the bottom I'd look behind me to see what car parts I left behind. Hey if I made it all the way up they probably weren't too important anyways.

When we got to the place at like.... 1 am the morning we set up our tents in the darkness.... including Vuv's PALACE of a tent. That fuckin thing is the most frustrating thing ever to put up in the dark. It's my worst nightmare..... I almost wanted to give up and pull a Kyle, who slept outside on the rocks!

After defeating the great tent of frustration, we lit a fire and drank for a bit. Kind of a low key night..... it was pointless to START getting hammered at like 2 in the morning. Well at least I thought so, Kyle and Brophy had a different opinion though.

The next day we did a ton of stuff that should probably be listed in point form cause I'm a lazy bastard!

- First things first, we gotta call a few people so they know where we actually are if they want to join us. Me Vuv and Brophy drive back towards Harrison for half an hour till we find cell phone reception, and proceed to call people. Turns out that this half hour ride was for nothing, cause no one was able to make it up here! AWESOME!

- On our way back Brophy gets an ice cream from the
ICE CREAM TRUCK just cruisin up and down the logging road.

- We get back to our camping spot and
chill for a while.

- Me, Vuv, and Shannon go for a
drive back to town to get some important stuff.... like food, ice, wood, etc. On the way back, they get some ice cream from the random ice cream guy again.

- We get back and hook up the stereo and put some tunes on, then I
cook some badass ravioli right in the can. Little did I know it would be even more badass coming out a few hours later.

- I gave Brophy some
pot cookie.

- Seeing Brophy
stoned out of his mind on pot is probably one of the funniest things I've ever fucking seen! From the way he brushed his teeth, then attempting to clean his toothbrush in the same lake he peed in the night before, to using sticks instead of arms for half the night, to him walking into the water fully clothed, I don't think I've laughed that hard in years!!! The best part is, I got it all on video!!! Now there's something for the Slurrey DVD.

After this point the drinking kinda began, and just like the last post there's big chunks of the night I completely forgot so I'll have to just write about what I remember.

- I pull out the jager and start doing one Jager bomb after the other, Val and Shannon hit their cold shots pretty hard, and Kyle has a huge bottle of something he was drinkin, plus some pot cookie. Brophy's drinking skills were hampered due to being so stoned (not to mention using sticks for arms).

- Shannon didn't feel like getting changed into her other pair of pants so she just
wore both pairs for a while.

- In a short amount of time we were
quite fucking trashed!

- Mike was really really stoned. I was surprised he was still movin'!

- Shannon and I went for a walk somewhere for like half an hour, I think we were trying to find a rave. There was no rave to be found but I think we met a couple of cool people on the way??

- I don't remember this at all, but apparently
Kyle made some new friends!

The night ended with a lot of puke. For the first time in YEARS, I threw up. And I guess I made up for it, cause I threw up 4 times that night. Shannon wins though.... she threw up in her tent. That's what I call a fucking camping party!

The morning arrives. We hear people passing by our camp site and wondering what kind of party occured there. There were alcoholic beverage containers strewn about everywhere... some full, most of them empty. Everyone was feeling awesome!

A perfect feeling to have when you have to pack everything up in like.. an hour! We had to leave by 8:30 because Shannon had to work that day. We pack everything up and head back to Surrey... and kinda relax for a while.

As if that wasn't enough partying for the weekend, that night Dudley was throwing a party! Me and Shannon went there for a while, everyone was there and it was pretty damn fun, but we were goddamn tired and left by like 2 or something. I didn't drink at all, just didn't feel like it! Fuck, who would... after throwing up 2 cans of ravioli, a bottle of jager, and 2 beers the night before :P

On the monday I hung out with Tracy, Cory, Jess, and Shannon at BP, and then we went to Justin's to watch Rob Zombie's Halloween.

That movie sucked my dick. Poorly even! I wouldn't recomment it unless you're a fan of cheesy horror movies. I haven't seen the original, but if it's anything like the new one, I'm not going to :P

Well there's my update for something that happened a week and a half ago! What can I say, I haven't been on the computer much. Stay tuned tomorrow (hah maybe) for a post about last weekend's parties!